[eskielover]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I am back. I am sorry I was rude and judgemental last time I was here. I hope you all can forgive me. I haven't been back sooner because I felt too bad.

Welcome back !!!!
Dont worry.....we all go through FEELING the way you felt at times..... I know I have felt the same way sometimes.

You always add great thoyghts to this forum so Im glad you got through feeling bad & came back. Many times our view of what we did is much rkugher on ourselves than anything others even might think.....welcome back

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0

My pcp listed anorexia as a final diagnosis after my last visit even though she didn't say one word to me about my weight being too low or ask me one question about my eating.
This infuriates me.

The PCP I had the last time my anorexia got bad told me that the only thing that was his job was to monitor my weight & my bloodwork because it was his place ONLY to care for the medical side of the anorexia & not the psycholigical side. That was the responsibility of my psychologist.

He had commented only once about my loss of weight when he was doing the after care from my hospitalization for asthma caused by forest fire smoke. If I hadnt been going back to him after that he never would have been noticing.

I went through a trauma during that time on top of everything else which triggered the anorexia even worse & I ended up having to be medically hospitalized for the anorexia because I was so anemic. He never really coordinated with my own pdoc & it was then he commented that his only job was to make sure I was medically stable which was when he did the IV nutrition after my moms funeral & all kinds of tests while i was in the hosputal to make sure there was no physical cause for my lack of eating. He also brought in the hospitals staff pdoc & psychologist to talk & work with me during the several months I was in & out of the medical hospital. Once he had me medically stable & knew the results of the tests showed it was nit physical....he had nithing mire to do with my anorexia.

So I sort of understand if your PCP has the same philosophy as mine did why he reacted that was but I understand how infuriated you feel also....like why dont you care. Sometimes we just really need someone to care. Know that was part of my issues along with stress which always causes me to lose my appetite & long term stress is the worst.

[Anonymous37919]

Anyone watch WWE SummerSlam?

Braun-freaking-Strowman...

[Gr3tta_0]

Originally Posted by eskielover

The PCP I had the last time my anorexia got bad told me that the only thing that was his job was to monitor my weight & my bloodwork because it was his place ONLY to care for the medical side of the anorexia & not the psycholigical side. That was the responsibility of my psychologist.

He had commented only once about my loss of weight when he was doing the after care from my hospitalization for asthma caused by forest fire smoke. If I hadnt been going back to him after that he never would have been noticing.

I went through a trauma during that time on top of everything else which triggered the anorexia even worse & I ended up having to be medically hospitalized for the anorexia because I was so anemic. He never really coordinated with my own pdoc & it was then he commented that his only job was to make sure I was medically stable which was when he did the IV nutrition after my moms funeral & all kinds of tests while i was in the hosputal to make sure there was no physical cause for my lack of eating. He also brought in the hospitals staff pdoc & psychologist to talk & work with me during the several months I was in & out of the medical hospital. Once he had me medically stable & knew the results of the tests showed it was nit physical....he had nithing mire to do with my anorexia.

So I sort of understand if your PCP has the same philosophy as mine did why he reacted that was but I understand how infuriated you feel also....like why dont you care. Sometimes we just really need someone to care. Know that was part of my issues along with stress which always causes me to lose my appetite & long term stress is the worst.

Thank you for your response. I appreciate you sharing your story.

But you misunderstood my post. Or i wasn't clear. I wasn't mad she didn't care, i was mad she put the dx on there. I don't think it belongs on there. That's what upset me.
Its like she listed cancer as a dx but never ordered a biopsy, or mentioned it was a concern.
Hopefully that says it better.

[Blue_Bird]

No bingeing or purging for 73 days. But I want cheesecake dammit. I haven't eaten since yesterday morning and probably won't till tomorrow afternoon (not on purpose, I have no food) just hoping I don't pass put or something that would be embarrassing. I have peanut butter left so I can eat a few spoonfuls of that. Again this is not on purpose, I just have an extremely limited food budget. My foodstamps come I'm Saturday thankfully.

[SheilaKathy]

I can easily be an overeater, because I am on a medication that causes "weight gain." So I try very hard to not overeat and I attend online Overeaters Anonymous Meetings as well as two (face 2 face) meetings a week generally too.

Today we had a huge celebration at my church and of course there was a HUGE meal. That little kid in me that was forced to always "clean that plate" was having a living nightmare as I sat there with that HUGE plate of food in front of me.

Then I realized something: There is no such commandment as "Thou shalt clean thy plate." (!) YAY! LOL...

I only ate maybe 2/3rds of what was on that plate and no dessert. I was satisfied. I was so pleased with myself.

[eskielover]

Good job Sheila Kathy!!!!
Ive learned to take only tiny portions of the things I want to try....got really good at limiting my plate size at church functions

[SheilaKathy]

Good for you, eskie!

[ShaggyChic_1201]

I can't believe it.

I know Eskie has experience with this, but I didn't think it would happen to me so easily / quickly. I've waxed and waned with EDs (90% of the time bulimic) since I was 13. I'm 50 now.

I thought I was done with this sh#t. Now that there has been a stressor in my life that reminds me of old times, I'm rapidly sliding into anorexic tendencies. The normal part of my brain is very worried - thinking about the immediate negatives of the shame I'd feel if anyone at work knew. But the disordered part of my brain says finally your unruly hunger has been tamed!

PS - I have been seeing an ED therapist since 2011.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Sorry to hear that, Shaggy.

It's just an illusion. Don't fall for it. You managed an amazing thing, escaping from that prison... don't go back.

[SheilaKathy]

I'm doing OK today. I had a really rough day in other ways, but I did not over or undereat, either of which I can do too easily when things go wrong.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Nice one, Sheila.

[nikon]

Hey everyone, I haven't posted on this thread before. I'm 28 and in recovery from an ED. It was a bit of everything.... restricting, b/p, overexercising etc. all at different periods through the years. I would like to get into the habit of posting to keep track of whether my ED thoughts are coming up a lot or not.

I am very body conscious at the moment and struggling not to body check. I have lost weight recently as a result of medication I take, and hormones I am on, and have found it hard to keep the thoughts away and not check my body as it's changed. I'm really short of money at the moment and a lot of the time this comes out in wanting to buy the cheapest food possible, which can also mean bland food and just the same thing every day. Part of it is the ED making me feel guilty for spending money on food; I still feel ashamed that I *need* to spend money on food and it tastes nice etc. That said, I did buy something nice to eat today and I am trying to eat bigger snacks rather than the bare minimum.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Nice to meet you, nikon. Sounds like a good idea, to put your thoughts on here.

Don't feel bad about eating cheap food. Do your best. That's good enough.

The mental aspect is all that matters, and you seem to be doing great, dodging the body checking and connecting with people here.

I'm here for you

[LucyD]

Feeling like crap. I have been binge eating for awhile now. I'm scared I'm going to get huge. I already am quite a bit over weight. Sometimes I just don't care and feel hopeless now.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by ShaggyChic_1201

I can't believe it.

I know Eskie has experience with this, but I didn't think it would happen to me so easily / quickly. I've waxed and waned with EDs (90% of the time bulimic) since I was 13. I'm 50 now.

I thought I was done with this sh#t. Now that there has been a stressor in my life that reminds me of old times, I'm rapidly sliding into anorexic tendencies. The normal part of my brain is very worried - thinking about the immediate negatives of the shame I'd feel if anyone at work knew. But the disordered part of my brain says finally your unruly hunger has been tamed!

PS - I have been seeing an ED therapist since 2011.

Yes Shaggy, stressors can be serious triggers.

I am fighting that right now with some stress that my ex (or still not quite ex) is causing me financially (foreclisure initiated on the house my name is still on the loan & when I lsft I left akmost everything i owned planning some day to get back (2100 miles away) & get my things....they are still there. He has been lying to our daughter about making the payments but came clean today to her & admitted the foreclosure has been initiated.

I totally lose my appetite when crap like this happens but living alone with my 3 dogs that need me, i force myself to eat at least a little or comfort pumpkin soup warm & comforting.

But stress not only decreases my appetite but throws the metsbolusm into overdrive. No appetite, I dont think about eating. If i dont think about it i dont eat, weight loss snowballs into more when i see weight coming off & with no appetite in the first place & no thought of food in the second. Its a recipe (no pun intended) for disaster. So i am working hard at being mindful which in its own way adds another layer of stress as just something more i have to think about.

Dang so much of life is all tied together

[nikon]

hey guys
sorry to hear you're struggling LucyD
yesterday was a bit difficult. I got kind of down in the evening. I am struggling not to body check, a lot. I follow a twelve step program so I listened to an anorexic and bulimic's anonymous share online, which was good. even though I've been in recovery for a while, I still don't feel like I know how to eat intuitively or know what normal eating looks like, so a lot of the time I worry for a while after I've eaten whether I've eaten the correct amount. Thinking that's probably my ED obsessing rather than recovery thinking.

ate a takeaway yesterday.

felt good, even though I probably ate it too quickly (I felt a little unwell afterwards)

I didn't eat much today so far

eaten breakfast and a couple of peaces of candy

I chose to have breaded chicken for dinner, that should be nice

[Sprite22]

Originally Posted by SheilaKathy

I can easily be an overeater, because I am on a medication that causes "weight gain." So I try very hard to not overeat and I attend online Overeaters Anonymous Meetings as well as two (face 2 face) meetings a week generally too.

Today we had a huge celebration at my church and of course there was a HUGE meal. That little kid in me that was forced to always "clean that plate" was having a living nightmare as I sat there with that HUGE plate of food in front of me.

Then I realized something: There is no such commandment as "Thou shalt clean thy plate." (!) YAY! LOL...

I only ate maybe 2/3rds of what was on that plate and no dessert. I was satisfied. I was so pleased with myself.

Food is such a trick or treat...LOL...I try to go for protein first. Then finish my small portion of food left. These meds can really harm our bodies. So be sure your comfortable with what you take as well.

Sprite

[nikon]

my internet wasn't working last night so couldn't post... yesterday I listened to a share online, which was good. I exercised a bit but tried to keep it fun. today I'm not doing anything physical - too many days consecutively and it begins to **** with my head. I felt really down and lonely yesterday and it got really bad in the evening. struggling with body checking and obsessing about my body.

[cogladaid]

I had been restricting this week but yesterday I ate two full meals of junk fried food. Trying to be okay with it.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Don't be so hard on yourself.

[CarmenFit]

Today I did good... I've eaten when I felt hungry and stopped when I felt full. But yesterday I ate too much and if I had found sweets in my house I would've eaten them all My depression isn't helping my eating disorder

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Well done, Carmen. That's brilliant, that you stopped when you were full. It's important, I think, to eat when it's time to eat, making sure you're never really, really hungry. It's impossible to make the right choices when a person is very hungry.

[CarmenFit]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Well done, Carmen. That's brilliant, that you stopped when you were full. It's important, I think, to eat when it's time to eat, making sure you're never really, really hungry. It's impossible to make the right choices when a person is very hungry.

Thanks. I try to follow a rule: only eat when you're hungry, stop eating when you're full.