Hello PC members,

Not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I recently got engaged and we're trying to figure out wedding plans. His parents are very ill and live in FL and his brother and family live in California. We live in MA, my family is in MA and all our friends are in MA.

We've talked about eloping and having a big party for family and then separately, with our friends. Our friends and family won't mix well, so we want to keep them separated.

We've also talked about having a small family wedding in FL, where his sick parents live, and asking all our family to fly, and then having a big bash with all our friends afterwards.

IF we eloped, we may have to have two parties -- one for family, and one for friends. For the family party, we have no idea how we would manage it, given everyone is dispersed across the country. Friends are easy -- most are here in MA.

So what do we do?? Is it best to plan a family wedding in FL so all family members can attend? Thing is, we have NO idea how it would be paid for -- most likely, by ourselves, and we don't have much. We kind of just want to elope, just he and I though. It's very romantic, and we both like the idea.

So... hmmm.. what do you all think?

Thanks!

[downandlonely]

I'm probably not the right person to ask because I've never married (or even come close), but to me eloping sounds like the most attractive idea. A lot less fuss, planning, and expense. Just the thought of planning a wedding is scary to me.

TY!

[WishfulThinker66]

I like the idea of something small.

My brother and now sister-in-law got married this summer. They had a lovely outdoor wedding with a marriage commissioner presiding. I think there might have been a dozen guests at most.

Afterwards though they had a cool party that began late after dinner. That way they did not have to feed everyone and it was a casual - and enjoyable - evening. What was really cool was that they had arranged for two food trucks (yes, you read that right). I have been to a lot of rather boring receptions overly done and painfully too perfect and 'cold'. This was a rip raoring casual good time - and probably the most memorable of occasions I have been to.

[divine1966]

We didn’t want to do anything.

Second marriage for both and we both have adult kids. We also both had big first weddings so we did absolutely nothing this time. No wedding guests and no parties. Both families live all over the country and some overseas. Too much work. We got married in a court house in a neighboring state that doesn’t require witnesses. Two of us. That was it.

But we did have nice honeymoon, we left there the next morning. Wasn’t long trip but it was great. The end. Some people looked at us strange why didn’t we do anything. We just didn’t care.

But we had professional photo shoot before the wedding. Dressed up, rings, flowers and nice park. Pictures are awesome and they do look like actual wedding in a park minus my dress wasn’t white of course and no guests. So we have wedding pictures so to speak

Since we did nothing at all we also kind got no gifts which was expected and we wanted nothing. I guess people were mad we did nothing lol. Well my parents gave us something (money), my ex-husband gave us substantial sum (yeah we are like that), my aunt and one of my friends gave us gift cards. I don’t think we got anything else. Oh my daughter got us something but it wasn’t formal wedding gift. Just something she always gets us when she visits or at holidays.

So I have no advice. Just that none of it’s important. Being in a second marriage and almost decade long live in relationship in between two marriages, ceremonies do not matter at all. Do whatever you feel like.

Oh I just remember I asked my therapist if it’s ok not to do formal wedding with guests or reception as people might get mad. She said “so what? They’ll get over it”. Ha

Thank you, Divine and WishfulThinker!

Food for thought, for sure!!

It's his second marriage and my first. Since it's my first and hopefully ONLY wedding, I'd love for it to still be special and memorable for years to come. I know every anniversary I'd like to be able to reflect back on an enjoyable wedding or at least a celebratory party that was special to us.

I am not one who likes to be the center of attention though either. A small family wedding would suit me just fine.

I think the biggest issue is finances. I don't know if my parents can or would contribute. I feel like I'm almost too old to ask them to help -- plus, they've helped me financially over the years with many big expenses, so I feel guilty for even bringing it up.

So with that in mind, we may have to just elope. I really don't know how a wedding will be paid for.

My H and I had something very small. I am not a bells and whistles person so we had a small private ceremony then afterwords a small reception with just our closest friends and family. I didn’t have the issue of his parents and my parents living far away from each other though. Everyone is local. However it is your day and you should do
It exactly how you want without having anything influence your decision. Weather you do something big or small..you will remember it for sure.

[divine1966]

I’d say if you can’t afford even a small family ceremony and party, then I’d say it’s not wise to do it at all. At my age I’d not ask my parents for money for a party. I understand asking for help though like buying medication or other necessities. Not a party. I think getting close to 50 I’d worry about saving some or pay debt or doing something truly special like take a trip.

You can still have great wedding memory. Our wedding actually was special and we do have great memories of it (some of it was very funny like some druggies clapping and cheering us on in a court room). And our honeymoon was great. Part of if was a dinner cruise which was kind of special as it was romance newlywed package etc You can do a honeymoon even a short trip instead of a party too. Get honeymoon/Newly weds packages etc We have great albums of a photo shoot and separate of a honeymoon.

Honestly I am not practical person as I am a big time spender lol but I’d be worried about my finances if even a small party is a problem. Is the guy not making much? Are you a bread winner? Not judging, just asking. My husband pays alimony to his lazy ex who refuses to work. We are losing 1k every month on her. It effects us financially. So I understand having all kind of situations.

[Row Jimmy]

That $30,000 you'll save on a wedding sure will come in handy as you start your lives together. IMO, a wedding is for everyone else's benefit......then again, I'm not all that romantic.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I’d say if you can’t afford even a small family ceremony and party, then I’d say it’s not wise to do it at all. At my age I’d not ask my parents for money for a party. I understand asking for help though like buying medication or other necessities. Not a party. I think getting close to 50 I’d worry about saving some or pay debt or doing something truly special like take a trip.

You can still have great wedding memory. Our wedding actually was special and we do have great memories of it (some of it was very funny like some druggies clapping and cheering us on in a court room). And our honeymoon was great. Part of if was a dinner cruise which was kind of special as it was romance newlywed package etc You can do a honeymoon even a short trip instead of a party too. Get honeymoon/Newly weds packages etc We have great albums of a photo shoot and separate of a honeymoon.

Honestly I am not practical person as I am a big time spender lol but I’d be worried about my finances if even a small party is a problem. Is the guy not making much? Are you a bread winner? Not judging, just asking. My husband pays alimony to his lazy ex who refuses to work. We are losing 1k every month on her. It effects us financially. So I understand having all kind of situations.

I’m not the breadwinner and he makes a very decent living but I do earn more. I like the notion of putting money towards a spectacular honeymoon and a big party. I can save over $1000 a month right now so I’m ten months I’ll have ten grand. Plenty of money for both and some left over. Thank you divine. You’ve given me some ideas.

[QUOTE=Row Jimmy;6279498]That $30,000 you'll save on a wedding sure will come in handy as you start your lives together. IMO, a wedding is for everyone else's benefit......then again, I'm not all that romantic.[/QUOTE

Absolutely!

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I’m not the breadwinner and he makes a very decent living but I do earn more. I like the notion of putting money towards a spectacular honeymoon and a big party. I can save over $1000 a month right now so I’m ten months I’ll have ten grand. Plenty of money for both and some left over. Thank you divine. You’ve given me some ideas.

You can have excellent overseas trip with that money and then some! Honeymoon in Paris or Rome. I personally prefer going places to have a party. But if money isn’t really an issue, then it’s all could be done. Enjoy planning.

Originally Posted by divine1966

You can have excellent overseas trip with that money and then some! Honeymoon in Paris or Rome. I personally prefer going places to have a party. But if money isn’t really an issue, then it’s all could be done. Enjoy planning.

Well, I could save money for a trip for us and maybe he can too. I definitely need to start saving now. Having an amazing honeymoon is important. We want to go to Hawaii.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Well, I could save money for a trip for us and maybe he can too. I definitely need to start saving now. Having an amazing honeymoon is important. We want to go to Hawaii.

That would be great. I have never been.

Originally Posted by divine1966

That would be great. I have never been.

Me neither!! I've always wanted to go.

So.... the latest:

My fiance's a big spender, a far bigger spender than me. I have to broach the subject of saving money for our honeymoon, for which we will have to pay.

At this point, we'll most likely elope, but we want an amazing honeymoon. He has a bunch of money right now from his prior divorce settlement, but it's dwindling quickly. I cannot tell him how to spend that money, but I want to ask if he'll save some of it for us, for our honeymoon.

Do I have that right? Otherwise, he won't be able to save any other funds because he doesn't have extra to save, even though he makes a decent living.

I don't know how to approach this with him. I don't want to be the only one paying for the whole honeymoon. I mean, I could save about $1000 per month, but that will take a long time to save enough, and I would prefer that some of that goes into actual savings, as well as that we split the cost of our trip.

[Medusax]

Well.....personally, I eloped and went to Las Vegas. It wasn't my chosen wedding scenario, but because of circumstances too numerous to mention here, I just took the path of least resistance and eloped.

Originally Posted by Medusax

Well.....personally, I eloped and went to Las Vegas. It wasn't my chosen wedding scenario, but because of circumstances too numerous to mention here, I just took the path of least resistance and eloped.

TY! I hear you!!! We may do the same exact thing.... I don't know yet though.

[Medusax]

Yes my parents got lucky with us. They married two daughters off for $2500.00 total. My wedding only cost $260.00.
My sister's cost a bit more....

Originally Posted by Medusax

Yes my parents got lucky with us. They married two daughters off for $2500.00 total. My wedding only cost $260.00.
My sister's cost a bit more....

wow!!!

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

So.... the latest:

My fiance's a big spender, a far bigger spender than me. I have to broach the subject of saving money for our honeymoon, for which we will have to pay.

At this point, we'll most likely elope, but we want an amazing honeymoon. He has a bunch of money right now from his prior divorce settlement, but it's dwindling quickly. I cannot tell him how to spend that money, but I want to ask if he'll save some of it for us, for our honeymoon.

Do I have that right? Otherwise, he won't be able to save any other funds because he doesn't have extra to save, even though he makes a decent living.

I don't know how to approach this with him. I don't want to be the only one paying for the whole honeymoon. I mean, I could save about $1000 per month, but that will take a long time to save enough, and I would prefer that some of that goes into actual savings, as well as that we split the cost of our trip.

Do you in general have problems approaching him about things? I am a bit concerned you are even wondering how to approach it. You are engaged to be married. If you can’t approach him, it’s concerning.

Personally I’d no way no how pay for honeymoon. I am not saying he has to pay for it but I’d not pay for it all by myself unless maybe I won a lottery or was filthy rich lol.

If he is not saving or unable to save then how is he expecting to go on this fancy honeymoon? On your dime? Nope. Not happening. But it’s just me. Not treating able bodied men to vacations especially since you haven’t even been together that long!. You have experience with supporting men. Don’t do it.

Now I can relate to being a spender. And I also understand not being able to save. But it also means that perhaps you two can’t go to fancy honeymoon far away and should plan great honeymoon somewhere else/shorter/cheaper. It can still be great memory. Then you can go to fancy longer vacation next year or whoever

Originally Posted by divine1966

Do you in general have problems approaching him about things? I am a bit concerned you are even wondering how to approach it. You are engaged to be married. If you can’t approach him, it’s concerning.

Personally I’d no way no how pay for honeymoon. I am not saying he has to pay for it but I’d not pay for it all by myself unless maybe I won a lottery or was filthy rich lol.

If he is not saving or unable to save then how is he expecting to go on this fancy honeymoon? On your dime? Nope. Not happening. But it’s just me. Not treating able bodied men to vacations especially since you haven’t even been together that long!. You have experience with supporting men. Don’t do it.

Now I can relate to being a spender. And I also understand not being able to save. But it also means that perhaps you two can’t go to fancy honeymoon far away and should plan great honeymoon somewhere else/shorter/cheaper. It can still be great memory. Then you can go to fancy longer vacation next year or whoever

I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up, but I do feel comfortable talking with him. I did though and he can contribute so it’s all fine. Everything’s is good. Thank you!

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up, but I do feel comfortable talking with him. I did though and he can contribute so it’s all fine. Everything’s is good. Thank you!

Excellent! Money is a sensitive topic overall.

[zapatoes]

My parents eloped and they were married for 52 years until my dad passed. My mom’s dad had MS so she did partly due to that.

[zapatoes]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

So.... the latest:

My fiance's a big spender, a far bigger spender than me. I have to broach the subject of saving money for our honeymoon, for which we will have to pay.

At this point, we'll most likely elope, but we want an amazing honeymoon. He has a bunch of money right now from his prior divorce settlement, but it's dwindling quickly. I cannot tell him how to spend that money, but I want to ask if he'll save some of it for us, for our honeymoon.

Do I have that right? Otherwise, he won't be able to save any other funds because he doesn't have extra to save, even though he makes a decent living.

I don't know how to approach this with him. I don't want to be the only one paying for the whole honeymoon. I mean, I could save about $1000 per month, but that will take a long time to save enough, and I would prefer that some of that goes into actual savings, as well as that we split the cost of our trip.

Go to Vegas to elope and for the honeymoon.