Checking in (How do you feel today)? #3

feeling conflicted. stated taking lithium, got a phone call from a pharmacist telling me the side effects, toxicity, kidney disease, loss of hair, tremors the list goes on. is it worth taking something this lethal just for mania and psychosis?

feeling incredibly stressed right now, wondering if my choice of emailing an old friend was the right one and hoping she understands

I am feeling very sad. My son leaves in 24 hours for Texas. He is leaving home for the first time, but it will be so far away. He has been in my life for 23 years and in 24 hours, he will be leaving to go so far. I know he will keep in touch and he is happy and excited to be traveling to new places. Life is just beginning for him. I should be happy for him, but I will miss him so much.

The pollen had finally caused me to react, nose if running like a faucet.
I feel drugged from the antihistamine. I dont like that because it throws off my mental equilibrium and I feel vulnerable to my bpd2 this way. I have to be strong but damnit, I am tired of having to be strong all the time. Sigh. But this IS my life so I MUST choose to be strong even when I don't want to be.

I feel horrible.

I am juggling so many projects at work and my anxieties are rising. I'm trying to be extremely organized, but multi-tasking is tough for this ADDer...

I had some disturbing dreams last night and discovered someone abusive from my past has just started a FB account and is posting comments on all my friends pages. It almost feels like they are trying to talk to me with out actually doing so.

So sunburned. I'm in a lot of pain right now. Sun poisoning. Really thirsty.

I hope you recover soon and find something to help ease the discomfort.

The day started out good this morning and then I got out of bed and went to work. It's been an ordeal of anxiety and chaos ever since. I bought a stash of candy, I know that's not the way to deal with it but at the moment I don't care.

If you are able to get some ALOE VERA it is very soothing. I hope you feel better.

A little sick, and a little empty. I really want to sleep but every time I try I can't. :/

I don't know. Nothing majorly bad but just sort of don't really know.

I don't understand why we have to keep having feelings all the time, i mean who's idea was that? Why is it necessary to be constantly having feelings every single day of the year, why can't we just have a day off from having feelings for once in a while? I'd like that, i'd really very much like that. In fact i think that would be fantastic, it would be like the best thing ever, just to be able to have some time off from having feelings, i just don't think it's fair to have to be having feelings all the time, i don't want to have to do it. But i don't have any choice, i just sort of have them, well why is what i want to know? Why, why, why? Why all these feelings all the time, i didn't ask for them. I didn't stick my hand up and say yes please i would like loads of feelings every single bl00dy day of my life. So if i didn't ask for it why can't i just have a day off from all these feelings, or even more radical suggestion, maybe two whole days off from feelings. How great would that be? Two days without any feelings at all, i mean none, not even one of the bl00dy things. Is that too much too ask for really? I mean everyone else asks for big houses, flash cars, designer clothes, all that sort of stuff, i'm not asking for any of that, just one day off from feelings occasionally, well ok then two. I don't think that should be too much of a request when you consider i didn't ask for them in the first place. I just got lumbered with them. We should have a national no feelings day, we have a national day for just about everything else so how about a national no feelings day where everyone who is fed up with feelings doesn't have to have them for a day (or two).

I am in that state right now, Love/Hate09, and it is very empty. To be without emotions at all is close to the end of life itself. I can understand no wanting to feel overwhelmed with emotions or have such a rollercoaster of ups and downs in a short time, but trust me, you do not want to be in this state of no feelings at all. It is like walking dead. I am struggling now to feel again, to break the walls down. To feel is to heal. Keep on feeling.

I feel repulsive. I hate myself, my thoughts, my body, what i have let my life become.
I so desperately want to be a productive and successful member of society, and am sick of being looked down upon.

I put aloe on it, and burn cream, and it feels a little better. The blisters are painful though. Who knew you could get so badly burned by hanging your arm out the car window while driving. One hour up and an hour back from Asheville. It was pleasant while driving, just not when I realized what had happened.

Exhausted, but mentally okay.

Exhausted but not sleepy yet

In response to all of the recent events in America, I am paranoid. But is it really paranoia, or reasonable fear?

Trying not to think about it.

Despite sleeping well I'm really tired and sleepy. I guess maybe it's because I'm still trying to catch up on everything after my trip last week. Or maybe I'm just too stressed waiting for an answer from the interview.

Dad was sentenced to six and half years today, Not long enough IMO but one positive thing is that at least he is now known as a pervert.

Really lonely and wonder what the hell I did wrong to feeli like this all the time? I mean I must've done something horrible right? I can't keep friends to save my life and no matter where I am I always feel like I am alone. Even with my supportive family life I feel like I have nothing. I'm not a bad person so what the hell did I do to deserve these despairing feelings that I have? I hate being so isolated but no matter what I do I just blend in. What did I do to deserve it and how do I make it right?

I miss him and I can't wait to see him on Sunday.

I'm scared. Also, I think I'm lonely.

I'm really tired and kind of numb, but I'm not sleepy of course either...