I know it's only been 2 days since mum passed away, I feel guilt as I didn't get to say the things I wanted to, There is so much stuff unsaid, She had a bad life and everytime I think about her I can't stop crying typing this is very hard as I am admitting to myself that I should of been a better daughter.

I think she gave up on life, She suffered years of abuse from dad, I am trying hard not to get angry there is so much going on inside my head. I am going to miss her so much, I can't see how life is going to go on without her

[Turtleboy]

Very sorry to hear of your loss, i hope you can one day let your guilt go. You sound like a terrific daughter please don't beat your self up

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Tinkerbell.

I know it's only been 2 days since mum passed away, I feel guilt as I didn't get to say the things I wanted to, There is so much stuff unsaid,

Tink, why don't you write your mum a letter and include that in her casket, or if she is going to be cremated, include it in the cremation. There is also an "empty chair" technique in grief counseling..here is one site that explains it (look under the paragraph titled "Approaches Used"--

http://www.gfcs.info/GriefCounseling.html

[gma45]

I understand what you are feeling as I felt the same way when my Mom passed. I put her through so much I wasn't the best daughter I feel. But I have to tell myself... Not one of us is born with an instruction book on how to behave, all we can do is be us. Some days I still say I am sorry for something I said or did. We can't be hard on ourselves thou. She loved you very much just as you love your daughter. I also thought how could life go on , then I thought my Mom lost her Mom when she was younger than me and She went on. So we must also! I just hope this makes a bit of sense written to you as I know what I want to say just hard for me to put it in writing. posted with love!

[lynn P.]

(((Tinkerbell))) - you're grieving and its natural for all these questions, what if's and reflection to surface. I've gone through a fare amount of family loss - for some reason its seems natural for all kinds of past memories and emotions to surface. Grief tests our strength and we wonder how we'll have the strength - just when we think we're so weak, the strength comes.

All you can do is learn how to live your life better. God wants you to live your life completely ....not stop living because a loved one died. I remember when I was 27 and my mother had her 1st massive stroke - she was near death and I prayed for God to take me instead. I now know that was wrong of me to say. It takes time but you will get through this - hugs to you and your family during this difficult time.

[AvidReader]

((((((((((Tinkerbell))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could do something to help. Hang in there!

[AvidReader]

Tinkerbell, I meant to say earlier -- if you don't mind a piece of unsolicited advice -- make sure to give yourself time to grieve. You have suffered a tremendous loss, one that can take months or years to fully recover from, if one indeed ever recovers from such a loss.

The first year (first holiday, birthday, etc.) is particularly difficult, in my own experience.

Don't rush yourself or be too hard on yourself.

Sending more hugs...

[cowboy1]

I am so sorry for your loss of your mum. I hope you start feeling alittle better and know she did love you just as much or more. Sorry again COWBOY1.

I'm deeply sorry. I'm sure your mum would want you to be happy.

,
Pfrog

[missbelle]

Thinking of you......its alway so hard to loose a mom!!!

[anjelmarie]

Originally Posted by Tinkerbell.

I know it's only been 2 days since mum passed away, I feel guilt as I didn't get to say the things I wanted to, There is so much stuff unsaid, She had a bad life and everytime I think about her I can't stop crying typing this is very hard as I am admitting to myself that I should of been a better daughter.

I think she gave up on life, She suffered years of abuse from dad, I am trying hard not to get angry there is so much going on inside my head. I am going to miss her so much, I can't see how life is going to go on without her

So sorry tinkerbell on your mom's passing. Losing your mom is so hard, i lost mine in 2006. It feels like it just happened still. Its a pain i have never felt before, just raw and unbearable. I am feeling your hurt, i know there is nothing anyone can say to take that hurt away right now. I hope you have people around you that you can lean on and talk to. I didn't have that. In the beginning people called and came around but after a few weeks that ended and some people just avoided me. I found out from reading grief books that happens sometimes. People don't know what to say or they start thinking about when death is going to happen to someone they love. Grief books helped me alot to understand the emotions i was feeling and why people behaved the way they did. I would definetly look into picking some books up. I also felt guilt and i was mad it happened the way it did and i felt like it shouldn't have and i never got to do things i wanted to do and i should have done more and i went on and on. The books say you will go through that especially if its a sudden death but even if it isn't you think of things you would have liked to say or done. If you are not in therapy maybe you should see a grief counselor also. I can't say that it goes away, the pain, or that it gets better unfortunately at least not for me. You just learn to live with it and it is not as painful as time goes by. You won't think about it every minute. So my prayers are definetly with you and please take care of yourself.

[Sabrina]

Take care of yourself as best you can Tink! Sending you soothing and comforting thoughts to you and your family, and of course, you Mom.

[carrie_ann]

(((((tinkerbell)))))

Thank you all very much.

It has now been 11 days and the pain is so unbearable, We buried mum yesterday the funeral was so hard.

I cry everytime I try and write or think about her, I miss her so much.

[jen29]

(((((Tinkerbell)))))))

You are in my thoughts and prayers hon.
Try and take care of you.

hugs,
jen

[Yoda]

awww.

sorry to hear that.

hugs

[Trippin2.0]

Thinking of you Tink

[Rose76]

((((Tink)))) Sorry that you're hurting so. Your Mum must have been so special. Sending you ((((((HUGS)))))).

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Tinkerbell ))))))))))))))

I just lost my mother 2 months ago.
I had been taking care of her for 6 years.
She had Altheimers. She went through every stage until I could not take care of her anymore, as she needed nurses and doctors and professional care.
I maintained her at home as long as i could.
She survived another 3 months at the nusing home.
I was by her side when she died, but she was not concience for 2 days.
I told her it was alright to let go. I don't know if she heard me, but an hour later she went.
She was my best and only friend.
I just got a letter from one of her friends in another state. So now I have to send out another letter w/ her obiturary.
A couple weeks after she died I met a women who knew me growing up. I had told her i had just lost my mother. I told her we have to bury our parents, that is life. Then she told me her daughter had just passed away at 49 y/o. She responded, yes I know, but we shouldn't have to bury our children. i felt pretty bad for what i had just said.
But I keep saying it to my self, it's all life and everyone goes through losing thier parents.
I have been maintaining her gravesite, and was there today actually. I feel that I am still taking care of her, but at her resting place.
It bothers me most because she was all I had. I have no other friends to speak of, because I have my own problems and i was always at home watching her.
I'm sorry for your loss. You have to think of the good times and memories. They are what lasts forever along with love. I too, wished I could of been a better son, but it is as it was...
There are no other words i can say...

I had this engraved on her stone grave marker, as she always had and loved her cats.

Thank you and abscondist I am sorry that you lost your mom too, It is very hard

I am not coping at all yesterday and today I have done nothing but cry, I don't understand how mom's organs failed so quickly, I keep asking myself why? I have also lost 2 brothers too 1 in 1987 aged 15 and 1 in 2001 aged 39 that was very hard but losing mom is so different, I look at her photograph and it is like she is still with me.

I am all emotional now writing this so will stop

[shezbut]

((((Tinkerbell))))

I know that words can't possibly help you through this intense pain that you feel inside. I wish that I could say something that might help you!

For me, the death of my grandma (on mom's side) was the worst that I've endured so far. (I've lost more than a few) I bawled harder and longer than I have in my entire life!! I was completely inconsolable. Somehow, my grandma had the sweetest, most positive, and encouraging attitude towards everyone in the family. It was amazing to me that she held that power. Especially while her husband (my grandpa) was SO very abusive towards everyone ~ physically & emotionally. Grandma held us together ~ birthdays, every holiday, we were always there. It has been 19 years since she passed, and I still can't describe the sorrow that Grandma's death brought up inside of me.

As time passed, the pain did become less intrusive. I do try to keep the positive memories in mind, and shove the negatives associated aside. It isn't easy because so much pain occurred right there with sweet little memories. But, it's necessary to remember that I did have her love and affection.

I am sure that your mom knew that you love her. While you may not have been with her as much as you wish that you were, she still knew inside. Coming from an abusive household is hard. You are an adult and needed extra space and safety. I can't believe that she held that against you. Please try to give yourself a break. Grieving is never fun or easy, but it is necessary. Perhaps there are some local support groups that meet to talk about their loss and help each other through the process.

I think that meeting with others physically would be more helpful than online. Jmo. Either way, we're always here for you to talk with. Gentle hugs to you, Tink.