[Lara86]

Hello everybody,
Well,Its my first time to post in here,Frankly i wasnt sure if i can talk about myself and my feelings or not....Im the last one who can express that "Me" or tell what i feel ..Though i have lotz of things to say....
I know im supposed now to talk about something i lost in that forum...Its not somebody..I lost myself...Yeah!..My real identity too,.....
Back 10 years,i used to be a very stable and secured girl,outgoing,socializing with everybody,Love life,talented and ambitious...Forgot to mention that i got to have a very happy parents....And i was 10 years old ....
Years passed,things started to change...And without getting into detalis...My life got darker..From that enchanting sparkling life to a weird gloomy life...I changed alot in these 10 years as im 20 now...Im very gloomy ,depressed,and quite....Im no more loving ppl,im no more feeling secured,i almost lost interest in everything i used to like,lost interest in my dreams and hopes....Feeling anxiety all over me all the time and feeling afraid,Drifting away of ppl and hating to socalize...God that it extremely harsh ....!!And that comes down to many problems i got in those 10 years...Financial and social problems ..also emotional problems...
What anybody can do when he/she feels losing trust in almost everybody??..feeling with disability in loving anybody ?? Hating just to hang out with friends or to go shopping so as not to see a human being...Feeling dismissed out of all ppl's lives and feeling that u r the last one who ppl remember Though u have alwaysbeen very good to them????
Sorry guyz..i know that may be my words would sound senseless to most of you......But suddenly i felt like talking and wanted To share these thoughts with you....Sorry for bothering...and thanks for your time...

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

Many of us here on PC understand the feeling you are talking about here and having to suffer through, for we too had lost the ME in us..... the original blue print of who we were meant to be before innocence was lost (taken) and hate, anger, fear was put in its place.

With me personally spending the last 10 years in and out of therapy (after a complete break down) and on medicine I can finally say that I have started to see ME again.... I had to do all the hard work to uncover her, but she was still there.... deep down with in me, under all the trash that others had thrown upon me.... she was scared and very frighten but nevertheless happy to be found and to see light again.

Hang in there and seek the help you need to find the YOU that was born..... before the evil of other people came knocking at your door.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

hi lara, and welcome to PC, you are in a good place.

firstly can i just say, please dont apologise for "bothering", its a good thing you have, it will help you find YOU again. as Rhapsody said, there are many people here that have experienced the same as you, many have found the ME factor in themselves but it does require hard work.

i cant say ive lost myself, ive never been thee true ME since i was too young to remember, comments and actions from others made me hide my TRUE self from such an early age. but i am finding myself now, and its a good feeling. and i know you can find yourself again.

the world is a cruel place and people generally look for someone to dump their unwanted feelings on, its an awful thing to do as humans, but there are many who do it.

dont worry too much about your change in likes etc, they will return soon enough.

have you began councilling/therapy yet? that would help alot if you did.

i wish you all the best in your descovery, and i want you to know you arent alone in this voyage of self-descovery. many of us are right beside you, taking every step with you.

take care of YOU, nuture yourself and your true being will emerge when it sees fit.

speak soon, and once again, welcome to PsychCentral

[Lara86]

Hello,
Well im really speechless about ur replies Rhapsody and simon...I dont know what to say...and i didnt expect that anybody can show care for you that way u did both of you,and that really gave me a real push or a boost ,Its just great to feel that someone is feeling what u feel and showing u care and offering help...You really comforted me Guyz!....
Yeah,As simon said,Its a "Finding me" voyage,U know Simon...I used to be that kind of ppl who u can call"having a very strong Will".....and im trying to get back that thing again...to get back Hope...Nothing but hope....
The question here...do u think im depressed???im so much taken by that dark thought ,and afraid to face myself with the truth.....Is that Depression???.....
Hope not...Anywayz.....thankkkkkkss alot guyz.....im really loving that place that shows nothing but Real Meaning Of humanity which is supporting others and backing them up......
Love,lara...

i personally cannot say whether you are depressed or not, its something you will need to discuss with your GP.

in response to your statement "im so much taken by that dark thought ,and afraid to face myself with the truth.....Is that Depression???", being faced with the reality of having to be surounded by darkness is a hard thing to comprehend, and alot of us would rather deny it than accept it in hope for an easy life. the fear to accept it could be related to depression, that is something you should consider talking to a councillor about.

hope will return to you soon enough, if you need it too much you wont find it. how does that well-known saying go..."you only find something when you stop looking", or something like that.

you say that you used to have a strong will, to be honest, it looks to me as if you still have it, you have the will to conquer these emotions you are feeling, and you cant ask for any more will than that.

you are a determined person in my eyes, and you are prepared to accept whatever it takes to "heal" yourself again, and that takes alot of courage. i say you should give yourself a very well deserved pat on the back...and heres a hug from me

(((((((((((((((((((((((LARA))))))))))))))))))))))))

take care and i look forward to hearing from you shortly

[weather]

Yes, many of us understand what you are going through. And you are in a good place. I lost myself in unimaginable ways, and recreated who I am. It is hard, but worth the effort to live a new life..

What do you think of music? Sometimes a song's words can "speak" to you and help put things in prespective.

" Here's a toast to all of those who hear me all too well.
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye.
Tomorow's going to come too soon."

[Lara86]

Well,Guyz ur replies really made my day!!....Im still so thankful to all that back-up im recieveing here...
To Weather,that song is amazing exactly as u are...And yeah...It worth the effort to get and live a new life....
To Simon>dont know what to say!...U dont know how what u said made a difference..as i woke up feeling down today and inactive ...But after i have read the replies i felt that hope is still there...and i agree from head to heels that"when u stop waiting for something,it will come to you" and that stuff!!....Im so much better now without joking...i feel stronger to face that day.....Thanks simon for ur help and thanks for everybody.....
Love.,Lara...