[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

Every time I try to start eating healthier, it quickly dissolves into another binge and I am so disappointed in myself for yet another failure ...

After 47 years (since I was 11) of yo-yo & back and forth, you'd think I'd've figured out how to get it right by now!

I think Eating addictions and disorders are the hardest things to deal with because unlike other addictions we cannot stop eating; we have to eat to live. I've had all kind of eating problems, disorders and addictions most of my life and I am 61. Nothing to feel bad or ashamed about. I just take it one day at a time and try to do the best I can and then some days I say "the hell with it!" I get tired of worrying about food all the time.

[Blue_Bird]

I guess I should admit I binged.. I didn't purge though.. that's something I guess.

I'm taking a 24 hour break from food. Not going into being restrictive I just feel like my body needs to recover from what I've eaten the past two days

[Blue_Bird]

My workbook arrived, so I'm going to begin getting into that tonight

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

My workbook arrived, so I'm going to begin getting into that tonight

Let me know how it works out for you.

I opened a second bag of fruit jellies yesterday (finished the first one)

second one almost gone

[Blueberrybook]

I am not doing that great with eating or exercising lately.

Yesterday and today, I exercised too much.

Today, I had 2 frozen waffles (plain) with coffee for breakfast and half a bowl of minestrone cup with a cup of Greek yogurt for lunch.

And annoyingly, I spilled some of the minestrone soup, getting it all over the futon cover and making more work for myself as I now have to wash that.

I was already annoyed because I had errands to do in town, and I don't know what was going on, but every time I got on a main road, police were ahead blocking it past traffic lights, so it took 45 minutes to do what could normally be done in 15 minutes.

Think I'm feeling some exhaustion from stopping the Wellbutrin, or maybe it's just too much exercise, too little food. I definitely agree with Lucy on this one; you can't just stop eating. I thought I'd have it figured out by now too. I was diagnosed at 19, and I'm 40 and still dealing with this stupid ED.

[LucyD]

I feel so annoyed right now. Not sure why either just thought I'd vent about it. Everything is starting to get on my nerves. Maybe I need to eat. Haven't eaten since very early this morning. Think I'll do that.

Making something to eat right now and had a bit of something to hold me over. I think I'm just frustrated with trying to lose weight all the time and my weight not moving much because I cannot exercise with osteoarthritis all over and loss of muscle mass in my arms that cause me a lot of pain. Muscle mass naturally decreases over age 30 and then there is all the inactivity I have had. Having debilitating depression for years did not help my body any. Gained so much weight from antidepressants, too. Thanks for reading my vent if you got this far!

[shovelhead]

If my neighbors see me, I bet they think I'm completely crazy. I go outside in my yard area at midnight & jump rope. If there was lights, I'd go running again at night here, on the dirt road I use as my track. I'm really addicted to running now. I think I started about 1 year ago. I got hooked on exercise after I quit alcohol. I always switch addictions, it seems.

[shovelhead]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I feel so annoyed right now. Not sure why either just thought I'd vent about it. Everything is starting to get on my nerves. Maybe I need to eat. Haven't eaten since very early this morning. Think I'll do that.

Making something to eat right now and had a bit of something to hold me over. I think I'm just frustrated with trying to lose weight all the time and my weight not moving much because I cannot exercise with osteoarthritis all over and loss of muscle mass in my arms that cause me a lot of pain. Muscle mass naturally decreases over age 30 and then there is all the inactivity I have had. Having debilitating depression for years did not help my body any. Gained so much weight from antidepressants, too. Thanks for reading my vent if you got this far!

I always feel annoyed/irritated from hunger. But I also pound caffeinated coffee constantly, too. Which causes irritability, omg. U can still drop the weight u want to without exercise. I'm sorry about your health stuff/pain. One of my arms got sprained badly last year. I couldn't even put a jacket on without screaming in pain. I know that crap hurts alot. Ive heard antidepressants can cause weight gain. So what did u make yourself to eat? I ate some leftovers I had cooked yesterday. Yeah, I notice I get a blast of energy from food to exercise again.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

I always feel annoyed/irritated from hunger. But I also pound caffeinated coffee constantly, too. Which causes irritability, omg. U can still drop the weight u want to without exercise. I'm sorry about your health stuff/pain. One of my arms got sprained badly last year. I couldn't even put a jacket on without screaming in pain. I know that crap hurts alot. Ive heard antidepressants can cause weight gain. So what did u make yourself to eat? I ate some leftovers I had cooked yesterday. Yeah, I notice I get a blast of energy from food to exercise again.

Yes, my irritability stopped after I ate something and I had been drinking some pretty strong coffee too. I'm going to make myself some less strong tomorrow. Thanks about my health stuff. Yes, pain can also make us feel differently emotionally. Yes, the antidepressants are bad for weight gain; I guess not all are. The last one I took didn't make me gain but gave me nervousness unbelievable. I had brussel sprouts, mushrooms, a veggie burger and several french fries.. I hope your night goes well for you.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

If my neighbors see me, I bet they think I'm completely crazy. I go outside in my yard area at midnight & jump rope. If there was lights, I'd go running again at night here, on the dirt road I use as my track. I'm really addicted to running now. I think I started about 1 year ago. I got hooked on exercise after I quit alcohol. I always switch addictions, it seems.

My neighbors thought similar when I was in college. I had an upstairs apartment; they lived below me. I'd be doing aerobics at 3 AM. They said something a time or 2 to me. Fortunately, they were college kids, didn't complain to the management.

People currently in my neighborhood probably think I'm crazy, a risk-taker, or a marathon runner. I will be outside running, sometimes as early as 4 AM, usually by 5 AM weekdays and then again after I take my daughter to school at 8 AM. I just can't stop though I need to.

[Blueberrybook]

Ate better today, but I ran way too much.

Ran so much the skin is peeling off the last 2 toes of both feet, horrid blisters there too. It hurts so much to walk in any type of shoe. Took Tylenol, but it didn't help a bit. Really want to take an NSAID but can't after that stupid perforated ulcer.

I don't know how I am going to make it through Halloween. It is already wet & rainy, so that is miserable enough. I want to be there for H to take our daughter because he is super-stressed, but shoes & walking hurts so much. H has one opportunity to impress and convince a university department to hire him & on a tenure track (professor retiring). Electrical engineering wanted to hire him, but they don't have the money & are suggesting him to this position for mechanical engineering. But the thing is, H's PhD is in Physical Chemistry. Though he can do mechanical engineering and has taught at-risk high schoolers physics for 4 years (a lot of the type of students this university gets). He knows all about computer modelling, CAD drawing, mechanics, making things work, he just lacks the right degree. And the department had some recent state audit that looks not just at the books but that made the engineering department look bad for having a bad student to professor ratio and not a single native American-born professor (no matter the race) in the department, which has a majority of students from the U.S. All these professors have a departmental thing Friday afternoon. They want H there and to try to sell himself to mech. engineering. He's got to put together all his various experiences from making a nanotube reactor in grad school to work with NASA contractors, to doing algorithms for a failed startup company to high school teaching and his various computer & high math skills (he is certified to teach high school math & computer science, and apparently the math test is a bear to pass).

But H only found out about this yesterday, and it's an all-or-nothing thing. So he is stressed too. I really, really hope he gets this job. It would mean a move, but I don't care, tenure track at a university has been his dream job since obtaining a PhD.

So I'd feel terrible if he took our daughter trick-or-treating alone, especially without a change of clothes, panties, pads, being able to help her in the restroom should she have an accident. He does not know how to handle this sort of situation. He doesn't even like to have sex when I'm on my period unless it is in the shower (sorry, TMI).

[LucyD]

Feeling kind of tired and down today, maybe it's the gloomy weather plus I went back to my normal dosage of Risperdal. I had been having so many crazy OCD thoughts that were driving me up the wall, the kind about disasters happening with everything and also just plain worry about everything under the sun it seems. Then all the other OCD thoughts were troubling me, too. The Risperdal helped calm my mind but now I feel tired. Oh well.

I don't feel very hungry today and am glad for that actually. I'm afraid to weigh myself as I've been eating a bit more but actually a normal amount; had been practically starving myself with this Diabetic diet. So what if my weight loss will be slower--can't lose it all in one day. I just was worried also about what my doctor will think if I haven't lost a certain amount. I will see him on 11/15. I managed to do a little exercise last night. I put youtube exercise videos on. Many of them are too strenuous for me. So, I did easy ones, and at least I got a bit of exercise plus I walk the dog.

Not going out tonight because it's Halloween and I'm afraid of going out there with the dog tonight. There are so many kooky people now a days and I fear for her. I'm also afraid of coyotes coming after my dog. I love her so much and could not stand to have anything happen to her. We will go out tomorrow again. We did go out earlier today.

[Blueberrybook]

Ate better today. Didn't exercise. Feel guilty about it though. Why does it feel bad when we treat ourselves the way we are supposed to? I would tell any other person in my shoes to eat more and stop exercising so much, and yet I can't do it for myself...sigh.

Pretty tired this afternoon. Can't concentrate on much.

[shovelhead]

Reached my UGW today. Going 5 lbs. lower.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Ate better today. Didn't exercise. Feel guilty about it though. Why does it feel bad when we treat ourselves the way we are supposed to? I would tell any other person in my shoes to eat more and stop exercising so much, and yet I can't do it for myself...sigh.

Pretty tired this afternoon. Can't concentrate on much.

I often feel guilty after I eat, too. Even when I don't eat the wrong things. Sometimes, too, I wish I could still purge like I used to but tried many times and it won't work any more. Haven't tried recently, though, because it can throw the blood sugar number off.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

Reached my UGW today. Going 5 lbs. lower.

What does UGW stand for?

[eskielover]

UGW= Ultimate Goal Weight (I had to look it up too )

[LucyD]

Not doing well at all. PTSD and OCD symptoms have gone totally off the chart. Had to call a hotline for urgent help. Trying to do what was suggested but can't.

[shovelhead]

Yesterday & today so far I've only consumed radishes for my meals. I like salad dressing as dip. I'm really into raw vegetables, for a while now. I've had zero appetite, so I run with it. Tonight I'm going to eat a good meal, tho.

[shovelhead]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Not doing well at all. PTSD and OCD symptoms have gone totally off the chart. Had to call a hotline for urgent help. Trying to do what was suggested but can't.

I'm so sorry. If u need someone to chat with, let me know. I just popped on here quick. Please feel better soon. Sending positive vibes to u

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Not doing well at all. PTSD and OCD symptoms have gone totally off the chart. Had to call a hotline for urgent help. Trying to do what was suggested but can't.

Has something in your life triggered this? (You don't have to answer me but maybe just an awareness that might help yourself?)

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

I'm so sorry. If u need someone to chat with, let me know. I just popped on here quick. Please feel better soon. Sending positive vibes to u

Thanks, feeling a bit better, been taking half a riperdal about every 8 hours and then going to sleep for a few hours at a time. Seems to be helping some. I've just been very stressed. I appreciate the concern. I'm very alone in this world. I will pm you some time.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Has something in your life triggered this? (You don't have to answer me but maybe just an awareness that might help yourself?)

I think all the stress of illnesses and problems with neighbors and then a mammogram all got to me at once. Found out the mammogram was okay just a few minutes ago so that is good. My mom died of breast cancer and I worry too much since she was near my age when diagnosed. Also waiting for my problematic neighbors to move, heard they were. They have been tormenting me for months. Long story but when they move I will have a great relief. And dealing with health issues has been stressuful. I am not taking an antidepressant at this time but need one and am going to see if I can get into the doctor more soon, or I have to wait to the 29th.Thanks for your concern.

[Blue_Bird]

Have had a low mood the past couple days but it's starting to improve. It could be because I missed my morning meds for a few days in a row. My eating has actually been okay though. I'm beginning to work through my DBT for Bulimia book. I enjoy learning new coping skills, meditation, mindfulness stuff. I find it extremely helpful.

I bought a wax melter and have a ton of scented waxes, I've been using that and I really love it. It's super relaxing and it actually helps keeps my appetite from controlling me somehow. Aromatherapy seems to be very effective. I also bought a tea kettle and have been drinking some different teas, peppermint, berry herbal, Irish breakfast. The process of making it then sitting down with the warm drink and sipping it is relaxing and stress reducing. I can focus my mind on the taste/temp of the drink and health benefits of tea.

Ordered a worry stone. I used to have the exact one I ordered and I loved it so much. I lost it and spent like a year looking for it convinced it was somewhere in my apartment when I finally gave up and realized I had literally looked in every single possible space/cranny of this place and it was nowhere to be found. So I ordered another yesterday. It was my favorite, it is moss agate and very smooth, small. Perfect for me


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