[Trembling Voice]

Hi everyone .. i suffer from depression and social phobia , other than my parents i can't talk to anyone , i don't even know what should i say while talking with people , i am too scared to leave the house , and i feel like my parents started to not like me anymore , they don't want to understand and i don't know how to explain to them .. also i think the same way i used to think when i was 12 , people my age got married and have kids now and i still can't believe i became old .. i have a lot of things to write .. but the more i think the more i get depressed .. am i the only one who almost never leave the house ?

Hi No, you aren't the only one by far. What would you like to say to people? You can talk to us here if you'd like. Might give you some practice and insights on social interaction.

[Trembling Voice]

Originally Posted by George H.

Hi No, you aren't the only one by far. What would you like to say to people? You can talk to us here if you'd like. Might give you some practice and insights on social interaction.

Thanks for your reply ,, my problem is i don't know how to socialize , being nervous while talking to people makes me concentrate on my voice to prevent it from shaking and that doesn't make me aware of my words if what i am saying is right or wrong , suitable or not .. even saying a simple thing like happy birthday to someone in real life is a very difficult thing for me .. my heart pounds so fast and i feel like i can't breath , .. i have a very bad social phobia and i am extremely oversensitive .. everytime i decide to leave the house and start talking to strangers .. something sad happens ...so many embarrassing situations and that makes me prefer to stay alone at home again .. sorry for my bad English and thanks again for your help and support ^

I do not know how to socialize myself. I hardly leave the house, too. I really have trouble making eye contact when trying to have a conversation and it makes people think I'm cold/distant. You're definitely not alone. My mother is the only person I can really talk to, besides my T. They make me feel comfortable actually. Just work on these things slowly - don't rush yourself. I'm not the greatest with advice, but I hope everything goes well for you.

[Trembling Voice]

Originally Posted by borntoroam

I do not know how to socialize myself. I hardly leave the house, too. I really have trouble making eye contact when trying to have a conversation and it makes people think I'm cold/distant. You're definitely not alone. My mother is the only person I can really talk to, besides my T. They make me feel comfortable actually. Just work on these things slowly - don't rush yourself. I'm not the greatest with advice, but I hope everything goes well for you.

Thank you borntoroam , I forgot to mention the eye contact thing .. i almost never look at people in the eyes .

[IowaFarmGal]

I don't have any social life outside of work, no friends in the real world. All of my socializing is online. My son has selective mutism and aspergers. He goes to a sheltered workshop three days a week. He is beginning to talk a little bit more. Voc rehab is helping him and there's a goal for him to get a job in the community and have a life of his own. He's been there a long time, but they won't push him out before he is ready. I didn't talk much either but I had to learn to because I had to get out and work to survive. Welcome to PC. I hope you find it helpful here. I wish you well in life. I hope you find resources locally to help you with this.

[Trembling Voice]

Hi IowaFarmGal ,, thanks , i am trying , i am thinking of quitting video games and computer for a week or something and force myself to go out , the thing is i don't know where to go i have zero friends and i can't even drive ........

[missbelle]

Hi;

Well you found this place and this is a super way to interact with people so keep posting. You can also give advice. This way you see no one face to face and you are safe here...very safe..we do not know your real name and you don't know ours.......yet we find friendships here and support!

Thinking of you!!! So glad you posted!!

[Trembling Voice]

Hey missbelle , yes you are right and yeah i am glad i found this place , but i am not sure if i can give advice , I'm always afraid to say stupid things haha , i have zero experience when it comes to dealing with people , but i will try .. Thank you

[Open Eyes]

((Trembling Voice))

I used to struggle talking with people myself when I was much younger. I found my voice babysitting and being around children. What you could try is to donate your time at a library or even maybe where your son goes to school and read to children.
It can bridge a gap for you to getting to a point where you feel more comfortable talking to the children as they react to the stories. That can be a bridge to eventually feeling more comfortable talking to adults.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[Trembling Voice]

It's actually a good idea Open Eyes .. but i don't feel comfortable around children or guys my age .. i feel a bit safe and comfortable while talking to " some " old people who are my parents' age .. the funny thing is i feel so nervous when i try to read out loud even while being alone .. i don't really know what's going on inside my brain exactly .. i am not on meds now but i went to doctors and medicine had no effect on me .. what makes me sad is i know that the only way to overcome is to face my fear but i am too scared to even try ..

[No Fuse No Flame]

Holy brain buckets Batman these post all sound like they could be me. My biggest adventure out, is to work in the garden or cut grass. I hate being alone but can't deal with people. Some days I wait till after dark just to check the mail.

[bill77bman]

talkin on here is a beginning i no what u r going thru i am terriable with people

[Trembling Voice]

Originally Posted by lit fuse

I hate being alone but can't deal with people.

This ....

[Trembling Voice]

Originally Posted by bill77bman

talkin on here is a beginning i no what u r going thru i am terriable with people

Yeah i am glad i found this place

[Trembling Voice]

Thanks guys for your support and help

[Open Eyes]

(((Trembling Voice))),

Well, starting here is a good idea. But what you have to keep in mind, it that this often begins in our childhoods and as time goes on and we continue to have difficulty, we begin to keep convincing ourselves that we have poor skills in communicating with others.

The reason why I suggested being around children is that children, especially young children are very forgiving and simply just enjoy attention. I was very shy myself, but when I got old enough, around 10 and 11 years old I started to baby sit. It was not long before I discovered that the children I babysat for would be amused by all the things I loved to do myself. I had just started to play the guitar and I wasn't real good at it, but the children didn't care, they just loved to watch me strum the guitar and sing. And I used to make up little songs, and the children loved to do that too.

Reading aloud?, well for small children their books are short and simple and they can leave lots of room for adding emotions as well. I can actually relate to your discomfort in reading aloud, I had that myself in school and when I got chosen to read aloud, I used to stumble over my words because of nerves or fearing I would make a mistake. Also for me that was hard because my father bearly let me finish a sentence without correcting me, and while he thought he was increasing my skllls, he actually disturbed my ability to speak fluidly. So, just my ability to speak to others made me feel like any second that other person was going to correct or interrupt me, I was hesitant because my brain had learned I was going to be interrupted so I developed a kind of struggle to get a word in my brain to form into speach.

So Trembling Voice, when you do this self talk and share with others, always remember that what you tell others about you, you also tell yourself. So, it is important to include a small word that opens up to "improvement" and that word is "yet". I don't always remember to do this, but I make sure that when I share, I remind myself later, "OE, yes so far you are stuck in this one area, but that is not forever, you just haven't gotten past this "yet"".

Reading aloud has been very difficult for me so far, while I have tried it on different occasions, even to myself, I have not felt at ease with it "yet". Is what you should say and "think" in your mind.

So, if you find it difficult to read aloud, what you CAN do is find simple children's books and begin with that. Read these simple books out loud and to yourself first.
You can go to the local library and you can take out some simple books. Every night before you go to bed, read a book or two out loud to yourself. Believe it or not, that is also very comforting. As you "gain" in that comfort level, you can pick books that have even more substance to them, for example an age group higher.

Now, I did this activity with "live children" as my audience. I got to feel very comfortable because the young children didn't know how to interupt me like my father did. I still had trouble reading in the classroom out loud at school around my peirs, but somehow in my brain I thought of that challenge as something I had not achieved comfort with "yet".

Everything we do is a skill we somehow learn. When we are not good at something, even writing words here at PC?, well that is just another "yet" and as we practice, we find we "can" make progress.

The brain is a pretty amazing thing, so it is always important to consider that whatever we cannot do, is just something we cannot do "yet".

Just some food for thought,

Open Eyes

[Nefertari Vivi]

Hello, I leave the house when I need to, but other than that I stay inside, so it does get lonely. I believe I also suffer from social phobia, although I am not entirely sure. I do know that I am unable to approach people and communicate and simply rely on people to approach me in order for me to start a conversation, but this is rare for people to do; which is why I hardly talk unless spoken to, unless I know what it is that I want to say or required to speak. Then there are just my general social problems that are not as severe as what I previously mentioned.

I also feel afraid to leave the house, but I also am not sure of what to say or do. I feel that your parents do not want to understand or you may feel that they do not want to understand, because they can not relate to the problems that you are currently facing. I do not worry to much about people getting married and having kids, because I realize that I do not want such things; I acknowledge that such things will not bring me happiness, thus I must find happiness on my own in other ways.

[Trembling Voice]

I have read every single word Open Eyes .. glad to know there are people understand what i am going through , my parents can't or " don't want " to
understand , they know i am extremely introvert but they think it's because i like it or it's easy to get over but i don't want to .. which is not true of course .. i really find your post very helpful .. there are things you mentioned i can do , other things are a bit difficult for me at least now .. but i will try .. i just want to learn how not to care if i failed , every time i give up because of some silly things .. the thing is any little thing can ruin my life .. but i really want to change .. thank you so much

[Open Eyes]

Trembling Voice,

When someone has social phobia, it doesn't mean they will not be able to learn how to work through these fears. Your parents should have noticed this and taken steps to get you help with this growing up. Unfortunately there are parents who simply do not take that extra step in learning "good parenting skills". So right off the bat their reaction of you "wanting to be this way" is irresponsible of them and you need to make sure you dont take "their ignorance" as any kind of proof that you are unworthy.

You did make some connections with "older people" at times as you mentioned. Well, that is very similar to making connections with young children. The elderly often slow down on their body language that can be loud and threatening. They have gotten to a point in life where they have been through so much that they have finally accepted who they are and how life is. So as grandparents, they can just be so much more relaxed and accepting and their overall body language is mellow.

So these two groups of people are good to be around at first when someone has "social phobia" because they are the "most accepting' age groups. Everyone has fears when they interact with other people Trembling Voice. It only becomes a "disorder" when this fear becomes more of a challenge to someone and interfers with their abiltiy to socialize and move forward. And it is very important that you make sure you don't think that because you have this "social phobia" as a label, it means that you can't change that and progress inspite of having that challenge.

I don't know where you live, but you should investigate to see if there are some programs around you that focus on working with people that have this challenge.
I know that this can be worked through and children can learn to overcome this and become much more comfortable interacting with others.

If you spend time just "observing" in PC, you will learn that there are a lot of people who have fears and low self esteem issues. So it isn't just you. And there are plenty of people who have challenges and are working through these challenges.

You just have to acquire some skills "yet".

Open Eyes

[pbutton]

I have had many similar problems. I also do not like talking to people. I feel like I can't think and talk to someone at the same time.

It did help me to realize that there are people I can talk to because I am relaxed with them. I just need to find a way to relax with people that I don't know as well.

I have started trying to talk to people more. I am usually very quiet but I have started to share some of the things that I am thinking & wouldn't normally say out loud. I have found that most people WANT to talk and are supportive and polite. I still have a lot of work to do but each time I conquer something new I feel stronger.

[Trembling Voice]

Originally Posted by Nefertari Vivi

I do not worry to much about people getting married and having kids,

Yes same here .. this is actually one of the reasons why i said i feel like i am not mature enough.. maybe if i worried about that , that would be a very good motivation to start socializing , going out more , etc , i don't feel like i am weird or anything but once i compare myself to people my age i feel like i am really strange ..

[Trembling Voice]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Unfortunately there are parents who simply do not take that extra step in learning "good parenting skills".

This is exactly what my parents are like , i like them and i know they don't hate me but i owe my social phobia and my garbage personality to them , they are not bad parents .. but if i have kids one day " and that will never happen " i will treat them completely different .. not like the way my parents raised me up , i think i would make a good father , but i don't want kids even if i got rid of my social phobia and became a very social person .. not because i don't like them or something no but this life is really tough . i am imagining if they asked me before i was born if i would like to come into this life or not .. of course my answer would be no thanks ..

[Trembling Voice]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I have started trying to talk to people more. I am usually very quiet but I have started to share some of the things that I am thinking & wouldn't normally say out loud. I have found that most people WANT to talk and are supportive and polite. I still have a lot of work to do but each time I conquer something new I feel stronger.

That's really good , my problem isn't exactly with starting taking steps , my problem is i give up quickly when things don't go well , i keep overthinking things , and i care too much about what others think of me , also i am easy to be broken down ..

[MindMuse]

Hello TV,

I feel so bad for you. I completely know how you feel, I am the same way. I feel like I live life via third person view. I am always watching and listening to myself when I interact with people and never feel like I am in the conversation because I am always nervous about what I doing and saying and then that makes me not follow whats being said, then they look at me weird, then I get more nervous and it just spirals downward on and on.

I feel like I make people uncomfortable because I myself am uncomfortable. Then I notice people don't talk to me like they do other people around me, then I think why is this? What is it about me? Am I weird or something? Its so confusing.

But I have figured out something that has been working for me. Like you said we need to face our fears. I used to always try to avoid people just so I don't have to talk to them etc. But what I have been doing more and more is when I get the urge of avoiding someone thats now my "que" to go to them instead and I place myself in that situation I usually avoid. I know its supper hard to do. But I force myself into it because I know eventually, if I keep doing this it will eventually weaken my fear. Its like anything we do, the more we do it the easier it becomes. It may take along time, but I don't care, I'm miserable being this way anyway, I might as well work on fixing it somehow.

I no longer let my fear control me. That's my new quote to myself. That just lets the condition get worse and get more control. I know this is easy for me to say all this, but logically I know this is the way out of it. It will never get better if I continue to indulge and cultivate my fears. That only reinforces them and makes it harder to change.

There is something about facing our fears. We know this is what we should do though its so hard at times I know. I am actually developing an eagerness for those situations of fear because its soooooo refreshing and empowering after I force myself to face the situation I would normally avoid! Its like after its over I raise my fist and say YEA I did it again!!!! I'm nowhere near where I want to be but I can see it getting easier!! Even if just barely!

I hope this encourages you. There are many of us out here suffering with the same fears. I feel we have to think our way out of a mess we thought our way into! I know its all in my head! No one is going to literally eat me though it sure feels like it all the time! All we have to fear is fear itself!! What words of wisdom!!

God bless you TV!