It's all a lie. Honestly.

That's what I said! Now we just have to convince the rest of the world of this.

Myers, many times in your posts, you tell us what you cannot do. This thread is no different.

That your wife goes looking for you when give in to an impulse seems to confirm that you are capable of making at least one person happy.

I do not view you as inferior. You have a status that at the present time you are incapable of changing. What I find interesting is how you talk about slander and irritation while acknowledging you "will never experience emotion as experienced by the general human race."

You say you accept your status. I am not so sure. Perhaps it is the challenge of proving people wrong that motivates you? Perhaps your wife and children are the beneficiaries of a challenge?

if you feel nothing....what does it say about me to feel all the emotions i do towards you that i feel?....is this all due to my experience w/ my son?....perhaps...to a degree....but i think i also find facinating that you lay it out there ....i just dont really know

I know. Would you rather me talk about what I can do because of my condition? I can start a thread called "the bright side of being evil" lol... just kidding... sort of.

And that's true, about my wife. She does love me, even if I can't truly understand that. And she seems happy. Her family hates me though, lol. And sometimes I think my little antics and controlling behavior wears her down. But I don't try. I suppose every relationship has its ups and downs. This is just a ... slightly more challenging obstacle ...

Thank you for not viewing me as inferior. I had no intention of implying that you did, and my sincerest apologies if it seemed that way. And I can feel irritation, even rage. And a state of contentment. The flight and fight response, albeit minimally. And a few others. I mean, I'm not a complete robot, haha. But the more complex ones ... empathy, love, remorse ... no idea what that means.

I think you hit the nail on the head with the reply about the challenge. When I'm in a good mood, I feel like I can take on any challenge and become the nicest and most successful man on the face of the planet, with little consideration of the sincerity of my intentions. But when I'm in a "low mood," as I can't really call it "depressed," I just want to give up the facade and do whatever the hell I want to do. That's when I get in trouble...

It means you're a kind, caring person. And you're awesome. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go bask in the glorious rays of your awesomeness.

Just do us all a favor and put 'evil' in quotes.

Ok. .....

Did you talk to your wife ????

No, not yet. She's at her mother's for the weekend, and I didn't think it appropriate to discuss such serious matters over the phone...

o dang....lol....dont get sunburned bad boy lol

Myers, I feel you are hanging onto the 'psychopath' label when actually you are not a psychopath at all. A psychopath is someone who would most likely be in prison for life, would be extremely dangerous, certainly would not be loved (as you are) and would not have a wife and children that love him, nor would a psychopath want to try to change. I see no evidence of you being a psychopath on these boards infact you are very polite and hold your own very well.

You may have been given that label some time ago, and ok you might loose your temper but it doesn't mean you still have that label. Why are you hanging on to that label? Is it because it makes you feel somehow stronger? Or is it so that you can beat yourself up with that label?

You see, you replied to me earlier with a response that you really wanted to have a career and be treated with respect etc just like any regular guy. If you were a psychopath you would have replied that you wanted to go out into the world and kill people. No psychopathic tendency there at all.

So what I'm trying to say is I feel the real you is not a psychopath at all, your wife loves you, I'm sure your children do too. You can move forward and drop the label.

Best.

You know Pegs....I think so too.

This is an off the wall response here, so excuse me, or at least I percive this as off the wall.

I don't know your history, but I was wondering if maybe you learned to not feel those emotions as a way to protect yourself? A sort of self protection.

I find it very very hard to get close to people, to let down my walls and let people in. It is a form of self defense, I learned early early in life as a child, after the sexual abuse, and as I got older the various traumas I experinced, my unstable home life, the emotional abuse my mother inflicted on me during those times of instabilty at home. I learned to "shut down" to just turn off anything I was feeling, the only things that felt okay to feel was anger, agitation, annoyance. I would have violent outbursts when the agitation from the world around me got to be too much, I would have to storm outside and just run or go and punch on a tree until I felt I could control myself again and go back to playing the role I felt I had to.

I was wondering if maybe, what you are experincing what someone at one time took the time to label you a "psychopath" (which in my perception from the posts I see here and the few times we have met in chat is a very wrong and incorrect lablel) over is something of the breed I was describing above. and you are just sort of, well for lack of a better word, "stuck" in that shut down mode.

I hope this helps, and it isn't really an odd response, but I very much agree with what Pegasus has said.

***afterthought****

I think somewhere in a post in this thread you mentioned you saw something as a challenge? or enjoyed challenges (correct me if I"m wrong) I often when I feel threatened, overwhelmed, or triggered by something numb out and try to view it as a challenge, I "shut down" and go into a very detached calculating train of thought that I stay in until I feel the challenge is over or that I've overcome it.

Wishing you much peace on your journey
Typo

reading and just wanted to say "Wow"...very deep and thought-provoking and superbly written

Thank you all kindly for your encouragement. But I am, in fact, a psychopath. I do realize that I am not the stereotypical thriller movie psycho. But very few, if any, psychopaths do match that stereotype. We are, contrary to popular belief, quite charming individuals. We're overtly polite, articulate, and sensible, most of the time. "Superficial charm" is even one of the criteria. Most psychopaths stay on the brighter side of the judicial system. Nearly all of us are loved, most of whom are married or in long term relationships, which is what makes us so dangerous, arguably. And we can desire change, or desire something ... more. Well, we always want more. Who doesn't?

This label hangs onto me more than I to it. I don't mind the badge. I actually like being different, just for the sake of being unique. And it does give me a confidence to know that I'm deemed a "predator" of sorts. But I don't like the stigma attached to the label itself, which really affects a lot of my daily life, especially if I ever find myself in legal bind, if my credibility is at stake, or if I'm in need of a job. And that's going to stick with me for the rest of my life, unless I can change my name and move to another country or argue the legitimacy of the diagnosis with a psychologist... which will never happen because, once you've been labeled as manipulative and a liar, no mental health professional or judge or detective will believe anything you say at all ... ever...

The protection theory is a good one, and I laud you for your argument of said theory. But it was also debated by various therapists and other such professionals of mine to no avail. I did have a rough childhood, and my lack of certain emotions protected me from the psychological torment I should have been subject to. That lack of emotion, conscience, and empathy, however, was not a result of my past. I also have a number of other personality "quirks" that match the criteria for the accepted definition of psychopathy which could not be explained by other mental illnesses.

As for the challenge... That's where are mindsets markedly differ... Most of the time ... when I'm bored, and lost in the mundane life ... I feel caged and anxious, or empty. When I see a challenge, it's like I come alive, which is why I enjoy it so. I'm at home with the game. It's natural to me.

I think many people feel this way but are just as equally scared to say much. Movie make emotions seem strong and debilitating, slap you in the face feelings. Thats not always the case. Most emotions take deep searching. And many times there just aren't any. You should try finding something material that brings you emotion and then try and apply what you like about that object to a person. Maybe they both make you smile sometimes, even if rarely. It might take work and a lot of soul searching. However, no emotion does in no way make you a bad person. You may feel so but it is really something out of your control.

We only have our own reality. We can't think, feel, see out of other people's heads or hearts, only our own.

A book that really helped me was Napkin Notes on the Art of Living by psychologist G. Michael Durst: http://www.amazon.com/Napkin-Notes-M...dp/0960255206/

Thank you. I'll be sure to check it out.

It's the "no conscience" bit that makes me a bad person. And the lack of conscience is a result of the lack of empathy. And the lack of empathy is a result of poor understanding of emotion and no capacity for those emotions that are complex, such as love and caring and guilt and remorse. Again, thank you all for providing evidence to the contrary, but I am, without a doubt, a psychopath.

In fact, I will, if you would all like, give a clear definition and examples of psychopaths ... as well as any other tidbits of information I can muster. I find it quite pleasant that you all are trying to defend me from my own perceptions of myself. But, at the same time, it indicates to me a poor understanding of what a psychopath really is. And I think you should all know. It's very useful information when one is in the midst of the schemes of an ill-intending psychopath.

I'd say that one time or another someone has questioned my capacity in all or most of the areas that you mention and I've had the option of deciding that I must be whatever they suspected... sometimes a psychopath, sometimes schizoid, sometimes passive-aggressive, sometimes just plain crazy "NOS". Somewhat to their frustration, I didn't buy it. Walking away from such arguments I'd sometimes say to myself, "I don't think they're right but if it turns out that they are then... so what?"

Right now I'm a bit curious about how we happened to arrive at such different conclusions from what might or might not have been somewhat similar evidence.

Hello myers,

I think if you do some checking...that you will find you are a sociopath

I believe the diagnosis. There is too much evidence for a diagnosis of psychopathy for me to ignore it. True, everyone under the sun has these deficits to varying degrees. For a psychopath, these deficits are so severe that it affects his mentality and life.

Why do you say that?

Again ... there are key differences between psychopathy, ASPD, and sociopathy. And there seems to be stereotypes and misconceptions of these diagnoses running amok. Would you like me to explain? Maybe then you'll all agree with me?

LYNN >>>>>is always awesome

I don't understand why you would leave your wife and kids if they're happy with you. I get that you don't feel empathy or love but they do and would feel the loss. Obviously, they are filling some kind of need in your life. You are connected and a part of a family unit. Very human to want that. Pretending? Love can be a feeling and love can be a verb. If you are pretending is that not giving love? The act of love itself, to provide, to comfort, to touch, are these not important? I've never met a psychopath to be honest. I am myself intensely empathetic even to people who are hateful to me. They make me feel guilty whether or not I've done anything wrong. I have to wonder at your motivation for interacting with others. You mentioned control. Is it because you find it difficult to control yourself so you try to control those around you? The primary concern should be the safety of your family. If you can be sure you won't hurt them then stay. Because it will hurt them to be abandoned by you.

I've enjoyed your post. I feel like I've learned something but I'm not sure what. Perhaps I have to sleep on it.

-In fact, I will, if you would all like, give a clear definition and examples of psychopaths ... as well as any other tidbits of information I can muster. I find it quite pleasant that you all are trying to defend me from my own perceptions of myself. But, at the same time, it indicates to me a poor understanding of what a psychopath really is. And I think you should all know. It's very useful information when one is in the midst of the schemes of an ill-intending psychopath.

Thanks for the honesty, Myers. Brutal, but it needs to be at times. All good to you and yours.

I'm not going to leave my wife just because some bloakie has a problem with our relationship. She is happy with me at the moment, despite our little quarrels and differences. What bothers me is the future as predicted by therapists and other such people. I've never known a woman who honestly said she had a long and healthy relationship with a psychopath. I'm not sure it has ever been done, and I'm not sure it can be done. How long can I maintain this image of loving, caring husband and father? How do I control the urges and the rage? Can Nikki handle it when that facade slips? I do like my relationship with my wife, and I don't want it to fail just because I have a proclivity for manipulative, controlling, and unethical behavior.

I am motivated by that predatory game I often mention. I basically have one goal in life; that is to dominate, and it applies to all areas of my life, including relationships. The problem is that whatever pleasure I get from achieving a goal is abrupt and fleeting. All of what little emotions I do have are fleeting. So it's not long until I'm looking for the next goal, and, more importantly, an obstacle to defeat. This is why my relationships never last.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy a conversation every now and again. But there's nothing quite like working all the angles to get that cookie jar in all it's forbidden glory.

I don't know the origins of the controlling nature. I'm fairly certain it's just inherent. For as long as I can remember, I was manipulating people into bending to my wishes. I'm actually trying to gain a better understanding of it. And I think that's something I'm going to need a little help with.

I'm glad you enjoyed my post.

It's too bad we can't get an esteemed researcher to give the details on the disorder. There are a lot of misconceptions about it. And thank you.

Hi Myers

Serial killer Dennis Rader ("BTK Killer") was a happily married man with two children. He was also a Cub Scout leader and respected member of his church - serving as president of their congregation council. His wife, family and friends and entire community was dumbfounded such a nice man could do such a thing. They claimed their relationship with him had been "healthy" for decades. I didn't know any of them, but they appeared sincere in their words about him.

He got caught decades later only because he wanted to get caught. He wanted to see his name in the headlines news. He was proud of his ability to "raid the cookie jar," so to speak. He had a lack of empathy and control issues as well.