Internet Addiction.

yeah. but i am myself. i don't fake anything.

This is good! Then what are you doing which isn't serving you well? Do you go to these activities feeling and looking already defeated? If you do this it can be read very easily by others and it isn't something that attracts people.

lately i do, if i go at all. but that's not how i was... i was very confident for a while, hopeful before that...

Okay, can you explain what would happen?

i went, tried to join in the conversation. if i could relate to it at all i had trouble getting a word in... i don't understand how groups talk without cutting each other off... seems whenever i try to say anything i end up cutting off someone else. often people are impressed with what i do say. sometimes i wonder if they think i'm too smart to be comfortable with. i'm not... but i'm also not very good at their kind of fun... which usually feels very pointless and not fun to me. and that's it.

So you don't really enjoy these groups? Can you chose different kinds of groups then? Maybe this is why it is hard to join in the conversation because you don't really enjoy them?

What I notice about myself when I am in a new group is that you don't get their attention as easily as when you have been around the group for a longer period of time. Is this familiarity????? I don't know, but I do know that if I stick with it, it will improve. What I have also noticed about myself and with others is when you speak so quietly that people don't hear you or you don't attract the attention so another louder person gets the attention instead. This also improves with sticking with it and not giving up. Groups are funny........

i've been in this group 10 years. very actively.

other places are the same. and i don't have the time or transportation to go looking all over the place.

I noticed this aswell, I thought it was an addiction to the sites I was on but when I really thought about it it had more to do with knowing I wasn't alone ;p I would leave chat sites on to chatter away and i can walk away from the computer. But yeah I always feel I have to be online.

Why don't you enjoy this group specifically?

because i apparently don't fit in, i've known them so long but i'm nothing to them, i feel overlooked, taken for granted, unwanted.

If a person continues to stay in a situation where they are not valued this really affects self worth. You do have a choice............

Actually, if there is an addiction to stay in a negative situation, choice may be less evident.

I'm only speaking for myself. I'm addicted to posting political arguments in one specific forum where a couple of people clearly hate me for my views.

That I continue to post there--(my sobriety is day by day--last week I was still on four days and off three) even though it is NOT good for my mind--tells me how strong the compulsion I have to take abuse!

That I would opt to go there knowing some posters enjoy being as insulting and negative as possible is my acknowledgment of the damage I continue to suffer as a result of my trauma bonding in PTSD.

It's a very strange addiction.

At least here, we all have something we're each working on. The possibilities for a clearer communication and greater understanding and support are much greater here.

Sky, your choice would then be to work on the addiction which you are doing?

i've started to avoid going to gatherings. haven't been there in at least a month.

But now to fill that void. Why does it have to be a group? Is there anyone in any of your classes that you want to get to know better?

a group is easier to interact with because i don't have to be constantly contributing.
no.

Ahhhhh, a self imposed road block.............

I am in a similar situation. I have been involved in an internet group for over 5yrs, even met some face too face...but its like they all want one thing and I another, and I refuse to just let them be who and how they want to be and I think create situations of conflict...if I were religious I'd pray for the strenght to just walk away, but something keeps me doing this, I think its something to do with trauma repetition, I always felt disrepected for who I was in my family of origin and felt I was fighting to survive...and perhaps its a way off trying to repeat and repair and gain control over something that no longer exists in my life accept where I create it??? I mean who really cares what I think compared to what any indivdiual can think for themselves? ...I so need to walk away and stop waiting for the perfect resolution, this group of people are who they are, want to believe in what they believe and I need to find another of my own life to let it go...perhaps you feel thsi way also??

i don't know anyone who's interested in talking to a wall... who's not self-absorbed, anyway... a group gives me the setting to interact as i'm able.

You are not a wall!!!!!!

There are plenty of people who are not self-absorbed. People with issues to still work through chose people who are self-absorbed frequently because this is what feels safe. Because healthy people scare the pants off people who have low self worth. Healthy people will look right at you and see you and this is very uncomfortable when all you want to do is disappear. The people who we can feel more comfortable around are those you are unhealthy and not good for us. This has to be worked through in order to get better, though.

You have been doing the group thing for years now and you are going backwards not forwards. Getting better sometimes requires us to go beyond our comfort zone. You can do this Tao! I have pushed myself to do things outside my comfort zone. My heart was pounding, the blood was drained out of my face, I was shaking, but I forced myself to do it anyway. And each time that I did this it got easier, and easier and easier until it became a new way of life.

do what? where else do i meet people?

People can be met anywhere. You do go to classes don't you?

yeah. but i don't see anyone there to talk with... i'm just dysfunctional. i don't understand how.

Working on my addiction is day to day. I am choosing to work on it. That doesn't mean I am relapse free.

Of course! Relaspse is a normal part of the journey............