PC Frustrations

that was in response to Rhapsody.

For Desirae, I want to say that I can also relate. I'm not a hugely popular chick here at PC, and I definitely feel invisible much of the time, which makes me sad because I think I can be a really good friend to have.

However, when my friends DO respond to my posts, it means that much more because I know it's not just lip service, and I do have to say that even though I don't get tons of replies to my requests for support, the replies that I do get are very high-quality. And I'll take quality over quantity any day (but don't let this digress into another discussion about Walmart!!! )

LOL.......LMO that was funny!!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
LMo said:
We'd try to handle it privately. And of course, neither person in the dispute would want the other person to talk about it with the shared friends out of fear it would be misconstrued and that they wouldn't be able to defend themself.

It's the same thing here, if you look at it that way.

If we stick to the guidelines, we should all be ok. Hang in there

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YES, I agree and the word is "IF" -

If others did not talk about it with their group of friends and IF others followed the guidelines.....
I guess IF is a big word that can make all the difference.

and THANKS..... I am hanging in there.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

bwahahahahaha, LMo.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not ill enough to be here or that I'm too harsh. After I post a negative comment, I'm left with the feeling that I'd better not show my avitar around here for a good long time, because the person on the receiving end needs more love and understanding than the one who felt upset enough to post something unsupportive.

It's like "you're not allowed to be here unless you're on your best, uncharacteristic behavior." Cripes, I dealt with control issues IRL for the last 24 years, and I come in here and am told basically the same thing "you, as yourself, aren't good enough. You need to be something you aren't to be accepted."

i feel safe here.

addressing problems in PMs and keeping it to yourself helps you have a safety net.

this is a MENTAL HEALTH FORUM> it is not IRL> putting most of your eggs in the PC basket isn't healthy. there has to be a balance here. everyone here has different issues and most of those that can't be discusssed publicly can be discussed in PMs.

just because i don't agree with someone doesn't mean the safety of PC is threatened..at least not to me.....and vice versa.

what makes me NOT feel safe is when members allude to some issue that they have and it makes numerous people feel like it might be them that the poster is talking about. i thought that KD had made it clear that if we have an issue.......PM it. personalities are fragile here. that ought to be a given in all of our approaches to posting.

if someone is put off by something i post, PM me about it. it's the adult thing to do. i'll do the same. i may not like all of the guidelines, but i especially like the PM if you're upset rule.

and try not to read between the lines here. assuming that we are the center of the universe never works. there is a saying in Al-Anon that computes out to this, "you may be thinking that someone is thinking something negative and the person isn't thinking of you at all."

take it to PMs and keep it out of the forums and it will all fall into place. paranoia runs deep here. subjecting anyone here to wondering if a poster is talking about them, in my mind, is needless and at times cruel. realizing that the world is populated by numbers that don't revolve around ourselves is crucial to recovery. no one here is the center of the universe and that definitely goes for me. my real universe is IRL> this is only a small part of it.

i feel safe here now.

addressing problems in PMs and keeping it to yourself helps you have a safety net.

this is a MENTAL HEALTH FORUM> it is not IRL> putting most of your eggs in the PC basket isn't healthy. there has to be a balance here. everyone here has different issues and most of those that can't be discusssed publicly can be discussed in PMs.

just because i don't agree with someone doesn't mean the safety of PC is threatened..at least not to me.....and vice versa.

what makes me NOT feel safe is when members allude to some issue that they have and it makes numerous people feel like it might be them that the poster is talking about. i thought that KD had made it clear that if we have an issue.......PM it. personalities are fragile here. that ought to be a given in all of our approaches to posting.

if someone is put off by something i post, PM me about it. it's the adult thing to do. i'll do the same. i may not like all of the guidelines, but i especially like the PM if you're upset rule.

and try not to read between the lines here. assuming that we are the center of the universe never works. there is a saying in Al-Anon that computes out to this, "you may be thinking that someone is thinking something negative and the person isn't thinking of you at all."

take it to PMs and keep it out of the forums and it will all fall into place. paranoia runs deep here. subjecting anyone here to wondering if a poster is talking about them, in my mind, is needless and at times cruel. realizing that the world is populated by numbers that don't revolve around ourselves is crucial to recovery. no one here is the center of the universe and that definitely goes for me. my real universe is IRL> this is only a small part of it.

and if you can't deal with it in PMs, maybe a mod can help your or you can do the IRL thing and talk to a T. i'm getting tired of veiled projections that upset others. and that's why i have quit starting threads. occasionally i am going to post on the open forums, but i'm not starting a thread.

i don't have the energy or the need to keep this "fight" thing dragging out. and who is this "fight" between anyway? this could go on til Christmas.......move on.......or take it to PMs..........

i'm exhausted just from this post. no more for today. pat

Thank you Pat, for posting this. It reflects how I feel also.



Love,
Sujin

well, i'm having major anxiety and somehow managed to post twice. sorry........

thank you sujiin. i think it as growing up.......no game playing...........just because i'm frank and honest isn't a bad thing. shirley made good points also.

lighten up.........folks........playing victim just plain reeks......taking responsibility for our part in all disputes is mature. if i'm wrong, i try to always admit it. end of rant.......

off to pick robert up and he's buying the red for the kitchen and the tangelo for the livingroom......i digress and i'm off topic horribly. sorry. pat

I think being frank and honest is a good thing....I do think a line needs to be drawn as to what is considered being honest and straight to the point. When profanity and low blows are used I don't see that as "growing up" , One may very well be expressing their honest feelings when throwing insults at another in a public forum and this can be called being straight forward......But, .I call it "good manners" and "integrity" when a person refrains from verbally attacking a person that irks them.

My comments are not made to any particular person here at Psych Central.... This is a comment in general, and as always IMHO

Sometimes I feel like I'm not ill enough to be here

Good for you, Shirl. That's great news.

[b]<font color="darkblue">Whenever someone posts how they don't feel supported here, I do an Advanced Search on that screen name and view the threads they began, the number and quality of posts in response. Once again, the feelings aren't supported by the data...

But, if a member here does feel left out, then they do need to let others know about it. I, personally, don't keep track of who needs more hand holding, who likes to meet in chat, who enjoys jokes most... (but I'm thinking about beginning a notebook!)... but we all have different needs...and even at different times need different things!<font color="purple">

Des, you do give support here, and you do receive it from what I can see... but I hope this thread shows you that you are a valued member!

As a note, and I don't wish backlash on this ... it's just a thot... when I first joined, if someone received 10% replies to views, then that was average. With the site much bigger, I thought that might change... but it still appears that it's a good indicator... 10 ppl read for each 1 who posts... for average interest threads... for more obscure topics, of course it will be a smaller number of posts...and might have MORE reads than normal too, due to a "weird" subject line? You know what I mean.<font color="blue">

I'm sorry to read that members feel there is one "in crowd" here. From my observations, there are several groupings here of members... ages, interests, times onsite, availability for chat... I think all are in play for that. A member might have to reach out more to others online when they are, to find their group? Do you view the "who's online" very often, to begin to recognize those who commonly come on site when you do? Do you PM them, ask to join you in chat? Do you seek out their posts, and respond quickly to them? IMO these are all ways you can develop a grouping.

Some members fall into several groups... there is no caste society here... and everyone can join in the fun chat, social games, polling etc at any time!

I hope this can help everyone feel like this is a safe, fun, supportive place to be! No one is left out, and hopefully the other members can make you feel at home here. TC

Oh boy could I go on about frustrations of on line support groups and how they relate to PC -

Where do I start -

1- being told I don't like your post to so and so when a simple click of the ignore button will fix the situation for the complaintant especially when my reply has nothing to do with the complaintant.

2-- reading threads of people threatennig to leave because someone didn't agree with them or they had a fight with another member, as a result getting the rest of the various on line support group members in an uproar when a simple click of the ignore button will fix the situation both for the person threatening to leave and the people upset because that person is threatening to leave.

3 ---seeing for the umteenth time someone is trying to be the peacemaker with ban together, lets have peace when a simple click of the ignore button will allow those who dream of utopia to have cyber-utopia.

4 ----on line support groups that are more geared for remaining stuck in the quicksand of problems and pitty party routines and rally against those that welcome the knowledge of what their problems are and how to take care of them.

oh yes there actually are sites out there where members

repeatedly put themselves down
remain stuck in a problem
Shoot down every suggestion that may help.

and any sign that a person is facing their challenges head on and helping others to stand on their own two feet, instead of in the problems perpetrating the mass misconceptionalized versions of their disorder are met with conform to this or we will bait him / her into a fight so she gets be banned and other tactics used to try and force the non conforming person into silence and at best leave the site.

Being a member of many on line support groups I can recognize when this member on one site is that member on another. And it is so irritating that on other sites the same members can and know how to and even help new members with understanding how to monitor their own on line experiences so that they are not getting upset, triggered, angry (whatever word used) but yet here they continuously are upset and throwing temper tantrums when others dont agree with them and can't seem to be able to use that same ignore feature and self help tools that they are able to do on the other sites.

Heck I could go on forever with my frustrations this past 5 years of on line support groups and how and when my general frustrations fit in here on this site.

but you know what a majority of frustrations and problems can be fixed with one thing --

THE IGNORE ICON

There are so many repeated threads discussing this one issue of moderators and administrators repeating in many ways - USE THE IGNORE ICON that Im surprised the ignore icon doesn't have its own message board.

SOLUTIONS -

frustratioon 1- getting compliants about my posts and threads to others when the complaintant is not the person I replied to

- IGNORE ICON and notify moderators and or administrators giving them permission telling them how to locate and read the complaint because in online support groups other members not in authority are not allowed to discipline other members of the community.

Though I have to admit the urge to send such people back their own complaint when I see the same person posting something I don't agree with is VERY tempting, just to see how they would like it if I stooped to their childish temper tantrum level. Frustration solved.

Frustration 2 reading posts of those threatening to leave -

IGNORE ICON when I don't want to read them. People leaving PC doesn't depend on me, my agreeing with them or my begging them to stay.

they are in control of their own online experience if they are unhappy being here then by all means they should leave.

But I have noticed one thing in 5 years of being in many on line support groups and that is-

that this is the only site in which I have ever encountered people posting publically that they are leaving the site. on over 15 other on line groups I have been in over the years the members who were not happy didnt waste time posting goodbye posts and threads they just left. They notify privately those they want to remain in contact with and then leave.

its really not a big deal in on line support groups for members to come and go they just do.

so I got curious and started keeping track of such posts here and discovered a pattern among those type of posts -

The person does not leave. They instead sit and watch people begging them to stay and eventiually someone will supposedly drag out of the person the reason they are leaving which of course leads to mass confusion to the general membership. After everything is in full out war between each other the person posts - guess what Im staying because I can't stand being away from you all posts.

So I have come to my opinion that those who do this are those that want to stir up trouble with in the community but yet give the appearance of - "I didn't do anything" and also to see how many people they can control by getting them on their cyber knees to beg.

Another common theme I have found was that alot of times the person posting they are leaving changes their names so people think they have left thinking no one will know they are still there.

News flash anyone can discover who is changing their names and who is who just by printing off their favorite posts and then when the new name appears on line it is not on the already printed out posts and threads.

Solution- I post the same way to them under the new name as I did when they are were the old name and they realize their ruse did not work and in time they find out on their own that it is harder to be someone else then they were already and eventually go back to being the old name because it is too hard not to repeat posting stlyes, situations and so on.

once I saw these common themes being frustrated by those claiming to be leaving no longer frustrated me. If they really wanted to go they would just go and not advirtize just like any other on line support group and or real life suppport group.

So the end solution - IGNORE.

they want to post a Im leaving post because they had a fight with someone or because they want to see how many will beg them to stay thats up to them but I am in control of my online experience so I choose to ignore them frustration solved.

Frustration 3 - - Peace at PC

two people are never going to agree and never have a problem heck even married people cant get along 100% of the time.

two towns side by side cannot agree 100% of the time.

no two states can agree 100% of the time on the same issues.

No two countries can agree 100% of the time.

if two people, two towns, two states and two countries cant agree 100% of the time how is a whole world going to agree 100% of the time on line?

IT IS NOT GOING TO! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS UTOPIA!.

So when I come across something that I don't agree with I know that it is up to ME to control MY on line experience. this means I can -

post my point of view and know that by doing so I am open to the same just like everyone else who has posted before me.

read the post and thread and NOT reply

not reply to the offending post and turn on the ignore icon so that I no longer have to read that offending post.

Frustration solved.

Frustration -4 sites geared for remaining in the quicksand of problems and for perpetrating the misconceptions of disorders.

I know that not everyone wants to get better. for some reason or in some way those people have learned to get attention from being sick and or putting thierself down. The sites geared towards healing most times have a rule right in the guidelines that the group is support oriented and geared for healing and because negitivity against oneself is considered an emotional self injury tactic and also a negative manipulative way of obtaining support and attention the members are forbidden to "speak" negatively against any member including their self and or their alters.

So I follow that rule no matter what site I am on I don't call myself names and put myself down and I don't do that to others.

I try to help when I can but if I see this negative and manipulative behaviour in others I IGNORE it because my replying to such posts and threads just gives that person what they want control, attention and to manipulate others by playing on their emotions.

As for people not likeing that I post thefactual varifyable truth about my disorder I know that I cannot get banned from any professionally run site just because I want to supply the truth about my disorder and strive to better myself mentally. On professionally run sites they welcome and want the truth about mental disorders not the misconceptionalized views because people use the information for many things - professionals use it to help their clients, students use it for their reseach papers and to get ready for going into the therapy fields themselves, people with mental disorders go to professionally run sites to understand their problems and so on.

So when I encounter those that want to make me conform to silencing the truth and perpetrate the misconceptionalized views I know that I cant control them but I can control my reaction to their various tactics to silence me, bait me into getting banned and so on. So I choose to IGNORE and let their efforts against me slide off and in doing so their own tactics end up burying them and angering them instead of me.

Basically a novel latter my opinion-

EVERYONE IS IN CONTROL OF THEIR OWN ONLINE EXPERIECE

if anyone (including me) is frustrated here then they are ALLOWING themselves to be frustrated by not using the tools open to them to use, like they would and do on any number of other website online support groups.

wow.. you said a mouthful... Lots and lots of good points...

I will have to say when I saw how long the post was I didn't think I could read it from top to bottom... Thing is it caught my full attention and I give me four gold stars for reading the whole post..

"....I'm surprised the ignore icon doesn't have it's own message board"

Glad you liked that. I find humor where I can.

Thanks.
yea I can run off at the fingertips. LOL

Make that 10 stars.LOL

Hi Myself,
You put a lot of thought and time into that post. Thank you for caring that much to share it with us.

Laffen with ya myself... l0 gold stars works better than 4 ... .

Hi back atcha Jax , and you are welcome.

excuse me dear friend but I AM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. Just fyi, in case you forgot. He he, just being silly. Love ya.