Need to vent, When is it going to be ENOUGH.

I am struggleing with when enough is enough. I am so done. I don't know what holds me back. I have I guess what once was called battered wife syndrome. Where you are not treated well but you stay anyway. My H doesn't hit me but that is the only thing. Controlling, never wrong, perfect in everyone's eyes. He intimidates me, he lets me know I'm stupid, he puts me down in front of the kids. I keep hoping it will work out. I wish things would change. They never do. We are seeing a marriage T. It is helping some days. Other days I wonder if I am just plain old crazy for hoping and beliving it will work out. I talk to the T yesterday on the phone. More or less she said you can only do what you can do. He'll change or stay the same. YOU have to decide for you what you will be able to live with. If you've tried (and you have) there is no shame in giving up. But it takes alot to give up. I am just having a hard time deciding what to do. What is it gonna take and how much is to much. I know no one can help me really. No one can answer these questions I just need someone to talk to. I'm lonely, alone, exhausted, fed up, afraid of the future, afraid off the now. I guess I'm just a mess and I think my H likes it that way. It is to comfortable if it is predictable. I just need to know I'm not alone, or that someone else is where I am or once was where I am or it's worse to be in the unknown. What ever, I'm just I don't know.

Honey, I have DEFINITELY been where you are. I didn't know what to do either. I was so LOST and undecided. I didn't know if I should stay or leave. I didn't know if it would get better or worse or stay the same. I was SOOOO verbally & emotionally abused that I couldn't even think straight! And he kept doing it, day after day. He let me know I was stupid, and he always said "why don't you use your head!!" He told me I was a bad mother!!! Of course he THOUGHT he was a good father, although he abused the children daily, including beating up my son!!!!

I didn't know if I could support my kids. In fact I KNEW I couldn't support them. But the LAST TIME he told me I was a "bad mother" was the day I told him I wanted a divorce --- and shockingly he AGREED!!!!

But honey, I know what you're going thru and I know that my case is different from yours. Your husband is NOT going to change. Once they're abusive, they're just going to stay that way unless a miracle occurs. The abuse only gets worse until they start HITTING you, and they will. Don't expect him to get any better with therapy because he doesn't think he NEEDS it. He thinks YOU need it, probably. At least that's what MY ex thought. All the problems were caused by ME according to him. So you have to decide when you've had enough, and as far as I'm concerned, you've gone overboard in taking his bull. He's only going to pour it on heavier and heavier.

I wish you the very best my friend. My prayers are with you. God bless you sweetie, and please take care of YOU. Big hugs, Lee

Leed thanks for replying back. I am lost and confused. Some times things have improve for a little while but I have learned not to get to comfortable. If it seems to good to be true it probably is. It never lasts. I'm so undecided.

Leed is right...he defiantely will not change...I have been there too. I went to a support group at the domestic violence shelter. You definately don't need couples counseling. You need to find people in your situation

Check and see if there is a domestic violence shelter in your area. They have support group meetings for women at the shelter and people from the outside. This will give you insight into why you stay and why the men won't change. Please get some help for yourself!! Eventually you will get strong enough to make a more informed decision. Please also do not tell your spouse you are going to any support group. That only causes more trouble!!

Please continue to post to let us know how you are. I finally was strong enough to leave but it took two weeks in a psych ward before I realized I was o.k.

Hi there,
I was actually looking for some ideas for a good friend of mine who is depressed, and i stumbled here. I am currently in the middle/beginning of a divorce and i have never in my life been so off kilter.I was married for 15 years, and together for 17. He literally gave up on everything about 8 years ago. We have 3 kids, 2 together, one that is mine. I was miserable for the past 8 years, and i feel like i tried everything. I suggested counseling, financial peace class, exercising together, medical intervention, and he refused everything. I thought i could hang in there til our 10 year old was done with high school, but i found myself becoming more and more withdrawn until i started scaring myself. I realized that i was setting a terrible example for our children; they thought it was NORMAL that we never spoke, about anything.. so when we even had a conversation that may have raised voices they were terrified. I decided for my own sanity, AND for my children to have a shot at a better relationship when they are grown.. i had to move forward with a divorce. He was shocked and has turned into a Monster. I moved to a condo, and am incredibly sad, and lonely. NOT that i would go back.. NEVER. everyone i have spoken with says that you have to climb this mountain, and once you get there, you will be SO much better. RIght now i feel like i am climbing with no legs over broken glass. Am going to see a therapist this week, and see what we can figure out.

Are you on any medication? For anxiety and depression? I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and even more sorry that i can't fix what you are going through. You are only able to do what you can do, and everyone does it at their own pace. I am happy to chat and just listen if you need someone.. life is such a challenge..

3x, Thank you for your words of affirmation. I just want to be heard sometimes. I am so alone, no one can fix this but me. I just need to know someone else has been there and lived to tell about it. Thanks for asking about the meds. I take 200 mg of zoloft daily to cope with my H. I want to stop taking it but not until we get things straightened out.

((((Mama)))) I just came across this thread...I am sorry I didn't respond sooner. Rose

stay strong. i told my husband i wanted a divorce last sunday after 5 yrs of emotional/verbal/controlling abuse. you're right, no one can tell you what to do or how to do it. i wanted out for about a year now, and everyone was supportive, but i had to figure out how and when. it isn't easy. i'm at the beginning of this journey too. maybe we can help each other.

Juatjackie, Thanks for your support. I am so alone some times and it drives me crazy, other times I want to be alone. Some days I want to stay w/ my H other days I think I'm insane for staying and should really leave. Right now we are in a good place relationship size. 2 weeks ago we turned a 50 min office visit w/ the T into a 2 hr visit. So I don't know what to believe. For today I'm here, who knows about tomorrow.

(I am just having a hard time deciding what to do. What is it gonna take and how much is to much. I know no one can help me really. No one can answer these questions I just need someone to talk to. I'm lonely, alone, exhausted, fed up, afraid of the future, afraid off the now. I guess I'm just a mess and I think my H likes it that way. It is to comfortable if it is predictable. I just need to know I'm not alone, or that someone else is where I am or once was where I am or it's worse to be in the unknown. What ever, I'm just I don't know.) - I can relate to this Big Mama.....

HE told me he got too comfortable too and well so I guess he had to throw me off kilter and mess with my head some more by leaving and going away and cutting his phone off and having no contact and well this way he is in control and doing whatever he wants playing his games with whoever and well when he does decide to call i dont know how I should be... till then im just trying not to think so much and re-learning how to think about myself and how to move forward...and it is really HARD to do when you feel lost and low and dont know which way to go and are used to having him there...

oh and you start to question your own sanity because they make you do that... right make you think your crazy.......and he had the nerve to say to me as he left.... " im going to pray for you and Ive got people praying for you" hummm yeah...

Faded are we married to the same man. Thats what my idiot says. I'll pray for you. My goodness you better pray for me because it is gonna take all the prayers in the world to get me threw life w/ you. SORRY. My own personal little explosion there.

He does seem to make me question everything I do. He controlls every aspect and makes me wonder if I am really as wasteful and stupid as he says.

I am sorry this is happening to you to. Why do guys do this to women all over the world. I have talked to folks from other countries and it's alot of the same thing.

You will know when enough is enough. I'ts unfortunate that so much time, so many hurts we have to go through before we reach that point where we say " I am worth more than this ".