Why is Being a "Narcissist" such a bad thing?

Okay my bf who I've only seen for about 2 weeks said that I was such a narcissist, but at the time he said it I didn't know what it meant. So I just smiled and walked on, we were at the mall. Then the next day I asked my friend what it meant and she told me that it means your into yourself andad,ire the way you look. I don't understand why it's such a bad thing to have high self esteem I mean you would think it would be a good thing to be proud of yourself. I just don't understand what's wrong with loving yourself. I can't help it that I'm pretty and have a nice body, why not admire that?

There is a huge difference between a clinical narcissistic personality disorder, having healthy self-esteem, and being so insecure that you need to show off and brag about yourself all the time.

Which one fits you best?

it actually means a little more than having self-esteem. it means that you are so into yourself that you act accordingly. you put your needs and feelings above others. it is more like self-worship. pat

Just out of curiosity, why didn't you ask him what it meant since you didn't know? Seems like he was trying to tell you something, and the context in which he said it was probably pretty important and likely to be insightful.

A Narcissist is unable to feel empathy or concern for anyone but him/herself. A relationship with a Narcissist is very damaging to the other. I spent three years recovering from such an experience.
Your friend used the word, Narcissist, casually, probably ignorant of the true meaning.
There is nothing wrong with having high self-esteem. Beware if he wants you to feel inferior and grovel for him....HE may be a Narcissist!!!
Seeker

WOW!!!! What an eye opener that article is! Thanks, Hun, for posting that! LOL What a relief!!!! It's NOT me!! But then, I never really thought it was, anyway. It's a confirmation, though.

{{{{{{{{{{LMo}}}}}}}}}}}}

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
requires excessive admiration
has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Being narcisstic can also mean not giving your significant other equal time... It seems like a bad joke, but there are really people out there who tell you about themselves for hours, and when you try to tell them about yourself, they mostly want to hear how wonderful your life is now that they're in it. It's having that "Let me tell you about me, and then you can tell me about me" kind of attitude.

Having healthy self-esteem is wonderful, but if the only thing you're focusing on is your appearance, it's also a bit shallow and short-sighted.

My husband was recently diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have so many questions about therapy and if he can "truly" change/be cured from this disorder enough to have at least a functional home. I am the mother of 4 children 15 years and younger. The kids ahve been effected by this and I can't let it continue. Any advice that you might be able to share would be most appreciated.
thanks,
sixblairs

Wow -- interesting that he was actually open to hearing a diagnosis.

I read a few books about narcissism and what might be interesting for you is to read about "people who are attracted to narcissists". There seem to be some character traits about you that might give you some personal insight as to how to handle things from your end.

Good luck -- not fun, I'm sure.

Thanks, Bebop, for listing the traits of the Narcissist.
The person I knew was a "textbook" case, if there ever was one, and fit all the examples you cited.

Sixblairs, I belonged to a very helpful forum for people recovering from relationships with Narcissists. If you look on Yahoo or MSN groups, and type in the word, Narcissism, several groups will come up. Unfortunately, the one to which I belonged, and which helped me immensely, is no longer accepting new members, but there are others which can help, I'm sure.

Seeker

LOL, so true, Perzephone..
["Let me tell you about me, and then You can tell me about me.."
Seeker

ok um back to the original post.. HA mine, I still don't see what's wrong with being a so called narcissist. I mean so what if you have a high opinion of yourself? People should be lucky that you are the way you are. And to think they made a disease out of this. I swear there's a disease for everything...

Doesn't seem that you've read the article that the link leads to. It's ever so much more than simply having a high opinion of yourself.

It seems to me that the main thing is how narcissists see themselves in comparison to everyone else. They put themselves high up above others, and usually treat other people badly as a result. There is nothing wrong with having high self-esteem, unless it is at someone else's expense - failing to allow for others to have worth also.

Thanks For the response! I have read various things about charater traits of those that are involved with a narcissist. One thing that I identified that I had not recognized in the past is that my father is very narcissistic. I've read that when you have been raised by an N, you can easily get sucked into the snare of another because this is "acceptable" behavior. Of course, he didn't act anything like this when we dated and we had a long distance relationship before getting married.

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90mphINneutral said:
People should be lucky that you are the way you are.

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... you mean sorta like god's gift to the world?

I'm starting to suspect that your bf might be onto something...

lol...
i think you understand exactly what the definition of a narcissist is...

You are LUCKY that I am taking the time to point this out to you!

Sixblairs,
Yes, you are probably right that there are certain people who attract Narcissists. In your case, certainly, having a parent who fit that category, would make you more susceptible and accommodating to a partner with the same traits. In fact, I have talked to many people who followed your same pattern.
As for the Narcissist seeking therapy, and changing his/her ways, I would not hold out much hope, but I could be wrong. Becoming involved with a Narcissist initially, at the start, is an exhiliarating high...they can be so charming at first. They are skilled at "mimicing" love and affection, but they really don't feel it, and are incapable of feeling....except for themselves.
I have done more research and reading on the subject than I care to recount, since I too seem to attract such characters. In discussing this tendency to attract the N with others, it seem those of us with caring, generous and accommodating natures are easily swept into their (the N's) web, unless we educate ourselves.
Also, there seems to be a strong correlation between Narcissistic behavior and that of the sociopath, who also acts without conscience or empathy. (Some people just give them the blanket label as "con artists.")
I will be very interested to hear how your husband reacts to therapy. The N cannot bear to be challenged or forced to look at his behavior honestly in any way.
Seeker

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seeker1950 said:The N cannot bear to be challenged or forced to look at his behavior honestly in any way. Seeker

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Yep, that's pretty much the same thing that my T said about my dad. There is no way that he would believe that he's less than perfect, and he's not letting 'no shrink' mess with his already-perfect head.

Yes, Lmo,
The man I was involved with, the N, could not be questioned for the simplest of things...saying I was "causing" causing him to revert into his shell.
Loved to talk about himself, and when I would interject anything off the subject of HIM, he would wait impatiently till I had finished, and resume his monologue. The relationship turned into a true nightmare...really...but no need to recount it here...I've done the recovery work.
Now, though, a big red flag goes up when I meet a man who only talks about himself initially. In fact, I recently declined a dinner invitation from a man who did that very thing in our first phone conversation. In my naive and accommodating past, I would have excused it as "nervousness" and wanting to impress, LOL!
Seeker

ohmygod -- you dated my dad. Holy moly.

ok why is everyone talking about them when this post was suppose to be about me? All I really wanted to know is why ppl have a problem with ppl who are "narcissistic" they can't help the way they are.

Gosh, 90mph...is it all about YOU?
We are having a discussion here about Narcissism, and I should think you would benefit from the insights shared.
Seeker

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this post was suppose to be about me?

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Proof of Narcissism. If you'd read the article or the post on the symptoms, you'd know why it isn't a good idea. Instead, you'd rather hear that everyone here things you're as wonderful as YOU think you are. You don't want to know how it affects those who have lived with a Narcissist. That's too bad because remaining the way your are will only bring you pain in the end.

Ok. This post IS about YOU. I'm willing to bet you don't like it, either. Please step outside yourself for just enough time to read about yourself in the symptoms then think about it for a while.

Good luck!