eating disorder's daily check in spot

been eating too much. I am losing my edge. I need to get back to where I was maintaining. I am overeating too often now. Afraid I cannot reel it back in when I need to. eg today was supposed to be a diet day because i gained a bit. And it was anything but a diet day. Huge amount of sugar.

I feel like I'm stuffing myself but I'm not making any progress. Gaining the weight only to lose it again the next week. My T is at his wits end, we've revised the treatment plan twice and if I don't make the goal this time there's no negotiating staying out of the hospital. I often don't even realize that I'm postponing or skipping meals until it's passed. Part of the problem is my activity level, I don't have a car so I bike to work and everywhere else, the calorie intake I'm managing just doesn't make up for my exercise level and I'm not even over-exercising =(

Just ate up half a pint of ice cream as a snack though, and I haven't been taking as long to eat my meals the past few days (sometimes just getting through a small lunch can take an hour but I've been better).

I am moving in 1 month. This is a really, REALLY good thing. But it also means leaving behind the only supports I have in ED recovery and the only people that know about my most recent relapse. I'm anxious, nervous, excited and scared. I have less than 30 days to find a foundation in recovery before leaving an awesome treatment team. And equal parts of me do NOT want to gain back a single pound. No more losing, fine. But does gaining have to occur?

I haven't ate since lunch yesterday. I have been having abdominal pain since Friday and eating makes it worse along with sudden movements. This makes me want to eat nothing which in turn makes Ana happy.

Things aren't going so great. I'm supposed to go to the doc tomorrow because I am swelling bad in my legs and hands. I feel huge. Can't even wear my engagement ring. I wish I could have plastic surgery..

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Binged last night again, feeling gross as always.

I try, but it never seems to be good enough.

I love this thread idea though.

In my mind it seems like I've been eating more.....but for some reason with the colder weather, it seems to wear off anything I eat. I had a nice hike at the lake the on Sunday afternoon after collecting more persimmons....maybe it's all the work it takes to smush them into pulp that's wearing off the weight from eating the cookies. They are really healthy though so I guess that's the good thing......I've mostly been eating vegies lately rather than meat......but can feel the lack of energy from the lack of protein. I just had a salad for dinner & some eggplant Melange that I baked in the oven.......I love soup in this colder weather but for some reason....soup doesn't stick to my ribs & I end up getting hungry then I ignore because I know that I have eaten.......

It's just strange to get on the scales & see the weight is lower than I expected it would be.....only problem is that is a trigger to want it to go lower & that's not an easy trigger to ignore when the scales are going in the right direction.

I am going to make a crock pot full of pumpkin soup.....I could live on that. I keep it on warm & just eat it when I'm in the mood.

I intentionally stayed in bed until almost 1pm so I wouldn't have to eat until dinner. What is wrong with me? I know that I need to eat for my new job to have the strength to move patients. I just can't bring myself to eat. I am so afraid of becoming fat that it consumes me like a fire. I wish I could eat like I am supposed to. I wish I had someone to call and talk to when I feel this way. Someone to tell me that it is ok to eat. Someone to talk sense to me.

I feel like I'm eating just fine. The purging has stopped completely. Skipped weighing myself multiple days this week. Stopped taking diet pills. Hunger is gone most hours of the day, too much stress to want food. I'm eating anyway. I'm eating 3 meals and they are actually like normal people meals.

Yet my nutritionist tells me I need more. Feels impossible I'm eating so much already!! It's frustrating. I have never been able to see "light restriction" as a problem. I get that the all-or-nothing mentality is bad. But if I'm eating MOST of what I ought to, can't that be enough??

I'm going to be seeing some extended family members during the Holidays, and I'm nervous because last time I saw them I was so much smaller. I've gained lots of weight in the past few months and it's so embarrassing.

. To to too much eating these last three days after months of severe restricting and I feel right **** for it. HATE feeling full up, fat, lazy and tired. Never can get anything done, can't be ******d, I'm the completely opposite when im on an eating binge. I'm slow, lazy, sloppy, tired, irritable and hate myself again. Wanna get back to severe restricting, where I KNOW where I am, it's the only way I can live for now. That's with a view to get on the high route to finding true recovery and I know it. Good luck guys. Xxx

I have made appts with both an ED specialist and a dietician for this week. I know I have relapsed and want to catch it before it gets worse. My parents don't know and can't. Right now you all are the only ones who know that I am seeking extra help. It has to be this way.

I'm going to start trying positive reinforcement today and see if it works. If I keep telling myself I have the power, maybe I actually will.

Saw my new T today and dietician. I think T and I are going to get along. I still don't want to tell my current T about new T. Dietician weighed me and said that it is very possible that I could have lost some weight and that I am in a healthy range. Have not made follow up appts. with either of them because I do not know what my work schedule is yet. I will find this out next Wednesday and call to schedule.

My eating disorder is out of control and I am at the point of not caring anymore because I honestly am fighting too many things to go at this, too. It's too much.

Fell back into my restricting habits :/

I restricted yesterday and binged today. Now I feel awful, and I'm SO anxious about Thanksgiving, and I've been crying for hours.

I'm at a healthy weight and physically feel better than I have in over a year, but I honestly just want to relapse so bad.

Been gaining weight and feeling very ambivalent about it. I'm very tired. I need to keep pushing forward though.

I found out today that I will be working Thanksgiving day from about 645am to 715pm. I have to figure out what I am going to take for lunch and a snack tomorrow. I get 2 30min breaks each shift. Part of me is disappointed that I won't be with my family tomorrow, the ED part is ecstatic. I won't be around food all day, no one to monitor how much I eat or don't eat. It is great!

I binged all day long and had a massive panic attack and I just feel miserable.

And my family's been making fat jokes all day long. Not exactly directed towards me, but I can't believe they don't see how hurtful that attitude is to me.

I'm suicidal tonight. I can't eat and my brain is fried. I feel out of touch with the human race. I watch people eat and I just shake my head. I know I can't eat. How ridiculous is that? I don't feel like a human any longer.

I need to start counting calories and watch what I am eating and EXERCISE much more . I just wish I was strong enough to keep my words .

I'm having severe panic attacks. I drank an ensure and it triggered panic all nigh long.

Hi everybody, I've just introduced myself in general forum thread and came down here. I've been diagnosed with atypical bulimia nervosa (excessive working out) a few years ago, now it's been supplemented with depression to my mind cause I feel the urge to exercise (cause I binge a lot) but feel so drained and depressed that I cannot force myself to do a single exercise. Which makes ED thoughts even worse and results in another binge. I've been to my therapist today, she prescribed me ADs (sertraline) and told to follow the structured eating plan drafted by my dietitian. I've also been advised to attend 6-week-long group therapy after a month or so and to regularly have individual therapy sessions. I just couldn't force myself to eat that portion specified for evening meal. The thought about the need to swallow so much food almost made me vomit, so disgusting. I will try tomorrow again. I need to recover, I need it so badly.

hello everyone... im a 19 year old catholic girl who loves ballet... struggling with anorexia nervosa... starving makes me feel pure, eating (especially fatty fast foods and chips and candy anything processed) makes me feel disgusting, bloated, fleshy and dirty... want to pull myself apart... i have been diagnosed with ptsd and depression, and anxiety disorder... i hope to overcome my intense feelings and just learn to live...