Do you ever think of how you might die?

I always think i'm going to die, I know its going to happen so I mine as well let it happen natrually then flipping out about it =/

When I was growing up, I lost many family members to cancer, heart attack, just plain old age & dying in their sleep......but I never thought about my own death until 1994 when I lost my career & lost who I was along with a bad marriage that my career was able to keep me away from sooooooo that was when I decided that ending my own life was the best option of all. Lost count of the number of times I tried. One time I actually tried when I was being discharged from the hospital. Ended up in the emergency room & then in ICU in a coma on life support for several days. For those many years, I was sure that it was I who was going to end my own life. Then I thought that anorexia would be the solution since one of my meds had made me loose so much weight......that way the stigma of taking my own life wouldn't be something my family had to deal with.........but that wasn't God's choice with my life which was the only reason I could have survived some of what I had gone through.

Today life looks wonderful in many ways & even though there are many things that aren't the way I want them in my life, I wouldn't change most of it for any other way of life.....so my thoughts now of how I might die are strictly old age.

After going through my Mothers death 5 years ago with cancer.....a cancer that she should have taken care of but ignored for years (not according to her, but according to the facts about the cancer she had). I keep thinking how horrible it would be to know there was something you should have taken care of health wise but ignored & denied that there was even anything there until a few months before she actually did something about it (there was no way a tumor the size of my fist in a slow growing cancer could have gotten that large in a couple of months). To think that if you hadn't ignored it, it wouldn't have been the cause of your death, but because you handled your own health so irresponsibly, it ended up being her death......that is one thing I don't want to do ever. I always take care of things as quickly as I can when I know there is something that is a health problem or that is causing me concern & am even more aware of those kinds of things after going through that with my Mother.

I am sure that I will probably die of a heart attack hopefully in my sleep completely alone as I have no family around me & my daughter lives 1000 + miles away.

I am not worried about death any longer. I am not sure how I would react if I were in a situation like my Mother's.....she would tell the pastor that she didn't fear dying & yet she continued to hang on, asking me when she was going to get better because she just knew that God had given her such a wonderful surgeon that he would save her life. Somehow that doesn't tell me that she didn't have a fear of death......the unknown moment between life & death. Our who family holds onto the faith that there is eternal life & nothing to fear. In reality, it is the part of life that is really looked forward to rather than feared. I just pray that the path that takes me there does not have regrets that I didn't take care of something that I should have that will cause me to suffer needlessly & that in old age (if nothing happens before then) I will just go to sleep one night & not wake up....a peaceful passing into eternal life.

I am sure it won't be in an auto accident.....I watch so well around me when I am driving that unless someone else is driving, I will not die with my own hands on the steering wheel. I have avoided so many auto accidents with my watchful eyes & gut feelings.....besides, I drive a huge truck (dodge 1500)....I feel like I'm driving a tank after all the sports cars I have driven in my life....it's a really safe feeling.

Very inspiring Eskie

Begin thinking of death and you are no longer sure of your life. ~ Hebrew proverb.

So true....I have wasted too much of my 46 years (since I was 8) thinking about my death..There have been (and still are) times that I told myself I would welcome it....but...the reality is....That thinking came from my Dad and I need to let what he did go...My life has so many blessings in it....I just need to keep focused on the present and not the past...It's certainly not perfect..but...it's still a blessing!

Death... it is something that I count down for every day. To go to sleep and to never wake up or just be killed somehow. I literally go to bed thinking please be the day. I can't help it. I get depressed every morning when I wake up cause well I'm awake but I figure something might happen that day. When it becomes nightfall I get depressed again cause nothing happened. Its been like this for years and I'm getting tired of feeling this way.

((((((((((((LivingMiracle))))))))))))))))

Why do you feel the need to ask babysteps? We know that most people who suffer with depression think about death, it's part of the disorder; but why bring it into such intense focus? I was feeling reasonable until I read the title and the title triggered me.

It was a really good lesson in being completely aware of what triggers me rather than being semi-aware or wondering what triggered me. So now I'm starting a list of what does trigger me so that I understand myself more...

Thank you for helping me to take another step towards awareness

Rhiannon

I am sorry you were triggered by the question. (That's why I put a trigger icon on the subject ) I don't feel I needed to ask this question . It was something I think of and was looking for some input. I am glad you are aware of one of your triggers though , in a way the question did help.
Take Care

It helped me Babysteps. I took time to actually think about my feelings and came back with a positive answer for me. Thank you for asking.

Yeah. Except I worked out in great detail many, many different ways to do it myself. And the part of me that didn't want to die made sure I couldn't carry out my plans. If, by magic, a handgun appeared on my desk, I don't know whether I'd use it. There are sometimes yes, no question. And other times no. But mostly like you. I don't care if I have a heart attack or a stroke or contract cancer. As long as I'm dead. I stay alive for my wife. She needs me. I care for her. That's the rub. If I were on my own, I wouldn't be here now.

Take care.

Eli, Eli, lama sabachtani

礼，礼，喇嘛 .........

If I don't die from something self induced I am sure I will die from cancer as that is how everyone in my family dies.

I think about it almost every day, it eats away at me, it scares the hell out of me, I dont believe in religion, so as far as i'm concerned, when you die, you die, and thats it, gone, forever. I hate it.

I've dreamed about it. I keep having a dream that I am in a car accident. I've been having the same dream since I was 12. Though I think I am more likely to die of lung cancer from smoking.

((((((((Living miracle)))))))) (((((((((((Trusthurts))))))))) (((((((((((Byz))))))))))))

Note to Byz: He hasn't. Sometimes the darkness inside makes it nearly impossible to see the light. Take my hand... got it? Good. Hang on. HUUGS and more.

i like this thread ,because i have always feelings that i will die ( i have 32 y only)alone

I often wonder - particularly when I'm feeling depressed and unable to keep full control over myself. Despite the fact that I don't really want to die right now, that's not always the case. So I wouldn't be too surprised if I took my own life one day. The urge just gets so strong and my resolve gets weaker and weaker as time goes on. Combine that with the ebb and flow of my lack of connection to reality, and I could easily see myself at least attempting it. I suppose if it happened that way, it'd probably be from carbon monoxide poisoning (car exhaust), bleeding out, firearm, or drug overdose. Depending on my resolve and convenience.

Hopefully, I'll die from old age before then, though.

As for worrying about it, right now I'm pretty concerned but I'm focusing it in a positive manner. I'm trying to find methods to stay alive and really attempting to take care of my mental health lately. I'm hoping to find ways to avoid the really bad lows I get to, so that kind of a death doesn't have to be much of a concern. As for how old age would take me, I haven't thought too much about that. I'm trying not to think of death as inevitable (although I know it is). Maybe cancer or diabetes or something like that. I'd prefer not to waste away though. I want it to hit me and to never know it was coming.

It's better to think about being alive .
Try , try , try and never give up the fight.