[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

And the only complaints about me?
1. I should be skinnier (I'm a size 10, size 13 in juniors…I still wear juniors and children's shirts…that's how fat I apparently am).
2. I'm inexperienced/not in the right place in my life. My bad for not sleeping with everyone I possibly could. Sorry about that. Not. My bad for STILL being a virgin…I'm so sorry I'm SHY. Everyone wants to be taught and never be a teacher.

Size 10 is not fat. Heck, you can't even shop at Lane Bryant, their clothes don't go below size 12. (Maybe you could sneak in check out their juniors sizes, but expect to get called skinny.) Don't listen to the snots in Victoria's Secret.

And don't ever let anyone make you feel ashamed for not being a slut. You'll find a real man one of these days that doesn't just go for the skanky types, they're out there, just hiding under rocks.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Unheard, skipped over, misread/misunderstood. That's one, I still struggle with, from time to time.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

You're one of the most compassionate and articulate posters here. People who don't stop to listen to you in meat space don't know what they're missing.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

And the only complaints about me?
1. I should be skinnier (I'm a size 10, size 13 in juniors…I still wear juniors and children's shirts…that's how fat I apparently am).
.

I was wondering why 9's and 11's in juniors are a bit off in a size 8/10.

Body image is such a complex thing.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Size 10 is not fat. Heck, you can't even shop at Lane Bryant, their clothes don't go below size 12. (Maybe you could sneak in check out their juniors sizes, but expect to get called skinny.) Don't listen to the snots in Victoria's Secret.

And don't ever let anyone make you feel ashamed for not being a slut. You'll find a real man one of these days that doesn't just go for the skanky types, they're out there, just hiding under rocks.

Humorously, it's men who always think I'm fat and women who think I'm skinny…not the other way around. I don't get why men are so obsessed with all women being that skinny…not everyone has the body type. I guess it's too masculine to be broad shouldered, big boned, etc.

And I don't go to places like Victoria's Secret. F that. Most of the time I like men's clothes or junior's clothes.

I don't think it's just about me not being "skanky". It's more about no one wanting to be my first or risk being my first by being a relationship with me.

[JadeAmethyst]

Some men, jeez! Some guys that like really thin women make me wonder....their loss!!! Healthy is more appealing I would think. Physical intimacy is such a gift. Please, allow yourself to choose.
Jade

[bookmadness]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I guess it's just devastating to barely learn what love is and having it taken away from me.

This is always what happens though…the other person just wants to be friends/isn't attracted to me even though in the same breath they say how attractive/pretty/whatever I am, how good of a conversationalist I am, how smart I am, how hilarious and entertaining I am (I make moving day fun…and that ain't easy) and sometimes I even clearly have confidence despite a lifetime of never being wanted for anything (until very recently…but never really wanted for relationships).

And the only complaints about me?
1. I should be skinnier (I'm a size 10, size 13 in juniors…I still wear juniors and children's shirts…that's how fat I apparently am).
2. I'm inexperienced/not in the right place in my life. My bad for not sleeping with everyone I possibly could. Sorry about that. Not. My bad for STILL being a virgin…I'm so sorry I'm SHY. Everyone wants to be taught and never be a teacher.

I still have that voice in my head that talks to me about my weight and outer appearance, even though I know it should hush up.

But you are the size you are supposed to be right now. It is not fat in the least.

And if someone is making you feel like you need to be in a different place sexual experience wise? Perhaps they are not the person (or people) you should invest a lot of time in. (It can be challenging. I just withdrew from a group of friends that could not get past my not drinking. Most fascinating thing they could find about me.)


bookmadness

[MuseumGhost]

Oh, I know!!! Oh, to be a size 10, again!!! That is really pretty tiny!

I will admit, It is my husband who unfortunately makes me feel the MOST unheard and unanswered. I suppose he figures there's nothing else I can tell him that will enlighten him---or he is just plain tired of the sound of my voice after 12 years of marriage (although I've always been told that I have a pretty NICE voice!). Anyway, he bears much of the blame for so much of the way I still feel---the non-improving parts of my life----because he is a fairly unaffectionate, workaholic type.

If that situation were to change, by some miracle, I do think the majority of my problems with depression and anxiety would probably be greatly taken care of.

But I am not getting my hopes up. His behaviour lately points to things getting worse, in fact.

And please, do not suggest marriage counselling to me. I've tried discussing it with him, and he essentially flees the premises.

So, it's never going to happen.

This is a pretty good thread & a very good effort by Alone & Confused as many of us do feel that way. I guess it's our basic emotional need to be heard, to be understood by someone & many of us can relate to the feeling of getting unheard/unanswered/misunderstood & this place is like a platform to all of them. Fortunately, I also do the same or at least try to do the same by lending my sincere listening ears to others but some times others don't realize that you also need to be heard & you get ignored like you don't even exist. It needs a big heart to be able to take everyone's litter which they thrown at you without knowing your capacity & not everyone can do that & I truly value those people who do that.

I.Am.The.End, thanks for sharing your story with all of us. I think I can relate with it pretty well but I try to keep it in my mind that I'm responsible for my own feelings & no one else is. The other person couldn't care more or less for what I or we feel & its true for every other emotion as well whether that would be anger, jealousy, love, hatred, etc. I'd say that at least that friend of yours was an honest person that he dared to tell you that he doesn't love you more than a friend. At least he didn't lead you on or try to cheat with you by taking advantage of your feelings & if you can't handle your feelings for them because its not reciprocated & that causes you to be sad then dump those feelings & move on but if you'll become a strong person & face the truth & reality & still hold on to these feelings & celebrate it & continue being the same person which sometimes can be hard but is very rewarding at the same time & tell that person that it doesn't scare you off then I'm sure that they will find it pretty admirable & they will respect you even more otherwise its like ordinary plain love which everyone does but to love someone unconditionally without getting anything in return is a great kinda of love & I truly honor it. Loving them was your own choice & may be they weren't in the position to do the same. Become a giver & don't beg. Giver is more great than the receiver. If that person doesn't realize that how a great person you're than its their loss. That means they are blind. So, its better to accept it & live with it as it'll make it less painful.

About the size, virginity, apparent beauty, etc....Is physical beauty more important than a loving & a caring heart? Relationships based on the physical aspects are so vulnerable that it can break off at any time. Those relationships are so hollow & have a very weak foundation & its a very shallow approach IMHO. Not saying that you're but if a person direct their feelings towards someone based on their looks then I wonder that how easily it can be changed. Be who you're, love & respect yourself as Ubermensch also mentioned it in "Love or Money" thread that the most important thing is to love yourself & the others will be able to see that love & hopefully someone will truly love you for who you're. Love & Respect yourself because you wont receive it from others unless you would love & respect yourself. I hope this may make you feel better.

[tohelpafriend]

I wait for answers......there are always, incessantly problems to resolve or let go of....having another person or friend have to hear that from me doesn't accomplish anything positive. When I speak sincerely to my dog, I know she understands. Given up on most anyone else, really. Chats are brutal, chatting less and less.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by MuseumGhost

Oh, I know!!! Oh, to be a size 10, again!!! That is really pretty tiny!

I will admit, It is my husband who unfortunately makes me feel the MOST unheard and unanswered. I suppose he figures there's nothing else I can tell him that will enlighten him---or he is just plain tired of the sound of my voice after 12 years of marriage (although I've always been told that I have a pretty NICE voice!). Anyway, he bears much of the blame for so much of the way I still feel---the non-improving parts of my life----because he is a fairly unaffectionate, workaholic type.

If that situation were to change, by some miracle, I do think the majority of my problems with depression and anxiety would probably be greatly taken care of.

But I am not getting my hopes up. His behaviour lately points to things getting worse, in fact.

And please, do not suggest marriage counselling to me. I've tried discussing it with him, and he essentially flees the premises.

So, it's never going to happen.

My wife and I have been married for 13 years (so congrats on 12 years, you're a curve buster too!). But one thing my wife and I have found is we really don't have that much to talk about. There aren't any more stories we don't know and things like that. Because of that, we've gotten lazy in listening to each other's fears and worries and problems as well.

So ... we're seeing a therapist. Not because our marriage is in trouble, but because we want to make it better. We're learning how to listen to each other again, working on our language when we speak to each other so we know each of us is hearing what the other intends to say. Plus, we're broadening our individual horizons so we have stuff to talk about.

I bet your husband sees a marriage counselor as someone you go to when there's a problem and that he doesn't want to acknowledge there's a problem. (I had to drag my wife kicking and screaming to our therapist and she's a big girl ... 5' 7" and kicks like a mule ) But it's not about there being a problem, it's about growing as a couple.

I wonder if your husband is fighting depression as well? It's something you might keep an eye on, but start with yourself. If he's not willing to go down the road with you, then you need to work on yourself without him. He may come around, but you've got a good start. I can already tell you're a positive, good person and that just needs to be drawn out of you. As you work on that with a therapist, maybe they can send you home with some exercises you can work on with your husband in listening and such without him have to go?

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by tohelpafriend

I wait for answers......there are always, incessantly problems to resolve or let go of....having another person or friend have to hear that from me doesn't accomplish anything positive. When I speak sincerely to my dog, I know she understands. Given up on most anyone else, really. Chats are brutal, chatting less and less.

It's hard when we don't truly understand what someone is trying to say to us. But be patient with people. In many ways, dogs have the upper hand because they aren't trying to solve the problem and move on, they just want to hear you. You're friends mean well, they just don't know what to do. They'll come around, just give them time.

And there's a reason dogs are our best friends.

Originally Posted by JadeAmethyst

Some men, jeez! Some guys that like really thin women make me wonder....their loss!!! Healthy is more appealing I would think. Physical intimacy is such a gift. Please, allow yourself to choose.
Jade

I've chosen, but was it the right decision?

Originally Posted by bookmadness

I still have that voice in my head that talks to me about my weight and outer appearance, even though I know it should hush up.

But you are the size you are supposed to be right now. It is not fat in the least.

And if someone is making you feel like you need to be in a different place sexual experience wise? Perhaps they are not the person (or people) you should invest a lot of time in. (It can be challenging. I just withdrew from a group of friends that could not get past my not drinking. Most fascinating thing they could find about me.)


bookmadness

Well, the guy may think I'm fat, but not too fat to bang. But then, I'm a lot more attractive to someone who's been drinking. It's just science.

Originally Posted by Psychegirl

This is a pretty good thread & a very good effort by Alone & Confused as many of us do feel that way. I guess it's our basic emotional need to be heard, to be understood by someone & many of us can relate to the feeling of getting unheard/unanswered/misunderstood & this place is like a platform to all of them. Fortunately, I also do the same or at least try to do the same by lending my sincere listening ears to others but some times others don't realize that you also need to be heard & you get ignored like you don't even exist. It needs a big heart to be able to take everyone's litter which they thrown at you without knowing your capacity & not everyone can do that & I truly value those people who do that.

I.Am.The.End, thanks for sharing your story with all of us. I think I can relate with it pretty well but I try to keep it in my mind that I'm responsible for my own feelings & no one else is. The other person couldn't care more or less for what I or we feel & its true for every other emotion as well whether that would be anger, jealousy, love, hatred, etc. I'd say that at least that friend of yours was an honest person that he dared to tell you that he doesn't love you more than a friend. At least he didn't lead you on or try to cheat with you by taking advantage of your feelings Love & Respect yourself because you wont receive it from others unless you would love & respect yourself. I hope this may make you feel better.

It would have made me feel better if I hadn't have ended up banging him in the end.

At least I've had some sort of sexual experience before I died. Oh well, he got what he wanted in the end and I get nothing in return except knowing that at least he was happy. But in the back of my mind, I feel one's first love shouldn't have began and ended like this, but there's nothing I can do. At least I've learned my lesson—if I'm going to love someone (which I hope never to again), make sure they never know so they don't milk it for everything it's worth and go back to waiting for the girl that dumped him.

How can I either love and respect myself? Really, how can I?

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I've chosen, but was it the right decision?


Well, the guy may think I'm fat, but not too fat to bang. But then, I'm a lot more attractive to someone who's been drinking. It's just science.


It would have made me feel better if I hadn't have ended up banging him in the end.

At least I've had some sort of sexual experience before I died. Oh well, he got what he wanted in the end and I get nothing in return except knowing that at least he was happy. But in the back of my mind, I feel one's first love shouldn't have began and ended like this, but there's nothing I can do. At least I've learned my lesson—if I'm going to love someone (which I hope never to again), make sure they never know so they don't milk it for everything it's worth and go back to waiting for the girl that dumped him.

How can I either love and respect myself? Really, how can I?

Honey, You did what you did for love. If His motives weren't as pure, HE should be the one who's ashamed, NOT YOU! Sometimes we kiss a few frogs trying to find our Prince Charming, only to find that they're STILL JUST FROGS! We just have to throw them back into the pond. But the right one is out there! Don't let this bad experience keep you from finding him. In time you will heal, & another opportunity to find love will present itself. If he is capable of making you feel this bad then he's not worthy of you sweetheart! The man YOU DESERVE would Never make you feel this way about yourself! Give yourself some credit for being the better person. This bad is on him, not you!

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

Honey, You did what you did for love. If His motives weren't as pure, HE should be the one who's ashamed, NOT YOU! Sometimes we kiss a few frogs trying to find our Prince Charming, only to find that they're STILL JUST FROGS! We just have to throw them back into the pond. But the right one is out there! Don't let this bad experience keep you from finding him. In time you will heal, & another opportunity to find love will present itself. If he is capable of making you feel this bad then he's not worthy of you sweetheart! The man YOU DESERVE would Never make you feel this way about yourself! Give yourself some credit for being the better person. This bad is on him, not you!

I think the fact that I finally trust a guy and this is what happens…pretty much confirms yet again that they're all monsters (at least the ones I meet). And now how am I going to trust that someone who shows me affection really does care or doesn't have ulterior motives? And I should have known…I mean I knew not to pursue this in the first place but he brought up the fact that I liked him, not the other way around. I had almost worked my inappropriate feelings out on my own so we could have been friends, but he has to bring it up and torture me with them. I don't understand…I just don't understand what I did to deserve this level of emotional/psychological torture. It may be too difficult to explain, but he would alternate between seeming to just like me to rubbing the fact that he already has an off and on girlfriend already. Sometimes in some very subtle and cruel ways. And then after that, asking if I wanted to stay over if I didn't feel "safe" (he knows I'm a recovering self harmer). Because that's not code for he's just going to sleep with me again and make me feel horrible because he feels like he's cheating on someone he's not technically together with now (I don't know how that works…but I didn't consider him cheating until he said that and helping someone cheat goes against my moral code. I didn't realize that that's what I was really doing.) I feel like I've become an evil, awful person by being around him. Not to mention the fact that I was pushing and practically begging for sex until he finally "cracked".

I really love the idea of this thread, I think it's wonderful.

I apologize if I do something the thread doesn't intend. Two things already brought up here, but what I have to say concerns 'body image' and 'transition' and even 'frogs' in 'different' ways.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by brokenentity

I really love the idea of this thread, I think it's wonderful.

I apologize if I do something the thread doesn't intend. Two things already brought up here, but what I have to say concerns 'body image' and 'transition' and even 'frogs' in 'different' ways.

Say whatever you want! This thread is for anyone who needs to be heard. Whatever is on your mind, we're here to listen.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I think the fact that I finally trust a guy and this is what happens…pretty much confirms yet again that they're all monsters (at least the ones I meet). And now how am I going to trust that someone who shows me affection really does care or doesn't have ulterior motives? And I should have known…I mean I knew not to pursue this in the first place but he brought up the fact that I liked him, not the other way around. I had almost worked my inappropriate feelings out on my own so we could have been friends, but he has to bring it up and torture me with them. I don't understand…I just don't understand what I did to deserve this level of emotional/psychological torture. It may be too difficult to explain, but he would alternate between seeming to just like me to rubbing the fact that he already has an off and on girlfriend already. Sometimes in some very subtle and cruel ways. And then after that, asking if I wanted to stay over if I didn't feel "safe" (he knows I'm a recovering self harmer). Because that's not code for he's just going to sleep with me again and make me feel horrible because he feels like he's cheating on someone he's not technically together with now (I don't know how that works…but I didn't consider him cheating until he said that and helping someone cheat goes against my moral code. I didn't realize that that's what I was really doing.) I feel like I've become an evil, awful person by being around him. Not to mention the fact that I was pushing and practically begging for sex until he finally "cracked".

Honey, we all make mistakes! The only bad mistakes are the ones we don't learn from. Forgive yourself! He is the one who took advantage of your feelings for him. He was the one who was burning the candle at both ends! All you did was care about him, & you acted on those feelings. Nothing for you to be ashamed of! Don't let this experience rob you of the opportunity to find true love! Just guard your heart, but don't close it. Jerks are a dime a dozen, but a good man is priceless because they are rare! Anyone who makes you feel so bad about yourself is Not worthy of You! You'll find the right one some day.

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

Say whatever you want! This thread is for anyone who needs to be heard. Whatever is on your mind, we're here to listen.

That's great to know.

Well, I don't like how I look now, it's not that I can't look the way I want to if i tried or that I feel ugly, but that the way I want to look is drastically different from how I look now, and it would change everyone's perception of me, big time, that scares me. I know a time will come when I'll be independent and more able and confident to express myself but, right now, I'm having a hard time looking at myself in the mirror. I can't help it, I avoid the mirror, I hate seeing my reflection. It's all gender related, i don't know the technical terms, really.

My loved ones, I don't want to hurt them, as supportive as they are, aren't very understanding of these things. All the bigoted people around I see, and the kind of hate 'different' people get from them scares me deeply.

I keep saying 'the time will come', but I'm so impatient. It's on my mind 24x7 these days.

I just had to say this here.

[Alone & confused]

You said it's "gender related" ? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but do you want to change your gender? No judgments here, I'm just trying to understand what you mean.

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

You said it's "gender related" ? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but do you want to change your gender? No judgments here, I'm just trying to understand what you mean.

I have no idea what they call what I'm going through myself so I use the wrong terms sometimes. I'm sorry.

I'm not sure if i want to change my gender, things scare me, but the real issue is that I feel like the opposite gender, and I want to look like the opposite gender, if only on the outside (for now).

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by brokenentity

I have no idea what they call what I'm going through myself so I use the wrong terms sometimes. I'm sorry.

I'm not sure if i want to change my gender, things scare me, but the real issue is that I feel like the opposite gender, and I want to look like the opposite gender, if only on the outside (for now).

I've never been in your situation, but I know a couple of people who are. One of them just cross-dresses & goes by another name. The other is convinced they want a sex change. Have you tried "dressing the part" to see if this is something you want to do surgically? Any kind of surgery can be a scary thought, especially one that would be so "life changing". You may want to start with something less drastic to help you figure out what you really want.

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

I've never been in your situation, but I know a couple of people who are. One of them just cross-dresses & goes by another name. The other is convinced they want a sex change. Have you tried "dressing the part" to see if this is something you want to do surgically? Any kind of surgery can be a scary thought, especially one that would be so "life changing". You may want to start with something less drastic to help you figure out what you really want.

Yes I did do the dressing part, and the looking part. I seriously do not know about the surgery thing, but if i could re-live and chose, I know what I'd chose.

I guess i want to know how I keep fighting for now?

[pam2013]

I have posted and not been replied to. I have been in a relationship for 10 months now with someone who has a history of depression, was admitted into the mental hospital a couple a weeks ago after a suicide attempt. We have a great relationship, I have always been by her side, but when she was in they kept changing her meds, and after she got out, she decided that she wanted to break up with me out of the blue. After the fact that the few days before we had discussed moving in together, and the I love you's etc. I found out she met someone in the hospital, and just found out that she went to stay the weekend with him. It is like she changed into someone overnight that I don't even know her. I feel like she broke up with me just to run to him. She dont even know this person. Is this common? I have read that they will cheat because they are so down on themselves. I really love her and hope that she will wake up, but the damage has been done, so I don't know how to react to this. I know she loves me.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by pam2013

I have posted and not been replied to. I have been in a relationship for 10 months now with someone who has a history of depression, was admitted into the mental hospital a couple a weeks ago after a suicide attempt. We have a great relationship, I have always been by her side, but when she was in they kept changing her meds, and after she got out, she decided that she wanted to break up with me out of the blue. After the fact that the few days before we had discussed moving in together, and the I love you's etc. I found out she met someone in the hospital, and just found out that she went to stay the weekend with him. It is like she changed into someone overnight that I don't even know her. I feel like she broke up with me just to run to him. She dont even know this person. Is this common? I have read that they will cheat because they are so down on themselves. I really love her and hope that she will wake up, but the damage has been done, so I don't know how to react to this. I know she loves me.

I'm sorry you weren't replied to, and about your situation! I don't know just how common it is, but I did see allot of that going on at the hospital I went to, despite the fact we weren't supposed to go in each others rooms, a few of them found a way. I'm down sick with the flu (or something) & probably over medicated trying to get over it, but I'm here if you need someone to talk to.