[heatherm]

Hi {{{{{{{{{everyone}}}}}}}}}

I thought we should all make a new start...what do you all think?

I am Heather I have suffered with depression, anxiety disorder and panic disorder from the past few years.

I was formerly on the ConquerAnxiety site which has closed. Jill (Peanut) found this wonderful spot and I have found such a terrific group of people who have welcomed all of us with open arms.

My role of peacekeeper in the family is coming into play here

Love you all


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[ltlredvett]

Heather,

I have historically been the peacekeeper as well, maybe that explains some of my other posts today.

A fresh start is a great idea.

I have been struggling with depression for 3 years resulting from a failed second marriage. This marriage devastated me mentally, emotionally and financially. After the marriage I had severe depression and followed a path of self destruction and sought out sexual encounters to ease my pain. My behavior caused me to lose my best friend and possibly someone I could of spent the rest of my life wth.

I came to this site because I am firghtened and alone. It has been a great help to me. And, if I have anything to say about it, it will continue to be a great help. Because, ths recent nonsense on this board is counter productive and I want it to end.

[Willow]

I"m Willow and I just made my own blog!

I guess I should elaborate a little more... eh?
I am Amy. I suffer with OCD and PTSD and mild depression. Deep down I really enjoy life. I have just had the wind knocked out of my sails so many times, it's left me heartsick. I'm 41 and unmarried. I doubt I'll be married any time soon... but it is a sore spot for me. It's not so much that I want to be married. I just want to be "claimed". Being unclaimed emphasizes the feeling I have of being unwanted, ugly, broken, etc. Now... I realize that's not a reason to get hooked up. I'm actually more comfortable living alone than sharing space. I've been alone all my life. I'm an only child, and was so much of a social outcast in my formative years that now I don't even want to try. I don't even enjoy people in social settings. I love people... but I can't relax around people. The internet was such a wonderful discovery for me. All these wonderful people in a box on my desk. I can dial them up and talk to them and grow and learn from them without the common social expectations that take place in my physical relationships. It truly is a wonder and I could be addicted if I didn't realize that in order to grow... I have to keep working on my local friendships and pushing myself into the social arena as much as possible. I've got a ton of other stuff to share that could fill a book. I'll stop for now though Thanks for the fresh start! I'm loving it!

[kvinneakt]

My real name is Michael. Half the world's males are named Michael. This is all it takes to create an identity problem.

I am a socially retarded, undressed up transgender m2f person who is chronically moderately depressed.

I also have features of schizotypal personality disorder, a part of my social dysfunction.

I live in Portland, Oregon where it rains a lot about 2/3 of the year.

My job sucks and I am trying to find a new one.

I have 2 grown children. One is Mr Yuppie. The other is a wandering seeker musician without a "real" job.

My wife is a very nice lady who tolerates, even supports, my ways, right or wrong.

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

[mj14]

Great idea!

Hi, my name is Jo, but most people here call me mj. For anyone who doesn't know, the "m" stands for mezzo-soprano, because I am a singer.

I went through a bout with major depression in my mid twenties, and it started again, combined with General Anxiety Disorder, almost two years ago now. I also have been diagnosed with dependent personality disorder, which makes being alone very difficult for me (probably why I am so easy to find in chat! ). The man I was living with for 11 years left me about a year ago, because he "couldn't handle" my depression.

I found this site shortly after my depression started, and I have made so many wonderful friends here. And I just love Heather for starting this thread!!!

*hugs* to everyone
mj

[Rapunzel]

This thread was a terrific idea, Heather. We needed a fresh start, and besides that, the re-introductions are giving us a chance to get to know each other better.

My name is Wendy. I have lived with chronic depression since childhood, and 7 months ago I was the worst that I have ever been. After hitting the bottom I gradually started improving, and while I don't trust life at this point, and I know the monster could come for me again, now I'm doing better than I ever have before.

I always had an interest in psychology, but never thought that someone as messed up as me could get into that field. Now I'm going for it, working on finishing up my B.A. and hoping to get into graduate school next year.

All of you here mean ever so much to me - you are my friends and support. I searched for so long for someone who could understand me, and that's what I have found here. Thanks for being here!

Hugs to everyone,
Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[nowheretorun]

My name is Darrel. I've lived with depression 25 years. I've recently re-opened many old wounds and risked facing the darkness. My depression has been recurrent and by tracing it's roots, I hope to be able to finally come to terms with my many complicated emotions. It's a pleasure to meet you all.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[darkeyes]

A great idea
My name is "darkeyes", like many I too am trying my hardest coping with my disorder, Bipolar-II(mild), anxiety attacks,depression, grieving my loss, being a 24 hour caregiver for my mom, keeping a home together, running errands and my son around non stop, etc. and also I am trying hard to fit in a little tiny bit of "me" time. I, also like
many have had past disagreements, been hurt, caused hurt, got angry, felt lonely, unloved, and all those ugly emotions that go along with that unwanted package that often we are all handed.
I am willing to start over here, and I am looking forward to being given a chance to do so as I am also willing at the same time to give others that same chance or more.
Can we all call a truce? Let bygones be bygones? Move on? I am presenting my "olive branch" with hopes y'all will accept it
If you can't I'll understand though it may be hard, maybe it may take some time, or maybe it will never happen, but I am honestly willing to try,and I mean this with deepest sincerity.
I thank you all.

Take care,
"darkeyes"

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[PlanningtoLive]

Hi, I'm Mary Alice......born & raised in Chicago - still living in the Midwest area. I am married with a beautiful 7 year old son named Alex.

Most of my life I have suppressed all my emotions until about 3 years ago when I started having anxiety/panic attacks with depression. I have harmed myself numerous times and tried suicide as well.

I started seeing a therapist 2 years ago and went on meds for my depression. I have been diagnosed as BPD and severe depression.

Everyone on this board means the world to me and has been there being supportive when no one else has - you are all absolutely wonderful people - my family.

Mary Alice

[SeptemberMorn]

... err ... This is one big reason why I didn't go to CODA or OA meetings. (taking a deep breath...)

Hi, I'm Tomi and I'm a depression and anxiety sufferer. I've been depressed most of my life but the anxiety reared it's ugly head 22 years ago when my mother passed away. When my mother died, those two things became worse with the PTSD that watching my mother deteriorate and die caused me.

I've been through at least ten years of therapy and all kinds of medications. Personally, I don't believe my depression/anxiety could have been overcome without the right medication. I've also been hospitalized once for severe depression against my will and once willingly. I feel like I've come a long way but still have problems I need to work on. Darrel, Wendy and I were actively working on our issues. Now Darrel needs some time away from here and I can't help but feel abandoned. I hope he comes back soon.

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[LadyDragus]

Hi, my name is Trish,
i have suffured with deperssion for almost ten years.
I have been dealt many blows like losing a child when I was first married in 93 then agiain in 95 and then I almost lost my thrid child in 97 when she was born permie.
I fell out of love with my current spouse for neihter of us knew how to handle anything anymore. and I tried to move in in so many worng ways. and so many wrong turns.
I ended up :"losing" custody of my first child, becuase i could nto take care of her, I was very sucidale and tried a few times with her in the house, so I called them up adn said mom take her.

I now am in college and live with a very nice man, whom loves me and my second child..
we will see how it goes

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[heidu]

Your a smart girl Heather :O)

Hi,
I'm Heidu. Sorry, not giving out my real name :O)
I moved to Norway 2.5 years ago but am originally from Minnesota, USA. I'm 34, married, no kids (by choice).

I have suffered depression and confusion my whole life but in my early twenties I decided to start the journey to find out why I was generally unhappy and unable to succeed.

After some counseling and serious effort on my part I really turned my life around. I dealt with friendships that were draining, family that was taking advantage, a marriage that wasn't working and never really would and most importantly I dealt with my sexually abusive father.

I came out a better and happier person. I moved to Norway and my life was shattered. I am rebuilding it and myself as best I can. This group has been a major part of me being alive and communicating.
Thanks to all my friends here :O)
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[darladeedu]

*peeking my head back one more time.*
thank you all who have taken the time to welcome me to your group. It seems like i have joined kind of at a bad time for the group. with lots of mis understandings going on. I like this that you all have decided to start fresh and then i can also get a chance to no you all..
Im Darla. and i have 3 adult children . I have anxiety disoder..soical anxitey disorder. with agorphbia and many other dignoisis ..*laughs* i dont no if i agree with all of them..it seems it always depends on what dr i am seeing at the time. (wondering how many of you have gone threw this?)

Darla

[Willow]

Hi Darladeedu,
Nice to meet you )

[crazy_aunt_dee]

Can I start fresh too?

I really didn't mean to hurt anyone and I am sorry that I did, it was not my intention.

I miss you guys.

Take care and God bless. Deanna

[Rapunzel]

Darla,

Regarding diagnoses, they are one person's opinion, and they might be right or they might not. Misdiagnosis is not uncommon. Also, your diagnosis can change as you conquer some of your problems, or new ones surface. Some professionals really don't like to use diagnoses at all, although sometimes they have to anyway. People are people, no matter what their symptoms are.

If I list out all of the diagnoses I have had, it would include Major depression, dysthymic disorder, social anxiety, dependent personality disorder, and avoidant personality disorder, oh and one counselor who said I was just homesick. I can see the point in most of these, but the ones who diagnosed the personality disorders and homesickness were missing a lot - I was having major depressive episodes when I saw them, and they failed to pick up on it, but at that point I didn't know what was important to talk about and was way too quiet, so it could have been my fault. I could come up with a few more too, but probably should avoid self-diagnosing too much, as I can really overdo it.

Does that answer your question?
Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[darkeyes]

Of course, you can I don't think you said anything hurtful, if you did, forget about it now, it's in the past.
Welcome back

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[nowheretorun]

Aunt Dee,

Could I welcome you back too? I'm sorry for my surliness

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[jac]

Hi everyone
As you can see I am new here(i.e."visitor"). My real name is Julie and I have a bi-polar mood disorder coupled with a very interesting case of PTSD.

At the present time I am re-married and have four wonderful children.

I have enjoyed reading everyones responses to each other and can see that I have entered a world of complete love and acceptance! I look forward to getting to know everyone here!

JAC

[nowheretorun]

Hi jac

You have entered the best site on the web... welcome

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[jac]

Thanks--I feel safe here.

jac

[nowheretorun]

You're about to meet a group of people like you've never known before..... you're lucky, we're all lucky to be here

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[SeptemberMorn]

Hi, Julie! Welcome to our site. We're glad to have you.

I used to have a woman friend whom I called "Jac." Love it!

<font color=blue>Don't die with your music still in you.</font color=blue>

[somebody]

Thanks Heather for the fresh start...
maybe then I can feel a little better about being here...

My name is somebody... not ready to give real name just yet.
I have suffered depression since I was 10, that is when my mother died and my dad remarried the wicked stepmother 9 months later... she didnt allow me to remember my mom and she told me she didn't like me the first day my dad married her. Guess she found me a threat.

I have severe depression, with psychotic episodes, social anxiety disorder, and dementia...I was able to hide the depression from my husband for years until he joined the Navy 7 years into our marriage and we were seperated and I had suicidal thoughts when ever he was away from me.

We were married for 15 wonderful years...6.10 years ago he died from cancer... I got to hold him till he took his last breath =0( the suicidal thoughts are my way of dealing with seperation... I have attempted a few times without success... I have been in the hospital twice...both unwillingly... first time was a real mess...I ended up 4 hours from home in handcuffs and ankle chains all the way there. The second time I was in I had electric shock treatment... really sucks if you need to remember something...

I have two wonderful children..both are grown up and I am very proud of them both... I also have a grandson that is 10 months old...when I get him my whole mood changes... I don't feel depression at all...

I don't go out of my house unless to see my pdoc or T...my son still lives at home so he does all my running for me..=0)
guess he is an enabler...

I would like to thank you all for being so caring and giving... you all are so sweet...(((((((GROUP HUG)))))))

[darladeedu]

Wendy ,
thanks for your reply , You have given me something to think about. I had never thought of then not likeing to give diagnosis, or it is just there opinion And that could be why my dr . never will talk to me about it.. He says ..that i need to worry about sysmtoms not what the diagnosis is. The only way i no what they are is my therpist has gone over them with me.. but.. from what your saying now that makes a whole lot of sense.. thanks for sharing that with me.
Darla