[Danny12345678]

Ok, here goes,
My husband left me last night, he has anger issues and can go 0 - 100 in a second and that happened. He got mad washing the pots as I can’t understand while he has to do them straight away rather then eat the dinner , then a bowl fell out of the cupboard and that was it. I went upstairs out of the way and I could hear him to tell his daughter to pack his things. I didn’t shout nor raise my voice just sat. He came back about 40 mins later and told me he was mad with me and I should just get out of the way and leave he to wash up . I said ok. Two hours past where we seemed to be fine holdings like normal and then he couldn’t get his phone to work he started throwing around the room head butting it and then trying to snap it. I just sat. He took his wedding ring off gave it to me and said he was leaving me it’s over as I’ve messed with his head over washing up. He went through the house packing his things so I helped I put them outside on the doorstep of course the nasty comments started my him I still stayed calm not shouting and said just leave he did eventually leave after making a few more comments to me I think just to hurt and he gave me his key and went. I packed the rest of his things up this morning and now I’m sitting outside work thinking is this my fault if only I got out of his way in the kitchen, if the bowl didn’t drop out of the cupboard iso many ifs. Now I’m in such emotional pain

[ReptileInYourHead]

Hi Danny.
I’m no expert but it seems, to me, that your husband has some anger issues, is this fair to say? And his anger has nothing really to do with pots or bowls or phones..or you.
Has something like this happened before?
Has he left before?
Is there something weighing heavily on him, stress, trauma, debt etc?

[Danny12345678]

Hi he has done this before, I have taken him back I am the one that usually apologises as he will say it’s my fault and just laughs it off but last night was the final straw I can carry on this way treading on egg shells I can’t understand how you can walk out on a marriage because he wants to wash the pots. Am I being stupid

[ReptileInYourHead]

As far as I can tell, you are not being stupid.

[Rose76]

Your husband sounds very immature. He also sounds like a drama addict, who can't cope with the slightest frustration. That's a tough marriage to be in. Basically, he's still a child, emotionally.

It's good to look at how you may have contributed to this scenario, not that I'm saying anything you did justifies him carrying on like a nut. Personally, if he wants to wash pots and pans before eating, I'ld leave him to it. Maybe he really needed a pat on the back for trying to be helpful. All the same, his dramatics were completely uncalled for. Something tells me he'll be back.

Your problem is to decide if this marriage is worth staying in. Maybe he has some good qualities that balance off his childishness. It would be good, if you both could sit down and talk things out calmly. I don't see a high likelihood of that being possible.

Next time he wants to run away, let him pack up his stuff by himself. He was probably hoping you'ld beg him not to go. Generally, I'ld say it's not wise to cater to someone who's throwing a tantrum.

I think angry people are often very insecure.

[Rive.]

Why do you blame yourself for his immaturity and his abusive behaviour?

His words, his actions, his anger, his childish tantrums are all on him. How is any of that *your* fault? You are only absolving him of responsibility. The only thing you are 'at fault' at is enabling such manipulative behaviour on his side.

He is a grown man. He can take responsibility for his own actions.

[mote.of.soul]

I like to wash up before eating so there's way fewer dishes to do after enjoying dinner. So maybe (I'm only guessing) if you were persistently telling him not to do that, then you're essentially not accepting his ways, which in this case are pretty ordinary. It hurt him. He may have had enough. The bowl falling out of cupboard triggered his anger which up to that point, in this case, he had been keeping inside himself. I'm just putting that out there. Food for thought.

I am sorry about the whole thing.🙏