Utterly Out of Control!

Hi folks,

I am so disgusted with myself right now. All I do is eat. I can't stop! My weight has slowly creeped from 124 to 185 in the past few months and I don't know what to do! It seems like I can never get full--I literally gorge until I feel sick and the food starts backing up in my throat. I'm scared. I used to be exrememly overweight when I was a child and literally starved myself down to a normal weight....I didn't eat anything solid for 5 months....and now all of my hard work is being undone by my relentless gluttony. Why? I'm not even that hungry all of the time! I just don't know what to do......

*sigh* I'm so ashamed. I tried to make myself throw up a few times (in part to cut calories, but also to relieve the pressure on my stomach), but I just can't. I have this phobia about vomiting (watching or doing), so I just can't do it. Oh man....

And I'm getting no help from my T, either. "Oh, just don't eat when you're not hungry," he tells me--well DUH! If it were that easy, I would have stopped already. I'm afraid of doing damage to my stomach....maybe extending it permanently.....I just don't know. It's terrible.

If anyone has any advice, please share. I don't want to be a pig anymore........

Hugs to all,

~Alexiel

I know how you feel. I don't know how to help or give advise but there are so many of us that know how you feel. I have been bulimic since I was 16 I am now 26. I wish I never taught myself to purge. It is like a drug. You now it can kill you but it makes you feel so good. Have you considered overeaters anonymous? I hear good things about that. Lets face the problem lies far more deep than the food. I have a family that loves me and yet I feel like the food completes me in some way. If I am happy, I eat if I am sad I eat , if I am bored I eat. I will find any excuse to eat. I try so hard not to keep junk food in the house but that is hard to do with kids. I eat my daughters snacks all the time.

I hope you know there is help out there for you and you are not alone.

Alexiel, you really don't want to learn to purge. There are alternatives, you know...

First off, your T is absolutely correct -- and an utter idiot when it comes to disordered eating. Ignore him, and don't let that sort of attitude anywhere near you. It won't help you a bit.

Second, are you on any other medications? Any psych drugs, that is? My bet is "yes" -- in which case you want to wander over to your doctor and start talking about medications to help you with this problem, like Topamax. Many psych drugs can trigger overeating, and the Topamax helps a lot to control it.

And, if your doctor isn't aware of this use of Topamax, go find one who is. Life is too damn short to waste time with a doctor who can't meet your needs.

Good luck.

Alexiel -

Im so sorry that you are having a hard time. Please get better help. This seems to be a big issue. I would interview therapists and ask specifically if they have experience with eating disorders. They will be able to help you with your problem. We are here for ya!

The best reassurance I can give is from personal experience.....Eating too much....or drinking too much...or any form of "imbibement" is just our way of attempting to "comfort" and "take care" of ourselves when we're feeling pain. I say this because I found this observation very soothing when I was kicking myself after a major weight gain. Please don't be rough on yourself and ask yourself what other factors in your life are causing you to turn to food for that comfort. Once you've identified what's really bugging you....the eating will regulate (I promise)...But again, in the meantime, don't beat yourself up. This is really common. Hang in there....love grace

How are you doing today? I'm sorry you are so frustrated.

Experts tell us that it helps us to try and stop using the words like "Can't" yes, we can. It may seem like we can't at times, but we can...

I wonder about EVERYONE who uses the word "just" when trying to help us...

What else has changed, can you think? Are you on a different regimen, or taking an antacid or med that could be changing the sensations in your stomach (and leading to overeating?) What extra stresses are you trying to handle?

Often it takes doing what we know is right whether we want to or not, to correct a situation. Don't think of it as permanent, but for today.

TC

(((((((((((((hey Organic ))))))))))))))))))))))

I want so bad to tell you what my hubby says to me when I get flipped out about my ED's; which is "Put the club down!!!"
Just recently, d/t not being able to go outside (humidity vs. COPD) for 6 days....w/i those 6 days I gained over 15 lbs...!!
FREAK! I've suddenly gotten MORE "stretch-marks from Hell" And I was only one small meal a day. There is no sugar or salt in this household...I drink a ton of water every freakin day......it felt like it happened overnight

If you find a way, please let ME know?

DAYZEE9

I've been in both directions from just right most of my life to 20 lbs under to 50 over back to 10 under. Thinking over was easier because there was no control involved..could just do anything I wanted....that is where control comes in...I really like being in control of things around me & when the only thing I could control was my weight....that was what I chose...couldn't blame it on meds this time...but the nausea from stress & the trauma I lived through took me to the place I needed IV nutrients & medical hospitalization for several months. I really think that there has to be a status quo place where there is no heavy or underweight....but it takes work & meds can definitely help...along with therapy...and a good GP to keep tabs on you...with threats of hospitalization if you don't take care of yourself. I think the nausea that I felt for so long & keeps coming back with the PTSD triggers...really made the weight loss permanent....like you....I hate getting sick to my stomach...that stopped me from eating because everytime I took a bite...I felt like getting sick...so I stopped eating to the point I was mal nurished & anemic.

I am hoping you can find a solution & it isn't just quit eating when you aren't hungry. The first time I lost so much weight...I was in an eating disorders center for a month with people who were OE, AN, & Bl.....it taught me alot about all the problems even though mine wasn't an issue of body image like most...just a reaction to a med. Which is something you might think about...I mean...they were trying to put me onto a med to gain weight this time.

Hope you can find some answers to help you,
Debbie