My husband is ***ing another woman

Yes well considering he said he'll put a restraining order against me if I ever rock up at his place unannounced lol ... *sigh*

......*sigh*......guess he would hate it if you slapped a restraining order on him for showing up at your place (beyond just changing the locks...LOL)

Some guys are JUST JERKS & it just took us too long to actually see that trait in them.

Sweetest Crazy Hitch. So sorry you are in such a painful situation. So many people think the absolute world of you. Chin up - you are way too good to let anything, including this, to keep you down for long.

On a side note, get a lawyer and take him to the cleaners.

Message me anytime,

moogs

(((((((magical)))))))))))
Thanks for your reply.

I'm trying the no lawyer route for now. They can get pretty expensive and we've separated bank accounts.

lt will be a different story when the divorce comes through though, although he is so damn good at hiding things goodness knows where he's transferred funds to. Wouldn't have a clue. And he'll do his damn best to make sure I don't get a cent.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just have to urge you to get a good lawyer immediately. You can put his retainer right on your husband's credit card.

Karma exists and the harm done to you and the a abandoment of the children will one day have to be paid back,believe me.
In the meantime this fate of yours could lead to your true soulmate.

Tldr, no offense.
But I do want to say that most likely you should leave him. People like that are undeserving of love. It's time to focus on yourself for a while and then you can find someone who won't treat you horribly like that.

Even from miles away (2100 to be exact), I decided to get a lawyer to make sure everything was done legally & to protect myself as best as I can financially since that has been the biggest problem since I left.

Complications like my name is still on the loan to the house, but the house is upside down & can't sell & he can't qualify to remortage the house on his own even though he got the loan modification, with just him qualifying.....BUT that didn't take my name off the loan if he were to do anything stupid like he already did & let the house go into foreclosure.

I finally got the IRS paid off....LOL...using ALL his retirement money....but he's the one that blew it & refused to take the taxes that year when my mom died to the accountant that I had doing my mother's final taxes. I was still dealing with PTSD & wasn't functioning enough to DEMAND he took the taxes to the accountant & he was always a know it all & could never admit that he didn't know something.

It's really bad when something financial comes back to bite you & can end up costing MORE than a good lawyer to protect yourself.

Child Support for two kids is minimum 28% of Gross Income here. Easy hearing whether divorced or not - just gotta show abandonment.

Hitch. I am so very sorry to read your news. We havent chatted much lately but Im here for you. Just remember the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Hate hurts you not the other person. You have so much to offer and its HIS loss! Take care of your kiddos and get a lawyer! Dont let your ex get away with anything. Not for you, for your kids. I am blown away can only imagine how hurt you feel.

There's no abandonment of the kids - we both love them dearly.

They're at my place 4 nights a week and his place 3 nights a week.

We both legally own the house. He wants to sell - I don't. His mixed messages are starting to infuriate me. He's said for the last month, since he moved out, that he doesn't want to sell. Now since Friday he's been on and on about selling.

Technically if it goes to court (which I don't think will be a very easy process and will be quite an expensive one at that) they can force us to sell ... but in the interim he can't do anything without my consent, and he continues to pay 50% of the mortgage.

On a teacher's salary I won't be able to afford a 3 bedroom place so that my kids can stay with me 4 nights a week. At least not in my area and my kids school has a catchment zone where you have to reside in as it's a well sought after school, meaning my kids would have to change schools and I don't want that

*sigh*

((((Crazy Hitch)))) I hope much that all goes well and you and the children can stay at your house You're in my prayers.

I'm really sorry, (((((((( CH )))))))). I don't know what to say. Had a boyfriend cheat on me a long time ago, but there was no property or kids involved. Still, I cried for weeks. He moved in with her.

Hi Crazy Hitch,

Hopefully it's more a matter that he hasn't thought the selling completely through/truly recognised the impact of the consequences........at least to the kids!!
And you say he does love the kids dearly............
So I'm sure you can fill him in on those consequences e.g. disruption in their education, being away from their friends, having even more upheaval at a time that might be really hard for them plus another loss.............
I'm not sure he'll really listen straight away, but if you can put those thoughts out there to him, even in something he can look back/reflect on e.g. a letter or email.........???
But in that interim period of him deciding...........then he can't do anything currently.
I don't know whether you need to get a lawyer for the "maybe"'s, but regardless maybe try to focus more so (not at all easy I know, sorry!!!) on yourself and your kids, this hasn't long ago happened and I'm sure there's plenty more tough stuff about all this you're having to handle right now
You will know more about where to go from here practically, with a lawyer or in time.
Although we are here for you

Alison

It is hard to turn off love. The key word that was used was "investment." If you invest in something, you are interested in the development and the prosperity that goes along with investing in something.

It is hard to turn love off because you made that promise however many years prior to, love and cherish, through thick and thin.

And because love is hard to turn off you are now left with an investment that you will never be able to enjoy or withdraw from in time of emotional support.

I wish you the best, and I am truly sorry that you are going through this.

Take care

Property is a real problem in divorces. If the split of the assets isn't possible without selling the house, then there's not much of a choice. My lawyer even wrote to my H that he would be given so many years to sell the house after the divorce to get my name off the loan if he himself can't refinance it. Though I don't really know what can be done legally if he doesn't since we live in different states & I left 8 1/2 years ago.

From my understanding even in my out of state divorce is that in the end a judge has to approve & give a final judgment on the division of the assets unless the agreement is a part of the divorce....in states that are equitable division of property verses 50/50 it might work for him to just give you the house but then mostly you will have to give a lot on your part to make that equitable.

That's why it's important to have at least a consult with a lawyer to see what they say. But the bottom line comes from a judge no matter what even when you do the divorce yourself.

He could be ringing up loads of credit card and other debt that you have no idea about and you are responsible for it until you file for divorce. That's why you need a lawyer right away.

Could you afford a place w 28% of his gross income? Even in joint custody, primary parent is entitled to this till the kids are 21. At least in this state.

Please look at all your options. Depending on your work history you may be entitled to spousal support along with the child support. I know the US, Australia, England and many other countries have spousal support(alimony) so there's a chance he might have to pay enough that you could keep the house.

If he cries that you are draining him, that you are being greedy etc... remind him he did this. It was all put in motion by his selfish actions so now you have to do what's best for you and your kids not him.

*sigh*

Came home today to find real estate agents had been around to our place and given the house a valuation.

Not sure what part of ... he doesn't live here anymore ... please don't come and go as you please he doesn't get

Yeah there is spousal support here but a friend of mine doesn't get a hell of a lot from her ex partner - I don't think it's much.

If you google your country and spousal support they will tell you how to calculate what to expect so you can be prepared. There should also be one for child support. I'm so sorry for what you are going through

File for divorce, do not leave that house. You have a valid argument of why you need to stay there for your kids' sake. Please get a lawyer. I can't stand to see this... Hugs.

Oh hooli, I have so much to say but I don't want to make this difficult time more difficult.
He's being spiteful towards you by trying to force you to seel the house. That in turn hurts the children you claim he loves so much. You need a lawyer. Add costs of trial to the list of things he will be responsible for paying. It's time to be not so nice. I know you're grieving and in pain emotionally. That this seems surreal. It's very real. If I could reach I would hug you and help you. Why is Australia so far away? It's time to get angry and let mama bear out. Much love!

Amidst it all my pdoc said I'm doing quite well when I saw him on Wednesday. I'm balancing my job, my kids and yes ... I met up with a guy I found on a dating website and I'm seeing him again this Saturday for lunch. Gives me hope that there are still some good people out there!

My pdoc said I'm grieving. Never thought of it that way but I guess I am. We were together since we were 19. That's a huge part of my life. Gone.

yes the one who you could do better without-i just love that saying