Taking comfort in being HELD?

When times are hard, or someone dies, or you have been hurt if someone holds you, do you find comfort in it like normal people do? Or do you like me, feel odd being held like that? I grew up in a loving home but I really was not held a lot and didn't run to my parents like some kids and my kids did as a child when I felt wounded. Does anyone know how to move past that and take comfort in this holding....or do we just go through life with a stiff upper lip?????? I feel freakish

Well, some people put on a stiff upper lip but *inwardly* crave for a hug or just to be held... just because of some 'deprivation' in that area. But due to said 'deprivation', it does then feel awkward if/when one is actually hugged. I imagine it could also be the case if there was no 'feeling' behind the hug when one experienced it (as a child) - i.e. if the hug was merely an automatic/mechanical gesture. Dunno if that makes sense.

without sounding really pathetic, i dont know what its like to be held when i need it. i crave to be held, and i wish someone would just give me a really heartfelt hug when i need it, but i always have to go without and "hug myself", by that i mean comfort myself.

In answer to your question, if it was a heartfelt hug and the person giving it meant it then yea, i would take great comfort in it.

i never turned to my parents as a kid for hugs, they were never offered to me either.

you dont need to go through life with a stiff upper lip, everybody needs abit of physical attention in the form of a hug every so often, its not a bad thing at all to want one. i suppose to be able to get past this you need to accept that the person giving you the attention is genuine and that it is heartfelt. hope that helps.

for me it depends. sometimes I like to be held and other times I don't. most people in my life know that I am a survivor of rape and child sexual abuse so they ask before touching me. Sometimes I say yes of ok other times I tell them no. Occasionally someone be it friend, relative, doctors, therapists, other survivors and so on will reach towards me to hold me and sometimes I welcome it and other times I take their hand instead and say to them thank you for wanting to hold me but right now I would rather be able to see your face when we are talking or I tell them flat out I don't need to be held right them.

I take deep comfort in being held, but only by my husband. I tend to put an icy wall around me with anyone else.

Hi Pas . I too grew up with out hugs and affection. I have always loved hugs and craved them at times yet my sister hates hugging. I have single friends who are single they get touch starved because there is no one in their life to hold them. I try to make sure they get a big hug when I see them. Others I have to ask. Myself I just recently after all these years have a bf who can tell if I am down and will pull me over and sit me on his lap for a cuddle. I quess better late than never. Interesting that sometimes I get a bit of resistance and want to pull away but if I can just relax for an minute then I'm all snuggles. My two dogs love to snuggle with me and that really helps. ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

I like being held, it really is comforting, only I do not have a husband or boyfriend someone like that yet thankfully but someday. For now others like family members are still nice.
Sarah

LIke Simon, I was never held or comforted as a child. I think this has manifested itself in my adult life of being too needy. Likewise, my husband of 20 years was unresponsive and unaware of the comfort of holding. Sometimes I "parent" myself with visualizations of being held and comforted, especially as I'm trying to go to sleep.
Patty

I feel so bad that all of you never got the hugs you craved for. I grew up with parents who wanted to hug me but I refused! Talk about irony!

I think you should discern between not wanting attention and fear of attention. I never hug people, not even close ones, not because of some strange thing but I'm just an icy person!

I was never once hugged as a child...I wasn't even patted on the back.
Now my older sister and I sometimes try to hug and it's such a foreign experience .....

I should have mentioned I am not just talking about a hug. I get sincere hugs often and am ok with that. I am speaking more of being HELD as a way to comfort . I never had that and am not sure I ever will. I wish I did and do not know how I would respond. I tend to think I would be like a piece of driftwood just there and not absorbing any comfort from it. I find that sad and do not know how to turn that around.

Yes.. I have this same problem... I can't feel comfortable being held.. I feel ashamed for needing to be comnforted...and I feel embarrased if someone showers me with praise and affection...

I don't know if it ever gets easier to allow ourselves the much needed comfort of being held... I have always turned to God for comfort...imagining I was on His lap being held and comforted by my heavenly Father.

Don't feel funny...my dad hugged me once maybe in his life and my mom...never...however, when I got older and I mean in my forties...is when I finally felt comfortable giving someone a hug who needed it...I think it had to do with having children and wanting them to be more loving then my family...anyhow...don't feel odd...there are alot of people who don't hug...but I know my dad loved me and my mom too...

being held is something i havent experienced. ive never been held when im scared and lonely so i suppose when i am i will be wary of it and uncomfortable initially.

I think it depends Pas. For me it depends on the who the person is doing the holding. When it's someone I know closely, that I feel that type of intimacy for, yes being held is a comfort. Let's say if it's someone that is a casual friend, someone I don't rell all too, well, it's less comfortable. Almost, with some, a very uncomfortable feeling that makes me anxious. Hope this helps. hugs, Lisa.

When I was a child and I was really hurting, sometimes my grandmother would hold me and rock back and forth. It was the only thing that would really comfort me. I miss that and her so much, sometimes.

Years ago (when I was in my 20's), the old love of my life held me that way once and rocked me, it felt REALLY uncomfortable!!! Slightly freaked me out, actually. I think that's something that was my grandmother's territory, and just doesn't feel right coming from anyone else.
Weird...