[Monty_girl]

With trying not to binge and purge, I'm more aware of the feelings that drive my ED.

Here's a list of feelings that drive me to B&P:

Loneliness- not having any friends
Failure- loosing my job 7 months ago and not being able to find any work
Fear/ anxiety- my abuse memories
Escape- feeling like I need to run away and not be any more trouble to everyone who knows me

Tonight I feel like I need to escape, run away. The feeling crawls up my back.

I've given that a great deal of thought lately..trying to identify... the why.. so I can replace the behavior with something else...

being lonely
frustration with my ED... wanting to travel...but not healthy enough -
wanting to be away from my surroundings....
anxiety..... being scared...the PTSD
dealing with mean people...... people that take advantage....
not having anyone to take care of....

yes.. I so understand the wanting to run away... my anxiety is thru the roof.. cause.. this is day 2... of not doing the binge/purge...
the phone rang.. I screamed.. (help me... so on edge)

[mel4]

hmmm good question, I'd have to say that anxiety, as well as the feeling of emptiness fuel my binge eating.

[Amie2]

I would say anger fuels my anorexia, as well as sadness and hopelessness.

Amie

[JenKat]

I would say that its my low self-esteem and my belief that I can't do anything right that fuels me to restrict. At least that's something I can be good at. Also, fear of the future keeps me tied to the ED as well.

[mlpHolmes]

I agree with You 100% about which feelings drive you to binge/purge. But more importantly I value your perspective about mistakes, it's the Best!!!

Mistakes are inevitable, it's what you do with them afterwards that makes all the difference

You are so right! I'll try to remember it!!! Thanks!

[DePressMe]

I am not sure if this is a feeling or not....but control. When I feel like I don't have control of my life, I can find control through my eating...in a weird way. The eating and purging gets out of control...but, my mind finds some type of escape by binging. Things around me may be going haywire, but I can sit down and have a good binge and while I am doing it, feel okay. I am not exactly sure what feeling is attached to that--maybe hopelessness?

I found out.. today... that binge/purge..... relieves any "bad" feeling that I may be having at the time... grief.. stress.. anxiety... it "purges" those feelings.. and I am left with peace..

[DePressMe]

I agree freewill... it does bring some peace, but then comes the guilt...

[thesilentone]

It took me quite a while to figure what it was that lead me to do what I do, I didn't really understand why until recently.... its the feeling of myself not being enough, for anything by bf, my job, my family...and so on...

[Rissie_and_another]

i would say that having control over my anorexia is the cause of it. its the only thing in my life i have control of. other feelings that trigger it are anger(majorly) sadness, being alone, fear of food....i feel that i am not good enough for anyone....my family, my friends and myself. i do not have a boyfriend...i see all these girls who are not ugly, but not a model and they have boyfriends...why can't i? i'm not that ugly....oops sorry i'm ranting...

some days i just dont want my mind to quiet. I scury around eat, and never stop until im exhausted.

I know the feeling of losing control. I have not been able to find work in this expensive province. I am having difficulties in organizing my travels to present my final paper at university for my degree. My two sons have failed some classes in high school this past semester. There had been a death and a serious accident this past month. Money is depleting from the profits I had put aside when I sold my home. The profits dwindling will mean my hopes of a mortgage to buy again is shrinking. I also have a student loan I have to start paying and I can't find work.

I also have existing health risks like cholesterol levels, epilepsy, arthritis and general anxiety disorder. I often feel like I have to restrict my eating just to feel like I have a choice in something.