[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Bad at checking in lately...been running too much. Last week was Spring Break, so my daughter & H were home (H is a university professor).

Just as I'm needing a break from Spring Break, my daughter's district cancelled school today due to a chemical tank fire in a nearby town. Since they've got 7 tanks on fire now (was 2 yesterday), NAPTHA, xylene and now God knows what else burning; they've probably just got to let it burn out at this point. It started yesterday, and that town just got their shelter-in-place lifted. We never had one though we were near the border of it. Spent the day with my sister, nieces, and BIL who are farther away, but we came home last night as we had nothing to spend the night with us, and my sister doesn't really have a huge house and 2 of my nieces are in school. At least the wind is blowing the smoke and fumes away from us. Another day home with a bored pre-teen girl...sigh.

At least no one was hurt, but I'm antsy as I promised H I would not go jogging. The air quality here is always iffy (it's a chemical/industrial area), but now probably worse. ED is screaming at me though

I'm glad the winds are blowing that smoke away. Sounds horrible. So sorry the ED is giving you hell. Don't know what to tell you. Maybe meditation? I should start getting back into it for relaxation but rely on my meds more for that now. Take good care and try to be good to you.

[LucyD]

I need to put more hours between my meals, always looking at the clock when I'm not doing much. Then when I get real busy I forget to have a meal and just have it later. Listening to Roy Orbison today on Spotify. He has some really good music. I thought he only made a couple songs but wow he made so many.

[Blueberrybook]

Pic of smoke plume leaving my housing subdivision this morning. Likely to burn 2 more days. God knows where it's going to come down, could be half of Houston for all they seem to know (winds should direct it away from here though I imagine air quality here will still suffer)...

[Albatross2008]

I'm not ready to go into detail yet, but we've had a crisis in our family. My nerves are so shot that I haven't been able to eat enough calories. The tracking software I use is scolding me for it, but I just can't help it. The butterflies in my stomach are taking up all the room.

Originally Posted by Arbie

I'm not ready to go into detail yet, but we've had a crisis in our family. My nerves are so shot that I haven't been able to eat enough calories. The tracking software I use is scolding me for it, but I just can't help it. The butterflies in my stomach are taking up all the room.

((((hugs)))))

I hope what ever it is doesn't affect you too much and you're able to function as close to normal as possible

we're here for you

my back is killing me today

litirally, I spent the morning picking up falling clothes from my wardrobe, and if their's one thing bad backs can't stand is leaning down to pick things up (it's ashame that my grabber can't pick up clothes)

that aside, I'm actually glad that today shouldn't be too stressfull

the last few days i've been planning for meetings, been anxious about meetings, (yesterday I had a really intense meeting), i just need a break from the anxiety

it's not over yet (because their's more meetings to come), but for now I can hopefully start to relax (even though my version of relaxing is sitting in a chair in terrible pain)

no anxiety though. that's the main thing

[Blueberrybook]

I'm not ready to go into detail yet, but we've had a crisis in our family. My nerves are so shot that I haven't been able to eat enough calories. The tracking software I use is scolding me for it, but I just can't help it. The butterflies in my stomach are taking up all the room.

I'm so sorry. I hope you will start feeling better soon.

[Blueberrybook]

My mood says it all. I just feel blah today.

School here is closed again. High benzene levels in the air from that plant fire. My town borders the area where the fire occurred; in fact, I could drive to that plant in 10 minutes from my house, less if you took away all the traffic lights. I live pretty much on the border of the border to that city.

Hopefully, I feel blah just because...think I may have low iron (see my recent post here about ice cravings) and hopefully not exposure to benzene as our house is drafty around the windows & doors, and we have been running the air conditioning today and did overnight as well. Supposedly nothing unhealthy has been detected in the air around here though I just got an air quality alert of severe on my phone...lovely.

[LucyD]

Don't know what is happening with me yet but I seem to be wanting to sleep much of the time and just falling asleep. I guess time will tell.

Take care everyone.

I went out today to get some fish fingers for dinner.

also while I was out grabbed a copy of harry potter and the chamber of secrets (which to be fair, is now the only harry potter book I still have any interest in), I still like harry potter and the magical universe, but hmm, I guess I have a long way to go before I'm classed as a hard core fan

I also grabbed a shower today

taken it's toll though, because once again my back is killing me, I am nautious (probably from the extreme pain) and I'm out of breath

I was thinking earlier about how old I felt/ feel

I'm falling apart peace by peace

at least my physical body is

[Albatross2008]

My blood glucose is starting to run low. I have to eat so I don't bottom out. But I look at food, and my stomach just does somersaults.

Hubby got forced out of his job after twelve years working there. That's the stressor.

feeling depressed

had breakfast and did my usual alexa games (5/15), that's pretty bay

back killing me as usual and can't think of many reasons to be greatful today. litirally the only thing that crosses my mind is that their's a nice breeze outside. it's lovely with my window open feeling the breeze

last night was so loud outside

gave me a bit of a headache (which thankfully is all ready going)

I feel depressed today, but figure it has a lot to do with it being sunday

I have never coped well with sundays. I don't know what it is about them, they just don't work for me

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

last night was so loud outside

gave me a bit of a headache (which thankfully is all ready going)

I feel depressed today, but figure it has a lot to do with it being sunday

I have never coped well with sundays. I don't know what it is about them, they just don't work for me

Just livin life..trying to eat nutritiously.

[Albatross2008]

Anxiety level remains through the roof, but I'm doing my best to stick to the eating program. Blood sugar levels have been good.

yesterday was a quieter night

it was really nice and apreciated, wasn't able to sleep- but I helped someone out on blah therapy and played an online game of cards (and fully got rid
of my head ache, so I don't have any today)

today I went to the shop to buy some energy drink and some sweets and feeling calm so far

just going to finish here and catch up on some tv shows

I recorded the new series of 8 out of 10 cats and I love that show

I've not checked in here yet today

feeling pretty blah

last night wasn't able to sleep, and didn't really enjoy my food (well it was okay, but it wasn't anything special)

today I have done nothing. I played my alexa games and posted on here mostly

watched a couple episodes of my soap opera, but that made me feel worse (it was such a sad episode)

also feel extremely suicidal today

tomorrow I have a meeting with someone who I really don't wanna see

so judgemental

[Albatross2008]

I burned so many calories today that when we went out to eat afterward, I almost could have eaten anything I wanted to.

But I was good. Stuck to my program.

even though I've not felt suicidal today, I have had a very difficult day (or morning I should say) having a meeting with a person about end of life care.

well, I've always been saying I want to tell someone what I want to happen, and today was it

and yes, it was difficult- though the guy listened and told me that he understood, the fact I was even talking to a guy (not a girl) freaked me out

the afternoon's been better, but very draining. after all those thoughts and an intense conversation, I didn't want to do much

sat down and watched life in peaces

now I'm hungry though. want my sausages

[Blueberrybook]

Restarted therapy yesterday. It went well. We focused a lot on panic attacks/anxiety because I am having an issue with that in the wake of the ITC incident. My T lives even closer to that area than I do and says she still feels her life hasn't quite gotten back to normal. I am not glad she went through it too though I am glad to have a T who understands how frightening/frustrating/scary such an incident can be and how it definitely could trigger even more anxiety and panic attacks.

I am worried though. Just got a call from the rheumatologist (had a lot of bloodwork done). I had thought I might have low iron (often I do), but lately I have gotten to the point of craving/chewing crushed ice a lot (often associated with low iron), so I just figured my iron count was perhaps lower, nothing major.

She is concerned because I am very anemic, and my hemoglobin has dropped a lot in 8 months. She's sending off the lab results to the GI doctor (had surgery for a perforated duodenal ulcer Valentine's Day 2018), who I just saw this morning before getting this info (would have helped had I gotten this bloodwork done last week when my appointment with the rheumatologist was originally scheduled but cancelled because of the ITC chemical plant incident), and she is concerned of a slow bleed somewhere in the GI tract. I am sure this is going to mean more tests and just what that might show. I expect the GI doctor will call either today or tomorrow

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Restarted therapy yesterday. It went well. We focused a lot on panic attacks/anxiety because I am having an issue with that in the wake of the ITC incident. My T lives even closer to that area than I do and says she still feels her life hasn't quite gotten back to normal. I am not glad she went through it too though I am glad to have a T who understands how frightening/frustrating/scary such an incident can be and how it definitely could trigger even more anxiety and panic attacks.

I am worried though. Just got a call from the rheumatologist (had a lot of bloodwork done). I had thought I might have low iron (often I do), but lately I have gotten to the point of craving/chewing crushed ice a lot (often associated with low iron), so I just figured my iron count was perhaps lower, nothing major.

She is concerned because I am very anemic, and my hemoglobin has dropped a lot in 8 months. She's sending off the lab results to the GI doctor (had surgery for a perforated duodenal ulcer Valentine's Day 2018), who I just saw this morning before getting this info (would have helped had I gotten this bloodwork done last week when my appointment with the rheumatologist was originally scheduled but cancelled because of the ITC chemical plant incident), and she is concerned of a slow bleed somewhere in the GI tract. I am sure this is going to mean more tests and just what that might show. I expect the GI doctor will call either today or tomorrow

I am glad you started therapy again and it is going well

I do not know anything about the ITC insodent, but I am sorry that it's causing you more panic/ anxiety

hopefully the tests (if indeed you need them) will be okay

[Blueberrybook]

I am worried about the iron tests. All the tests to do with iron and red blood cells plummeted. The GI doc seemed to want me to consider a colonoscopy, and this was before I got the blood test results. The rheumatologist seems to want to repeat the tests dealing with iron and red blood cells first. All my other tests (full thyroid workup, vitamin D, C-reactive protein were OK, though I think I had high neutrophils, something that indicated inflammation, and she didn't test the B vitamins). If I don't hear from either doctor or their staff today, I will call and ask about what the doctors think should be my next step as soon as possible, so I can stop worrying about it.

I am so super worried about internal bleeding and needing surgery to control it. The recovery from the surgery from the perforated ulcer was so painful and uncomfortable, I wished I had died from the ulcer. I didn't know a human could feel so much pain and still be alive. Morphine didn't touch it. This was both a morphine pump and morphine shots should you rate your pain over 7 or 8. Sleep was a gift because I could escape a little, but then I'd shift, and the stupid IV alarm would go off all the time. It pretty much sucked and will be one of my worst life experiences ever. All they gave me was a saline IV and some ice chips (not much), only small sips of water to swallow pills for 5 days straight. OMG, it sucked.

[Albatross2008]

Sticking to the eating program. Exercising too. Result, everything's improving except the number on the scale.

my dinner yesterday was rank

I just have to say it, it was rank (and I don't often use that word, gross often covers it)

also had a bad night with lots of flashbacks

today I had a shower which made me feel ugly and didn't do anything for my back pain (if anything, it was made worse)

4 hours after my shower and my back is still in terrible pain

also my shopping arived today for the week, had to put that away, which also caused me a lot of back pain

nothing else to do for the rest of the day, so I guess pretend to exist...