[Blue_Bird]

I feel disgusting. I can't stand this. I'm so mad. Why does it exist. Food. can't do this balancing act , it's like some kind of mean trick or something God is playing. Let's create something that is so good, required to have to live, then watch people destroy themselves over it bouncing back and forth between eating too much then restricting because I can't control myself and it gives me back control not eating. When I eat I overdo it and feel like a big piece of lard and hate and want to separate from my body

[Blueberrybook]

Mealtime AGAIN. Why so often? Ugh.

A bit more appetite today, probably because I am expecting my period any day now.

Gotta go, cook, ugh. Menu plan tomorrow. Absolutely LOATHE it, especially as H wants me to cut the grocery budget. But he won't eat vegetarian, not even a couple times a week, always wants meat. I tell him, look, meat is expensive. Last week, I had to pay over $10 for 3 uncooked chicken breasts. It's hard. Wish I could get by on just my snacky type eating, or weird meal times, though I suppose I still don't get enough calories.

Fibro is bad today. I'm having cramps like I will start my cycle any second. Went to a Halloween festival thing with H & daughter, wore me out. Have a sinus headache. Ready for the day to be over...sigh.

Update:
My period started. Fantastic. Four days early. Why not a 20 day cycle? As if a 23/24 day cycle wasn't bad enough? Lovely.

[LucyD]

I feel your frustration guys. I'm frustrated with everything today.

[Blue_Bird]

Sorry about the weird post last night. Hope I didn't offend anyone about getting frustrated with God. I'm Christian, Catholic to be precise, it's just I had some sort of weird breakdown yesterday over ...popcorn, all it was was some popcorn and I started crying all the sudden and freaking out.

I feel better today. After I calmed down I finished reading the maintaining recovery book. I prayed and hung out with my cats, then took my meds and got to sleep early.

I don't have anything stressful going on today, I finished an 8 page essay. Relieved about that. Made some coping/affirmation cards. Trying to move forward

I hope everyone is doing better today

[eskielover]

I don't have anything stressful going on today, I finished an 8 page essay. Relieved about that.

Just guessing but I'll bet that stress over that 8 page essay had something to do with your breakdown & not the popcorn.

Those are the kinds of things that are usually underlying our food issues & not the food itself

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Just guessing but I'll bet that stress over that 8 page essay had something to do with your breakdown & not the popcorn.


Those are the kinds of things that are usually underlying our food issues & not the food itself

That's true, and I had only gotten 3 hours of sleep the night before , so I'm sure that didn't help

[Blueberrybook]

Down & anxious today. Ran this morning. Too much. Scale showed a heavier weight but I always weigh more during my period.

Period is making me feel horrible today. Can't take anything by Tylenol for the cramps because of that perforated ulcer in Feb. No NSAIDS the rest of my life. Tylenol might as well be candy, the good it does me. Stupid periods are getting worse the older I get, I think.

Tired, Fibro hurting. Need to get groceries, but put it off until tomorrow, except a quick run to a nearby grocery store for pasta to go with dinner tonight.

Daughter is bored, I don't know what I feel like doing with her. I'm exhausted despite over 9 hr. sleep last night. Makes me feel like I suck as a mom.

Been feeling like I might burst into tears any second. Not sure why.

I hate myself today

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Down & anxious today. Ran this morning. Too much. Scale showed a heavier weight but I always weigh more during my period.

Period is making me feel horrible today. Can't take anything by Tylenol for the cramps because of that perforated ulcer in Feb. No NSAIDS the rest of my life. Tylenol might as well be candy, the good it does me. Stupid periods are getting worse the older I get, I think.

Tired, Fibro hurting. Need to get groceries, but put it off until tomorrow, except a quick run to a nearby grocery store for pasta to go with dinner tonight.

Daughter is bored, I don't know what I feel like doing with her. I'm exhausted despite over 9 hr. sleep last night. Makes me feel like I suck as a mom.

Been feeling like I might burst into tears any second. Not sure why.

I hate myself today

Maybe take a higher dose of tylenol? My doc said I can take up to 2000 mg. a day of it.

[LucyD]

Had Taco Bell tonight. I know it was too many calories but just don't want to think about that...lol. Why can't food be an all around enjoyable experience for me? Well, I did enjoy the chalupa.

[LucyD]

I read a suggestion at a fb weight reduction group I belong to. It said to take the batteries out of the scale. In my case, I think I should and I just did. It took a lot of worry off of me.

Been up all night. Slept late yesterday. Not feeling so good right now. I'll get over it though, as always.

at this current moment in time, I have so much candy it's blocking my window

well not really blocking it, but you know what I mean... their's barely much room to reach it to open it

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

at this current moment in time, I have so much candy it's blocking my window

well not really blocking it, but you know what I mean... their's barely much room to reach it to open it

Just keep thinking how much your endocrine system must be suffering with this level of sugar abuse. Hope your MD is checking your blood sugar for diabetis

[Blueberrybook]

I am OK, I guess . So much anxiety, I ran. Had breakfast, got groceries. Daughter was nasty to me before school, and I don’t think she is going to apologize. Feel like bursting into tears (well, I am on my period too). Picked her up from school, and she was screaming at me signing a form. I am so tired of her acting this way, treating me as if I don’t matter or have feelings.

Sad most of the day. Ate Cheez-Itz around lunchtime.

Just feel down and sad. She is making fun of me too when I forget words or my sentences don’t make sense. It’s the meds that do that, and it makes me feel awkward and stupid because in my head, I know exactly what I want to say.

[LucyD]

Trying to fast for 24 hours for disciplinary reasons-to show myself I have some control. I have less than an hour to go. Going to walk the dog soon. Feeling kind of out of it but still here. My meds. do that to me at times. Taking primidone now for shaking disorder.

[LucyD]

I made it to my 24 hour fast goal and then had a very nutritious dinner of brussel sprouts, mushrooms, nonfat greek yogurt, a few blackberries and a few walnuts, and a thin slice of ham. Sounds like maybe a lot? To me it does but it's all in the food groups we need and not a whole lot of calories when considering we have 3 meals a day or at least that is what my educator told me to have. I feel satisfied and not stuffed but pleasantly full.

[LucyD]

My weight went up a few pounds from having that Taco Bell stuff the other day. I wish I had a better or faster metabolism, was also 6 feet tall to fit my weight! LOL

Had another nutritious meal of about the same things as yesterday except I didn't have the yogurt and had lowfat cottage cheese instead. I also had some whole wheat toast.

Thinking of playing the mega millions lottery tonight but don't feel like going anywhere. Not a very big chance of winning that's for sure. Last night I was thinking of all the things I would do with the money if I won; just dreaming all of that relaxed my upper back which is usually so tense and tight. I guess dreaming and imagining good things can have a good effect.

[LucyD]

[Blue_Bird]

I feel good about myself today

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I feel good about myself today

That's wonderful!

[Blueberrybook]

I'm doing OK. I saw the pdoc today. He did not weigh me. Maybe he thought I looked halfway human? IDK, 5 lb. plus or minus goes a long way with a small frame. I have gained, though probably 5 lb. total over the last month, month & a half.

I've been finding it harder & harder not to exercise. I've run a lot this week, though not today because it was raining this morning and then I had the pdoc appt.

Had a strange lack of appetite last week, but am pretty much back to normal this week.

Pdoc took me off Wellbutrin; I had been having issues with forgetfulness, which he feels is either caused by the Wellbutrin or the Clonidine. I did have forgetfulness problems on Wellbutrin in grad school though (while not on Clonidine), so that has led him to trying that one first. He upped the Adderall as I am not concentrating well, and apparently was not even paying much attention to his questions he told me when he told me he let me know he was raising the Adderall. Though it could have been bipolar racing thoughts/mania or brain fog from fibro, I think now. But we'll see.

I go back to see him in 2 weeks. I have to have him not hit me with a surprise weigh-in then as I know he still would be very unhappy with my BMI should it not change much from now.

The holidays are around the corner, and they are so hard for me. There's so much family garbage, weight loss stuff all over women's magazines & the TV, and food is pretty much all over the celebrations. December has not only Christmas, but my daughter's birthday too, which is Dec. 14. Not to mention the tons of singing events her school choir is doing in December.

Originally Posted by eskielover

Just keep thinking how much your endocrine system must be suffering with this level of sugar abuse. Hope your MD is checking your blood sugar for diabetis

what's an endocrine system.

actually.... do I want to know.

yes.... I guess I do, or I'd not have posted this. lol

bad day with the sugar, and also the fizzy pop- got through 2 leters of coke today which is slightly embarrassing

I did however manage my breakfast and dinner- and a refreshing hawaiian cocktail afterwards (non alcaholic)

[LucyD]

Just taking One Day At A Time and trying to get through. For me, too much focus on the past or future leads to anxiety. Anxiety has been bad lately, too, didn't get to see the psychiatrist because of a mistake made where I go. I have to wait a month and may need a new antidepressant. I tapered myself off of Lexapro. Felt it was giving me worse anxiety and the tics got worse, too, OCD stuff that is. Been having a lot of thoughts of the worst things that can happen and panic with it. Thank God I have the Risperdal still at least.

[Gr3tta_0]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

what's an endocrine system.

actually.... do I want to know.

yes.... I guess I do, or I'd not have posted this. lol

The endocrine system is the glands that control all the hormones in your body. Hormones do a lot more than fertility, or sexual health matters.
With regards to consumption of sugar - the pancreas is part of both the endocrine and digestive systems of the body. It makes digestive enzymes that break down food. It also makes insulin, and glucagon, which control the amount of blood sugar in your blood. Blood sugar levels effect all uour organs and all the systems of your body. While your pancreas can adjust to occasional overindulgances in sugar, consistent consumption of too much sugar can lead to type II diabetes. A condition in which the pancreas fails to produce sufficient insulin to regulate blood sugar levels. (Type I is the production of NO insulin, and is typically genetic, or environmental)
...i hope i answered your question.

Do you know why you are choosing snacks and sweets over more nutritious meals? For comfort, or a desire to harm, or lack of caring, simple enjoyment, specific cravings, boredome, loneliness, keeping busy ??? I hope you feel better soon.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

what's an endocrine system.

actually.... do I want to know.

yes.... I guess I do, or I'd not have posted this. lol

I just saw this question....thank you Gr3tta for answering the question so thoroughly. The damage to organs & the painful neuropathy that can happen when after many years of blood sugar problems.....I would hate for you to later regret what you did without knowing the possibilities.