Anybody else feel like the game is over?

For real?

Well, it doesn't look good. If I don't physically die I'll probably wish I could.

I *used* to feel like that but not anymore. I played the game poorly for 30 years - too much booze, career implosions, anger, paranoia, alienation from all sorts of things.

But my (recent) diagnosis is a blessing to me because now I know that I'm not a natural jerk. There's something churning inside of me that needs to be addressed. So be it. My game is just beginning. I found some new hobbies and made it a point to focus on ME going forward by taking the time to enjoy my life as it is today. Sure, I am up and down (still) but I try to be forward-thinking without letting it consume me. I can't take back the sucky-ness of 1985 - 2015, those days are in the books....and thankfully so.

I was thinking about why having a diagnosis is helpful - especially if there is no very effective treatment. Just last evening I realized that I might have cyclothymia bipolar III. Then I was wondering why having this possibility for a diagnosis made me feel better. I'm not formally diagnosed with cyclothymia and I doubt I will be treated for it. I think it made me feel better, because so often other people dismiss my psychological difficulties - sort of like telling a depressed person to just cheer up. Of course a diagnosis might also make a person feel like a powerless victim of genetics.

What do you think about having a diagnosis? How does it make you hopeful?

Yes, it helps me immensely. Now I have a treatment plan even though my affliction isn't as severe as others. Don't downplay the possibility of getting a diagnosis since there are all sorts of fine lines between I, II, and III. Leave it up to your p-doc.....mine told me "I know there's something going on, I'm just not sure what it is". He actively calls himself a "diagnostic nihilist" and makes it a point not to really pigeonhole people.

I'm in my 20's and feel this way.

every day is like circling around a monopoly board, and landing on either free parking, go to jail, or debt. (meaning, all the bad stuff happens to me, not that I actually have been to jail), free parking = nothinghappens at all good or bad, and debt means something else in my life is lost.. family, declining health, what ever it might be

great analogy

The original post in this thread is a very good summary of how I often feel.

To answer the question is the game over, I will say when the earth stops spinning will the game be over on this planet.

The game never ends the game never began, it is just as it always shall be.

We are living star stuff, and I am in conviction that something as super natural as the universe with all its stars and galaxies would not allow the game of life just to vanish or dull.

I hope you all read it well regardless of age, I am only a quarter of a century old!

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The hamster wheel squeaking away, firmly buried in concrete foundations in the rut from heck, while I make the same mistakes keeping me there over and over again. Been there, done that, doing that. This is getting on my very last available nerve. I understand.

I had this feeling a lot during my most recent depression. (I'm 59) I think part of it was due to depression and part of it is just a natural part of the aging process. Our bodies and minds just don't work as well as they did when we were younger, and that's hard to take sometimes. It doesn't help that we live in a society which makes a fetish out of youth and wants older people out of sight and out of mind. Anyway now that I'm feeling better I'm reminding myself that I've been given a second chance. If I didn't play the game well before I refuse to play it at all now. It's not my job to make other people happy. It is my job to make the most of whatever time I have left.

I'm 63 and feel the same way. I figure I hate two more years before I'm broke and can't even pay my property taxes or health insurance. Then life as I know it will be over. Pretty depressing.

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I wish I could make up a new game for you. One that would be enjoyable and one where you wouldn't give a crap what a body else think. I know it is easier said than done, but I sending you a hug and hopefully some hope.

I am in the same position, I'm 27 and sometimes i just dont want to get out of bed 'cause the life will start its circle, i know im too young but i just cant help it, after psychosis that i thankfully survived my life turned very gray, but i try to find something fascinating and something to dug my head into to forget about all my problems, if you want an advice i would suggest to find yourself a hobby that you could spend hours doing and stick to it, it could be even a job that you like a lot

Thanks. That is important about not caring what other people think. All my life I have been weird, but I am somewhat sensitive to not meeting the expectations for normalcy. If people are constantly sending you signals that they think you are pathetic, then it is hard not to share that negative opinion of yourself. I'm almost 50 years old, so it doesn't bother me like it used to, but sometimes it does.

I feel like life is a merry go round I can't get off. I ocassionally am able to move from one horse to another - some times I even get to within sight of the one with the golden reins and saddle yet the speed of the merry go round makes me stumble back to the donkey which I am forced to always ride. Round and round the merry go round goes and I just can't get off it no matter how I try. I keep seeing people I know freely walking about enjoying cotton candy and massive stuffed animals between exciting rides of their own choosing.

LOL, that's a good analogy too.

Win the Day!!!

Nancy

Yep x123, I totally agree. I will be 49 in less than 3wks. I look at my sad state of life and affairs right now and it scares me I might have to spend the next 20-30 years living alone and on disability. The prospect of that only makes me feel even worse and Depressed. I know it sounds incredbly materialistic but I DO think of being 50 and having nothing to show for myself. No home, no nice things, no security.

I have felt like this a lot, at different times. I can't take it anymore. I have to do something. Playtime is over.

The thing that springs to my mind when you say " Game Over", is that you can always play again!

Yoooo, the game is never over, absolutely, there are no winners, no losers, no advantages no disadvantages. Since it is a game, there are naturally players, functioning in pre-set rules, which they align to. And that, I believe is giving up, accepting the rules. Imagine how many feelings await for you there. Imagine the vast variety of cognitive mechanisms you can adopt by taking the right concoction of pills. I get the chills every time, when I think about all the creativity that is entrapped, all the curiosity that I've lost. There's nothing I wish for more than to get them back, and where I've lost them, somewhere along the lines of society.

Well to hell with it, I've just happened to be tossed in the wrong one, inni't true for most of us here? So long I've thought something wasn't right with me, when all i did was dumbing myself down in the infamous process of "adjusting". My God what a delusion that is. I want the ultimate reimbursement. I want my time back. And I'm edeavouring to track it.

So just chill guys, take a deep breath. Make use of the wonderful inventions of internet, modern medicine and yourselves and make something great.

Hey X,

I am in the same position, feeling like my chances at a real life are behind me and I'm not really living for anything. I can't do anything permanent to not have to feel these feelings, if you know what I mean. My spiritual beliefs are such that I am stuck with this life no matter how bad it gets. (you can read about them here, if you are interested.

This may sound way overdramatic, but sometimes I think that my life could only be worse if I was homeless, addicted to heroin, and prostituting myself for drug money. You can read the specifics of my life in this thread if you are interested, but the basics are that I am 35 years old and I live with my parents. This is pretty bad because my father is an alcoholic who still drinks and every time he drinks now my mom and I have to leave the hotel where we are living and I am put right back in that head space of the years between 6 and 18 when I was continually made to stay up all night to get screamed at and hit by my father.

If you counted all the time that I have actually been employed over the past 7 yrs since my diagnosis, it would add up to less than 1 year. I have been more or less supported by my parents ever since I lost my last long-term job 8 years ago.

I have been hospitalized for mania at least 9 times in the last seven years. During these years I have spent most of each of them either in a state of mania or depression. I've been "normal" only on average 4 months out of every year.

I have only ever had 1 long-term relationship, back during college, which lasted 3 and a half years. I was never in love with him and in fact have never been in love at all. I have only dated (and dated is too strong a word) about 4 men since 2004, and those were all very short-lived. I have since lost faith in my ability to even attract a man, since I used to be super fit and pretty but am now 50 lbs overweight and it just feels like I've lost my looks.

I've basically given up on the idea of falling in love at all. I feel like I'm right about at that age when the men my age start looking for girls in their 20s. Either that or they are bitter divorcees or worse - they have children. I can't be anybody's step mother. I've seen my sister's life destroyed by that.

I used to dream about travelling the world. Up to this point I have only been to a few U.S. cities and two other countries. I have never been to Europe, where I really used to dream of going. I have never had enough money to go on any kind of vacation. The last time I was on a plane was 5 years ago, to visit family. I have been wanted a dSLR camera for 6 years, because I always thought I would be good at photography. I haven't been able to come up with even $500 in all that time to buy one.

My career dreams are a whole other story, but let's just leave it at this: it's a million to one chance that it could ever happen.

So in essence, I feel the way you do. I have not "played the game" well for the last 10 years. I feel like I absolutely threw away the last ten years - probably what would have been my best years - being so emotionally unstable that I could not even form the basics of a real life.

Oh, and by the way, I have no friends. That's a whole other story as well. But on that note I will try to offer you an idea. If I manage to put together enough money to buy a car (which I haven't had in 3 yrs ) I will try to start making friends by using meetup.com. There is only one problem with that. When meetup first started it was good because most of the meetings were free. Now almost all of them cost around $20 or more. But, it's a place to start.

Also, there must be dating sites for people your age. Hopefully you are not the sort of man who is only attracted to much younger women. It might be the case that many of the people you meet will have had similar struggles or the same level of struggles as you, in which case they will be less likely to judge.

Remember x123, you still have fresh air to breathe, clean wonderful water to drink any time you want, wonderful food to eat, warmth in the winter, clothes, a roof over your head. You can feel your body moving, you can feel your mind thinking. You can see, hear, smell taste and touch all the things around you. You have friends and family and the internet. What does the rest matter compared to that?



- vital

What an awesome clip you've posted!

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I feel very much the same. Our diagnosis' differ, but I'm in a similar place. I'm 36, live with family, only ever had one relationship in college, no kids (I can't handle that kind of stress), and a career in anything I'm interested in is going to be difficult. (But to my credit I am trying....) Yeah, guys our age.....either already married/divorced with kids or they've got other issues which have kept them single. (Sounds hypocritical I know but I need the draw of a more stable person or I risk becoming destabilized.) It stinks being 36 and feeling life is over, giving up on dreams. It's hard to give up on the kid thing, but I know it's not going to happen and I refuse to be a step mother either. I don't need that drama. But now facing being alone for life and not being able to ever support myself? I don't want to think about it.