[catgirl]

Is it possible to go through a time of grieving when one goes through divorce? If so, how long does it last and are there stages? Thanks all for any input. ~Cat

[h0kie]

I would think it is normal. Divorce is a loss. A loss of a marriage.

Length is stages probably depends on the person, much like "normal" grief. The five stages of grief probably work for divorce too (Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance).

No advice to give...but it sounds perfectly normal to me to grieve for your marriage. Good luck to you. Take care of you.

[bebop]

yes you do grieve for a divorce. perfectly normal.

[seeker1950]

Yes! you do go thru the stages of grief. There is a wonderful book, FROM ABANDONMENT TO HEALING, by Susan Anderson. I recently bought it from Amazon.com, and then passed it on to a friend. She talks about the stages of grief. She also discusses how it is like a death, but not a death, and in some ways much harder, because the person is still out there getting on with their life, and closure is difficult for you.
I send you healing thoughts.
Seeker

[eskielover]

Doesn't it depend on which side of the divorce you are on???? I know that sounds stupid, but I am the one that decided it was the only answer & am the one pushing it through with a husband that wouldn't get divorced if I didn't do all the work to make it happen even though he agrees that divorce is the only answer too (I think). I can't imagine feeling grief...but maybe when it is final I will. I know I will be trading one set of stresses for another of being alone & having to take care of myself & all my dogs & horses.

Debbie

[Myzen]

Hi Catgirl,

Yes, we grieve over many losses in our lives. In the case of divorce I think we grieve for something we never managed to achieve - a happy relationship with that person - and that can leave us feeling very empty.

As in all cases of loss, the aim is to move on, to make the best of what we have.

I hope it gets easier for you soon.

Peaceful thoughts, Myzen

[sherry13]

(((((((((((((catgirl)))))))))))))))
yes i too agree that grief is a part of divorce..i know myself i have gone through alot of the stages...anger saddness etc..i myself yet to get my divorce..but i know it is the only way for me to be healthy. so this was my choice..i feel alot of the feeling of grief for my children..i even feel blame,but i just coudlnt do the alchol thing anymore ..he recently had surgery..i always took care of him i cant tell you the guilt i had for not being there to take care of him..but its not my job anymore...what mixed emotions i have been feeling..There is alot more id like to say but cant seem to put the words together right now...Sending you support and best wishes ........sherry

[bebop]

eskie yes I agree with you...it does depend on what side you are on most of the time. for me my last divorce was very hard for me but I am the one that left. I left my lover my best friend. He couldn't stop his drinking and I couldn't take seeing him kill himself any longer. He died 3 yrs ago to alcoholism. I grieved over the divorce and then again when he died. but the others I simply walked away so I have really been on both ends of that.