When someone commits suicide...

which is more overwhelming for the family left behind?

[Option 1] Packing up the person's belongings and deciding how to store or dispose of everything. Cleaning the room and, in essence, all of the labor it comes with "moving out"... My thought is the memories attached to everything would be a strong reminder of that persons absence and cause deeper grief. Also, that they feel the person was selfish for leaving so much "work" behind.

[Option 2] Finding all of the persons things already packed/marked/ready to go (donations, hand me downs, trash emptied, refrigerator cleaned/turned off, pets given away, bills paid, etc.) or already cleaned and the room/house completely empty. My thought is that this would not provide the family closure and/or could add a level of guilt that they never saw it coming.

my opinion and through my work....there is no which is worse. no matter whether the person who chose suicide packs up cleans everything those left behind still have to go through finding out the person is gone and how. they still have to process the grief cycle, the preparing for cremation\burial,the actual funeral\memorial service\celebration of life or what ever the cultural background\religion dictates when a person commits suicide or dies naturally, take care of the left over death costs. theres so much that goes into what happens after someone dies that the person who commits suicide leaves their family with besides the basics of that persons bills\personal property and clean up of the home they lived in. example imagine the emotional trauma of that family member that the police requires to identify the deceased or handling the autopsy process...

something else to think about most suicide attempts do not succeed. usually what happens first is the person tried, is found and kept alive or kept alive on machines indefinitely until a family member decides they dont have any more financial means to continue keeping their loved one hooked up to all kinds of machines. and sometimes when a suicide is brought back they are worse off than when they started because sometimes they end up being taken care of those who they were trying to get away from anyway due to no one else wants the responsibility of taking care of a special needs person who can no longer take care of their self, or the courts remand the person to a state mental hospital indefinitely if their mental disorder was the cause for their suicide attempt, until the court and treatment providers can state that persons mental disorders no longer pose a threat to that persons life or others.

my suggestion to .....anyone.... who may be suicidal to contact their treatment providers or one in their location who can help them through what ever temporary problem that is causing them to think something so permanent as suicide is the answer.

If you are thinking about this please talk to someone.

Seriously I think either scenario is overwhelming. I think the second would make me angrier because the person didn't talk or get help but deliberately took days to pack, it's kind of giving a finger to those left behind.

Losing a loved one to sui is going to be nearly impossible no matter what you do. The best way to decrease the suffering your loved ones would have to go through with your suicide would be to not attempt sui in the first place.

I hope you're alright.

As someone that has dealt with 4 suicides(3 in family 1 friend) both options suck. The second would make me mad because all that planning and yet they wouldn't reach out for help. AND even if they had it packed it still has to be gone through because what IF something they thought wouldn't mean anything to those left really would??

There is nothing a person can do to make their suicide easier on their loved ones because no matter what they will blame themselves and grieve the rest of their lives that they didn't stop it.

My older brother committed suicide years ago. I had small children who had never met him. Along with all the other emotional cargo, I was angry that my kids never had the chance to know him. He was an extremely funny, artistic, musical, loving person. Your family and friends lose more than just your physical presence. EVERYONE affects the world in a different way. You may not think you contribute much, but I'm sure a whole lot of lives would be forever changed for the worse. Please seek help if this is on your mind. I'm sure you have touched many on this forum and in real life.

Call 911 if you don't know what else to do, my friend!

talk to a t and doc to see if you need a med change

If you are thinking of suicide and these options it really is time to reach out for help from a therapist. At the very least a hotline where they can help you get help.

I can tell you the same thing that I tell my step sons when their suicidal thoughts begin to come more often, get more detailed etc...that when someone takes their own life there is no closure for the loved ones. The hole left in their hearts and the guilt of not having been able to help lasts a lifetime..

Please be good to yourself and call for help or talk to someone you trust...something to get help during this hard time. *hugs*

Hey guys,

Thanks for the thought/concern; I'm not currently actively suicidal. I was, but I managed to force a crisis call to my T who did a remarkable job. We came up with a safety plan, she followed up the next day, with the option to contact again if necessary. Afterwards, I started taking things off of my wall in my room, and had the idea to just pack everything up. I didn't know where the idea came from, but its where the question originated. I have an appointment on Wednesday. Where it goes from there, I really don't know. But as for now, I am okay.

In regards to medicines, I actually have decided to come off of my antidepressant. I just decided, I don't care to take it anymore. Not sure I feel like dealing with much of anything anymore. I work at a hospital, so I know I shouldn't stop cold turkey, but it's day 6 and i'm committed to dealing with it. My manager doesn't think its a great idea, but she is aware and supportive.

tealBumblebee,

I would like to share something with you.

Thanks for sharing a part of your story. I'm glad that you've allowed your horses to stay where they are happy but i'm sorry to hear about the hurt you are dealing with. *hugs*

So, I feel like T unconsciously took a step back from me. And then realized it, thought this may not be a good thing and took two steps forward. Anyways, still not sure what to do but have an assessment for a day program in about six days. So just kinda lagging around til then.