[gracez]

Hi, the depression forum link seems to be down.

How do you make it thru the day? Every day I feel like I can't, yet somehow I have made it thru, with this horrible feeling, for months. Today, like most days, I feel so tight in my chest and so upset that I feel nauseous, and am either crying or on the verge of tears much of the day. Nothing gets better.

It's scary and lonely every day all day. Every day I feel like "I can't do this" or "I can't make it" but I'm not even sure what that means, because I'm not interested in suicide.

I don't have access to a therapist or resources like that at the moment, so while I appreciate suggestions in that arena, I'd rather hear feedback from your experience or other suggestions.

Thank you! I'd really like to keep in touch. I have no one here to talk to about this.

Grace

[Kate King]

Grace,

My heart hurts for you because I know first hand what you are saying. It seems so completely hopeless , the bottomless pit. During my toughest days, my therapist told me to literally, with a timer, set it for 5 min and then decide how I was going to use those 5 min. Then restart the timer again, and again, and again. She said too, that I could choose to take 5 min and just bawl my eyes out, that that was perfectly fine, but once the 5 min was done, I would have to choose something else. It sounds AWFUL I know, but it did get me to a point of at least accomplishing something every day. And all it takes is a start. I don't know, I might not be explaining myself well. I hope you are able to get some great advice to take to heart. Keep posting ((hugs))

Originally Posted by Kate King

Grace,

My heart hurts for you because I know first hand what you are saying. It seems so completely hopeless , the bottomless pit. During my toughest days, my therapist told me to literally, with a timer, set it for 5 min and then decide how I was going to use those 5 min. Then restart the timer again, and again, and again. She said too, that I could choose to take 5 min and just bawl my eyes out, that that was perfectly fine, but once the 5 min was done, I would have to choose something else. It sounds AWFUL I know, but it did get me to a point of at least accomplishing something every day. And all it takes is a start. I don't know, I might not be explaining myself well. I hope you are able to get some great advice to take to heart. Keep posting ((hugs))

This is a really good ideal. Going to buy myself a timer.

[optimize990h]

I set myself small goals I can reach. I can relate to the timer.

Sometimes, though, despite group therapy and medication I feel like staying under the blanket till noon. Then silently punish myself with guilt for the rest of the day.

I try to do as much as I can to develop a routine of positive outlooks by exercising, doing proper exercises that help me reinforce positive nonverbal behaviours like posture, eye position, the touch of people, the smiling muscles, the positive images, some kind of humor. Even distractions help me get go going sometimes, even though the distractions may not seem significant. Meditation helps me understand what kind of day I am having.

I'm probably just repeating myself. :-(

[gracez]

Thanks everyone. I really like the timer advice. I do some things throughout the day - like I just went for an interview at a temp agency, and was focused for the hour I was there, and even felt a bit of relief. But then the misery returned. So I guess that I accomplished something, but it won't keep me going thru the day. Back to this tight drowning feeling now and crying. I can't stay above water that long. And I'm tired of constantly trying to pick myself up. I can't get interested in anything enough to distract myself or to want to do it.

Hugs to all of you

Grace

[avlady]

gracez Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know how difficult it can be. I advise u to take any help given. I was originally offered counselling which i know some people reject as they dont think it will be enough, but it helps initially. Going for a walk is always good altho there was a possibility that i would try to throw myself under any lorry that i saw. You know the best thing i found was watching British comedy shows, as our comedy tends to come from how unfair life is.
I know sometimes with depression people say youre just lazy, and that if you think about something else it will go away, and they basically make you feel guilty, but keep telling yourself that things will improve, that you will get help, and that life can get better. This seemed impossible for me even a few months ago, but ive started on a mood stabiliser (better than anti depressants) and propranolol for anxiety and things are getting better.

Please keep going, youre worth much more than people with no understanding of this will have you believe

[hannabee]

So I assume you don't take medication to treat the depression. There is an over the counter vitamin called sam-e that seems to work for me, even better than St. James Wort. It will cost about a $1.50 a day, so it's not cheap, but it did work for me. Also, I do try to meditate for a few mins a day..not sure if that is helping tho. Oh, and exercise does get the seratonin and dopamine going around the brain, so that should make you feel better. Take care and hugs!

[gracez]

Originally Posted by hannabee

So I assume you don't take medication to treat the depression. There is an over the counter vitamin called sam-e that seems to work for me, even better than St. James Wort. It will cost about a $1.50 a day, so it's not cheap, but it did work for me. Also, I do try to meditate for a few mins a day..not sure if that is helping tho. Oh, and exercise does get the seratonin and dopamine going around the brain, so that should make you feel better. Take care and hugs!

Thanks, Hannabee and others. I am newly on Zoloft. I tried Celexa for 2 mos. with no positive effect. I do try and meditate and was exercising, but it wasn't making me feel better. I haven't ben exercising much recently. I'm really hoping that the Zoloft has a positive effect. It's hard to wait since I waited on the Celexa for 2 mos. and just felt physically strange from it.

Thank you for the suggestion, and encouragement to try exercising again regardless of the fact it didn't make me feel better, it's a good thing to do.

xxx Grace

[ahilaryb]

Grace, sometimes when I feel like I can't cope but I have to make it through my day, I do something that sounds really trite and patronizing but it seriously helps me. I try to do something nice. Like smile at someone, or hold the door, or let someone in traffic, or give a compliment. I feel good about myself, I feel proactive, I feel less lonely and I feel more in harmony with the world. That's partly why I started posting here in these forums -- it distracts me from my own sadness and I feel good trying to help people and be supportive. Just a thought. <3 Please let us know how you are doing and if anything seems to be working for you. Hugs!

[spondiferous]

Grace, what you described - feeling so down it's physically agonizing but not even being able to care about suicide - is what I experience now when I have a severe depressive episode. And I cannot take antidepressants because I have really negative reactions (mental and physical) to them, regardless of what class they are in. I don't really know what to tell you because obviously there is no easy answer. For me, the only thing that works is literally just taking it one day at a time. The timer suggestion is a good one; I've never heard that before. But for me, when things get really tough and I literally cannot deal, I have to tune out. I have to shut it down. I accomplish this by either surrounding myself with people (or one person) who understands and spending time with them because it always gets me outside of myself; or, if I'm too unwell to even do that, I tune out with movies or tv shows (online, without the commercials, like with Netflix or something). In fact I've had entire weeks where that's all I've done: stayed in my pjs, watched shows, and zoned out. The pain is still there, but the stimulus gives my brain something else to focus on and I become a little more desensitized to it, and then eventually it becomes more bearable again. When it gets bad enough, I go to the emergency room, because although the thought of suicide usually scares me to the point of feeling paralyzed when I contemplate it, I have attempted it in the past, and I don't really want to die; I just want the pain to stop.

I suggest experimenting and finding things that work for you, ideally more than one, and developing a 'tool box' of sorts.

[gracez]

Thanks, Hilary and spondiferous,

yes, nothing seems to work. I don't have access to therapy, don't get me started, it's unfair being uninsured and unemployed, without savings, in my town when you really would like some help of this sort. I have medication for now but not sure if I can continue it. So it seems to be up to me, for now.

I very much like your suggestion Hilary of doing something for another person. And this, and blanking out, are the main things that I try. Trouble is, I can't sustain either one of them, and I don't feel relieved having done them.

I understand it's good to keep doing these things no matter if you don't feel like it - eat well, etc. For the most part I do, except that I've more or less stopped exercising except when I need to ride somewhere on the bike.

But this has been going on for months and not changing yet.

Guess I'll keep posting.

I'm thinking of you too, and thanks, it means a lot that you answered and tried to rack your brain for something helpful.

xxx Grace

[optimize990h]

I sometimes have days when I have to take it one minute at a time to make it through the day. My goal is to make it through the day to do a positive activity for myself. I realize that work for many people provides a structure and some sense of accomplishment. Not all of us have any volunteering activities that would replace work. So, I plod through each day doing routine positive things to help reprogram my mind. I have to do this routine so it becomes implanted into my brain. Especially, the meditation CD I have. Yes, there are days when these have less effect, but I also visualize this battle with depression as a rock trying to get to the crest of the hill. From the top of the hill, I will slowly build momentum with positive retraining and gain more and have less down days. Unfortunately, it's not a simple surgery where a simple operation will cure my problems. It is a struggle, I know, having been to hell and back once, I know how to multitask.