[Moomonster]

I comfort eat because I'm lonely and unhappy and have no friends and nobody to spend time with, but the more I eat the fatter I get so the less confident I am and the less I feel comfortable going out and meeting people. It's been a vicious circle like that all my life.

Today I went out for about 10 minutes but came home because my clothes were so tight that I was too uncomfortable. So I came home and ate because I was so fed up that I can't get exercise to lose weight. I usually do exercise a lot but sometimes I'm too uncomfortable to.

I really don't need advice on how to lose weight please. I'm an expert on the subject just like most big people are. I just wish I had local friends who I could spend time with.

[Moomonster]

I knew it was pointless starting a thread and being open about myself. It's the same with all forums. Lots of nice friendly welcome posts in the introduction section but then barely a word in every other thread I post on. Nobody wants to know a middle aged fat British guy. I hoped it would be different here but it isn't.

Sent from my SM-N910F using Tapatalk

[Angelique67]

Hi, I comfort eat too. Right now I've been working on a grocery list (I can't shop because I have no transportation and my back is very bad so I can hardly walk anyway) and it's loaded with junk foods I should not have like chips, cookies, ice cream etc. But even if I remove some of that from the list the app doesn't always work right and they still might include it. Not sure because I don't want to start my list from scratch again.

Anyway, I have the same problem of eating for reasons of comfort and boredom. It isn't good.

[Moomonster]

Hi Angelique, thanks for replying.

Sorry that you're having similar problems to me. It's a never-ending circle and I just need something to snap me out of it. Then I'll eat less, will feel more confident and happier due to losing weight, so will keep eating less, so I'll lose more weight and feel even better, so I'll keep eating sensibly....and it'll carry on until I get upset about something. Then I'll comfort eat, I'll put on weight, my clothes will feel tighter, so I'll feel less confident, so I'll comfort eat, so I'll put more weight on!

It would be funny if it didn't affect my life so much.

Do you know people to talk to when you feel like eating who can help take your mind off wanting to eat?

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Moomonster

Hi Angelique, thanks for replying.

Sorry that you're having similar problems to me. It's a never-ending circle and I just need something to snap me out of it. Then I'll eat less, will feel more confident and happier due to losing weight, so will keep eating less, so I'll lose more weight and feel even better, so I'll keep eating sensibly....and it'll carry on until I get upset about something. Then I'll comfort eat, I'll put on weight, my clothes will feel tighter, so I'll feel less confident, so I'll comfort eat, so I'll put more weight on!

It would be funny if it didn't affect my life so much.

Do you know people to talk to when you feel like eating who can help take your mind off wanting to eat?

Unfortunately no, I'm pretty much all alone in the world. The only person I ever see is my only friend when he visits every six weeks or so. Other than that I'm in touch online with my sister but we never really talk. So I'm extremely lonely. That's part of it too. Usually I can get by just eating normal food and then I'll go crazy on everything I've been missing and add another few pounds and because I can't exercise I can't get the weight off! It's so maddening and uncomfortable. And the more weight I put on, the even harder it gets to stand up and try to walk in my apartment. My place is very cluttered and I can't do anything about it on my own because of my bad back.

[Angelique67]

Whereabouts in England do you live, moomonster? I always wanted to see England but I never got there unfortunately.

[Moomonster]

I'm pretty much alone too. I do live with family but I don't want to and I can't talk to them like I would a friend. I just can't afford to get a place on my own. I know just one person who I ever speak to on the phone but I don't know anyone I can meet face to face, other than that one person who I've met twice in about 4 years (they live a long way from me). I chat to my Sister on the phone and see her occasionally but generally she has no time for me and neither do other family. So I really understand how you feel.

I'm lucky in a way that I can go out though. I also have a bad back sometimes but mostly I can usually cope with it ok, depending what mood it's in. So I go for long walks most days and catch the bus places. I'm sorry you're stuck home a lot, and I understand the cycle of eating from being depressed then the more you eat, the harder it is to exercise.

I live on the south coast of England in the county of West Sussex. It's nice living by the sea, especially as I was brought up in a busy town.

[Angelique67]

That sounds like a nice place! I live by the water too, I'm in the NE of the US. I never get to visit the water though since I'm stuck inside.

I used to take long walks before my back got so bad and I was able to control my weight pretty well back then. I also was a smoker, so I ate less and smoked a lot. Unfortunately the heavy smoking impacted my lungs very badly so I'm coping with lung disease too. It's not fun! I miss being young when I could walk and life didn't feel like such an awful trap.

I know what you mean about family not being like friends. I'm not sure though which is better, living alone and seeing no one, or living with family and feeling like your home isn't your own. There's pros and cons to both, I guess.

I'm trying (but not hard enough!) to strengthen my legs and back by walking around in my apartment but it isn't enough. But there are stairs in the building that make it very hard for me to try to go out, since I can't walk stairs very well and I'm always afraid I might fall.

So I'm trying to strengthen myself in order to maybe be able to walk and stand a bit better but the loneliness and depression keep me from doing it as much as I should. And the clutter doesn't help.

[Angelique67]

Oh, I forgot to say, now I vape (it helped me quit smoking in March), and it helps cut down on the amount of eating I'd do if I were without the vaping.

[Moomonster]

It's a shame you can't get to see the sea where you live. I like to go there and watch sunsets sometimes, and take photos too. I wish I had someone to go with as it's not the same on your own.

I've never smoked and never will so at least I don't have that to worry about. I don't drink either, so it's just my size that makes me unhealthy.

I hope you can keep up strengthening your legs so you can get out of the cycle you're in. I think people like us just need motivation, and I don't mean advice but some REAL help and actual actions from people that will really make a difference and make us feel like there is a way out, and it's worth trying harder. Does that make sense?

[Angelique67]

Yes! And not just subtle disapproval (my friend really hates my weight, even though we're not together as a boyfriend/girlfriend thing). I wish there were some practical steps that I knew about that might help my back so I could regain my strength.

I miss walking so much. It used to be my favorite thing to do, go for long walks. I used to walk all around the city back when I was still "well". I just really miss that. I rarely even took the subway or cabs, I just walked everywhere. So even if I did eat the wrong things, the weight didn't start settling until after I wrecked my back.

My back got bad gradually, and then the last time I moved cross country I was stuffed into a tiny space in the moving truck for over 24 hours and that's what finally did my back in. So I'm hoping it can be reversed at least a certain amount and maybe I can be more mobile than I am now. I don't know what it will take though, to pull me out of the depression I'm in.

[Moomonster]

Does your friend hate your weight because he doesn't like how you look, or because he is worried about you and wants you to feel happier and be able to get around more?

I wish I could suggest something for your back, but if I had any idea what might help I would have told myself months ago. Have you ever seen a specialist about it? I've only seen a doctor once about my back, but he didn't know much so didn't help.

I never used to like walking, and I still don't sometimes, but I do it as it's about the only exercise I'm capable of. I would like to play sports too but I'm a bit fat for that, plus I have nobody to play with anyway. I used to play Squash (I think you call that Racquet Ball in the USA?) and I'm sure I looked a site bouncing around the court! I played badminton for a while too years ago and I really miss playing both.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Moomonster

Does your friend hate your weight because he doesn't like how you look, or because he is worried about you and wants you to feel happier and be able to get around more?

I wish I could suggest something for your back, but if I had any idea what might help I would have told myself months ago. Have you ever seen a specialist about it? I've only seen a doctor once about my back, but he didn't know much so didn't help.

I never used to like walking, and I still don't sometimes, but I do it as it's about the only exercise I'm capable of. I would like to play sports too but I'm a bit fat for that, plus I have nobody to play with anyway. I used to play Squash (I think you call that Racquet Ball in the USA?) and I'm sure I looked a site bouncing around the court! I played badminton for a while too years ago and I really miss playing both.

That's a good question about why my friend hates the weight. I guess it's mainly because of my appearance. I used to look much different when we met.

Nope, I have no idea what to do for my back. I used to take pain pills for it but then they stopped prescribing them unfortunately. I just don't know what to do. One provider said maybe I should try physical therapy but then I was never referred.

Here in the states there's something called meetup.com is it also in England? I just wonder in case you might be able to meet people to play badminton and squash. I used to like badminton too when I was young. I think if you started meeting people it could make a big difference in how you feel generally. I'm sort of stuck in so I can't do that, but if I were able to walk it would help me a lot. But even if my back were better, my lungs are still very damaged. Im afraid of catching a cold or flu - I might die from it now.

I'm feeling very down at the moment because of my circumstances. I wish my life hadn't come to this.

[Moomonster]

It's a shame that your friend is worried about how you look. You're still the same person deep down. I know you know that of course but he sounds a bit shallow to me. Sorry, I know he's your friend.

We have Meetup.com here too. I've looked at it and other similar websites too, but I've never found any group where I'd feel comfortable. For now I don't want to play sports anyway because I physically couldn't, but I wish I could. I still want to meet people desperately but all meetup groups do is go to pubs and clubs, or to other places where you need money and I'd feel uncomfortable.

Sorry you're having such a hard time.

[Angelique67]

I know what you mean about money being tight. When I used to walk, I often walked to a big park in the morning or afternoon. Sometimes people would talk to me, not often but sometimes. Maybe you could find a group that just wants to walk? Or something else without money. I don't know, I've never tried that myself, I'd be afraid to.

There's also sites like okcupid where you could meet new people on a friends profile. That could take the pressure off thinking your going on dates. I tried that, but the men all wanted to meet in person and I just wanted people to message with.

I'm not sure I can think of other ways to meet people. If there's a local paper maybe check out some of the free activities if there are any. I used to live in NYC and there were loads of things like that.

I don't know what to do about my own situation! I'm leaning on my bed as I type and my back (and legs) are aching. I don't have a chair due to the clutter. Sometimes I just feel like screaming because my life is so far from how I want it.

I just ate a bag of chips - I was hungry though and other than my other half sandwich that I'm saving for later, there's nothing else to eat here. This is why I'm not gaining weight faster, I usually don't have that much food here. But when I do place a grocery order, like the one I've been working on, I buy so much fattening snack food that I add another few pounds. I don't really know how to reverse this situation or change it. My friend was going to help me clear my place out this summer but it never happened. He said we'll work on it on weekends but he hardly ever comes here. I don't know what's going to happen.

[Moomonster]

Hello again Angelique. I've been out today, trying to escape the madhouse I live in. I had to come home as my back was hurting, but at least I managed to walk a long way, while carrying my heavy camera bag too.

Sometimes people talk to me too when I go out but usually only people lots older than me. Barely anyone close to my age will speak, but occasionally it happens. I'm shy to speak to people like that but I try to and I make eye contact and smile quite often. It does depend how I think I look that day though.

There aren't any groups locally I could walk with apart from a group that's only got older people in. No offence to older people (I don't know how old you are) but at my age I don't want to walk with a large group of people in their 70's and 80's. I have checked out the local walking group several times as I know where they meet, so I have seen the age group. I want to meet people nearer my age or even 10 years older or younger would be ok, but most people anywhere near to my age are out working.

I've used so many sites like OKCupid and Plenty of Fish and loads of other dating and friendship sites. I never get anywhere, but I really have tried very hard for a long long time. I just don't bother any more because nobody ever wants to know.

Your situation must be tough for you. I wish I could say magic words that would help you feel better. All I can suggest you do is what you're already doing, which is to build your strength up in your legs and try to get into a situation where you're able to go out more. I think you need local friends who can help you too, just like I need for myself.

[Angelique67]

Hi Moomonster. Yes, it would be a very different life if I had friends here! I can't even imagine that because I'm such a recluse. The closest I got to that was the opportunity to do Intensive OutPatient therapy in 2013, but I got a medical issue and wasn't able to go, and the director of the program refused to return my calls. It was very strange.

I'm glad you had a good walk today! That's really excellent. Even if you're alone, I always found my walks lifted my spirits and kept me on an even keel. I hope one day I'll be able to at least take short walks again. My poor back, the moment I have to bend for anything it's all over and I can't stay standing. I have to practice much more but there's nothing they'll do, apparently, to help my back.

Do you have a small amount of money to sit at a cafe or something with a coffee? Sometimes people say it helps them to do that. It never used to help me though, in fact I always tried to avoid people due to my various problems. It's great you're able to smile and talk though when people talk to you! I'm not sure how good at that I am. I find it very hard to smile. I must look so unfriendly.

Are there any therapy or support groups in your area? There are here, I just don't know if I'd want to get involved in one.

[Moomonster]

I have several issues I haven't mentioned that stop me going out to meet new people. A big part of me pushes people away recently too, even if someone writes to me.. I just know deep down that it'll be a disaster, and it's hard to think any differently after so much hurt in the past.

Thank you for what you wrote about my walk today. My feet are hurting and so is my back, but that's ok cos it isn't bad and I'll be back to "normal" tomorrow. I'll try and go out tomorrow too and I have an idea where I'll go too, if I can be bothered as it'll mean a very long bus ride.

Is there someone you can see about your back without being referred? My Mum sees someone about her back and other stuff too and it really helps. She can twist her around and do weird things and it seems to magically fix her. Could you afford to see someone like that? Or maybe get them to go to where you live if you can't get out?

I could afford to get a coffee and sit in a cafe, but it wouldn't help me meet anyone because nobody would come and speak to me. People in England aren't that friendly with strangers. Older people can be sometimes but even then, nobody would speak to me in a cafe. It's a nice idea though.

I haven't managed to find any support groups but if I asked my doctor they could probably suggest something. I'm nervous though about going to anything like that with people I don't know. I wish I wasn't like that but that's just how I am. Boohoo.

[Angelique67]

Oh, I'm really nervous around people I don't know too. I get very tense. I can't smile! I forget how. :/

I haven't been anywhere for my back except to get MRI's. Oh, actually there was a doctor I used to go to about 5 years ago. Unfortunately the only thing he recommended was a cortisone shot which I couldn't get because I had no one to go with me (plus I was afraid of it). I can't afford to go to anyone privately. I'm getting bottom of the barrel care now.

I hope you'll go to that place you mentioned tomorrow even if there's a long bus ride involved. I used to take the bus to art galleries when I last lived in Chicago, and it was nice. I didn't meet anyone on my outings but I enjoyed it anyway.

[Moomonster]

Awww that's a shame you forget how to smile. I do have a confident side to me so sometimes that comes out, if I happen to be feeling really good that day. So then I smile and try harder to keep a conversation going. It's hard work though and it usually only takes a few minutes before I start thinking negative thoughts and talking myself out of feeling comfortable. Crazy, I know.

I know your health system is different over there. We have a national health service in England that is free to everyone. It is a bit stretched but you can usually get the help you need if you don't mind waiting a bit for it. Some people choose to go private though as it's usually better if you can afford it.

I didn't go where I planned to today because it was raining this morning and I need nice weather for this place, as I want to take photos of it with nice blue sky. I will probably go out again this afternoon though but I don't know where yet.

[Angelique67]

Do you think you might try to go to that nice area to take pictures tomorrow? I'm sorry it rained! I'm glad you're going out this afternoon!

Yes, I have pauper's insurance here. I'm covered, but the better doctors no longer accept my insurance or accept new patients so I'm stuck with whatever I can get. It isn't very good at all. If I'd had my former insurance, I'm sure I would have been in at least physical therapy by now. I'm not sure though if that will help.

I used to have more confidence when I was younger but now that I'm a lot older I feel so bad about how I look. And due to my physical problems I can't dress the way I want to anymore so it really affects my confidence.

[Moomonster]

I probably won't go far tomorrow. I never went out again this afternoon either. Right now I'm feeling quite down and don't want to go anywhere or do anything.

I have more confidence now than when I was young. I used to be terrible. I've always looked terrible but at least I try harder these days not to look quite as disgusting as I used to - Just a lot older.

[Angelique67]

I'm sorry you didn't get to go anywhere today. Remember each day is a clean slate, maybe you'll go somewhere tomorrow. It will be Friday and most people will be in a better mood.

I know what you mean though. I have agoraphobia and anxiety and I just never want to go anywhere. I'm supposed to make yet another appointment to go to the primary care person and I'm just dreading it. I don't even want to make the phone call.

I'm not sure what it's going to take to pull me out of this. Maybe nothing ever will. I didn't used to be like this. I used to go outside at least once every day. And walk or ride my bicycle. I don't know why I changed so much.

[Moomonster]

That's a good point that people will be in a better mood today. I hadn't thought of that before. I can't go out this morning but I'll do something this afternoon. I have no plans yet though.

I dread appointments too, of any sort. If I've been to the same place before and seen the same person though, I'm a lot better these days. As long as it isn't too hot though, as that really messes me up. I can't stand the heat.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Moomonster

That's a good point that people will be in a better mood today. I hadn't thought of that before. I can't go out this morning but I'll do something this afternoon. I have no plans yet though.

I dread appointments too, of any sort. If I've been to the same place before and seen the same person though, I'm a lot better these days. As long as it isn't too hot though, as that really messes me up. I can't stand the heat.

It's getting much cooler now. I wish it weren't. Since I never go out except to medical crap I cherish the summer. The long days and sunshine cheer me up so much. I'm starting to get very nervous about the change in seasons. The cold weather is harder on my arthritis too. I'm just scared of everything .

I hope you'll go out today! Even if it's raining!