[cusack10]

very much in need of this.
just heard a most dirty gossip from out of the window.

[cusack10]

i still failed to manage a sleep.they just can't help but accuse or disturb me.hostility in family,from elders.and outdoors,on the streets,there is gossip on me.pressed frm both directions.all years of under the pressures,i managed to figure out what the trouble is and lots of good thingns how we think wanting to share and help.but now what cani do to develop all this without basic rests?how and where cani find help.people seem not believe this kind of problem.

[h0kie]

Hi cusack and welcome.

My husband's psychiatrist told him that sometimes (some) symptoms of mental illness can be a result of too little sleep. Before she diagnosed him with depression, she had him get a sleep study. According to her, some symptoms disappear if a person gets enough rest.

I suggest you contact a doctor about your insomnia. I know I am not myself when I don't get enough sleep.

[misty]

Just going to ask, Are you amish?

[cusack10]

mad i am,is it permitted for a thread of madness.

find some1 for witnessing or to verify,what somebody named td suggested to me.it's also i thought of.what happened to me is just too new to the people here.and there are few helpers on psych.some one to experience what i do counts.yes,some evidences,i have been thinking of this long before.now i managed to get myself a dv camcorder.but only 2mb ram build in storage.yes,i call on for old sd/mmc slot cards,yes,it is a material thing.

addition to the above question,i did tell,tell,tell,i told.this area lag very much behind you on idea thing,you see,i am first chinese.

[eskielover]

cusack10,

I know you were hearing these gossip voices the other day...I think that maybe in your country of China that the psychology field in behind the western countries in trying to help all psychological problems, not just yours. I would imagine it would be hard to find help there, but I have found it hard to get help here too on certain problems that many of the psychological professional field don't want to help.

The madness you speak of is not looked at as madness....it is just a symptom of what you are going through. It would take a professional to really deal with your problems since it probably deals with issues that you have experiences in your life. Lack of sleep can also be a symptom, but could possibly be a cause....but it would take a professional to identify what your problem really is.

I do hope you can find the necessary help you need...keep searching because it is important so you can deal with your future....we are here to coach as much as we can. There are some here that might be knowledgable about the Chinese cultrue & environment that can better provide you with answers you need....others of us can hopefully give you some moral support until you can find the help you need.

Hoping things go better,
Debbie

[misty]

sooooo srrry did not mean to be disrespectful!!!!!!
lrks

[misty]

It sounds like you speak of only bits and peices of what you are going through and it is hard to understand. I know what it is like to only want to speak bits and pieces but with that I know I may not get the support I seek also.
lrks

[cusack10]

last try.there is always defense against here in the house and out side.one side safe,i can get over it.

facts.family blamed,sadness and confusion in the outside,lacking a sense of judgement, gossip came into being.pressed from inside and outside.agony time and a truth faith in growing years,now things get clearer to almost full length though.surrounding get worse,basic rest are disturbed from both sides. help me to let me help.as it should be.it is now equal talk.

ok.hope i can rent an aparment for two months to solidify my english.and with the skill i can live on my own and get out of here.it's 2000 yuan or 200 dollars.it is a loan.request.

e r.
thank you.irks.two pieces flew in when i do my last post.i just have no time to think,or rest.like i saw you asking of amish,i felt a relief of somebody positively think about it for me.and something esle.but i didn't type.cause it will be relax.there is no room for me to relax,there is all disturbance.i keep losing thoughts i prepared.you get it?i lost.things is simple,people bully the weak,if you guys came here,saying to them,hey,it's nonsense you said,i lost,i lost.

[misty]

If you get rent for 200 dollars would be wonderful here in US. that is not known. it is from 300- 600 dollars here.
My understanding is there is conflict and struggel with you, family and community. If I am wrong please let me know. You sound very upset is what I get. I hope that we can go on and talk no matter what.

[Rapunzel]

Hi Cusack,

Do you mind if I summarize what you have told me in chat, email, and pm a little in order to clarify what you are saying? It is still difficult for people to know what you mean, although I am very impressed with how well you have learned English on your own. It must be frustrating when people don't quite understand though.

Correct me if I get this wrong, ok? What you have told me is that you are in China, and you live with your parents. Your parents sound like they are verbally abusive. They insult you and put you down, sometimes for their own amusement? That must hurt. I would not want to be treated like that. And with your culture, it must be difficult to get help or to have someone believe you, since honoring your parents is so important in the Oriantal cultures. Unfortunately, I have also gotten the idea that honoring your children is not stressed so much. Respect seems to go mostly from the younger to the older, or from one of lower status to one of higher status, but not so much the other way around. I feel that honorable people respect everyone, no matter what their status is. Do you think that is a Western value? Believe me, there are still plenty of people here who just don't really respect anybody, so we definitely have our own problems.

The way I understand it, what you want is to be able to move out of your parents' home and get your own apartment, where you can work on your English a bit more and develop that as a skill that could bring you more independence. Is that right? And in order to do that, you are in need of $200 for rent.

Tell me, if you earn money, are you allowed to keep it yourself, or would it belong to your parents or your family? I am wondering if there is some way for you to work for that money or save up so that you can reach your goal. I know that there is much poverty among the Chinese people, but you have a computer and access to the internet, so you must have some pretty good resources.

How can we help you here so that you can have the confidence to earn the money you need and win your independence? I can't give you the money because I don't have any more than I need to take care of my family. Even if I did have it, I'm not sure that having someone give it to you without earning it yourself would be the best thing for you. I think that it would mean more and give you more confidence in yourself and independence if you worked for the money.

I wish you well, Cusack, and I hope that you are able to make the kind of life for yourself that you desire.

[cusack10]

my dad is dung,and people see him as good,that makes me upset.
he plays double faces,false kind face before others and dirty tricks on me.he is sick in controling and torturing.

i broke my words.

[silver_queen]

I'm sorry to hear that your dad mistreats you in that way, cusack, especially as he also doesn't support you in whichever illness you have... it must be very hard for you.