Beating apprehension?

I need to develop some outside interests so I can meet people.

My biggest, and probably only, roadblock is getting over the apprehension of trying something new and possibly failing horribly at it. The perfectionist in me wants to be good at everything from the get go, and the idea of not being able to do that keeps me from trying anything new at all.

I'm afraid of being looked down on for not being as good at something as someone whose been doing whatever it is for a long time. I don't want my ignorance of a subject to show. Or my lack of creativity.



Anyone else deal with this and know how to get over it?

I was like that as a kid and teen. I got over it, but I can't really tell you how. I guess I just decided that life is too short to waste on not finding out if you like something just because you're afraid of looking stupid. I look stupid all the time, but I love to try stuff now. I'm a reporter, and occasionally I look stupid in print, and I run a correction and call the person to apologize personally and move on.

I dunno. It's just something I learned gradually, I think. I got rid of the last remnants of it as an adult with a little therapy.

Candy

Thanks Candy. I know it's a matter of just doing it. That's the hard part for me. There's this Catch-22. I don't want to walk into something alone, but the only way I'm going to meet people to do things with is to walk into something alone.

I know it's only going to get worse the longer I put it off.

((((((((wi))))))))))

yes, it's hard, but you're going to have to start with "small leaps". When you do that, you will recognize that it's ok and you've done fine. after that, you can begin to work up.

i literally had to just do it and learn in my brain that it was ok. does that make sense? because of all of the concern about it, it was something that i literally had to learn.

kd

I hear you W-Fighter.... I would love to have an outside hobby to be part of or to have a friend or two to hang out with - but I do not for I fear and I hate having to always do it alone.... a person to do it with would help me greatly.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

the most growth I've ever gone through has happened on solo vacations... very empowering...

I'm dealing with this myself. I'm taking some risks, trying new things, some of it public, especially with my writing.

Practice helps, doing it helps, getting experience at being human out there in public, making mistakes even sometimes, and finding out that it really doesn't kill us. Even though it may feel that way.

I've learned to pay attention to how I talk to myself. For instance, currently criticism or acknowledgement can come in my email. I noticed that as I waited for email to open, I was steeling myself for the worst. And barely breathing.

So writing down my thoughts and coming up with alternatives is helping.

I am human, I have a right to be here, I do try my best, and it is okay if I make mistakes. I can notice my successes too.

Sometimes it helps if I think of myself as a scientist, a "mistake" is simply more information.

-I- am not a bad stupid person if I make a mistake. Neither are you.

It's funny you mentioned that, LMo, because I've just been realizing that I really want to live on my own right now. I mean, I know I've wanted that, but the desire has become more intense. I don't have time to say everything I want to, and I should start another post when I do, but I can't control my eating when I have to cook for another person, and while I appreciate the things my boyfriend contributes (money, helping me with some things, etc.), I don't want to play housewife. I want my own place, make my own rules, and do everything on my own time, you know?

But that requires a lot of changes I can't make yet. It's stressful and depressing.

Sorry, not trying to change the direction of the topic or steal the focus from you, wi_fighter. Just need to vent a bit, and don't have the time I need to do it.

My boyfriend has a cold, so not only will I probably not get out this weekend, but I have to do a bunch of things (partially related to OCD, but not completely) to try to keep myself from catching his cold, like using disinfectant wipes on faucets and surfaces repeatedly, wiping containers, trying to not wash my dishes after washing his with the same sponge (I just switched to a new sponge not long ago, because he recently got over a previous cold!), and it's all stressful. I just want to relax.

On another note, I was just thinking again about the fact that a guy my bf is friends with at work is the same guy who helped us move from our previous apartment, and apologized to my boyfriend because he'd thought I'd overheard him (I hadn't, but my boyfriend told me later) say I should "get off of [my] fat ***" and help them move furniture out of the apt. (I had done a lot, and it was HELL on my OCD--lots of touching dirty things and cleaning up and long washing rituals, and I'd been working in our new apt.--I wasn't lazy! I was put through the emotional ringer! And I can't lift heavy furniture--I'm short and not very strong.) This isn't the first time my bf hasn't supported me--and sometimes he does, but not always--but I feel insulted that he remains friends with this guy. And maybe I'm paranoid, but I'm pretty sure my bf talks about me to him and/or others, because my bf once said years ago that he'd probably talk about me when we broke up, like he talks to me about his ex from time to time.

Again, sorry, I just needed to vent...please don't stop talking about wi_figher's issues. I should have started another topic, but I just got off on a tangent here.

Hi! Wi fighter,
I find it scary trying anything new too, but maybe everyone does to some extent.So it's normal to feel like that otherwise we would all be hang-gliders and fighter pilots!

As for the "perfectionist" bit. I know what you mean! (had a lot of therapy on that)

Who told you ,you had to be perfect?????????????

Have you ever met anyone who is "perfect" ?

The perfect human being!

Nobody is perfect, we can only do our best.

Thanks pegasus.

Perfectionism, what a curse.

I deal with this all the time. I have trouble meeting people or doing anything outside of my home. Unfortunately all I've accomplished to do is basic housework and going to therapies. I'm hoping that more can be done in the future, though.

Don't push yourself too far. Take baby steps. You can do this. It may not be perfect all the time, but at least you'll be trying new things. Imperfection does NOT equal failure, either.