eating disorder's daily check in spot

I have an appt for Tues the 23rd to see my GP.

My dietician has me on a liquid diet to see if I tolerate it. No dairy or other types of milk. So far I have managed a strawberry limeade from sonic over 4 hours. She also said that we should start to look at treatment facilities more seriously. The closest one to take my insurance is in Iowa, 6hrs drive away. I don't understand why I can't go to the local hospital here in town.

Thanks everyone for your valuable input and desire to help others and yourselves.
Dear Butterfli, YES I DEFINATELY identify with your horror and anxiety regarding loosing control with your bowles, happens to me all of the time for various reasons. Loosing control creates sheer panic of course, which makes tummy muscles contract, thus causing more issues. If anybody, I mean folk without any ED's eat much more than they otherwise would, the same result ensures, it's the bodies way of ridding too much bulk. It occures much more in people like us because generally our tums can shrink from prolonged starving as you'll probably know. When I was in the psych hospital I was made to eat little and often to avoid this issue. That still felt far too much but it did avoid the "upset tum issue". I know it's so very difficult for us when we have the presiding parents hanging over us, though they only mean the best for us. Could you let them know that you will eat with them BUT, for now can only manage smaller portions. I do understand hunny. Love and Hugs, xxxus

Butterfli, just seen your last message. The facility close by probably doesn't offer treatment to suit your special needs. I know 6 hours drive away sound horrifying but its obviously a specialist unit. I'd honestly seriously consider going to the place they've reccomended, you have nothing to loose. If you're anxious about it being a very long drive for parent or friends visiting, they will find a way and will only want the very best for you. Most units don't advise lots of visitors in the first few weeks but if you do well, they will then encourage it. Hope that helps hunny. Love and Hugs, as ever. Xxx

Well, I lost my job today due to being tardy one too many times. I have contacted the University of Iowa Eating Disorder Clinic and am trying to get approved to go up there for treatment. Insurance is being a pain, telling me that UofI needs to call and UofI telling me I need to call. If it is meant for me to be there, things will work out.

That sucks about your job, but I'm glad you're getting help!

[B]Hello Butterfli. I too am very sorry to hear you've lost your job but I know it's difficult to maintain any semblance of normality when fighting ED 24/7. It does tend to make you somewhat irritable, mainly because you're fighting with ED and it takes every ounce of your energy and patience. They couldn't have known how hard life is for you right now, let's face it, "normal" folk don't have a clue. Good on you for deciding to seek inpatient help, it can only be for the good. It'd be great if you're able to continue on PC while inpatient, after all it's a supportive site which doesn't condone ED's, unlike some sites. Love and Hugs, as ever. Xxx

I'm diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, atypical anorexia, EDNOS,
Depression, OCD and GAD. Meds: Paroxatine (Seroxat), Depakote (valporic), zopiclond (sleeping med) and diazepam as required. These meds keep me sane!!

I've gained a lot of weight in the past two weeks partly from eating too much and partly due to not taking my metformin regularly. I'm upset with myself. Especially because I have a first date next week and I don't feel secure in my own body at all.

I sort of passed out today. Like it almost went all black and didn't. I know it's because I'm not eating what I need to eat, however solids are too much for my system to handle. I called my dietician and am hoping she will call me back. Don't know what I can do.

I dropped below a landmark weight today and can't help but to feel good about it. I'm so messed up.

I thought I was getting back on track but last night I binged on awful things and purged. Not happy with myself. I need to get back under control.

Yesterday I managed to eat some crackers. I still get rather dizzy when I stand up. My pdoc called me back this morning and told me how to get my records for the U of I. I am having a lot of what ifs go through my head about my dr. appt. tomorrow and in general.

Why do I look more bloated when I don't eat anything? What the hell is wrong with my body...I feel sick just thinking about myself.

Been doing well for so long, but now the old feelings of "not being sick enough" are back, accompanied with thinking I look gross and feeling that I need to lose weight.

Fighting those thoughts has gone quite well today, my eating's been good and food related anxiety hasn't been that bad.

I just heard back from the U of I and if my therapist and pdoc fax my summaries off this week, I could be headed up to Iowa as soon as next week. I am a bit because they don't do supplements up there and you have to eat 100%. I know I can do this, I have to do this.

buttrfli42481: You can do it!

Eating disorders create such a roller coaster of emotions and mood swings. I did nothing but eat last night and I'm very angry with myself, I really have to get back on track today or it will only go on and on. Normally I can't even go two days of over eating without gaining weight. Fed up with purging with laxatives, they are starting to make me vomit when I take them in large numbers. It's really hot weather here now (England) and I really don't want to be forced to cover myself up in baggy clothes because I've gained weight. It always accumulates around my stomach and I hate this, can't do my jeans up etc, I think you all understand what I'm talking about. Hugs and Love to you all. Xxxxx

Just woke up and not feeling good. Havent eaten in about 36 hours. Been drinking fluids, but can't bring myself to eat. I hate this.

Felt so gulity for taking a lunch break today at work. All my client meetings had been taking longer than planned and I was behind in my schedule, but I was afraid that I would faint if I didn't eat anything. Still, I felt really bad for taking time to go to the store and buy food and then eat it instead of just running to my next client meeting.

I'm working in elderly care, and my work is physically quite heavy. I need to eat to be able to do it.

Ate two pieces of pizza today. It was home cooked so it didn't have a lot of cheese but still. Refreshing it bigtime.

Hello fellow ED friends and sufferers. Dear acissegj. Hunny, you really need too eat a little, little and often is the best way forward if you can manage that.

Market, please don't ever feel guilty because you take a much needed break from work. You especially need these breaks, dare I say even more than the next person.

Two pieces of pizza is a very good start RisuNeko, stay with it hunny. LOVE and HUGS, as ever. Xxxxx

Two pieces of pizza is bad for me. I'm overweight but have a tendency to starve myself. I lost 64 lbs in 3 months. If I weren't overweight I would probably be diagnosed with an ED but for now I'm just a fat person trying to starve myself but knowing that it's bad for me but it seems like the only way because my meds make me gain weight if I eat more than like a handful of dried fruit in a day. I feel stuck. I've eaten about half as much as a normal person should for the past two weeks and I gained massive weight. I've lost about half of it back but I'm still frustrated with myself. I want to get to my goal weight but I have a really long way to go.

So much anxiety today. I don't want to have an eating disorder because I look awful, I feel awful, and I miss eating without feeling guilty. But I'm scared of recovery too, and not just because of the weight gain. I don't know why, I can't explain it.

Hello everyone. Dear RisuNeko. Oh YES, I sure do know exactly how annoyed and frustrated at not being able to settle down into any kind of eating pattern, it causes a great deal of anxiety and anxiety can make us eat more!! I can't seem to severely restrict as I used to, hence can now never get down to the weight I'm happiest with. I have days where I eat far too much and mothers where it's more under control.HUGS. Xx

Breakmystride, recovery is not easy, you diddnt get into your present ED overnight, so it DEFINATELY won't go overnight. Everyday is a new day and a new day means yesterday's gone, just go forward into today and try to do your best for TODAY. HUGS. Xxx

So I am supposed to be on a "eat whatever sounds good and pray my body doesn't reject it" diet. I had a salad tonight and a few Simply Made Chocolate Chip cookies. That is it for the day. Nothing sounds good anymore, I don't know what I am to do. I am getting dehydrated again and have no insurance so I have to force myself to drink. I am waiting for Medicaid to decide if I still qualify for Adult Disability insurance, and they have until the 13th to decide. In the meantime, I have nothing. U of I is supposed to be getting back with me about financing my treatment there. I feel hopeless.

Dear Buttrfli. Oh dear, it must all be a very worrying time for you, I pray you can get the backing of medicaid as that will take a huge chunk of worry away from you. In the meantime just try to eat as you have been, it isn't really enough BUT, it's gotta be better than nothing hunny. You really need help to get better, you deserve a decent lifestyle and not the fraught life you've had up until now. It's NOT your fault you've been so unwell, it's no different form breaking your leg, except people sympathise because they can phyically see a bandage or plaster caste!!!
Stay strong and keep going as you are my friend, HUGS and LOVE, as ever.
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