Not sure what this is

Hi. It just happened again. I tend to forget about them. Though it just happened again. I almost vomited. Every time they happen I almost vomit. I don't know where they come from. I was thinking they were like a flashback or something. Intrusive past thoughts. I was just sitting in the tub and nothing was going on. Then all of a sudden this thought in my head exploded. I couldn't see in front of me because my vision was overtaken by this thought and I started to curl up. I get incredibly sick feeling. I thought I was going to start vomiting everywhere. Nothing triggered it really. The only thing that was going on was I was thinking to myself in the tub and I heard my parents outside the door.

I've had it happen in the past before and these things always make me want to vomit along with losing the ability to stand. It feels like I am blacking out while remembering something. Though when it ends I can't remember anything. The only thing I remember from this event was waffles.

What I do know is that it is always the same like memories that occurs in my head.

It feels like a ton of past thoughts flowing into me and then within the same moment they flow out.

I've felt sick for 20 minutes now after it happened. I also have a hard time breathing and seeing straight while and shortly after it happens. I don't know what it is. I haven't really seen anyone for it.

I've thought it could be like PTSD or something but I am not really sure. All I've been doing is self-diagnosing so far.

There are lots of things that could be causing this. I suggest you make an appointment with a therapist and get a real diagnosis ! Good luck!

Or a neurologist. Does not have to be a psychological issue.

How do you guys afford this stuff though. I always have to pay out of pocket and I don't have any money. This isn't my only problem. I have a whole shitbox of problems and I can't get any help. I can't get insurance. What am I supposed to do? My parents don't want to pay. People tell me I just need to move forward but how can I move forward if I can't leave my house. I feel like I am going to snap.

I had gotten diagnosed about a year ago. Though I just feel like it's all wrong. I didn't answer it right. I messed up. I couldn't even talk to anyone when I was getting diagnosed because of mutism.

I did it all wrong.

I don't know. I feel like I am pulling teeth. I got diagnosed but it's all wrong. They said I was psychotic and had schizoid personality disorder. Along with social anxiety and I can't remember- I feel really psychotic right now. After that flashback I can't really think straight and everything feels incredibly chaotic. I can't seem to do anything.

Is that like where they scan your brain? I've never been to one.

Well if you have had a trauma, then its likely it could be related to PTSD...sometimes they do confuse PTSD with personality disorders. Also though if you haven't had a trauma it could just be severe anxiety with really bad panic attacks causing these ordeals. It would be a good idea to maybe talk to someone about it and get a second opinion, but you're right it can be expensive.

You could maybe look into if you would qualify for medicaid...how do you attain income? if your working I think if you make below a certain amount you can qualify or if you're on like SSI you should automatically qualify...that could help some with those costs. Also some therapists/psychologists/psychatrists offer sliding scale fees meaning they work with you so you can pay a more affordable price instead of what they usually charge.

I don't remember any really bad trauma. My parents fought a lot when I was younger. That is about the only thing I could see causing it. Otherwise I don't know what causes them to happen. I am usually alone when they happen and there is not really any trigger I can think of. I was actually feeling really good before it happened. Was relaxed and chilling. It seems like they happen when I am relaxed or nothing is going on. Perhaps it's because I have more calm thoughts and can think about stuff. My own thoughts then end up being a trigger?

I can't get medicaid. I don't have income because I don't leave the house. I live with my parents so that is how I am allowed to live. I don't have SSI. I get a lot of anxiety overall but there was none when this happened. Same with the past ones as well. I do remember though is that they are the same thoughts every time. I just can't remember them after it happens.

Is it a good idea to try and trigger them on purpose?

SteinerofThule, when you do get the resources I hope you will consider MoxieDoxie's suggestion to see a neurologist. Actually, the first place to start would be with a primary care doctor. If you described your symptoms, just as you've described them here, stating that you don't remember experiencing any major trauma, but that these episodes seem to just come out of nowhere, it might be very helpful to you.

What you're describing can be caused by a neurological disorder that can be treated.

There's no reason at all why a person can't have both psychological problems and neurological problems at the same time. The neurological problems might even be easier to treat.

It's just something to think about. There are neurological problems that manifest in ways very similar to what you're describing. The seem to come from nowhere and there is often stomach upheaval. The thinking/feeling sensations are often described as emotional storms that don't seem to have any particular trigger. They just arrive without much warning. And they feel awful. Does that sound like what you're experiencing?

It would be important to at least rule it out before accepting a psychiatric diagnosis.

Not sure I will ever get the resources. A regular doctor will just tell me I'm a fatass and that I need to lose weight. Not sure what else they could do. If I managed to say anything about this they would just say "go to a neurologist." General care doctors aren't really useful for anything unless you can manage to get a prescription for a runny nose out of them. I can't really discuss my problems very well in-person. I lose the ability to really talk at all. My mind goes blank. I also get sick feeling when I try to talk to people; feels like I am fading in and out of consciousness. I am agoraphobic/ have anxiety so.

What would a neurologist check for? Tumors? What if they found some. I couldn't afford to have them taken out. Not like they would be willing to anyway since my credit is probably terrible and I wouldn't pay them at all. They have a right to be worried about working with me. I have bailed on medical bills before such as from when I tried to kill myself. I couldn't pay that so I just didn't. Now that I think about it my life feels pretty hopeless.

Hello, SteinerofThule. Ideally, you would have a physical and address any problems that are indicated. Your primary care physician thereafter could refer you to a professional for an assessment and any treatment that is indicated.

You have made it clear that lack of funds is a concern. This article may be helpful: Finding Low-Cost Psychotherapy | Psych Central - Part 2

I wish you well.

SteinerofThule, I wasn't thinking of a brain tumor at all. Something more along the line of glitches in your electrical circuits. If that was the case, medication could help. As Glok said, a primary could refer you to the proper kind of doctor. If you have trouble talking in person, you could copy what you wrote in your opening post. Sorry about the agoraphobia and anxiety. It makes getting out for help very difficult. Please keep these suggestions in mind. Eventually, you'll get to the doctor again for something. I'm wishing you the best of luck.

Oh.

Wish I could have a conversation with someone over email before I went in. I've had times where I had written down everything I wanted to say but I just end up stumbling really hard. I feel a lot clearer about my issues now than I did then but still. It's rather difficult.

Thanks Snake

There could be a repressed memory causing PTSD for you.
However, the way you described it resembled something I struggle with. Perhaps youre interpreting the experience this way because you are just confused by what is happening to you. Thats how it started for me until I learned what was really happening.
Do an extensive search on Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder. Its NOT what you think. Its not anxiety. Its full blown panic. Episodes of nausea, loss/blurred vision, muscle weakness, tingles on the skin, hot/cold flashes, heart palpitations, sweating, paranoid thoughts like youre dying, etc. More often than not, they happen unexpectedly and fast.

Also, may I ask why you dont leave the house? Agoraphobia, fear of open spaces, unfamiliar places, being away from a "safe zone" (like your home), is associated with Panic Disorder.

A repressed memory? Possibly.

It sounds like I could have that. The panic disorder. I say that with most disorders though. So I can't really be sure. Not sure why I would get a random panic attack. I have all the symptoms.

I can only leave if I am with my parents. They have to do all the socializing for me. I am not sure. I get afraid of being alone outside. I've had times where my parents will split off and away from me in like a store. I can't find them and I start to panic badly. I get terribly afraid of everyone. I almost had a big panic in a store once because my parents disappeared and the store was busy. People everywhere. I was sweating bullets and couldn't breathe. I haven't left the house by myself in 3+ years. The only reason I left alone before that was to go to school. Which I guess isn't really going out alone. The one time I went out alone I sat in the car for 2 hours in a parking lot outside of the Hobby Lobby then went home because I was too scared to really get out. I was also sweating to death cause it was hot and the car was turned off.

Eeeeeek, thats rough. Sweety, I truly think that you may have panic disorder with agoraphobia. I am not a professional, of course, but pleaseeee do try to get yourself seen by one. You said that youre a bit of a hypochondriac and thats okay but I have a resource for you that I think you should check out. It is a free online CBT website. CBT is the therapy used to treat panic disorder. Again, as I am no professional I cant say for sure, however looking deeper int the disorder may help you figure out for yourself if you are struggling with this or not.

I can't really afford anyone. There is nothing I can do. I feel a great distress inside of me. The counselor I tried to contact I told about my problems in an email and she told me to go to some one else who she recommended. It doesn't really matter though because I can't afford it anyway. They were recommending I do multiple sessions a week.

I can't do it.

Feels like I am being backed into a corner.

There is nothing left I can do.