Why can no one ever advise/help me? :(

I'm a rational and logical person over all. I tend to get into complicated situations all the time.

I'm becoming so frustrated that everyone's inability to ever understand me. I know they try, but ****, I'm a human just like everyone else.

My parents don't get me. All but a couple of my friends don't. And sometimes, they never have advice for me. People on here rarely respond or say "wow, I don't know" (though I do really appreciate the support and effort, please don't think I'm ungrateful). All of my romantic whatevers end before they truly begin. When people do give me advice, most of the time it is completely not applicable to me. EVEN my therapist says she doesn't know what to say.

Today, I snapped at this annoying dude in my class because I was talking about how I was stressed to someone else about a project and he kept repeating "oh don't worry, it will be fine." I'm allowed to be stressed and feel my emotions. I don't want to be bitter, but I feel like I'm surrounding nothing that I really need ever. I don't need to be saved, but I need support.

I want to find the courage to bear the loneliness and stay in my apartment as much as I can.

I give up. Everyone else wins and gets to be happy. I lose. I'm too complicated for everyone else and I will just leave them alone and cry and hate myself from here on out.

Thanks world.

I can't even tell you how many times I've snapped at people for telling me "not to worry, it'll be fine". It's the most awful insult you can give to someone with anxiety in my opinion. To me it's like telling someone not breathe. I guess people on the outside can't understand though. I still snap at them anyway.
I'm really sorry you feel like no one understands you, it's a difficult place to be. I hope maybe I can help and try and understand you..you don't seem too complicated for me

I really appreciate that. Thank you.

henrydavidtherobot, I feel bad because recently you posted about a matter, and I tried to help, but I remember finally saying I didn't know how. In that case, I just had never had that kind of experience.

Is it really the case that no one can ever advise or help you? Maybe it's just folks like me, who are not too experienced with a lot of life matters.

Maybe just being open to everything that comes your way, taking it in and being willing to see if it could be helpful might change your expectations, which are in the way.

Also, taking a moment to stop and just appreciate that someone cares enough to offer reassurance ("Don't worry") because that's what they know to do, to be grateful that they have faith in you and your abilities.

When we talk about being stressed, it is only natural for those who are caring individuals to offer some kind of reassurance. It's a heck of a lot kinder than what others offer. ("Sucks to be you.", "Get over it.", etc)

Can your therapist help you learn ways to support yourself, such as understanding how judging yourself and others might not be self-helpful, or self-supportive. It takes some work, but learning to just take things and people as they are, without judging, is calming and reinforces in us that we can deal with what is happening in the moment and what might come along.

PAYNE, please don't feel bad! Just someone trying to help means a lot. My intent was not to demean anyone or their advice here, just to open up about the helplessness I feel even though I really reach out to others.

Echoes, I try, but I often feel that people look at things from a view that fits the most people instead of what fits my situation. This happens a lot with romance. People will say "you need to find some one else" and when I say there is no one, no one can help. When I say that I'm not getting what I need from people around me they'll give me suggestions of everything that I already do (I know that there is no way for them to know that), but when I state that I am currently employing these tactics, they don't know what to say. It isn't anyone's fault, but it makes me feel alone and different. I don't want to feel different. I even get to the point where I ask people how do I just swallow a bitter fate and give up hope on happiness in the near future and everyone tells me not to but offers me no insight to get there. I feel like I'm in the woods with no compass.

I do appreciate people trying to help. I didn't mean for this to be demeaning towards anyone on here at all. I get frustrated IRL because I feel that I always have helpful insight to give people and no one can return it. But I also know that its not fair for me to demand people act in any way that isn't them.

My T has def helped me in giving friendships a chance and not ruling people out right away. We're currently working on B and W thinking. She says I'll be happier when I get to grad school since I'll be around more mature people. I just don't know what to do until then

Not to worry, HenryDavid, I didn't feel "demeaned." I was just saying I wasn't able to help because I haven't been in your shoes. Or maybe similar shoes, I should say.

Sometimes we need to give options longer times. They might not have worked YET, but that doesn't mean that they might not work at some point. So, when people suggest something, it might be a good way of thinking to say, "I am trying that, but it hasn't worked so far. But I can keep trying...." (I hope that made some sense.) I am thinking about how to meet other people, for example. We might join a singles group, say, and not meet anyone for a number of months, but all it takes is the right person coming through the door at some point. I speak that from experience!

I am sorry you are feeling this way but I kinda understand, I think, Sometimes I feel like no one gets me and no one ever has really. I remember a time when I was really upset about something and all anyone could say as get over it or it will get better or don't worry, That is not what I needed to hear. It is hard to explain but it is as if I was on a complete different level of thinking compared to them. I still don't really understand all I know is I think different than most. I don't think this is much help but just wanted you to know someone is listening. I wish you the best.

Henry, I'm really sorry that you are feeling this way. I spend a lot of time feeling like I'm all on my own with things too, and that I am odd and weird and different. It royally sucks monkey balls.

Just from your posts in here though, it sounds like you've got a bit of a double-standard in regards to expectations though (and I truly don't mean this offensively, just as an observation). It sounds like you reject all of the advice given to you, but on the other hand feel like you give great advice. That's a very black-and-white thinking pattern. It's certainly not helping you any!

Like... I tend to do pretty much the same thing as you with that. Advice that others give me is rejected immediately as I've likely already tried it. It then makes it really easy to think that those same people don't even care to try to help me - when really, they have done their best and I've not gave them a chance. Sometimes I'll go back to what they have said previously, and remind myself that it actually IS good advice, I just don't like it for whatever reason. Sometimes I'll even look at their advice, and then see how I can adapt it around to work better for me.

When you said that it feels like you're lost in the woods without a compass... yes, it's hard for you to find your way out. But, it's even harder for anyone else to find you. You can at least use the sun for guidance to make sure that you're walking in one direction, or find a river/stream and follow it out. But the people looking in the forest for you? They have no idea where you are and they have to search every single tiny spot in there.

So as much as we hope that someone will be able to stumble in and find us... we have to leave more than just bread crumbs. We have to actively leave markers to find us, and we have to actively be working towards getting found and getting out.

I do hope you keep trying, and I hope that maybe you'll revisit some of the advice that you have rejected... even ones you've tried before. Especially in regards to people - because it might not have worked in the past with Person X, but it might work with Person Y. You sorta gotta go right back to the beginning with every person (how utterly frustrating right?).

Payne, you’re probably right about giving options longer times. I guess I’m just impatient because I’ve lived here two years. Also, I guess I just don’t know how to cope in the meantime. My therapist says that there is nothing to do but make the best of it until I can move because college kids are on a different level than me (she always forgets how young I am and thinks I’m 26 haha).

Gma, I appreciate it.

Panda, don’t worry about offending me. I appreciate observation and advice. I am a very black and white thinker. I’m working on not doing that. I’ve been getting better though. I guess I just feel that if I’m doing all I can, why can’t someone help me find something else to do too? It’s hard for me to keep faith or keep doing something that hasn’t been working for two years. I feel like logically, I should do something else.

I def have a river. I have a handful of great friends and a plan after graduation. I guess I’m just getting bored and lonely in the woods.

I think I’m just being a baby because most others can use this advice and their life is easier. I don’t want to work this hard and have less options than everyone else. But the ends is worth the means. I’ll keep working at it.

sorry we dont have more to offer but know you are heard and appreciated ♥

i feel you, i am trying to help everyone but its really hard to help someone when you dont know what they experience, and sometimes i cant find suitable advice even for myself to pass it to someone else like me.
my friends always tells me "you will be all right dont worry." i am sure they dont even understand my situation, sometimes i snap at them or just give fake smile.
if i cant answer i think at least hug is better than nothing.
if i can help you with something i will do

I don't know if it helps you, but I have a widely unknown DX, even my care team have not experienced anyone with this dx, so I know how you feel about no one being able to help/understand you. i found that doing a lot of research myself and being willing to share both the research and my experiences/what I find helps me etc helps others to better understand my needs/concerns and offer better advice/support to me.
sometimes you can't educate the nation, but you can inform a few. talk to a few people you trust one at a time, explain clearly your needs/concerns and what you would like from them in terms of support, you may find that people do not know how to help you, but by spelling out clearly how they can it makes it easier for them to do so.

Hi there. Yeah, gotta say you've set me thinking. It's been said to me many many times from ''joe public'' but these days it's now my Dr and Psych Dr's saying it ~ that they don't know what to say or they just turn the question around on me for me to answer!!! Boy is that frustrating and anger making eh? It's like 100 times worse now I'm ''old'', like even the ''professionals'' don't wanna know or don't have any answers. Their last ditch attempt usually comes down to the fact I have Borderline Personality Disorder, yet still they look at me and say '' Don't know what to say '' ~ ~ so.....................as you see dear friend, it would appear you actually are NOT alone with this problem. HUGS, X

This all does make me feel better. Thanks guys.