So that means I'll never be in a relationship then…if I like a friend more than a friend and they end up with someone else, I'm not going to still be close friends with them, if I'm even friends with them. I mean, they would clearly know I like them more than a friend, so it would be pretty cruel to just go off and date someone else without at least talking to me first in which case would probably temporarily (at least) end our friendship. I mean, he wouldn't spend time with me anymore anyway or if he did, I'd feel badly about it because I'll be blamed for him cheating (whether he does or not).

Friends are here today, gone tomorrow as well. I have to make a whole new set of friends for every phase of my life (or more often). I am always the outsider in the group so if anything bad happens, I'm the one who needs to move on whether it was my fault or not. Because they grew up together or have at least known each other for several years.

I'm getting tired of having to constantly make new friends (without getting to keep any of the old) and always being the one that doesn't belong.

I really don't want to wait forever to experience what everyone else gets to experience. I really want to just go back to the guy from before. Not like we were ever together and maybe never will be, but at least he's affectionate towards me. Or maybe the girl who likes me, except I seem to be more into guys at the moment.

[Alone & confused]

Oh no honey! Never let them know how you feel until you've checked them out & you're sure! Make him come to You. Act confident in yourself. Play hard to get. Be sweet, kind or whatever, but "unattainable". (most men I've met love a challenge. Some even have an ego trip & can't imagine any one not wanting to be with them! Watch out for those guys, they usually have a lot of "notches"on their bedpost!)

If I just sit around waiting, no guy is going to come around. They're all waaaay too scared. And I've already reached a level beyond unattainable, except for the recent episode I suppose.

I don't think most guys like challenges anymore. They like blonde, skinny, and easy.

I was impossible to get through my first stint of grad school and all I had were guys who were upset/scared that I showed interest in them. Few are even flattered that I find them attractive because I guess it wouldn't be "cool" if a girl like me were interested in them.

I wish I were just gay…and yes, I know there's bs with girls too, but they aren't terrified if you like them and have a temper tantrum about it.

[Alone & confused]

Yeah but they only like "easy" because they're too lazy to put any effort into anything more than a superficial relationship, and they end up showing them No respect, use them up, and toss them out. Trust me, the FEW good ones are worth waiting for! I only know this because I've either married, dated, met, or been perused by most of the bad ones. Some things are better left for someone else to find. And sometimes what we're looking for comes to us when we stop looking for them. Focus on seeing yourself the way you want others to see you. That helps me deal with the negative feelings I have towards myself. I literally & categorically HATE everything about me, looks and ALL. But SOMETHING, (God knows what) about the way I carry myself, gets me more attention from men than I want! (and believe me, I'm not pretty!) I don't care what anyone says, I've got mirrors!

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

Yeah but they only like "easy" because they're too lazy to put any effort into anything more than a superficial relationship, and they end up showing them No respect, use them up, and toss them out. Trust me, the FEW good ones are worth waiting for! I only know this because I've either married, dated, met, or been perused by most of the bad ones. Some things are better left for someone else to find. And sometimes what we're looking for comes to us when we stop looking for them. Focus on seeing yourself the way you want others to see you. That helps me deal with the negative feelings I have towards myself. I literally & categorically HATE everything about me, looks and ALL. But SOMETHING, (God knows what) about the way I carry myself, gets me more attention from men than I want! (and believe me, I'm not pretty!) I don't care what anyone says, I've got mirrors!

I already spent two years while getting my first graduate degree not really looking for anyone/anything. Sure, I had a crush or two, but I just ignored them (the crush itself, not the people). And I don't understand why I don't get attention. I think I'm attractive…I may not be skinny enough, but I'll never be skinny enough so I'll just ignore that. But other aspects of my body and face are attractive, I usually seem nearly impossible to get unless someone takes the time to get to know me and care about me, then am I being too easy if I like them then? Should I be a b— about it? I've been that sort of person most of my life because no one would ever listen to me and I got sick and tired of being picked on and ignored. I thought I had changed for the better by becoming a nicer person who strives to not threaten to kill everyone (been there, done that). But now I'm being told I'm TOO nice. I can easily bring the claws out, no problem, but I can't see how that's the answer. Why is it wrong to be nice and accepting of people? That's what I learned from my idol (or whatever word would best describe him). And it's worked for him, but obviously dudes are attracted differently.

I've even gone the route of wearing more revealing clothes. And I have a very nice chest (to keep it G-rated) and guess what happens? I attract women or no one at all.

I'm wondering if I should just stay on the anti-depressant that takes away most of my libido because I'm afraid that if I go off of it that I'll make cats in heat look asexual.

I'm might see that guy I've had a crush on tonight…I still badly want to be his friend, but things tend to go too far, especially when I really don't have anyone else to direct sexual feelings towards.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

But now I'm being told I'm TOO nice. I can easily bring the claws out, no problem, but I can't see how that's the answer. Why is it wrong to be nice and accepting of people? That's what I learned from my idol (or whatever word would best describe him). And it's worked for him, but obviously dudes are attracted differently.

I've even gone the route of wearing more revealing clothes. And I have a very nice chest (to keep it G-rated) and guess what happens? I attract women or no one at all.

I'm wondering if I should just stay on the anti-depressant that takes away most of my libido because I'm afraid that if I go off of it that I'll make cats in heat look asexual.

I'm might see that guy I've had a crush on tonight…I still badly want to be his friend, but things tend to go too far, especially when I really don't have anyone else to direct sexual feelings towards.

Let's see here ...

1. Don't worry about being too nice. It's not possible. It's like the old story about how women like bad-boys. Yep, and after they get tired of being abused and beaten, they go try to find that guy that was "too nice". So stay nice, it'll help meet someone decent.

2. More revealing clothes again will attract the wrong type, you don't want to be around the guy that will only talk to you because he can see cleavage. Although I have to admit it's weird that it attracts women.

3. You don't want to kill your libido, but if you get "hypersexual" without the antidepressant, it might not be a bad idea. If it becomes all consuming it can be a sign that you're on a manic upswing and bad things can come of that.

4. If you see your crush, work on developing that friendship and taking things slower. Honestly, it's really important to be friends with our significant others because if all you share is bodily fluids, then what happens with the other 8 hours of the day.

It sounds like you might have a bit of a heavy push toward moving fast and that might be an issue. Just take it easy and enjoy your time because once that connection gets deeper and more ... spiritual? ... then when it's "kitty in heat time", stuff gets fun in a hurry.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Let's see here ...

1. Don't worry about being too nice. It's not possible. It's like the old story about how women like bad-boys. Yep, and after they get tired of being abused and beaten, they go try to find that guy that was "too nice". So stay nice, it'll help meet someone decent.

2. More revealing clothes again will attract the wrong type, you don't want to be around the guy that will only talk to you because he can see cleavage. Although I have to admit it's weird that it attracts women.

3. You don't want to kill your libido, but if you get "hypersexual" without the antidepressant, it might not be a bad idea. If it becomes all consuming it can be a sign that you're on a manic upswing and bad things can come of that.

4. If you see your crush, work on developing that friendship and taking things slower. Honestly, it's really important to be friends with our significant others because if all you share is bodily fluids, then what happens with the other 8 hours of the day.

It sounds like you might have a bit of a heavy push toward moving fast and that might be an issue. Just take it easy and enjoy your time because once that connection gets deeper and more ... spiritual? ... then when it's "kitty in heat time", stuff gets fun in a hurry.

Welcome back Weboji!! We've missed you!

[nicoleflynn]

At 67 I have been on the dating scene for 10 (gack) years. I have been rejected so many times (meaning these guys say they will call and they don't)....they are flaky and unreliable (my other girlfriends are having the same experience.

W e all need physical and emotional boundaries....knowing our self-worth and what we will not accept. It is a learning process. A good book is Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud...I was taken advantage of when I was 18.....I had no knowledge about about life or anything!...I had to learn the hard way...

[Alone & confused]

Webgoji.......I WAS TRYING to fix the spelling of your name, but this Stupid, Touchy, Touch Screen P.O.S. WOULDN'T cooperate!!! UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

At 67 I have been on the dating scene for 10 (gack) years. I have been rejected so many times (meaning these guys say they will call and they don't)....they are flaky and unreliable (my other girlfriends are having the same experience.

W e all need physical and emotional boundaries....knowing our self-worth and what we will not accept. It is a learning process. A good book is Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud...I was taken advantage of when I was 18.....I had no knowledge about about life or anything!...I had to learn the hard way...

Be patient with us guys. After about the age of 35 we start flaking out and yelling at kids to get off our lawns and wandering around in our underwear ... wait ... we do that our whole life.

But yeah, it's surprising that you're still finding guys that don't get it. By 25 I was so completely done with the games and wasn't going to pull that "not call back" nonsense or anything. Ain't nobody got time for that! My guess is you turned over the wrong rock and probably just need to turn over one that doesn't look like it's been moved too much. A good guy will probably be under that one.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

Webgoji.......I WAS TRYING to fix the spelling of your name, but this Stupid, Touchy, Touch Screen P.O.S. WOULDN'T cooperate!!! UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

Lol, my autocorrect always either makes up words or actually chooses words in Spanish for some reason. I try to say "so" and it says, "si".

When I was young I always used to believe that it's men who long for Se.... stuff & physical intimacy but now-a-days it seems like the pattern has reversed for some reason now girls do the stalking part,Lol......Please, don't resort to indecency in your attempt to attract guys. It just attracts the wrong type of guys & then they all think that how hypocritical all the girls are. My simple advice to everyone who wants to "BE WITH SOMEONE" badly is that work on yourself, on your own personality. Our personality(Good, Bad, Sober, Nice, Decent,etc, etc...) tends to attract the same type of personality. So, BE THE PERSON, you'd want to BE WITH.

[chromegirl]

Originally Posted by Psychegirl

When I was young I always used to believe that it's men who long for Se.... stuff & physical intimacy but now-a-days it seems like the pattern has reversed for some reason now girls do the stalking part,Lol......Please, don't resort to indecency in your attempt to attract guys. It just attracts the wrong type of guys & then they all think that how hypocritical all the girls are. My simple advice to everyone who wants to "BE WITH SOMEONE" badly is that work on yourself, on your own personality. Our personality(Good, Bad, Sober, Nice, Decent,etc, etc...) tends to attract the same type of personality. So, BE THE PERSON, you'd want to BE WITH.

This is so bang-on. I think people who are "pleasers" (and this is something I have always struggled with so I know all about it) have a tendency to try to be what we think others are looking for. It is a dangerous road, for all sorts of reasons, and eventually this sort of relationship is doomed to if not fail, then at least be completely fulfilling. Authenticity is important...and a big part of that is self-acceptance.

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Be patient with us guys. After about the age of 35 we start flaking out and yelling at kids to get off our lawns and wandering around in our underwear ... wait ... we do that our whole life.

But yeah, it's surprising that you're still finding guys that don't get it. By 25 I was so completely done with the games and wasn't going to pull that "not call back" nonsense or anything. Ain't nobody got time for that! My guess is you turned over the wrong rock and probably just need to turn over one that doesn't look like it's been moved too much. A good guy will probably be under that one.

Dude, the last two guys I was interested in were both in their early 30's so I'm thinking times may have changed. And not in a good way. So, I've tried younger and older and neither seems to have a chance at working. You'd think people would have less time for that stuff nowadays, but maybe they just like messing with me, who knows?

Originally Posted by Psychegirl

When I was young I always used to believe that it's men who long for Se.... stuff & physical intimacy but now-a-days it seems like the pattern has reversed for some reason now girls do the stalking part,Lol......Please, don't resort to indecency in your attempt to attract guys. It just attracts the wrong type of guys & then they all think that how hypocritical all the girls are. My simple advice to everyone who wants to "BE WITH SOMEONE" badly is that work on yourself, on your own personality. Our personality(Good, Bad, Sober, Nice, Decent,etc, etc...) tends to attract the same type of personality. So, BE THE PERSON, you'd want to BE WITH.

I wasn't going to use indecency to try to attract guys, I was just saying that I tried it when I was younger and it didn't work and I just happened to wear a low-cut top and lipstick one time when I thought I was going to see him, mostly just to make him feel a little uncomfortable. That's not how I usually dress…it's more like jeans/t-shirt or t-shirt/sweatpants.

Originally Posted by chromegirl

This is so bang-on. I think people who are "pleasers" (and this is something I have always struggled with so I know all about it) have a tendency to try to be what we think others are looking for. It is a dangerous road, for all sorts of reasons, and eventually this sort of relationship is doomed to if not fail, then at least be completely fulfilling. Authenticity is important...and a big part of that is self-acceptance.

I'm not trying to be someone else, I'm just really giving of my time and energy when I guess I shouldn't be? I guess my love language is expressed through actions (I think that's one of the categories)? I still think I'm the same person, but that's usually what the deal breaker is. Or I'm too open and honest. I think the values have changed in my generation.

I've an idea for you I.AM.THE.END. I know of something that might work for you although I've to admit that I never tried it but you seem like you need it badly. If you're interested then PM me right away I'll be happy to help you.

Hey, is everyone doing ok? It seems like this thread sorta died…

Right now I'm back at home (my parents' place in another state) waiting to find out if I was accepted to the doctoral program I applied to and if I got an assistantship (which could make or break an acceptance in a way as it would make it extremely difficult to find a job after graduation). I'm trying not to be stressed about it because there's nothing I can do at this point, but I sort of feel like this is it—the proverbial fork in the road of my life. And stress is bad for me because my main mental issue is extreme anxiety/paranoia.

On another note, I have this thread in the creative forum and I specifically asked for feedback and I'm getting impatient waiting for responses…because I'm a naturally impatient person…ha ha. But seriously, I want to start contacting people to start a band and right now that's what I have for a demo and I'd just feel more confident with feedback…that's all.

[Webgoji]

Squee! Let us know! I hope you get into the doctoral program! Sending good wishes your way! Exclamation point!!!1!

Good to see you back, I noticed this thread fell off the front page.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

Hey, is everyone doing ok? It seems like this thread sorta died…

Right now I'm back at home (my parents' place in another state) waiting to find out if I was accepted to the doctoral program I applied to and if I got an assistantship (which could make or break an acceptance in a way as it would make it extremely difficult to find a job after graduation). I'm trying not to be stressed about it because there's nothing I can do at this point, but I sort of feel like this is it—the proverbial fork in the road of my life. And stress is bad for me because my main mental issue is extreme anxiety/paranoia.

On another note, I have this thread in the creative forum and I specifically asked for feedback and I'm getting impatient waiting for responses…because I'm a naturally impatient person…ha ha. But seriously, I want to start contacting people to start a band and right now that's what I have for a demo and I'd just feel more confident with feedback…that's all.

Welcome back! I hope all goes well for you!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Squee! Let us know! I hope you get into the doctoral program! Sending good wishes your way! Exclamation point!!!1!

Good to see you back, I noticed this thread fell off the front page.

Good ol Webgoji!! Glad to see you back here too!

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

Good ol Webgoji!! Glad to see you back here too!

Lol, I'm like a nasty toe fungus. Not dangerous, just gross and a pain to get rid of.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Lol, I'm like a nasty toe fungus. Not dangerous, just gross and a pain to get rid of.

lol!

I'm almost feeling like I should just post on this thread and not keep starting others…well, not really but it's tempting.

I thought about starting a thread in the relationships forum, but I don't know…

Maybe I'm just too forgiving, but unless there's outright repeated abuse or infidelity, I often don't understand why people don't just forgive and move on in relationships. Am I unattractive because I DON'T get mad at every stupid little mistake someone makes like I used to? Am I strange to not find myself more important than friends if I were to embark in a new relationship? I mean, if they've known someone for years, they would be a priority over a significant other until the relationship has lasted a long time. Otherwise, that's completely unfair to them. Am I right or are my standards really that low?

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I'm almost feeling like I should just post on this thread and not keep starting others…well, not really but it's tempting.

I thought about starting a thread in the relationships forum, but I don't know…

Maybe I'm just too forgiving, but unless there's outright repeated abuse or infidelity, I often don't understand why people don't just forgive and move on in relationships. Am I unattractive because I DON'T get mad at every stupid little mistake someone makes like I used to? Am I strange to not find myself more important than friends if I were to embark in a new relationship? I mean, if they've known someone for years, they would be a priority over a significant other until the relationship has lasted a long time. Otherwise, that's completely unfair to them. Am I right or are my standards really that low?

Oh heck no. The thing that keeps long relationships together is that they don't get mad at every little thing and fight about things that don't ultimately matter. They understand and love each other's foibles.

I think you're correct also that until a relationship has established itself, friends are a priority. They've been with you, but a partner that you've only dated twice ... they haven't established that relationship yet. You need time for a partnership to grow into a friendship and eventually something really, really special.

Nope, I think you're dead on right about this.

For me, I'm easy to forgive someone if they say/do something that hurts my feelings if it wasn't unintentional. Especially if they don't know what I'm sensitive about. I guess the dangerous thing is, if I love someone, I'm more likely to forgive something intentional. I don't know about within the confines of a relationship or not since I've never been in one (I'm always the girl on the side), maybe it would be different? I wouldn't be trying to become the "main girl", so maybe I wouldn't so easily forgive someone who implies that I'm fat when they know that I used to weight 50+ pounds more and "I am fat" has been drilled into my head enough that hearing someone imply that makes me see myself only as fat again, even when I'm visibly still losing weight.

Another weird thing (at least I think it's weird) is that the last guy I had feelings for (which at the time felt like love) reminded me disturbingly of my own dad. I mean, I know that has happened to other people, but still…

And he gave me the affection that I always wanted from somebody…anybody. It's difficult to have to give that up not knowing if I'll ever experience it again.

[Alone & confused]

((I am....))
Ok. Im terribly sick, & have had 2 or 3 drinks to help me sleep, but I'm going to TRY to help. Sorry if I don't make any real sense right now! My head is so congested it feels like a balloon! ( I'll reread this tomorrow and see if I made any sense!)
Ok, it's good that you are the forgiving type. People who anger you or hurt you, Control you with your own thoughts, emotions, bitterness & whatever.
There is a saying that " men marry their mothers, and women marry their fathers". My father was an
alcoholic, and so were both at my husbands, so there may be some truth to that. Problem is, whether or notyou had a "good" father or say, an abusive one. If you had a good father, there's nothing wrong with your man giving you the same feeling of "love & comfort" that you feel with your dad. But if you had a bad relationship with your father, you might want to steer clear of men like that. And there are way too many men in the world to right them ALL off. Albeit the good ones are hard to find. And as far as anyone telling you you're fat....how do YOU see yourself? Don't let anyone define who & what you are! Confidence in faith in yourself can be the most attractive asset sometimes. I'm not talking "arrogance",
but just having faith in yourself & knowing who you are and your self worth.