eating disorder's daily check in spot

Feel like I ate well today. Maybe not enough but I ate twice at least. Might eat again when I get home from work.

Wish I didn't have to work this weekend, 3 12hr shifts in a row takes all my energy. Ate way more than ED wanted me to. I need to lose weight to get the help I need. What a backwards world we live in. There were several times today that I felt like I was going to pass out. Didn't tell anybody though.

I have to lose like 80 lbs before any doctor would even consider that I have an eating disorder. I eat about one 10th of what I should be eating and purge and have all of the eating disorder thoughts but I'm overweight so i don't count even though I've lost almost 60 lbs in the past 3 months. My pdoc knows how little I eat and his solution was for me to take a multivitamin. He hasn't given it a second thought. My therapist is concerned but I've only met with him once and he can't diagnose amyway because he's just a social worker. I feel like passing out at work all of the time too. I have a very physical job and lose like a gallon of sweat every shift and my pedometer says I walk 5 miles or so per shift and that doesn't count stationary tasks like changing adult diapers or lifting people into bed or onto the toilet etc. My blood pressure is getting lower and lower even though I went off my propranolol which is supposed to lower blood pressure. I thought my blood pressure would go back up but it hasnt.

I didn't really eat today but got so friggin stressed at work having to train an incompetent new employee all day and having to do 99% of the work that I bought a 40 of mickeys on my way home. I know this not eating during the day so that I can drink at night thing is not a good pattern but it's a hard one to break.

Ate pork yesterday, and a fish cake. This is not good, my thighs have ballooned even though I've been losing weight so steadily recently. Not to mention that read meat is a fear food. At least I didn't resort to bread. But from now on it's liquids and fruit until Thursday when I'm gonna have this frappe and chocolate fondue thing.

Saw my ED t today. She is very concerned about me. Asked if we needed to start looking at a higher level of care. I know my dietician is on board with that. I don't know if I can do it though. If I could be guaranteed that I would be able to go back to my same position at work, I would be fully committed to a higher level of care. I am just so scared.

I read some of your guys' posts and I fear I'm headed for those kind of sticky situations in the future. So far everyone I've expressed concern to has just been like "wow you've lost that much weight? Keep it up! It doesn't matter how you do it, all that matters is that it's working for you. So basically I have no support from my therapist or pdoc or family or friends while I am starving myself and can't imagine stopping.

That's how it all started for me . . .

It is so easy for me to not eat at work, in fact, I have stopped making my pb&j that I used to eat for lunch. I am even limiting my fluid intake. I drink maybe half a bottle of water in a 12hr shift. Yesterday, I had 4 or 5 almonds all day. Today I had a handful of almonds and a protein bar. After eating the protein bar, I immediately felt guilty and felt like I needed to work off those calories. In reality, I had already worked them off. The sad part of this is that I am not hungry, I have lost all hunger cues. I don't know how I am going to do this weekend when I am chaperoning a group of teens out of town. I am scared to eat and scared of what might happen if I don't eat.

. Hello RisuNeko and thanks for posting and being brave a bouquet your private ED worries. First I need to say, even though I'm NOT medically qualified, it sounds as though if you were diagnosed, you'd have "atypical anorexia". I say this because that's my Psyc Dr's diagnosis. I never quite get down to a weight which could be considered dangerous (although I have been hospitalised for this years ago), I stay at a safeish weight yet have and carry out all of the symptoms of either anorexia/bulimia.i have messed up my metabolism SOOO much over the years, I just can literally live on nothing and stay the same weight. Just wanted to share that with you and maybe others who are struggling looking at this. HUGS. Xxxx

Iguanadon, yes, it's a very very backward messed up world that we try and exist in. Awful that we are forced to get into a dangerous way, loosing too much weight, before we are considered "worthy" of treatment! Pretty darn disgusting I'd say. HUGS. Xxx[/U][/B]

I had my weigh-in today with my doctor. She keeps *****ing to me that my bmi is too low (although I haven't lost anything since the last time I saw her). Other than that, things in my life are going well. My mood is good, I'm working, doing things I enjoy, etc. Even my vitals and labs are prefect, they always are. I wish they'd stop focusing so much on my damn weight. I know it could be more (it could ALWAYS be MORE) and that I could be eating more normally, but I feel like being this weight is keeping me sane at this point.

Today I ate well but now I'm having really negative thoughts and I'm worried that I've gained weight today.

I need to work on eating more nutritious foods during the day and not waiting to consume anything until I get off work and then drink a couple of beers. Beer should not be my only nutrition.

I no longer feel hungry.

All I can think about is my weight from two years ago and how badly I want to get back to that number. The weight wasn't unhealthy just the way I got there....

i badly overate yesterday. (well, not really that bad) but a lot worse than i have been

doing a lot better though lately.. i've not been extremely over doing it

it is disgusting

My love to you

Saw my dietician today and I have lost more weight. Her and my t both say I need I higher level of care, just don't know where I can get that care with my insurance. We came up with a meal plan of sorts, not sure how I am going to handle it, a granola bar fills me up. On top of that I can't eat on the right side of my mouth due to getting a temporary bridge today. I see my t next week and my dietician in 2 weeks.

My t sent boost drinks home with me today, she insisted.

I just drank an Ensure for the first time in 3 years. I was supposed to have 2 cups of almond milk with a packet of Carnation Instant Breakfast in it. Too much to do to prepare it, so the Ensure won out. Plus I don't care for plain almond milk and am scared to try the vanilla flavored with the CIB. My brain is so messed up. Lunch is supposed to be a protein bar and water. My mouth still hurts from the dental work yesterday, don't know how I am going to eat a crunchy bar. I guess just one small bite at a time.

i have eaten very little today.

probably not the best idea, because by about 4 pm i was so hungry i could barely move.

when i don't overeat (which i hate doing, but still do often), i don't eat enough. and today was 1 of those days

Were you able to make it through lunch?

I just went through a lot of dental work myself and it made eating even more difficult than it usually is!!

Haven't had anything since the Ensure. It made me sick to my stomach and scared to eat for fear that it will go right through me. I called my dietician and she hasn't called me back yet.

I have to reapply for SSD and Medicaid and they want to know what my weight is. I have no clue as to what to put. Knowing what I weigh is a huge trigger for me and I am already not doing well.

I've eaten a third of a bagel today and didn't eat anything yesterday other than a handful of banana chips. My work week starts tomorrow though and I usually eat more on my work week to keep me going (very physical job that happens to have a private chef) he makes super nutritionally dense, let's just put it that way, so I usually either have a tiny portion and make that the only thing I eat for the day other than 2 beers after work or i eat a salad. I'm overweight and I know I need to lose weight, i just know I'm not doing it in a healthy way. Losing 20% of my body weight, which was very high (to me at least) in only 3 months cannot be normal. And my weight loss has basically slowed to a halt recently which is making me eat less and less. It's backwards thinking because I know your body tries not to lose weight when it's in starvation mode but so it goes.