little brother's death :(

so I don't really know where to put this, but I'm most comfortable in this forum so...tuesday is 4 years since my brother died. for some reason i still freak out. it's going to be so hard this week because his birthday is 5 days later. well it would have been. blahhh.

anyways, just looking for some support here...please...anyone with a similar instance in their past? it can affect the ed...but i'm fighting for it not to. i've been doing quite well with it lately.

I am so sorry for your loss. I have never lost any one that close to me, however I almost did. Just remember to breathe and just get through one minute at a time. You will get through it.
Prayers for you!

My father in law passed suddenly about 2 years ago resulting from an agressive brain tumor that seemingly came from nowhere. He was diagnosed on a Friday and had surgery on a Sunday and was never the same. He hung on for about a year after the surgery but wasn't ever really himself.

The saddest part was that we couldn't or at least we didn't feel as if we ever got the chance to say "goodbye" properly. Maybe somewhere in his fog, during that last year, I'd like to think that he understood why we were there with him.

Holidays are tough now so is the gaping hole in all of our lives that opened up when he passed. On the bright side however, we do get the feeling that he's still with us. He's in a better place but still connected to us, watching over us and (we hope) very happy to follow us along as our lives and his grand kids' lives unfold.

Maybe your brother is in that same place watching over you, happy to be missed but understanding (more so than we) that things are actually in balance. He's where he needs to be and so are you.

thank you so much, I do think he is watching over me. Even watching me in the pitiful state i was in 30 min ago...standing over his grave in the pouring rain crying tears that nobody could see.

i was freaking out...but I stood in teh cold rain crying just long enough to exhaust myself. exhaustion kills the freakout.

thank you so much for the kind words.

That has to be hard hard hard. How do you cope may I ask?

balishbun, thus far...I don't believe i have coped. i put on a fake smile...act happy and fine...cry alone...so far i've done nothing but try my best to hide the pain for four years now. i need to find a way to cope. need to let it out i know. just not sure how yet. it's so hard.

I know how you feel and how hard it may be. 9 years ago, my little ittle sister passed away at the age of 5, and i was only 9... it was by far the hardest thing i've ever had to go through and see my parents go through. it completely changes your life forever. coping gets easier with time but one thing that i find to comfort me is keeping the stuffed animal she had with me or her hair elastic on my keychain. sometimes it gets so stressful and the sadness takes over you in turn making the ed worse. but regardless of your relgion or beliefs, its comforting to know that you have one of the best angels watching over you giving you the strength to get from one day to the next. there will be those days where you drive to the cemetary to cry in the mosoleum or look at a picture and stare blankly. your little brother is with you ever day...it will be ok.

if you need some one to talk to, ive been through it too..

lil_bit, I am just now reading your post--I am sorry I was not here to support you. I can relate to the loss of a loved one, although not a brother. My brother in law committed suicide....we were close and it was difficult for me to go through. It is still difficult, but time has made it a little better. This may be too triggering for you...but, I sat down and wrote a good bye letter to him. I shared how I felt and told him how much I loved him. It kinda helped me let go a little.

thanks to all of you.

i hadn't thought of keeping something that reminds me of him with me at all times, i may do that. especially because i'm leaving the state for ever and his grave is here...I won't be able to visit anymore...i'm moving across the country...but thank you for that thought, i may just use it.

Also depressme thank you for the letter suggestion. That's a great idea if I can bring myself to do it, perhaps if I can it will help me come to terms with things a bit more.

losing some close will always be hard
its not like well its so and so many years so its not supposed to hurt anymore
i would be destroyed if my brother died!
just be extra nice to yourself around these times

blue