[kittyfaye]

I really need to see a therapist or psychologist but haven't been able to afford one. I feel like when I talk to someone I can't get my point across and constantly get misunderstood. I think I'm loosing it. Its driving me nuts. I have been thinking of different ways to end it but haven't done anything. I just want to grab my all my pills and swallow all of them, or swerve into oncoming traffic while driving. I know I shouldn't do that because I'll break my boyfriend's heart and others hearts. I'm tired of everything going to crap and feeling the way I do. I need help. I cry almost every day for a while now. I'm so so tired.

[Unstable29]

Lifeline

I'm glad that you reached out on here but maybe you should give the suicide hotline a try.

[gayleggg]

-







I you are considering suicide please go to the ER or call the hotline. Let me tell you a story about my friend who took all her pills planning on ending her life, however, that was not to be. She lived, of course, now she is on dialysis 3 times a week and can't walk due to nerve damage in her legs and feet that is quite painful.

This is just to let you know there is no sure way to end your pain. Please get help. You would break many hearts if you were suddenly gone or debilitated. May the angels watch over you.

[winter4me]

Keep talking, keep trying, go to the ER if you must, call your doc, find out if there is a community MHealth center you can go to, call a hot line, make a plan for what you will do Instead when you feel at your worst----it is hard to believe in the moment, but the destructive urges will pass; you probably know now that they come and go, are stronger and weaker, ebb and flow-----And Please let use know that you are OK.

[avlady]

please get yourself some help, its not good to have those thoughts, go to ER as soon as possible!!

[doglover1979]

Go to the ER, or call the mental health and substance abuse number on the back of your insurance card and ask if you can self admit into a hospital program.

These kind of thoughts are serious if they are happening all the time.

You deserve to feel well!

[kittyfaye]

I'm ok, and not going to harm myself. I am going to call to find out about a therapist today. I'm not going to carry any thoughts I have, I've had those thoughts for years but I know the consequences of doing it. Thank y'all for being concerned.

[always hopeful]

You should have a local crisis center in your area and they will be able to see you for free and you can get the help you need. You will be surprised what difference that they will be able to make for you! Seek help there are answer out there for people you just have to call.

[winter4me]

Keep talking to us too. Let us know how you are doing. (((hug)))

[kittyfaye]

Yesterday I tried to get set up with a therapist but they told me they couldn't see me because I don't live in that parish. So I have to find someone else. I didn't want to go to the place closer to me because it's creepy and haunted. Besides that, I'm scared anyway. I've never tried to reach out for help like that before. My boyfriend is worried they'll try to put me in the hospital or something. I keep telling him I'm not going to let them. And I'm not even sure if I can afford a therapist. I don't think I'm elligible for Medicaid. I felt so terrible lately, I think I need a therapist but my boyfriend keeps saying I can just read self help books and it'll be the same. It's not the same to me, I'd rather talk to someone who is a professional. I don't know what to do.

[winter4me]

If you can, take the chance of one visit to the place near you just to get the information you need. Who is available in your area? Can you afford it? Do you qualify for financial/health insurance support?
I can understand your boyfriend's response, he is frightened (he may not think so...) and wants to believe that this will be easily solved, it is very uncomfortable for those around us when we are struggling, especially when they have seen us do well and have a hard time understanding why we can't just use a few easy tools to "fix" things. Men, particularly want to have things "fixed" and move on. This is tough for both of you. But, I think he needs to understand that you need more just now. Unless you are actively suicidal, expressing such, have a plan, and intent, he/you do not need to worry that you will be hospitalized. This would be a last resort. The fact that you feel you need help, and you want to look for help, tells me you need this right now.
None of us, generally, want to reach out like this, it is taking a risk.
You might want to call the place near you and just talk to someone first. See how you feel about their response. You could also call a hotline, anonymously, and see if they can give you information. If the urges come back strongly, do go to the ER, let them know you do not want to act on your feeling but that you need some help. Again, this would be unlikely to result in any hospitalization unless you really are in danger, in which case, that is better than the alternative.
Hugs to you and your boyfriend. Let him know how he can help you. Sometimes small things mean a lot. You are not 'crazy', you are in pain.

[kittyfaye]

Thank you so much for your concern and advice. I just made an appointment with a counselor for Tuesday. My roommate is going to her for marriage counseling. She told me the consultation is free and she would work with me with payment.

[Gus1234U]

i have not found most "hot lines" to be that hot... sadly...

what it might help you to understand is that those thoughts might not be intentional... they might be a form of brain chemistry disorder where feelings of despair trigger the thoughts of escape, and you are having to listen to them over and over. at least that's how it was for me.

i found out what was going on when i tried to take Welbutrin and suddenly they stopped~! unfortunately i gained 20 lbs in a month, and stopped the med. i have sense found "remission", thru meditation and a sound therapy called Holosync (you can read about it at CenterPointe.com).

i hope you see your doc about this, and that s/he understands this condition, and offers you help~!

best wishes~
Gus



may the spirit of compassion watch over you ~

[waggiedog]

Hi there. Would you believe me if I said that I understand, because I feel exactly as you do now? I'm struggling to stay in the land of the living too. I have to keep telling myself that while there's a small chance the depression COULD get less, but death is absolutely FINAL. You want to talk with a professional so please keep pushing on for that, don't take no as an answer. As many have said, a suicide hotline or visit to A&E would at least intercept a terrible situation. You won't be admitted against your will if you make it clear you just want to get better, reassure your worried boyfriend. I find my friends here really keep me going, without a doubt. Stick around here too. Good Luck. HUGZZ. x

[winter4me]

Let us know how it goes! & Good for you!

[madisgram]

WDF, localities and often states offer help for depression, etc. many offer help on a sliding scale or free of charge. I used my county's mental health center until I was able to pay. don't know if uve tried this avenue or not. Hoping u feel better soon.

[kittyfaye]

I found a therapist that does free consultations and works with you on payment. I made an appointment and it's next week.

[winter4me]

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is good news! I think I can feel relief blowing from your post.
Take care! & take a look around PC, if you haven't, you'll find lots of support here

[kittyfaye]

Thank you, I'm so relieved myself, even though I have a long road ahead. Y'all are great.

[popsie]

Hope your appointment goes well and I hope you feel some relief from your feelings soon. I hear what you are saying about how awful you feel and my heart breaks for you. I am supporting a friend of mine right now who is going thru the same thing and it is really hard. I hope that you will keep reaching out for help, and if you can, remember patience. I keep telling my friend, you will get well, it is just a question of time, and unfortunately no one can tell you how long it is going to be, but you will get better. I used to repeat to myself when I was depressed "this too shall pass"

Hugs
Helen from Ontario Canada.....its darn cold up here!