[Mountaindewed]

I don't really know what you mean by gender roles. I do tend to eat like a teenage boy most of the time though. I am on my own most of the time for meals and I don't cook so eating frozen burritos and cereal is just easy. I don't really like have high expectations when it comes to food either. Frozen pizza is just as good as restaruant pizza to me and Dennys sirloin steak is just as good to me as an expensive steakhouse. I got out of the habit of going out to eat once covid hit. I guess I just view food as like a way to survive most days and so eating doesn't bring me any joy, if anything I've been scared to eat because of my stomach problems. And yeah I do also want to look a certain way so I am very particular about food and keeping things in check. Things lately have been kind of unintenional/intenional at the same time which people don't seem to understand especially my therapist. I think my pdoc gets it but he is in another state and I do telehealth with him.

[unaluna]

Gender roles and food: traditionally, the mom feeds the family? Not when i was growing up, tho. My dad used to make my lunch until i learned how to. My brother made me cereal before school because my mother slept in after working til 3 am. My cousins wife, who i mentioned below, got married the same time i did, but she went whole hog wife. Doesnt drive on the freeway, etc.

One time i was staying up north with a friend, her mother made 3 meals a day with place settings. I was like, no wonder your mother was voted woman of the year! (Not kidding). They just have a different mindset about food. But im beginning to suspect it has something to do with feeling taken care of, which i never did feel. And knowing how to take care of yourself. Hoarding is another symptom of when this fails.

[Mountaindewed]

My stomach was a mess again today and eating made things worse. I just ate a bowl of cereal an hour ago which was ok. I'm not sure on dinner. I see my therapist tommorow afternoon and I don't know what she has planned if her supervisor will be there. I want to be honest with this lady my therapist is bringing in but I've been honest before about this and its gotten me switched twice to different therapists I never ended up working with and sent to IOP once and I narrowly avoided being sent IP. Its like they just keep handing me off yet I still never get anywhere.

[Mountaindewed]

I hate food. It makes me sick and anxious all the time.

[Mountaindewed]

It annoys me when people are all like "look at that fit dude inhaling that burrito. He can eat whatever he wants to and not gain weight" um thats not how that works. I ate only fennel hours after the burrito and I'm waiting for some tuna to be delivered so I can have a can of that for dinner. I didn't really restrict at least according to my standards. Probably to my therapist I did. I'm on a new med that causes loss of appeitite and I'm in general feeling unwell and not like eating. I guess I may be in denial but there is also legit medical stuff going on too.

[Mountaindewed]

I read the media influences eating disorders. I know I started to have legit issues after my top surgery. And I heard its common for trans men to develop eating disorders when their main source of dysphroia is their chest. Then when they get that taken care of they move onto other parts of themselves they see as flaws. I know once Elliot Page came out it kinda motivated me. He is 5'1 though and I'm 5'5 so he is going to be smaller then me no matter what. My therapist today told me my goal is ok but that I'd look a bit scrawny with my height. I don't know if she thinks I won't pass as well or what. She told me guys are supposed to be bigger then women. She talks so much in code because she trys not to offend me.

[Fuzzybear]

I haven't been dxd with an eating disorder. My weight fluctuates ''too much'' though.. lately I've been eating a lot more. This isn't that good..., I'm barely sleeping so am much more hungry. Ugh.

[Mountaindewed]

My new therapist specializes in eating disorders and I've been restricting lately mainly due to my new med. Today was pretty bad but I'm not sure it was on purpose or not or just subconsiously restricting. I basically just didn't have an appetite.

I have eaten 2 large bags of chips today

plus sausages

plus onion rings

plus pancakes

sore stomach (a little)

I am really hungry today

so guessI'll just be eating a lot as standard

[Mountaindewed]

Today I've been in between being really hungry and not hungry at all. When I do get hungry I'll eat an apple sauce and be fine. Its been kind of confusing. I mostly like the way I look but I wish I didn't look like I was 10 years younger and I wish people didn't have to point out that my body shape my face looks like a college students. Theres only so many brands of clothes I can wear too that arent too big so most of the time it is the stuff geared towards college kids that fit me the best. I am getting some pretty good deals though because of their back to school sales.

I ate a KFC yesterday

not going to eat any fast food today.. having chicken satay

also trying to drink a lot of non soda- because of this heatwave, though it's not easy for me because I don't like non soda drinks too much

it looks like I failed on both counts

the chicken satay wasn't really that nice, and I am sat here with a dr pepper.

so...

I am also now eating candy to fill up

[Mountaindewed]

I'm worried about my brother in law, my mom has noticed it too. Yet I eat 30 tic tacs and call it breakfast, so maybe I should just worry about myself.

[unaluna]

Orange tictacs are soooo good.

[downandlonely]

I have never been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I have used food to cope with emotions, so I believe that counts. I have found Overeaters Anonymous helpful, but not really the food plan. I liked the 12 steps for spiritual healing.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Orange tictacs are soooo good.

I wish they still made grape.

[MuddyBoots]

I started restricting again. I just ate a couple mango slices and a cup of black coffee for breakfast/lunch. Still getting in dinner though so nobody is worried.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I wish they still made grape.

Oh, man! I never saw those!

I was a lifesavers maniac when i was a kid. And yes my teeth are a bit of a mess now. But butter scotch and butter rum - yum. Of course, those are bona fide hard candies. My parents knew i was crunching, not sucking, them, but they couldnt stop me.

[Mountaindewed]

I ate 15 tic tacs and a Slim Fast for breakfast. That was the only disordered thing I did today. I didn't really restrict in general today. I just stuck to my own personal goal which my therapist says is too low but other therapists and doctors would say the goal is fine. But yeah I know I should listen to my own therapist.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Oh, man! I never saw those!

I was a lifesavers maniac when i was a kid. And yes my teeth are a bit of a mess now. But butter scotch and butter rum - yum. Of course, those are bona fide hard candies. My parents knew i was crunching, not sucking, them, but they couldnt stop me.

Yeah they had grape for awhile and they also had blueberry and donut flavored Simpson ones for a limited time but I didn't know they were flavored I thought they were just regular mint with Homer and Marges face on the packaging.

I did get a container of coca cola ones while I was out. I wonder how those are.

Yeah my teeth hurt for a bit after eating 30 of them in a row.

takeouts 2 nights in a row (yesterday and tonight), so not healthy really

plus side: I've stayed away from my 2 new packs of chicken chips.. they do look good though

[Mountaindewed]

My brother in laws neurologist chewed him out. My brother in law told us he has just been so stressed about the baby and work and stuff. He's working on eating more.

I just bought a box of Yogi green tea slim life tea because sometimes I feel out of control with this issue. With the tic tacs and Slim Fast and now the tea. I'm scared my therapist will fire me if I tell her whats really going on.

[Mountaindewed]

Same stuff going on with the tea and the tic tacs this morning. I got an unwhich from Jimmy Johns for lunch with no mayo and extra roast beef. I'm pretty full on pretty little right now. I'll figure something out later for dinner.

[unaluna]

I order jimmyjohns about once a month, when i am absolutely done with bland fish and beans and not having real bread. I get the minis, the bread is nice and soft and they dont have too much fatty coldcuts in them. But a girl has to have SOME salami once in a while! Then i go back to my regular diet plan.

I looooove oolong tea!