[unaluna]

Blueberrybook - not sure what you mean by a raging metabolism? Myself, I try to eat controlled sodium - my Weight Watchers app tells me i am not quite succeeding! I usually eat 2x sodium per calorie - like 1500 calorie, 3000 sodium, where i hope to eat 2000 sodium max a day.

My point is, if i eat "other peoples food" (restaurant, or anything where i dont have the nutrition label in front of me!), well, ive been too afraid to even track, but the extra sodium will make me ravenous, even if my hunger has been on an even keel. I turn into the Salt Sucker from the first ever episide of Star Trek!

But really its like a hole in my stomach. I had some fat free cottage cheese and canned pineapple this past week. Even with my hunger-abating turkey sandwiches, my "full" signal was obliterated. I read somewhere your body is just trying to get enough stuff into you to neutralize the sodium overdose. But its not smart enough to choose wisely. It will even choose more sodium!

Hope this helps im always "sleeping it off" so i dont recommend that!

[Blueberrybook]

@Autumn88 - This is what this board is for, getting out your dark feelings (use the trigger box if you fear they are too triggering). Better take it out writing on this board than doing something like self-harming or something to punish yourself unduly. You can write about the darkness in a journal, but I do find sharing it with people who understand helps me so much more than journalling. It makes me feel less like a freak if you know what I mean? Keep fighting...the fact that you are surviving with an ED for so long means you are a fighter and haven't given up yet. I wish you could find some happiness in your life a friend something like that or even a pet (or are you not allowed to keep pets or feel you can't handle the responsibility?). I have 3 cats and being more independent than dogs are much less work, but still responsbilities especially if you find yourself in frequent hospitalizations with no one to care for them while you are gone.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Blueberrybook - not sure what you mean by a raging metabolism? Myself, I try to eat controlled sodium - my Weight Watchers app tells me i am not quite succeeding! I usually eat 2x sodium per calorie - like 1500 calorie, 3000 sodium, where i hope to eat 2000 sodium max a day.

My point is, if i eat "other peoples food" (restaurant, or anything where i dont have the nutrition label in front of me!), well, ive been too afraid to even track, but the extra sodium will make me ravenous, even if my hunger has been on an even keel. I turn into the Salt Sucker from the first ever episide of Star Trek!

But really its like a hole in my stomach. I had some fat free cottage cheese and canned pineapple this past week. Even with my hunger-abating turkey sandwiches, my "full" signal was obliterated. I read somewhere your body is just trying to get enough stuff into you to neutralize the sodium overdose. But its not smart enough to choose wisely. It will even choose more sodium!

Hope this helps im always "sleeping it off" so i dont recommend that!

It goes beyond being ravenous, just feels like I burn calories so fast, my stomach will be growling often and feeling completely empty. These type of days I can eat and eat and pretty much burn through everything in my thinking as I do not gain weight through them and often end up even losing weight. The thing it most reminds me of was when I was breastfeeding, I was ravenous, couldn't even keep weight on (though my daughter was extremely slow to take to solids, so I pretty much exclusively breastfed her entire first year). But the other times I've felt like this it was right after my metabolism bounced back from my ED initial recovery (it was slow at first) and I mean I didn't binge eat but nearly every hour, 1.5 hr. I have to have something to eat. I feel this way when manic too except then I don't bother to even care to eat, I just have to keep going with whatever projects I have on, don't even bother with food then. Maybe exercise combined with lack of sleep and coffee has brought it on, I really don't know.

[Blueberrybook]

@unaluna - A lot of days I do eat more sodium than recommended once it warms up because I walk most days and I sweat a ton. When I eat lower sodium then sodium and chloride always end up low on my bloodwork. Even my last bloodwork my chloride was right at the threshold for low and the sodium was a bit low (but not overly worrisome according to the doc). I think I lose a lot of it through sweat, and I did walk a long time yesterday, so I may also still be needing something of a catchup on calories. I walked probably 5 days this past week, so I maybe need to add a bit more calories as I believe you burn more calories walking in the heat & humidity, and it's definitely been getting much worse here as summer approaches. Maybe I need to start drinking Gatorade or Powerade after my walks.

[unaluna]

Blueberrybook - thanks for sharing your insights. I notice i get unduly ravenous if i ignore my hunger and postpone a meal. It feels like i trigger something from either my early dieting days or schooldays, when i never ate breakfast. Nowadays they say not to let yourself get too hungry / hangry. I still aspire to your mileage!!

[Blueberrybook]

After lunch now I feel things are calming down for me a bit, so much so I want to take a nap. Just have to get H's lunch ready (he slept in) and then I'm going to try and sleep a bit.

[Autumn88]

Thank you for your support and reassurance.
The last thing I would want to do here is trogger any of you.

A friend?
Oddly enough...seems just lost my one and only friend in a horrible and juvenile argument, a " text war" with my ex who was supposed to have been my only friend in this huge horrible city.

A pet?

I had to.let my precious sweet beloved kitty. Sam,go 4 years ago.

He had diabetes and Hugh bl**,d pressure.
Had to give him insulin and b/,p meds twice a day...he got sicker...it was one of the hardest things zi have ever gone through

And no, as the adopti9n applications always ask," Who is your " back up" person?"
Well.
I haven't anyone.
I cant afford quality food, vet visits.

I have long3d for a pysch service dog but it takes years and a lot of money I do t have to be able to be granted one.

I feel like everywhere I go people expect me to have all these " supports" that most people are blessed with.

And like I am at fault for not having them, especially due to.my stigmatising BPD dx.

I'm sorry.
I really am
I sincerely appreciate your effort to help but my circumstances make recovery, such an illusion.

I don't even think my pyschiatrist has any full.50.mi use sessions booked for me anytime soon.
He js away tomorrow and Tuesday so can't even call and tell him how badly I am.struggling, how a decades long relationship just ended for good.

I am broken.
I have nobody.

I live way below the poverty line.

Ok.
I am whining.
Forgive me.

Been such a bad day.
Only just before 4 PM.

Tired.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm sorry @Autumn88 and @MuddyBoots that both of you are struggling with the ED. This morning I did overexercise a bit, but I woke up very energetic, more energetic than usual so it was hard to rein myself in.

But on the positive, I'm still feeling good about my body image and I finished the leftover hamburger yesterday for lunch as well as a chocolate cupcake my sister sent along leftover from my nephew's party. And didn't feel regrets after eating either one.

I do feel less wound up than yesterday morning, thankfully. I think lack of sleep messed with me a bit, could have had some minor hypomania from it until I managed a nap in the afternoon. If I don't sleep well, bipolar mania comes on me very quickly.

muddy, I wish you could find better support to help you with your ED as it sounds like things are going from bad to worse for you. Please be careful.

@Blue_Bird - How have you been doing lately? I know sometimes you struggle with things a bit.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

@Blue_Bird - How have you been doing lately? I know sometimes you struggle with things a bit.

Im doing pretty good! Haven’t been struggling with binging or purging or overexercising lately. Haven’t been obsessed with my weight lately either. I’ve been doing good all around

Hugs to everyone

[Blueberrybook]

@Blue_Bird That is fantastic news! It's always great to have good reports on this thread. I love for others to see recovery from an ED is possible and that there is hope.