[Kiddo88]

This will be long, but I will put the moral of the story at the beginning so everyone can perhaps answer- even if they don't want to read my novel here.

I have a paralyzing, unnatural, completely awful fear of police. Actually, of anyone who could "get me in trouble." IRS, Government...just the word courthouse makes me want to puke. Literally. I saw someone get arrested not too long ago (this phobia started wayyy before that) and when I got home, and for about 4 hours after I was dry heaving, shaking and having a HARD time breathing. I thought they were going to come here and arrest me JUST BECAUSE I saw them arrest someone else. What if the other people around lied and said I did something?

Let me be perfectly clear... I have never even had as much as a driving ticket. No law trouble at all. I never even spoke to a cop until I was probably 15 or so. No family problems with cops. My husband was arrested once, but the cop was so very nice and he was out the next day- could this cause it?

I'm also even afraid to write this post as I think that the cops might see this and think I did something wrong and track me and try to arrest me for something.

I need to know someone else feels like this. I need to know I'm not alone.

More information.
I have been DX with Generalized Anxiety, OCD, ADHD, Social Anxiety Disorder & panic. I have brought up the possibility of being BPD a few times to my therapist(and I do have the symptoms of BPD - I CAN CERTAINLY go into more details if asked!....) and she says that I don't seem BPD to her. She also says Im not bipolar, BUT that would be the next thing we look at if the meds don't work for my GAD. I was on remeron but decided to quit it so now the only thing I'm on is BusPar 2x/day. I had been on depakote (it made me not care about anything, really) (sp?) once before bc one psychologist thought I MIGHT be bipolar (but personally my moods go too fast for that- but less so since i quit the rememron.....) I also get really irritated really easy. I rarely get that "glimpse" of a calm and serene life.

[Mike_J]

Is it possibly linked to a fear of being in a situation where you don't have control over anything? If you do get pulled over for something minor broken tail light or something that you didn't even know about, you are not really in control of your life anymore, at least until he/she lets you go, with/with out a ticket.

I know that air travel causes me a lot of anxiety because once you walk past the ticket counter you are really at the mercy of the airlines until you get to your destination whenever that might be.

((((Kiddo)))) your post really resonated with me because I have fears like this as well. I was Dx with many of the same things. I do agree with Mike in that perhaps it has to do with the fear of not having any control and feeling as if you are at the mercy of someone. And they have power and control over you and there is nothing you can do about it.

Did you experience a trauma in your past that could perhaps contribute to these fears that you have?

For me, surviving a couple of major traumas, I learned my fears are in direct relation to those horrible incidents.

You are not alone. Feel free to pm me anytime if you want to chat further.

Kind regards
Rose

[Kiddo88]

Thank you both for your replies! Atleast I'm not alone.
That could be, I do have a HARD time not being in control. I'm a big control freak. I'll be the first to admitt it. I did have an abusive childhood- a little physical but A LOT of emotional. I just never thought that this could link with anything like that....hmmm.

It's just the littlest thing that sounds even remotely legal flips me out, and I go into panic mode. It's pretty miserable.

[Kiddo88]

I also had one VERY***** tramatic event in 2008. Over which, I had tried to control before it happened, but wasn't able to. This is when all of this started. I'm so afraid that I'm accidently doing something illegal that I try to not do anything that I'm not 100% sure of. Could this have to do with OCD (obsessive thoughts...) or does it sound like another thing entirely?

[Odee]

I'm thanking you for this thread because it's so nice to know that I am not the only one irrationally afraid of being accused or framed for something I didn't do, and then getting in trouble for it! I also imagine scenarios where I would be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, or that my accidental involvement marked me as a suspect.

I think being accused of something you didn't do in the past hits our psyches really hard. And that has happened to just about everyone.

[Leed]

It's funny cause I'm a former COP -- and I'm really OCD about getting ANYTHING even CLOSE to a ticket of any kind!! I've never had any kind of a ticket at all, and I'm 63 yrs old!!! I get REALLY panicky if a cop is behind me while I'm driving, and I actually start almost WEAVING while I'm driving! I find it hard to go perfectly STRAIGHT just because he's behind me! I'm afraid I'm going to get stopped, and I have to take paiin meds in order to even function! THEN I'll get arrested for taking pain meds and driving! ACK!!! Good grief. I panic just THINKING about it!

And being a former cop, you'd think I'd be a little more calm about it, but I'm not!!! It drives me up the wall! The laws have changed ALOT since I was a cop. I sure don't want to be behind bars at my age. Good God. Arrrgggghhhh

[Crew]

WoW, you sound like me, I didn't think anyone had this fear either. It's good to know I'm not alone.

What I have done over the years have been to try and be around them though community events. I also told my T this and a cop came to therapy once as a favor to my T. I still don't like cops but I don't get as panicky around them.

I hope you can find some comfort knowing your not alone.

I was hurt as a child by a few cops and once one messes with you I just bunch them all together including all the states I lived in.

your in my thoughts on this.

and hang in there, Crew

PS I do wonder though, for me it's like they can become the JUDGE, JURY, and then you have to fight to prove your innocent. I don't care for those that think they are better then those that aren't. I wish they would go after bad guys like they back up there own first. I do not like cops! Yet I am not stupid enough to do something where they will stop me etc...

[tabbi187]

It's funny how bc I have anxiety I tend to get nervous even reading your fears or watching those ocd shows bc it feels like it will rub off on me.. I am not "afraid" of police however I am nervous around them.. sometimes to the point of anger/frustration other times I just do my best to avoid em.. Growin up my mom wrote alot of hot checks to pay for food for us & so the police would issue warrants & track her down so she would often be dodging them & we would have to be quiet & still when they'd come to the door or occasionally answer it (when we were older) & say she wasn't home to buy her more time.. I know eventually she was picked up & spent a night in jail but that wasn't until I was around 16-17 & it had gone on for around 10 yrs (while w/ my father & eventually she used my step fathers checks).. Obviously you see a few problems in here already however that is just the beginning.. My sister & I ditched school when I was 15 (she was 12) & we lied to the cop & gave him fake names & a fake address to mail the tickets to but he had also put us in the back of his squad car & took us to school.. Shortly after I got my license when

[tabbi187]

Originally Posted by Kiddo88

This will be long, but I will put the moral of the story at the beginning so everyone can perhaps answer- even if they don't want to read my novel here.

I have a paralyzing, unnatural, completely awful fear of police. Actually, of anyone who could "get me in trouble." IRS, Government...just the word courthouse makes me want to puke. Literally. I saw someone get arrested not too long ago (this phobia started wayyy before that) and when I got home, and for about 4 hours after I was dry heaving, shaking and having a HARD time breathing. I thought they were going to come here and arrest me JUST BECAUSE I saw them arrest someone else. What if the other people around lied and said I did something?

Let me be perfectly clear... I have never even had as much as a driving ticket. No law trouble at all. I never even spoke to a cop until I was probably 15 or so. No family problems with cops. My husband was arrested once, but the cop was so very nice and he was out the next day- could this cause it?

I'm also even afraid to write this post as I think that the cops might see this and think I did something wrong and track me and try to arrest me for something.

I need to know someone else feels like this. I need to know I'm not alone.

More information.
I have been DX with Generalized Anxiety, OCD, ADHD, Social Anxiety Disorder & panic. I have brought up the possibility of being BPD a few times to my therapist(and I do have the symptoms of BPD - I CAN CERTAINLY go into more details if asked!....) and she says that I don't seem BPD to her. She also says Im not bipolar, BUT that would be the next thing we look at if the meds don't work for my GAD. I was on remeron but decided to quit it so now the only thing I'm on is BusPar 2x/day. I had been on depakote (it made me not care about anything, really) (sp?) once before bc one psychologist thought I MIGHT be bipolar (but personally my moods go too fast for that- but less so since i quit the rememron.....) I also get really irritated really easy. I rarely get that "glimpse" of a calm and serene life.

Okay so first off I wanna let you know you aren't alone.. Although I dont have a "fear" of police I do worry/get nervous when I see em & do my best to avoid em.. part of me gets angry bc I feel like some of em are out to get us purposefully (especially due to racial issues concerning my husband).. & 2ndly bc Ive experienced alot of injustice but the funny thing is Ive also met a couple nice ones.. For instance- One night my mom had her friends over & they had been drinking my sis went to go pee & heard noises (she was 14-15) but she went to go check it out & saw my moms friends (a woman & man) doing something inappropriate on our pull out couch bed.. they didnt even notice her walk in but she was traumatized so she came in my room & told me.. I was angry that my mom brought them to our home & that she wasnt thinking about her kids (Although Im 2 yrs older than my sis I have a brother thats 11 yrs younger than me) so we snuck out my window & started walkin around the neighborhood it was prolly 3am & we saw a police car coming & my sis had cigs she had taken from my mom that she threw behind someones shed but even though we tried hiding from the policeman he had already seen us so we looked suspicious & he shined his lite on us & so I finally told her we better stop hiding.. & come out or he may try to chase us or worse so we came out & he simply asked what we were doing out so late.. we told him the truth & he asked if my sis still needed to pee she could use the bathroom at the station which was on the next block we graciously declined but he said that it wasnt safe (even behind a police station) for us to be out so late at night & that we needed to go home.. I explained that we wanted nothin to do with our mom or having to knock on the door but he was ok with us sneaking back in our window just as long as he witnessed us doing it.. & so it was.. but about a yr ago I was pulled over @ 7am bc I was going to pick up breakfast but stopped by the post office first & I was unfamiliar with the area so it took me a second to realize that once I pulled out of the parking lot I was going the wrong way on a one way (street) the only car that witnessed me happened to be an undercover police car & I explained that I realized once I saw the backwards sign I was going the wrong way but the street I had come on to get there was a 2 way & he believed me & said since nobody was out that he was just going to give me a warning.. that was until he ran my license & apparently the system said it was suspended & he told me that he would not only have to issue me the ticket but also have to take me to jail.. I hoped he was joking bc I had a newborn girl & our son at home as well my niece had stayed the night & they were waiting for me to come home with breakfast & I argued with him that no way my license was suspended but he said it was & to call someone if I didnt want my car to be impounded my husband didnt answer so I had to call my mom who lived out of town & cry to her & let her know what was going on this wasnt the 1st time I had been arrested I was actually arrested about 5 yrs ago bc I fell behind a month or so on a ticket payment plan (I had drove my moms car to go get some donuts (a pattern huh?) & her tags were out & the cop pulled me over right in front of her house (the downside of living by the police I guess).. anyways the 1st time I was arrested they came & picked me up at my job when I was 9 months preg with my son.. I was scared & crying & humilated all for an expired tag but I wasnt there long.. my mom picked me up & I didnt have to see a judge or anything.. however the 2nd (last time last yr) they booked me & charged me DWL & issued me the citation as well as made me see the judge who set my bond at 1000 so my husband immediately found a bondsman however I was still in a cell for a good 8 hrs.. after coughing up 175 for the bondsman/ & paying the ticket which was around 250 & spending 9 hours in handcuffs/cop car/processing/cell/judge/etc my whole saturday was gone we had to go out of town to my moms to get the kids.. & I was depressed that 450 was down the drain.. I called DPS that monday & after waiting 2 hrs on hold someone verified my license was in fact valid & there had been an error made.. I not only spent time shacked up in a cell with a racist heroin addict who wouldnt shut up (I wanted to kick her butt bc of her ignorance) but my whole day was wasted/ I wasnt paid back for the bond $ & that ticket that was going to be a warning was issued for the wrong reason (even though that was my fault!).. none of this would have happened if the system didnt have that error.. however I still had to go to court a month later to present my case & show proof (a letter they sent in the mail) validating the error.. I am still worried a yr later that something like this could happen again to me or someone else!.. It was VERY frustrating..

As far as your DX I can really relate to some of that.. I was dx w/ anxiety & depression back in 2007 right after I had my son.. & they had started me off on different antideps & klonopin.. after awhile I decided I didnt wanna deal with pills that was until I got pregnant the 2nd (last) time.. I knew I was already feelin suicidal so I needed help to manage my emotions that wouldnt harm the baby.. I got on wellbutrin & buspar I have been on Buspar twice long term within the last 5 yrs & although I have nausea when starting it I NEVER saw a difference between bein on it or off it.. I have taken several antideps & only Pristiq has shown promise but I cant really afford it so Im sufferin w/ lexapro.. Ive considered Seroquel for my anxiety/mood but Ive heard how it causes weight gain.. I was dx with ADHD last april but I KNOW for a fact that there is more yet to be dx bc of the lack of help my antidep/klonopin/Adderall plus 14 yrs of counseling (since I was 11) has been.. I also believe strongly in BPD bc every single symptom describes me (most currently, but a couple in my past).. I have found that even the therapist I love & trust & takes me seriously doesnt completely brush off my concerns however the lack of knowledge regarding BPD with many psychs makes them weary or skeptical of such a "wide & varied" diagnosis.. Most therapists arent trained in DBT so they lack the skills to even help BPD patients so may discredit them bc they cant help w/ something they arent trained or knowledgeable about.. I have the list of symptoms & an explanation on why each has/still fits me.. so theres no doubt my paranoia/hypochondria isnt warranted bc I have a pretty valid argument but such an argument is rendered useless to those who don't believe in it.. just as a Christian & an atheist may never come to an agreement or compromise no matter what proof or credit the other has.. BPD is said to be so controversial that many drs just steer clear from it thus not acknowledging its existence. Though BPD has really been an eye opener for me & has given me hope I am also a bit hesitant bc it is considered a "personality disorder" so many treatment facilities & practitioners do not treat such disorders while they almost all treat BiPolar.. which is a mood disorder.. Here lies my problem.. My younger brother (almost 14) was diagnosed with severe mood disorder/adhd/defiant disorder about 4 yrs ago after failing 3 grades in a row & I grew up with an abusive & alcoholic father so I pretty much started seeing a counselor on my own w/o ever disclosing my truth afraid of repercussions of being taken away or split up etc.. so I pretty much acted up in school hoping that people would be able to read me enough to know something was wrong but nobody ever did instead I remember a dr making things worse & another dr telling me when I was around 12-13 that he recommended I be tested for ADHD bc I couldnt stop fidgeting/moving my legs & seemed very restless & couldnt hold convos w/o becoming distracted by everything but I never thought that anything like that was wrong with me & all I knew back then were alot of parents were giving their kids Ritalin like it was candy & didnt want nothing to do w/ zombie drugs or havin a label other than the problems I already had.. but when my brother was diagnosed I thought maybe this WAS my problem.. however when looking for symptoms I found out how identical ADHD/Bipolar symptoms are.. so then I became confused again.. I kept thinkin is it my attention or my mood thats the problem? I definately have a problem with getting distracted not finishing tasks, etc but what most affects my life & relationships are my mood swings.. ADHD can cause mood swings but Ive now been on adderall for over a yr & even though I notice a little bit more energy & every once in awhile my motivation will be up slightly I also fear that this wasnt the correct route bc my irritability & patience has only gotten worse. My primary concern has always been my husband & kids & me not being "moody/mad/aggravated" ALL the time.. I am extremely hypersensitive to sounds/touches/etc & the littlest things set me off.. It makes me feel like a horrible person/mother/wife.. But it makes me questions everything.. Am I Bipolar? am I BPD? or ADHD? or all 3?!! After all the research medication changes/self help/etc I am still confused as ever & am just ready for the next stage but how can we begin to heal if we do not know what to "truly" treat? The only thing that doesnt fit me for being bipolar is consistancy.. They say it goes in cycles but I am not sure mine do.. my moods change throughout the day but mainly from depressed to angry/overstimulated.. I havent felt calm sense before I had kids.. Im always overwhelmed, & completely stressed & worried. I also do not feel like I am on top of the world to much I mainly feel a sense of guilt/shame/anger/hopeless/helplessness which are all typical of depression.. Why does life have to be so dang complicated?! lol