[itsjustme111]

I had to make supper for my kids. My little girl asked if I was going to eat with them. I had at first said no, but she looked kind of sad. So when it was ready, I grabbed another plate and sat with my kids. I ate, very little, but ate some. My bf had bought a strawberry shortcake for his year end golf BBQ. He left it here and forgot to take it with. So my kids asked if they could have some. I phoned my bf and he said go ahead, he forgot to bring it today anyway. So as stupid as I am, I had some too.
I ended up sending my kids to take the dog for a walk to give me time to "get rid" of it. I did. Now I am so angry at myself. Why did I even bother to eat anyway. All I did now was hurt myself even more. Raw, bleeding throat, and dont feel so good either. I took a whack of laxatives, just in case. I am sick of being such a complete [censored] up. Who cares anyway??? Really, who cares, I dont.

justme

[inkblot]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Justy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I care.

[mj14]

Justy, can I make a suggestion? Throw out the laxitives. And if you buy more, throw them away as soon as you can get the thought back that you can't have these in your house. Or better yet, flush them down the toilet, so you are not tempted to retrieve them from the trash (I know all about doing that). You wouldn't expect an alcoholic to be able to handle having bottles of liquor in her house, right? You can think of this the same way.

Justy, you are *NOT* a ****-up. You have an illness, and right now, you are stuggling to find some healing for that illness, but it's a big, nasty disease that you are fighting with. You've taken a lot of positive steps in going to the doctor, and letting them know what's going on. I know sometimes the struggle seems like more than you can handle, but I also know that you can make it, and that you want to make it...I can tell when you talk about your kids, and how you want to make them happy, and give them a good life, that you want to be around for them for a long time. So, when you think you can't make it, just remember that mj says you can, ok?

Now one more challenge for you...you need to stop calling yourself a ****-up. It is absolutely not true!!! It is what this awful disease does...first, it convinces you to do these things that hurt your precious body, then it makes you beat yourself up about doing it, so you end up convincing yourself that you deserve that kind of awful treatment. So I'd like you to try something...it's going to feel awkward at first, but keep doing it, and it will get more natural with time. Every day, I want you to stand in front of a mirror and say out loud to yourself, "I am a valuable person, and a strong woman. I love myself and I treat my body with the respect it deserves." I know you probably don't feel any of those things right now, but that doesn't matter. Say them out loud to yourself every day, and as odd as this sounds, it starts leaking into your head. So give it a try...what do you have to lose, right?

I hope today is a better one for you.

*hugs*
mj

[ktp]

(((((((((((Justy)))))))))))))

I care too ! I'm really worried about you. I hope that things are going okay for you and really hope you can find the time to come on here and post to us. I haven't read a post from you in a few days and just worrying (call me worry-wart) Take Care Hun.

More (((HUGS)))
Kimberly