I went to the wellness center I've been going to for 6 weeks to try to lose weight. I have 50 lbs. to lose. The center has you see a nutritionist, fitness expert, bariatric doc & lifestyle coach. They devise a fodd plan & exercise plan for you individually.

Yesterday I met with the lifestyle coach. I had lost 5 lbs. then last week gained 1 1/2 back. She basically said I was not ready for the program due to my lack of motivation that is caused by my depressiion. And the depression is mostly caused by my weight & how terrible I feel about myself! So she said to address the depression & call back in a month to let them know how I was doing.

So I got kicked out of the weight loss program! Now I'm back to being angry at myself for not losing enough weight (or gaining back some of the little I lost). I guess I'll just have to go it alone. I can't give up or I will OD again.--Hefty Suzy

[lenjan]

Suzy, I have a lot more to lose than you, and I can tell you, from various attempts, that things FLUCTUATE depending on a variety of factors, including what you were wearing when you got on the scale, and the time of day you got weighed.

I think whoever said this to you was WAY out of line! How can she say you don't have any motivation, when there are so many other things it could be?!

I'd think twice about going back!

(((((((((hugs))))))))

Candy

[Soidhonia]

Hello I am sorry to hear about you getting released from the program. Maybe you could try a little harder as well to try to get the weight down. Dieting is hard but I feel that you really need a program to stay motivated. There are diets on the American Diabetes Association that may help with meal planning, that may make it easier for you to diet or consume less calories. I think you have done a great job Suzy losing the weight you have already lost and I would love to see you meet your goal, Your therapist can also help you with weight loss. as well to help you meet your goals, maybe then it will be easier for you to stay goal oriented if you have more support from your therapeutic staff. Take care Suzy Soidhonia

((( Suzy )))

I am so sorry. Please don't be angry at yourself, you are human and struggling just to get by everyday. You took positive steps to help yourself out, and that's great.

I don't see this as being your fault at all. I think the wellness center failed you. You had motivation just by going!

I think it was up to the team to offer to support and encouragement and they dropped the ball.

I'd ask for my money back unless there was a stipulation in the contract that said "depressed people need not apply."

[(JD)]

Oh I so understand! I have to ignore my weight issues (caused by medication reactions) to be able to function and even eat healthy! If I focus on how I really think I feel and look at this weight, I won't get anywhere but more depressed.

Keep trying, you know what to do, I think the overall loss is still good! If you continue that, it will have a good end result anyway.

Don't give up. Don't be angry. Programs like that have to have their rules, but bodies often don't know how to read them

[LMo]

I agree with everything that Petunia (and the others) have said. The wellness center failed you. Setbacks are normal and they are ok. Sounds as though the wellness people don't have a whole lot of experience or compassion.

Find a new one - don't give up

I think they will put that in their requirements. Depressed people are just too hard to work with, I guess. Just another thing to beat myself up about. I didn't tell my husband. I just said they wanted me to try it on my own for awhile. I can't tell him I "flunked" out, cuz I basically didn't stress it was for weight loss, but to treat my metabolic syndrome...in case I failed (which I did) & I didn't want him thinking I was a lazy tub of lard...but I guess he doesn't have to. I can do that all by myself.--Suzy

[LMo]

((( Suzy )))

Yes, depressed people can be hard to work with -- but so can non-depressed people. The wellness people do have a point that you could benefit from some more emphasis on treatment for your depression (because extra weight does NOT have to result in depression), but there is no reason you can't tackle both at once.

I'll tell you something that recently helped me a LOT. It's not for everyone, though

This past weekend, my husband and I were supposed to go to Lake Tahoe to go skiing for our anniversary. But, due to our work/school schedules, we couldn't take the time off that we had hoped, but still wanted to 'get away' to celebrate. I live in a rather hippie state and one of the popular getaway places is a hot springs cooperative resort that is absolutely gorgeous, largely off-the-grid (they generate much of their own power via geothermal methods). You stay in very cozy cabins and they serve community-style vegetarian meals, and they offer alternative wellness treatments (such as zy qigong, erdu, hippie meditation, drumming, pagan rituals, etc. The hot springs themselves are out of this world - gorgeous river rock sunken tubs fed by natural hot springs. The 'catch', if you want to call it that, is that they are clothing-optional, and in reality nobody wears clothes in the tubs or in the steam house. No, it's not an orgy or anything like that. Just hot springs. I'm not at all shy about nudity but I'm certainly not happy about the 30 extra pounds I'm currently carrying, nor do I like to flaunt the scars I have from a major surgery I went through when I was a teenager. But... I have to tell you that by the end of the weekend, I was feeling absolutely divine -- content with myself, accepting of myself, and with ZERO self-consciousness.

People come in all shapes and sizes. We are NOT our bodies -- we are our personalities. I saw women there of every body shape under the sun and you know what? Nobody was judging them. Even those with 'perfect' bodies didn't look a whole lot better than those carrying extra weight. We're all just people. What was attractive (or not) was whether the person smiled often, and whether they seemed approachable and friendly and with a good sense of humor. The bodies really just didn't matter.

I don't know if you're ready to try something like this, but I'm still feeling a whole lot more accepting of myself after this past weekend. It was a terrific forum for self-nurturing -- eating well, meditating, appreciating the health that we DO have.

Just a suggestion

Hey, I'm from that hippie state! Born in Berkeley. Did you know it would be clothing-optional when you went? I think I would have hidden in my room the whole time.

But you do have a wonderful point about appreciating the health we do have. I'm looking forward to it getting better (both physically & mentally), but at least I'm still here--which could have been a real question in the very recent past.

Thanks for the input. I have been to the mud baths, but they were separated men from women (at least the place I was at), plus I was 50 lbs. lighter so I wasn't as self-conscious.--Suzy

[LMo]

Yeah, but I'm in the OTHER hippie state -- Oregon

Yes, I knew it would be clothing-optional but since I'm normally not a hot-tub fan in the first place, the hot springs themselves were not my main motivation for going. I signed us up because of the environment, the food, the cabins, and the wellness classes. But once I was there, it seemed like something I should try since they weren't chlorine-y hot tubs, and once I was in, my husband had a hard time dragging me out. They were delightful. I wanted to do nothing but sit in the hot springs, and now it's hard not to drive back down there tonight! Fortunately, it's kind of expensive...

And I'm really glad that you're still here, too!

Oh, we have (it's in my husband's family) a vacation place in Oregon near Ruch on the Applegate River. If you don't know that it's near Jacksonville or Medford or Ashland.

I did do the mud baths in Calistoga but that was 50 lbs. lighter & it was separated by sex. I felt like I got out so many "toxins" that I needed to get some back in me so I had wine at dinner.

Husband home. See if I can make it through tonight without a "meltdown" like I had a couple nights ago. Sometimes I just take my evening meds early so I can go to bed & escape life.--Suzy

[LMo]

I went to the mudbaths in Calistoga when I was grieving over my divorce eight years ago. I actually felt claustrophobic for the first time in my life - it was a weird sensation. But yeah, it was pretty good. Nice spa, but not what I need at this point in my life. Did me a lot of good back then too (and now that you mention it, I was about 40 pounds lighter then too).

Suzy, my heart breaks that you are having such a hard time with yourself right now. You're a terrific lady and your husband is LUCKY to have you by his side. My ex-husband was such a jerk about my weight (and this was when I weighed about 115), and my permanent husband, as I like to call him, is unbelievably sweet and supportive no matter what. Regardless, we are our own worst critics.

I'm sending lots of positive vibes your way, hoping you can find some peace within yourself this weekend ~~~~~~~

Thanks for the good vibes for this weekend. I went to my support group yesterday & that was helpful. I don't feel judged there & someone even said "thanks" for telling about my relapse at the last meeting cuz she hasn't been watching for triggers or too much stress or lack of sleep, etc. that can signal a relapse is on the way. She's been stable a year & had been taking it for granted like I did.

I will be in Calif. Fri.- Sun. for my father-in-law's memorial service so I won't be able to get on-line then. I'll miss you all, but it's only Sun. today so I will have a few more days with you all.--Suzy

((((( Suzy )))))

[Eva1nder]

Hi Suzy

I've been reading your posts and I'm sorry you are going through all this.

I know what that's like as when I had back in 1995 gotten way overmedicated gained so much weight after my son was born.

They put my on a ton of meds. I went from 140lbs to over 360.

I felt like a prisoner in my own body and to feel the discrimation and just the way ppl treat you it's so difficult.

Prior to my son being born I was a Jenny Craig consultant and I just think that ppl that need to lose weight it's a delicate issue and this place you were going to...regaurdless that they don't want to deal w/you b/c of your depression there is definately a better way to deal with that issue in telling you that maybe you're not ready instead of making you feel worse.

I since have lost most of my weight and going down from about a size 28 I'm now a size 6.

I have to say I was on pretty much every diet program there is.

One of the best one's I have found to be was Weight watchers. What I learned from there never left me.

I also went w/my sister and some friends and found that to be helpful and even a bit fun. I actually wasn't so focused on the amount I had to lose, which lets face it felt like I was climbing a huge mountain.

I'm not sure if you have a hard time losing weight though b/c of your chemical make up. My sister has that problem and she also can't really work out, which is the key to her losing the weight.

In this case what works for her and many others in the same situation is to do more of the diabetic diet.

It's to increase proteins by a certain percentage. You'd have to look that up specifically b/c I'm not too sure what that is, but I know it stimulates the metabolism and they use if for ppl that can't do too much exercise as well in the beginning.

I hope maybe this was helpul and I really want you to know your size doesn't define us as to who we are as ppl.

It's interesting how as I lost all my weight that I get more attention and ppl are nicer to me. I just find that really irritating. The ppl that never had weight issues and treat ppl differently b/c of their weight ...it'd be nice for them to experience what it is like to have to live in a world that often times judges ppl by their weight as well as just to have to feel what it's like personally to struggle. Maybe then they'd be more sensitive at the very least.

I wish you much luck and know that you sound like such a nice person and I think that counts for so much more.

((((((suzy)))))))

[Perna]

Suzy, I'm reading a really new book, Change Or Die by Alan Duetschman that I just got at the bookstore last week which is helping me with my weight loss issues. It reminded me of your feeling of failure.

That's amazing & inspirational that you lost so much weight. I agree that people judge you harshly when you have extra weight--just look at my husband's reaction to me--well, I'd better not do that now or I'll start crying again.

I'm going to concentrate on the small steps I'm taking every day to get mentally & physically healthier. I'll show that "wellness" center!--Suzy

I looked that book up on Amazon. I think it would be really helpful to me. Thanks so much for the suggestion. I appreciate it so much.--Suzy

[biiv]

hey suzy. dont talk to me about weight loss because if i could do it i would be at least 30 pounds lighter than i am now!
on the other hand eva mentioned a diabetic diet and i just remember a member called soidhonia has mentioned a diabetic diet a lot of times. maybe you could pm her and im sure such a diet would help you. i havent tried it because i have a lot of food 'foibles' which would probably write it off but in case soidhonia doesnt see this post i thought i would mention it to you. especially since eva mentioned it too.
i so wish you luck because i know my being 147 ish and 5'4 affects me so much so i can only imagine how you feel.
i wish i could help more. just know i understand and am wishing the best for you.
take care
biiv

The nutritionist gave me the diabetic diet to follow since I have insulin resistance that can be a precursor to diabetes & both my parents were diabetic so it's just a matter of following it & not letting my depression make me feel so hopeless about losing weight. It will be slow, that's for sure, but I'm trying to keep going even though the "wellness" center kicked me out of their program. Tthought I was too depressed to get any value from them. wonder how they got the idea I was depressed? I guess it was that I cried every time I was there.--Suzy

[froggie2]

Isn't the whole point of going to one of these centres is because we aren't doing well going it alone? We need support. Yup, they dropped the ball alright. Glad you got support though from your other group. (((((Suzy)))))

I thought that was the point of a "wellness" center--to help you get well in all aspects so you are capable of losing the extra weight, but I guess I just wasn't "well" enough even for the wellness center.

But I'm not going to let that make me give up hope. I'm actually going to look at it as an opportunity for me to overcome the rejection. Thanks for the hugs. I'm glad I'm not being rejected here, though on the chat today someone said I was too negative. I apologized & signed off.--Suzy