[Mountaindewed]

My mom says I'm not eating enough. I swear my therapist better not suggest anything because I don't even want to talk about food with her. Everything is disgusting me.

[Blueberrybook]

Some days I feel I'll never be over this

[Blueberrybook]

Have been depressed, have lost some weight not eating enough for my activity level. Mostly just apathy, hungry but just don't feel like eating. Most of the time with my ED I was always hungry and always felt like (wished) I could eat and eat and not gain an ounce. But I had lunch today even if I didn't exactly want to. Small wins, I guess.

[Blueberrybook]

Exercising way too much lately...

How is everyone else doing? Anyone else find the holidays god-awful for EDs? All these get-togethers, meals, eating. I HATE it!

[MuddyBoots]

I'm managing. Thoughts of purging after eating have been popping in a little more frequently than normal. I still am having a lot of difficulty eating, but good old Mary Jane has been helping me out with that when we get together. 80% of what I ate for a week after Thanksgiving was stuffing haha my poop looked funky.

[Blueberrybook]

I am exercising too much lately. Had a doctor's appt, lost some weight. ED thoughts like that. I am still a normal BMI for my height, but low normal now.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm in a cycle of restricting (yeah, restricting, I'm not going to even bother claiming "low appetite" because if I probably could eat), but then saying "oh, that's unhealthy" and smoking weed to make eating easier, and then feeling guilty about eating too much (although it's not true binging) and purging.

[Blueberrybook]

Sorry about that muddy. It's a hard habit to break. I dealt with that type of ED, not bingeing but eating close to normally then purging, though through excessive exercise in my case. It is such a hard cycle to break.

[Blueberrybook]

Almost done with the holidays, thank goodness though we are having a late extended family Christmas with my family on the 28th. Which I'd rather not. There's always the issue of food and then people scrutinizing me, my senseless dad saying things like, "You look like you've gained some weight. You look good." Absolutely the WRONG thing to say to anyone with an ED. Or my aunt saying, "Have you lost weight since last year?" and then lecturing me on my weight even though she herself is morbidly obese. And this aunt lectures me on my parenting of my daughter even though she has no kids herself. Food everywhere, food out all day, house too full of people and you can't even go for a walk because they live in an area with no leash laws and people have all sorts of mean dogs just roaming loose all over the place.

Yeah, can't wait for that to be over.

[Blueberrybook]

I know "fat" is not a feeling...but I feel fat today. I already feel guilty for baking banana bread, and it hasn't even come out of the oven yet!

[unaluna]

Oh, i think fat is definitely a feeling. At a certain point, i was like, oh! I finally AM as fat as i always felt!

[Blueberrybook]

I hope everyone is doing well. I had to take a rest day from exercise today because of not feeling well, and I feel guilty & anxious about it. ED/OCD combined I think. I really hate that.

[MuddyBoots]

My mom's on another one of her weight loss pushes. I'm triggered. Purged last night.

[Mountaindewed]

I am on a very strict diet for medical reasons so now there are literally bad and good safe/unsafe foods. So I hope this doesn't become an issue. I ate something yesterday morning that caused issues all day. I feel better now though

[Blueberrybook]

This morning I went walking in the cold even though I knew it would flare up my Raynauud's (and boy, did it ever!). I was feeling guilty about doing pilates for exercise (and hence not burning as many calories). Sometimes my exercise gets so extreme, it's as if I want to punish my body.

[Blueberrybook]

Reeled it in today and stuck with pilates. Not nearly as much calorie burn but it's good for toning and probably helps me stay at a healthy weight with those long power walks I've been doing lately.