[ymyangel]

I'm not sure what to say or what I am feeling right now. This is really my first time talking to anyone about this and I have been feeling all sorts of emotions lately. I feel sad, angry, confused, hurt, heart-broken and empty all at the same time. I feel sad because I am missing my other half, I feel angry because things feel so unfair, I feel confused because it all happen so quickly and seems like a bad dream, I feel hurt because I feel so mistreated, I feel heart-broken because a piece has been taken away and I feel empty because nothing is left inside. Recently I lost someone who was very very close to me. The only way to explain our incredible connection is that we truly shared the same mind, heart, body and soul. I lost my baby at nearly six months pregnant. It's hard to lose someone that you've grown so attached to mentally and physically with. I was not one of those mothers that was just pregnant and having a baby but I was pregnant and acknowledged my child every chance I could. I talked to him, read to him and when I would rub my stomach it felt like he rubbed me back. He was such a sweet little soul. I pretty much went through my pregnancy alone. My baby's father decided he didn't want to be around anymore once I turned about 3 1/2 months. So I went to all my appointments alone and I dealt with that and decided that me and the baby would be just fine on our own. I had some complications during my pregnancy but my doctors assured me I would be fine, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. My labor was very traumatic and very much unexpected. Though I am thankful to have been able to spend the little bit of time I was able to spend with my baby before he died it sometimes makes things harder for me to deal with. By holding him and actually going through the entire labor and delivery that really broke my heart and messed with my mind. When I wake up in the morning all I want to do is hold my baby again. It seems so unfair to give life and have it taken away from you all in the same day. When I should have been rejoicing I was planning funeral arrangments instead. My body is still going through the "new mom stage" doing everything it would as if he was still here and thats hurts my soul so deeply. I feel so confused and empty when I want to hold my baby and all I can do is hold his picture. I guess I am here asking for help from those that have a loss as deep as mine. How do I move on and get out this hole I feel I am in? Will I ever feel better? What am I to do now?

[LMo]

This is heartbreaking, ymyangel.... I am so sorry for your loss. We are here for you...

Love,
LMo

I am so sorry for your loss. Your post is very moving. Words will probably not heal what you feel atm... It will take time to get beynd the hurt, but you will be able to heal... in time.

But for now, have you considered talking to a counsellor about it, or a support group in your area?

Also, have you any family in the meantime (parents, uncles, siblings or friends) who might give you some support.

Wishing you strength.

[bebop]

I lost a granddaughter 10 yrs ago. No one can ever tell you how to "get over" it. I think the thing that has helped my daughter and I is knowing that she is in God's arms and that He needed her in his bouquet. feel free to pm me anytime. You didn't mention though how long it has been. please take care.

[desirae]

Oh my....this is such an emotional post for all of us. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I think the worse loss is a loss of a child, somebody who was apart of you in every way.

You came to the right place, everybody is great here, loving, compassionate, and understanding. I personally haven't experienced this situation that you have, but I can feel your pain through your post.

This is a serious loss, and for years this may be emotionally and mentally effective on your heart and mind. I think it would be the best for you to receive support through a grief support group, or even a therapist. Your mind has been through a lot, more then the average person.

I'm saddened that the father is not around to support you through this grieving process, but that's okay, we are here for you and we will do what we can. I think listening is a great when a person needs to vent a cry.

Are you receiving any support from family and friends?

Please do not allow your sadness to keep you away from PC. Talking through this will benefit you, and you definitely need all the loving support you can get.

I'm going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You take care of yourself okay.

[ymyangel]

Thank you LMo for your sympathy and reading my post. It is good to know that there is a place like this where people are here for you when you are in need.

[ymyangel]

Thank you Always for your sympathy and reading my post. It is good to know that there are people who care and want to help you when you are in need. I am in the process of finding a support group or therapist in my area. The hospital I went to gave me some info on groups and counciling but I can not go back to that hospital where my baby died, that will be too much for me. Plus I felt so neglected there and don't think that is the right place for me to seek help. But I will find a Dr soon because I really need that to help me get through all this. Thanks again for your words of sympathy.

[ymyangel]

Thank you bebop for reading my post and for your words of sympathy. I truly agree that no one can ever tell you how to "get over it" and I have been dealing with so much negativity from some of my family. Some seem to feel as though I should be doing better now and moving on, getting back to work. I just lost my son a little over 2 weeks ago, what is wrong with some people. It's not like I was a few weeks and didn't have time to get attach to him, I was almost 6 months and that's a long time to bond with someone. It's not as if I can just have another child and get over it and forget. I guess they are just looking at the little amount of time he was physically here with me and not the big picture of life starting in the womb not at birth. I do try to look at it as though God needed him and just let me have him for a short time but it just makes me sad too like I was cheated out of a blessing or something. But in the same note I am very thankful for being able to see him and hold him during his last moments here. I have to go now, thanks for listening.

[ymyangel]

Thank you desirae for reading my post and for your words of sympathy. I agree that the worse loss is a loss of a child and never thought I would have to go through that. My mind and body has gone through a lot and I just feel like I need a rest. The past few days I have just found myself crying and sleeping, crying and sleeping. It doesn't make me feel any better to let it out cause the pain is still there when I finish crying. My pain feels like someone has taken out my heart and wringing it out like a towel and it hurts really bad. These have been the longest 2 weeks of my life! I still wake up every morning and wish it was all a nightmare and I will still have my little sweetheart in my stomach. But when I wake up I realize that it really did happen and he's gone. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so emotional and affectionate then maybe I wouldn't want to hold him so much. Today I woke up and my breast were leaking like crazy and call me crazy but that makes me think that he is some where hungry. Then when I came downstairs to get the mail what did I get? The books that I ordered to read to my baby. It seems like everything is starting to come now. The magazines are coming too all that I signed up for about a month ago are all coming now. It's like I get up everyday and I'm here but I'm not at the same time. I can't focus, think straight and barely remember what day it is anymore because everything seemed to revolve around my baby because I was so happy. I keep thinking that hopefully tomorrow will get better, can't wait for that tomorrow to hurry up and come! Thanks for listening.

Is there not a friend who could stay with you? Or vice versa so you are not alone in a house with so many reminders etc. You shouldn't be alone...

It is good that you are looking for help in your area. Hope this gets sorted asap.

Do take care.

i am so very, very sorry for your loss. i don't have words to express the sorrow that one feels upon losing a child. so, i'm just going to tell you that we're here for you and we'll be here whenever you need to talk. we all listen and share. love, pat

[Lucky_13]

i lost my bf a few days ago

R.I.P
Erik C.
January 29 1990-July 13 2006 <font color="black"> </font>

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

Just wanted to let YOU know that I am here if YOU ever need to talk..... and I understand for I have had one mis-carriage and my only daughter passed away a few years back at the young tender age of 10.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[bebop]

Lucky I am very sorry for your loss. We are here for you. take care of yourself

[Evangelista]

I am so very sorry for your loss, ymyangel, hope that you are very gentle with yourself during this time of great sorrow...((ymyangel))...

[Evangelista]

Lucky..I am sorry you are suffering thru a recent loss too..please take care..

[weather]

It will be one of the hardest things you do in this life, and it will never be the same for you, but you will get through it, and it will make you stronger. I wish I could say something of comfort, but in this case, there is no comfort. As others said, please take care of yourself.