cancer and family history

(((((((((((((((((((WM, Donna)))))))))))))))))))))

My thoughts are with you ..... takecare sweetie, hug for Donna please ..... know i'm here for you always, love you hon, Kerry xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

....>>>>>>. OK I have now gone officially BONKERS and ,,, I quess with the times I have not been able to be here ,,, and Donna has taken a few stumbles and falls ,,, I have been walking next to her every where when she is drinking .... And I steady her or let her hold on to me ,,,,,

But this scene is just getting pathetic ,,,,,,
While she was watering her garden she moved just wrong enough and POP !!! I do not believe this >>> one of her collar bones dislocated it looks >>>And she just keeps saying she cannot believe it ,,>>>>.... Chemo and radiation will make bones weak ,, and she is wasted away to almost nothing again ,,,,,,,, and is just mumbleing to herself and I am >>... as I said ,, LOL OFFICIALLY BONKERS now ......

Remembers not to buy the tickets for this ride again ,,,,,

Well I googled skeletal system ,, and more likely than not it be a ligament thing at the outside end of the clavical,,, and then she was more ,,>>> I can' t believe picking cucumbers did that ,, so I think she fell ,, again . * shakes Head * .

Did I mention I am now officially BONKERS !!!! LOL .
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ not funny .

dear friend, special as ever

all these things you've done together

a heart such as yours too good to be true

takes the pain of her suffering but you always get thru....

wishing i could take the pain from both of you

make your lives how you want them to

strong i see you both, thru it all

wishing i could be there when you fall ....

my dear dear friend know how i care

if wishes came easy i'd be right there ......

love you WM and Donna......

So Sweet ,,, Me Jin .

Ya know in life ya never see it coming ,, and then ya never remember where you have been ,,

But ya draw strength from inside .

Was going to post something in the good news way ,, >> Well I get 6 days a week I not have to be always watching ,,.

And 1 day when I have to bite my tongue >>.

I' ll detail this more later >...

((((((((((((((((I_WMD))))))))))))))))))))

Well I know I have not done much posting here lately .

: AT THIS POINT CONSIDER THIS TRIG LAND :
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I did not give this peep cancer >> that was most probabley hereditary .

I for many years fixed their oooooopppppppppssssssssses . For they knew not how >> just buried head in sand .

I was not able to fix this cancer though .

I did not smoke like a frieght train and drink vodka like a fish and lose almost half my body weight .. while going through treatments and all else involved .

I carried to bathroom and helped into tub >> I made food that was never eaten >>. I put my life and goals aside for the sake of care and the want for this peep to recover and be happy once again .

To No Avail !

Now when I here a thump ,, and I know she drunk and has fallen ?? >>> I do not look .

Why ?? Why the Hell should I ?

If through all these years they only wish to not care about themselves >> Then why should I tax myself to an early grave at the expense of one I have forever showed >>

I would never Run .

For this one says mean and ugly things when they drink >> and I feel many times >> kicked in the teeth .

So I will care one more time >> long term rehab >> And I mean Please let there be a 90 day program .

I know this persons past and I feel has underlying issuses . >> as A Real ((((((( HUGS ))))))) Friend / Love >> pointed out to me >> " She needs sorting out ".

As for ME ?

I will sort myself ,, and know >> Time out >> before MY time ends .

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((WM))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

you are one wonderful per. Kind, caring, lovely, loveable, selfless the list is endless ...... know it and believe it ... I wish you nothing but happiness and love ... always .... you are a no 1 friend .......... love you, Jin xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks >>>.......................................... But WTF ???? This peep is just a figment that will die sooner than later at there own hands through not giving a sh it about anyone but theirselves .

How can a peep be so self destructive ?

oh hon I am so sorry things are not going well right now. please take care of yourself. (((hugs)))

Bop >>>> ... I think I need to really THINK >> and LISTEN >> to those that hear what I say >> and know >> For petes sake >> I never throw in the towel ,,, But ..........................

old saying >> " Give up the ghost " .

JUST >>>... Thank You >..

I am finding me again >> hidden for so long >> but never dead ,,, just lost inside .

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I am finding me again

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because after all the fighting she has done she is finding something to make her feel alive again.

i agree she may need some help but by tyring to stop her from drinking altogether not going to get you anywhere its like smoking you cant just quit cold turkey cuz you will always go back but if you cut down gradually it is easier to quit you need to be patient

I just have to type here ATM ........

Why do people never find there own solutions ,,,, why is a stick the head in the sand mentality so much easier ???

The chances that life gives you ,, the fact that you have gone through all this ,, only to just wallow in self pity and feel that those around you are in a wait and watch you die ,, while you not even wanting to try .

Does it really give you pleasure to make us see the pain you are in .?
Does it make you feel better to say something is wrong ,, only to rebuff the help we wish you to get ?
Is this the one thing that you can still controll ? .. even though this type of controlling behavior will KILL YOU ???

Why when I ask you to let me call you an ambulance to get you to the emergency room ,, do you tell me , " you don' t want to go .. and in the next breath you tell me something is wrong .

Who in the Hell are you punishing ?
Why in the Hell are you doing this ?
What is it ???
That has dried up inside of you that makes you want us to let you go without the fight you should be doing for yourself ,,, that we can still fight for you as you give up ????

(((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you are going thru this hon. it is really sad.

Bop >>...... I will not give up on myself >> and I would think that I not give up on a Friend >> but this is what I am drumming into my head >> .

Probabley so I get use to the idea ... Let the pain out now .
Thank You for Being there for me when I need to just sit and talk .

WMD.

((((((((((((((((((WM)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i care .....

Jin >>>> Thank You ,, I know , You do care ,, Thank You again . I just comeing to a place that I see >> and I never had the notion that she would be so WTF non - careing how others may feel .

you've done your best ..... you have for a long time ..... what more can you do .... it's D's decision .... you did your best always for her .... you have a life too .... we've all had D in our thoughts too .... you're not in HER head ..... she will do what she wants ..... maybe only now you are realising this hon ....

only my opinion..... how i see it ... i know it hurts but ... there is nothing more you can do. I told her i would kick her *** .... and that's what i feel like doing .... hugs to you my friend. always here for you....... Jx

I don't have any answer for you but I care.

(((((((((((((((WMD))))))))))))

Big >>...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Well >> She called for an ambulance 6 days ago and went to hospital . Thay did eval . and then admitted her into de - tox .

WTF ?? And now ,, [ 6 days ] later she being discharged .. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr !

S.O.S ( same old sh it ) ...... And I ask her Father to take her home with him ... And he be like >> " She may not want to come here " .

So .. Now try to figure how long before I get to scrape myself off cieling again ...... I know it is selfish to think of myself ATM ,, >> But >>> When in the Hell ,, will she think of herself and let all those around her get some rest ,, and not have to be on pins and needles when around her ?