[kimthecatlover]

I wonder if anyone else here has lost a precious pet, and has been pushed or hurried through the grieving process by a caseworker or other mental health professional? This happened in 1999 when I had to put my first cat, Sylvester, down....I was allowed to grieve for only three weeks..then my staff pressured me to start 'getting over it'...why would they be so callous as to do this? So that someone at the State would not be on their backs about 'why isn't she improving?' or 'This is only a pet, it's not normal she grieve any longer' or is this just that staffers are human and they did not know, themselves, how to deal with grief/loss? Are they not taught that pet grieving is just as real and intense as grieving for a human friend or loved one?

[Lexicon78]

I think that people often think that pets are not as important as people, which is so far from the truth. I think that's why we are not given time to grieve for them.

In my opinion, our pets are as important or (depending on my attitude or mood) more important than most people.

my best friend, tippy, died in 2001. i still grieve for him and for a scottie that died in 1988. some pets leave a hole in our heart and it is our grief and our feelings that still honor their love. it's cruel to tell anyone to "get over it". my mom told me that one time and then she got a cat and when he died, she grieved for two years. (i was kind)

[AlwaysSearching]

Sadly, I think the attitude of a lot of people in general is something along the lines of "It's just a pet, get over it" or "It's just a pet, you can get another one." They don't consider that, for us animal lovers, are animals are our friends and family members.

I have gotten, and continue to get, the "just get over it" attitude from my two sisters, even though they have cats, so you'd think they'd be sympathetic. I continue to grieve my dog, Sandy, who passed away over a year ago, because she was such a big part of my life. I don't believe that a true animal lover can just get over the death of a beloved animal friend in a matter of weeks, and it's cruel for someone to expect that of you.

This is one of the reasons why, when considering going into therapy to help me cope with Sandy's death, I've always changed my mind. I'm afraid that a counselor would say something like, "It's been over a year already, and she was just a dog..."

you could read my question to "ask the therapist" about grieving about tippy. it was quite interesting and did help me. it's either in depression or general. xoxoxo pat

[Hopefull]

I don't know. I had one of my teachers (Master's of social work and licensed clincical social worker) say something along the lines of it's just a pet. I was offended because my cat has diabetes and I am choosing to treat her. I know that my teacher has counseled people in relation to pet greif and I wondered how well he did at it. He does seem to be capable and willing to counsel people who differ from him in beliefs. So, I suspect that he did okey. I would hope that a counselor wouldn't rush a person through the greiving process. But, I suspect that he/she is being pushed to get you in and out too. Insurance does that.

[DocClyde]

I agree with everyone else. I think a lot of times people underestimate the feelings of those who love their pet, and equate it to not being as important. However, it is, because whenever a human being loses something or someone very important to them, they experience grief that does not care whether or not the one dying is animal or human.

Sorry to hear about the death of your pet.

i've always had extraordinary bonds with my animals. i can remember traits and little things about them 50 years later.

i really resent it when people try to dismiss our grief and act as if it is insignificant. they're really saying that our feelings don't matter to them.

i don't trust anyone who doesn't like animals, plants and music. there is something off about a person who can't bond with one of those three things. end of rant. xooxo pat

[JustBen]

Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief, and almost everyone thinks that everyone else's way is crazy. Somestimes you have people telling you to "get over it" when they think you've been grieving too much, but I've seen it work the other way--someone telling someone else that they "haven't grieved" yet simply because the person hasn't spent nights crying or cooped up in the house or talking about the loss.

I think what a lot of people don't take into consideration with pet loss is that it's the grieving person's feelings that are the most important factor. They think to themselves, "This was a cat (or dog), not a person" and they're right...but they don't see that it doesn't matter to the person grieving. They loved that pet so much, they can't help but need time to grieve.

[PetulantWolf]

I havent had that expereince but Ive had people tell me I should be "better" after myhusband died-three months ago! I think our grief is an "inconvenience" to other people. To tell someone to "just get over it"is ignorant. You dont have to go by anyone's timetable but your own!

[DocClyde]

That is so very true. Grief has always been set by a persons own timetable. I think a lot of people get over a person (that does not sound in the best way, but I hope you all know what I mean) in a "regular" amount of time. Not that they completely ever get over them, but the grief is not as bad. However, that does not mean that after 2 or 3 months, a person should just wake up and stop grieving either.

Let your own heart be your own guide.

[kimthecatlover]

What I think some people don't see is that a pet is like someone's child or best friend sometimes. I get 'Oh they're just an animal" a lot from others, especially those who don't have a pet to love...I see a lot of Sylvester's loving ways and feline kindness in Tika(he was still around when she was a kitten)....

[eskielover]

No one should be pushed or hurried through the grief of a pet. A pet is one of our family.....Every pet I have had is one of my children & will always have a place in my heart & there is no time frame that can be put on feelings of loosing one. I have done breeding of american eskimo dogs. I had breed one of my real loving babies...she & I spent a lot of time going together to nursing homes to visit with people & everyone wanted to love her.....she was my tiniest eskie (largest of my toys). One time she was acting strange & my husband told me to just put her into her crate. A few hours later I went to let her out of the crate & there were 2 little puppies that were dead. Neither of us ever realized that she was even pregnant let along being in labour. I tried another time & knew that she had breed. Toward the end, I had her MRI'ed & there was 1 puppy. I knew exactly when she was breed & watched her every minute while she was in labour. The baby was breech with the head coming out & looked stuck. I grabed her up & got my husband to get the car started so we could take her to the vet just in case we needed a c-section. Well, just as I did that, the baby popped out. Quite a huge puppy for her size but he looked pretty good but I took her into the vet anyway to have her checked. The first night, I had them in an x-pen to keep them controlled. The puppy got away from Mom & got stuck in the bars of the x-pen. My youngest puppy from a previous litter (other sire & dam), heard the puppy squeeling & went into the bedroom where I usually slept in to get me only my husband was in there. I was in the room with the puppy & was up immediately & helped get the puppy unstuck. I got the puppy warmed up again & pup him back with Mommy. He seemed to do ok the next day & then the next night, he got away from Mom again. I could see he wasn't doing ok, so in the middle of the night I quick took the baby to the emergench vet clinic. They tried to warm him up with a heating pad & I came home I checked Mom & sure enough, she wasn't producing milk at all. I picked up the puppy & kept him on the heating pad & did the tube feeding. I feed him hourly for about 1/2 the day & it had just too much trauma to it's body.....& it died on my lap as I was trying to feed it. To this day, I have never been able to get over the fact that if I had checked her milk production & had done the feeding from the beginning, I wouldn't have lost him. I have gone on but haven't forgotten that experience. I have learned from that experience, but I just can't let go of the fact that I could have prevented the puppy from dying along with the previous 2 ones which the lack of milk could have had cause the loss of them too.

I think that the key to our pets is that we will never forget any of them. All the cute little things they would do, the way they talk to us....my cats, my puppies, my rats, my hamster, my guinea pigs, my foals (even the miscarriages), & even the experience of being there when the vet for our horses had to put down a friends older horse who couldn't go on anymore. Any animal that we have is like having a child, & that is never forgotten. I have the belief that we will be with them in the end too. I know that there are many different concepts about this, but I think that anything that has the kind of relationship that our pets have wilt us means that they will be with in the end. Therefore for me, grieving for my pets is as important as grieving for friends of family....including the time it takes you to deal with it....it is personal & you are entitled to feel the feeling you feel,

Debbie

[Azalysa]

{{{{{{Kim}}}}}} ((((((Anyone who has lost a precious pet}}}}}}} {{{{{{Justsignmeup}}}}}}

*Aza steps on her soap box* This is one issue that makes me furious.*

To begin with I am a trained therapist who worked for Hospice. One of the things I learned through the body of literature on death and dying, education, and my practical day to day work with Hospice patients and their families is that our Western culture does not handle death well AT ALL! Usually 3 days bereavement from work and that's it. In the Jewish tradition the family of the deceased to not leave their homes and "sit shiva" for seven days of mourning. The end of the "formal" mourning (to my knowledge, please correct me if I'm wrong about this and in general I am speaking of Orthodox Jews) is marked at the year's anniversary of the death. Other cultures have varying observances, but rarely as quickly as Westerners are expected to "get over it."

Before I get off on a tangent, the point is that (1) grief can take from 1-3 YEARS to lessen (people rarely "get over" the loss of a dear one, be they human or precious pet and (2) deaths cannot be "compared" to another due to a myriad of circumstances.

Justsignmeup...I'm so sorry for the cruel way you have been treated on the loss of your husband so recently.

Onto the issue of pets - family members, friends, acquaintances and co-workers, everyone around me, knows my deep connection with my pets, so I haven't had much difficulty with people telling me to "get over it." (I generally receive sympathy cards and even some gifts. They may "think" I'm grieving too long, but they don't want to risk my ire by saying it. *grins*

I've never brought up pet loss as an issue in therapy; either I wasn't in therapy when a pet died or, with my most recent loss, Morris, my 20-year-old orange tabby, my T. asked about him and we talked a bit. (In fact, it was the loss of Morris that was the final straw to the past year's stresses that sent me plummeting into depression that kept me out of work five months. Tell me an animal is not an important part of some peoples' lives.

On the plus side, I am seeing more and more therapists who either work professionally with pet grief or volunteer while in vet school, etc.

Years ago when my former husband and I had to put our first "baby" to sleep (a gorgeous Samoyed Huskey) I was given a little pamphlet by our vet called "Death of the Family Pet." In the back it lists about 15 different vet colleges with people trained to counsel over the phone. I called one while my heart was breaking. If anyone would like any of these numbers, please feel free to PM me.

This thread has prompted me to post my "pet family" in the photo section. (If I can figure it out ) Most of them are old photos and I have "morphed" over the years.

Included will be a formal portrait of my former husband and me with our Samoyed (yep, we went to a photo studio to have this picture taken), me under the Christmas tree with our Doberman and Keeshond, a photo of me holding Morris, and one of Kali I. (I recently adopted another calico who is Kali II )

[wisewoman]

This is a recent ouch for me but I agree with Azalysa.

[Azalysa]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Azalysa said:
This thread has prompted me to post my "pet family" in the photo section. (If I can figure it out ) Most of them are old photos and I have "morphed" over the years.

Included will be a formal portrait of my former husband and me with our Samoyed (yep, we went to a photo studio to have this picture taken), me under the Christmas tree with our Doberman and Keeshond, a photo of me holding Morris, and one of Kali I. (I recently adopted another calico who is Kali II )

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Ummmmmm...anyone who may be looking for these photos, I deleted them due to my exasperation with the photo gallery. I may post one or two in future posts.

[Azalysa]

Wisewoman...just sent a PM to you.

[ocdwoman27]

No, it's wrong to be hurried through grief. My little girl (Pug) died last Friday night and it's not real; I'm just going through the motions.

My boyfriend died last July and I miss him but I miss my baby SO MUCH MORE. I had her longer and loved her deeper.

Give yourself all the time you need and cry when you need to-don't be ashamed!

anxietychick