[SadSarah]

My mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 94. If there was ever a person that just made you happy being around them, it was her. She was an avid Christian, so unselfish, always putting others before her... She used a walker/buggy to do everything in her power that she could still do. After numerous surgeries relating to colon cancer, she got an iliostomy in 03. But it all came to an end on 11-12-03. She was 51 years old. Killed herself in the garage with the car, alone, no one was with her. She left behind a husband of 33 years, 2 daughters (me 21, and my older sister 28) and a lot of family that misses her dearly. I try to be strong for my family, but when no one's around I cry all the time and look at pictures of her. I just wished someone was there with her. Im too young not to have a mother. I feel alone, and think that maybe talking about this to other people and seeing what they have to say will help. Please, all comments are welcome... I just needed some support...

SadSarah

[Peanut61]

Hello Sarah. I'm so very sorry that this has happened to you. My Mom killed herself, too, so I think I understand some of what you're going thru.

Your loss is very recent. 2 1/2 months is still very fresh, and suicide is such a complex death that the grief isn't the same as other kinds of loss.

There's a group called Survivors of Suicide that has in-person support groups as well as on line support that I attended for 3 years and it was invaluable. They are nationwide = if you put it in yahoo or google it should pull it right up.

Also, please feel free to post here. You can express all of the different emotions that you feel and will be feeling.

My experience was that dealing with the shattering and the horror of the fact of the suicide took the whole 1st year, and only during the 2nd year and thereafter, (to this day), did I begin to actually start grieving for the loss of my Mom. Also, there are really a lot of emotions that don't follow any kind of 'traditional' order, and a lot of anger, etc.

There are more books available now re: a Mother's suicide = also there's a website that I think is called 'daughtersofsuicide' or something close to that that deals with all of the feelings of 'will I do this too' and 'we are our Mother's daughters' shame issues, etc.

It's a long journey, Sarah, but you WILL make it, although it won't feel like that a lot of the time.

I'll watch for your posts on here, so come back, OK?

Best regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[SadSarah]

Peanut,

Thank you so much for the links to the Survivors of Suicide. I found the website, and will be doing a lot more research with it. And I thank you for taking the time out to write that to me. I know you understand how I feel... although I cant imagine what its going to be like 2 years down the road. Its hard enough already. I havent gone through the anger phase, but I dont think I will either. I understand why she did it, but it hurts the most because it was such a shock for HER of all people to do it, and the fact that no one was with her while she laid on the garage floor. I do have a personal question for you, though if you dont feel like it, you arent inclined to answer. In my case, I was brought up in a Christian atmosphere. I was taught that the Bible said when you committ suicide, that is a sin, and you go to hell for it. Now I'm not saying I belive that, but Im not sure. I just cant imagine such a loving devoted Christian being condemned because she was tired of the pain and not being able to help herself and others. Did you think of this with your mother? Or did people say things to you about it to make you feel better? I cant imagine going to heaven and all my family be there except for her.... who deserved to be there the most. Thank you again for your post, and I assure you, I will be on this website alot.

Sarah

If you need to tell someone you love them, tell them today. Tomorrow is never promised.

Sarah - I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I've sent you a PM (private message) so if you see something flashing on your screen...click on it!

Some other good resources on the topic of suicide and suicide prevention - several of these sites have info on support groups for people who have lost a loved one to suicide. I hope you look into finding one in your area. Being with people who have been through this can be invaluable.:

www.afsp.org
www.save.org
www.spanusa.org
www.suicidology.org

Please take care Sarah. I'll be thinking about you.

Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

[Peanut61]

Hi Sarah. I'm glad you came back; you were on my mind often today.

Yes, some idiots did say ignorant things to me about my Mom going to hell because of the suicide and I thought it was very UNChristian of them to say such a thing to me, especially right after her death, (although there is never a good time to hear those remarks). I don't believe God will turn his back on either of our Mothers...

I obsessed often about my Mom and the 'last moments' and her being alone in the act as well. Whereas, before she died I had a hard time even hugging her, afterwards, I found myself arms and face down in the exact spot right after, and found it comforting.

I still think of that part sometimes, (it's been almost 8 years now), but, honestly, at the time, I would have tried to stop her so she really had no choice but to be alone. I have since been with two dear friends as they died, (so-called 'natural' deaths), but I doubt that I could have 'been there' with her still.

I'm being really candid with you here; I hope that's OK. I know when I asked/had these questions, I wanted straight answers.

Keeping you in thought. Warmest regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[Peanut61]

Hugs 4U (((Emmy)))..

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

Thank you Peanut!

On the topic of thoughtless people and what they say, particularly those of religious persuasions...a wise woman once told me, "God will not punish a defeated soul". Those words kept me going for many years. Now, you two...put them someplace special, like in your hearts, and keep them for when you need them.

Love to you both. Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

[SadSarah]

First and foremost...

I was really skeptical about posting here, mainly because I dont know anyone, and if I was going to post, I was going to open up my heart in hopes to help others. The responses from you all have been so nice, you all are so sweet, and it helps to know that others have been through the same thing as I have. Peanut thanks for being so honest. Yes, I did want an honest answer, and I can so relate to you. I laid down where she died too. Others thought it was wrong of me, but I had to see what it was my mother saw in her last moments. Thank you all so much for your blunt truthfulness, and the willingness to comfort and talk to someone you dont even know. I came into this thinking I would just talk, but I think this is theraputic to me. Its about to hit the 3 month mark on the 12th, so its gonna be hard again... (like its not everyday....) But I assure you, you have all made a new friend, and I am always here if anyone needs to talk. Thank you all again so much.

Sarah

If you need to tell someone you love them, tell them today. Tomorrow is never promised.

Hey sweetie

I know of one more support source you could tap into. There is a newsgroup on yahoo for people who have lost a parent to suicide. Sadly, that group has 528 members currently enrolled! If you set it up for digest, you'll get one email a day, else you get lots.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SCOLOS/

You need to get a yahoo account first, but that's free. You'll need to poke around a bit to figure out how to enroll with that digest option, but I'm sure you can manage.

Take care! Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{{Sarah}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry about the loss of your Mom . Please remember that we are always here for you.

I lost my Mom last Christmas and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. It is hard hun but you will get through this. I can tell how strong you are...hang onto that.


Heather