[WannaBeFree2Fly]

Hi, I'm new here. I'm hoping that there are people here that might be able to help me, or if anything, just listen.

I'm 16, but i feel so stressed out. As long as i can remember, i'm always taken care of myself and it doesn't seem like anybody really cares about me. Not even my parents. My parents never had a good relationship, not once did i ever see them hug or kiss, they were always arguing. And i was always in the middle. I even remember my mom accidently throwing coffee on me when she was aiming at my dad.

When i was 4. When I was 7, almost 8, my mom found somebody else, divorced my dad and we moved out. My dad was a diabetic, and my mom made sure he took care of himself. I had visiting privliges with him, but whenever i was over there, i ended up taking care of him. I could tell if he had a low blood sugar level, and would tell him to check it. Sometimes i had to do it myself. I knew what was too low, and if it was, i would poor him a sugary juice like Sunny D. If i couldn't get his blood sugar up, I called 911. And this was when i was 8 until around 11 when he passed away.

I've also always loved animals, and have been somewhat of a tomboy when i turned 12. I hate pink and purple, and i hate wearing skirts or dresses. My new stepfather was fine with me up until i started developing my own style. He wants a "girl" and he can't accept me for who I am and will yell at me all the time because i won't wear pink, and i am "selfish" because I "won't wear pink for him".

Since then, he never pays any attention to me except to yell at me for whatever stupid reason or to tell me about how hard his childhood was and make me feel sorry for him or to tell me how difficult I am (Oh i'm difficult am I? I stay home, i'm not into drugs, alcohol or sex, what more could a father possible want?!). He has also cussed me out and threatened me.

But on the contrary, he gives me everything i want or ask for. Sometimes I feel like he only does it to keep me around. Because without my 60 something animals that i breed, train and care for, I have nothing keeping me from gathering up my important stuff and leaving.

My mom, although loads better and more tolerable than my stepfather, seems to be anti-social. She isn't involved in my life at all. All she does is read her book, drink and smoke. Nobody does anything for me. If I'm hungry, I feed myself and cook for myself.

I feel so trapped. I won't do anything out of fear that my stepfather will kill or hurt my animals. I'm also scared that he may one day hurt me or my mother. He has horrible patience and I don't trust him at all. He is always putting me and my ideas down, and saying i don't know anything. I've tried talking to my mom, but she won't take me seriously and it's so frusterating. Noboby will listen to me. I just don't know what to do. I took the depression quiz and it said i have moderate depression, i can't believe it.

Somebody please help!

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

((WANNA)) What a hard way to live..I am thinking maybe you need to also see someone like a school therapist or a priest someone in person to help ...I hope also when you are able you and the animals can move out..I am listening

[Azalysa]

Welcome to the forum, {{{{Wanna}}}}

I can relate to many of the things you have/are going through, right up to my father throwing hot coffee in my mother's face.

I agree with sleeps that you need an advocate for you somehow, whether it be a priest/pastor/rabbi, school counselor, teacher or even a neighbor or friend who will listen.

We're here to listen. *HUGS*

[greenfairy]

we're here to listen to you. it sounds like things have been tough for a long time, and maybe its time for someone to help shoulder the burden. if you are afraid for yourself and your mother, i think its really important to find someone you can trust and share that information with them. a school counselor is a good place to start, or even a teacher that you feel you can trust. don't try to go at this alone. you shouldn't have to. i am sorry your step-father doesn't seem to appreciate all the good qualities that you have. don't let that change the way you feel about yourself.
if your depression is impacting your ability to function then its time to get help for that. we are all here to listen whenever you need to vent, and please find someone to talk to about whats going on at home. from your message, it sounds as though your stepfather has issues from his own childhood, and getting help for your family might assist him in dealing with his own problems.
stay safe.

[WannaBeFree2Fly]

Thanks guys.

I have a few problems about getting help though. The first is that there are no adults that i trust enough to tell. Second is that I'm afraid they won't take me seriously the same way my mom did and my stepfather will find out and kill me. And then he'll bring me back again to clean up the mess. Plus, this isn't really something i want the whole city/county to know about.

So yes, i've thought about it. I just haven't lost my self control enough to do it. And about the depression, I didn't even know i was depressed. I don't think i have any problems functioning, although there are times when my mind gets totally focused on how to get out of the situation i'm in. It really doesn't help that I live in the city either. I absolutely hate it here. And even worse, the area that i live in is well known for having stalkers and gangs. There's been so many murders here it isn't even funny. I hear a gun shot almost every other day from my neighborhood. We've already had somebody go through my car because my mom left the door unlocked and they even stole the front right hubcap.

[bipolar_bear]

I am sorry that you are not getting the support and caring that you need, especially at your age. It appears that it would be helpful if you could find a professional to talk to. This does not have to be a therapist per say but as others have suggested it could be a school counselor or someone from the clergy. Please keep yourself safe as it seems from your post you have some concerns about this. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to PM me.

[desirae]

Welcome to P.C.....you came to the right place, everybody here understands your pain.

It sounds like a tough situation. I'm sorry your going through that.

There's not much that can be done for parents. Their usually stuck in the habits they've had for years. But you can change your situation. If I were you I'd just focus on myself. You sound like a good kid with a good head on your shoulders. Just focus on school, graduating, then going to college.

You have two more years, then you'll beable to pack up all them animals and move to your own place.

Don't listen to your step father neither. Be who you are, and enjoy yourself. It you like wearing t shirts, baggy pants, and boy shoes then do it. It's your body, your image. It sounds as though he has many problems of his own, and your in the line of fire. I know how that can be.

Since your not into drugs, sex, partying, and all that then you seem to be on the right track. I think they should be proud of you. But since their not then be proud of yourself. It's an accomplish to not subsize to teemage pressures.

Good luck, I hope you feel better. Don't let anybody bring you down okay.
Desirae

[TYRO]

Hello Fighting a loosing battle,
So you are 16 feeling stressed out and a tomboy that hates wearing pink, purple and wearing skirts. So who likes wearing pink anyway? And what is wrong with being a tomboy? If I could offer you any advise it would be to tell you to pay attention to the caring qualities you seem to have as evidenced by how you cared for your father and the fact that you love animals.
You are 16 and beginning to develop who and what you will become as an adult. Don't miss this opportunity to become all that you can. As cliché as this may appear, purse your education! Talk to a guidance councilor at school and determine the best education path for you to take.
You say that your stepfather was fine with you until you started developing your own style. Well I say so what! You are 16 and your "style" is already determined and nothing that you need to justify to anyone but yourself.
You feel that your mom is not involved in your life and at times you fear your stepfather. I would say that perhaps you should re-think that. Your mom has been involved in your life for 16 years and that means something. If in fact you do fear your stepfather talk to someone about that. There are many people to help you; you just need to let them know.
In closing, be good to yourself pursue education and if you really do have 60 something animals, do you think that may be too many animals?

[(JD)]

Welcome to psych central, sorry you need us, glad you found us! I hope members here can help you as you struggle... and support you until you can figure out how to make your life better, and who you can trust to do that. TC

[JustBen]

Welcome to the forums. It's really lousy that your folks can't give you what you need and sometimes give you a lot of what you don't need. (The thing about your stepfather and wearing pink seems bizarre to me.) Like desirae said, though, there isn't a lot you can do about parents. They need their own help, and until they're willing to get it, there isn't anything you can do to fix them. Try to keep in mind that you won't live with them forever. (Although, I know how long even a couple of years can seem.)

I can understand the trust issues, and I can't say I know enough about your particular neck of the woods to offer any specific advice, but you might just want to ask your school counselor what their confidentiality policy is like...he or she might be able to hook you up with someone who can help without blabbing to your parents about everything.

[Hopefull]

I can relate to what you are going through. I had tried to talk to my guidance counselor and she didn't take me seriously. I would consider trying to find someone to talk to. I discovered that a neighbor down the street was a social worker and ended up venting to her some. You might could find a teacher whom you could atleast get some of your feelings out to. As for treatment for depression (if you end up having it), a person your age is allowed to seek treatment without parental consent--I think. So, if you need it, you might try talking to some one at your school and see what the confidentiality policy is. This policy gets complex when it comes to a minor. I had to wait until college before getting treated for slight, long-term depression.
I hope you find someone who is take you seriously and help you. It is very hard to live with what you are going through. Feel free to post here any time you like.

[WannaBeFree2Fly]

Once again, thank you all soo much for your support. It's nice to know that there is somebody out there (besides my best friend) who knows how i feel.

I'm also puzzled to why my stepfather has a problem with what i wear. It's not like i'm a total tomboy, i just don't like skirts, dresses, pink or purple or lacy stuff. I don't wear guys clothing or anything. Although i guess my stepfather is old enough to where he thinks jeans are for boys, even if they're the skin tight, low rise bleach jeans that were made for girls, which is what i wear. So it's not like i don't dress like a girl, I just don't dress like a girly girl (no offence anybody)

And about having too many animals? No way!
My animals are my pride and joy. I love them all to death because I know they care about me. If it weren't for them, i'm not sure what kind of shape i'd be in. They're the ones that keep me happy, smiling, and optimistic. Here's my list of critters:

2 California kingsnakes
1 Glossy snake
1 Longnosed snake
1 Gophersnake
1 aberrant golden-yellow California kingskake
1 Cornsnake
1 Frilled dragon
2 Iguanas
1 Westen redtail skink
2 Alligator lizards
1 Savannah monitor
2 Red eared slider turtles
2 guinea pigs
4 rabbits
1 ferret
4 chickens
6 pigeons
4 doves
2 cockatiels
2 parakeets
1 lovebird
1 Sun conure
1 Jenday conure
2 dogs
1 cat
and a bunch of feeder mice which would amount to 50 or 60. Plus, my dovie just laid 2 fertile eggs . I'm also getting a baby sugar glider this spring.