Bad experience with helpline

I called a counselling hotline tonight because I needed to talk and couldn't contact T. It's not my first time phoning but this time I got a man who sounded so freaking disinterested I wanted to hang up. He addressed me by the wrong name throughout the conversation and couldn't remember what I said, asking me questions I've already answered and suggesting things I said were not helpful. For example, I told him I'm taking my A Levels this year (equivalent to the SATs) and later he asked me (twice) whether I was in middle school. I also mentioned that school was stressful but not the sole cause of my problems, and I study a minimum of 14 hours a day but find it so hard to concentrate due to my mental state. He then constantly reiterated that I will feel better if I study harder, but how on earth am I supposed to do that when I already tried my damnedest and have been having suicidal thoughts for the past 4 months? The most annoying thing was that he automatically assumed I was from a not-so-reputable school and even asked me where I attended. I don't understand why he needs to know this as it was not essential and the line was meant to be strictly anonymous (also especially since he quickly ended the call afterwards).

I've spoken to wonderful people on the other end before and I can just tell that they care. Some may not be professional counsellors but their dedication and sincerity are apparent. Why do people like this guy pick this job if they don't give a crap at all? People who dial the hotline are usually in need of emotional support and are very sensitive to indifference as such.

I wonder if it was court-ordered community service for him? It definitely sounds like he is need of some basic training, especially with his having asked you personal details. If untrained and inexperienced, he may have just thought this was a good way to show interest though.

Or maybe he was just having an off night......

But if there's a next time you feel that way, maybe say something like "I don't think this is helping me, I'm going to go take a hot bath" just to get off the phone, and dial back to see if you get someone different? I guess the only drawback would be if you got the same guy.

Sorry it was disappointing. You're brave to try though! I think fear of getting a clumsy operator on the horn may be what has stopped me from ever calling one of those lines myself.

You can ask for someone else... Have you talked to your counseller at school about how your feeling?

Hotlines can be very hit and miss - sometimes you meet some lovely, naturally sympathetic people who are in it for the good of world and not for more selfish gains.

The person speaking to you sounded basically untrained. I would have told him as such and then hung up - those calls are recorded for training purposes so it would have been useful for his supervisor to hear.

You can still email whatever person in charge expressing your disappointment - you're right in that some very vulnerable turn to those lines where there's nothing else and whilst it's simply foolish to expect too much if someone requires more adequate training - they need to know.

For now i hope you can figure out a better crisis plan when you next meet with your T. You shouldn't really be left to figure out how to handle these situations alone. That's not fair.

Best of luck to you.

Yes, I see her regularly but will be terminating this month. I'm not sure if there were other volunteers available because the line is constantly busy, plus I feel awkward to ask for someone else (like I'll offend this guy or something).

It takes a lot to call a hotline, and when you're feeling that upset its hard to stick up for yourself, and even harder to feel like you deserve it. But as for possibly offending the guy who answered the phone, his needs in that area are dramatically less important than those of someone in so much pain that they're afraid they might end their own life. And its not just you who he might be effecting negatively, its everyone who had to talk to him that night.

I'd definitely write down a list of polite responses and keep them somewhere safe. Just ways to ask for another person. "I'm sorry, i'd feel more comfortable speaking to a female operator" maybe, or "i'd rather not talk about this with another woman" depending on the gender. That way if it's thought over and written down in advance, you won't feel put on the spot or obligated to talk to them. And at the end of the call definitely state your concerns about the other person.

Thanks! This is very good advice (It wasn't a suicide hotline though, just a counselling one.)

I'm so sorry you had that experience I too have had a similar problem when I was on a crisis hotline. Yes people can have bad days at work; but this is different. Someone calling these hotlines are at the lowest point possible, and all he/she wants is a calm, comforting, non-judgmental voice at the other end.

I know it's not a phone service, but may I recommend 7 Cups of Tea as a chat service if you feel really down but not suicidal? Please take care and hope you find a way through this

You have talked about being abused growing up, have you been getting help for this? It sounds like you have a very hard time managing "stress" and I am wondering if you "may" be experiencing some "PTSD" symptoms. You are such a pretty young girl, I think you deserve to have someone help you and I am concerned about your having to deal with suicidal thoughts at times, which is brought on by stress and not knowing how to manage that stress better. Now, I am in no way diagnosing you, but I see the stress with you and you really deserve to have help with that by an understanding caring person.

((Hugs))
OE

This guy is a service provider to you. That the service is free does not change the nature of the relationship that much. If, when you are older and dealing with auto mechanics, you get a rude one, you would most likely NOT feel awkward asking his supervisor for a replacement.

So a very helpful train of thought for you to engage in would be exploring what makes you feel awkward as if you were offending this guy. Since you are already a consumer of counselling services, the issue you have identified - feeling awkward, being afraid to offend, not feeling entitled to fair and courteous treatment, feeling a sense of responsibility towards the guy (think about it - a person who has been having suicidal feelings for 4 months wants or at least feels obligated to protect the vulnerable psyche of the rude and insensitive hotline staffer... isn't it a rolled eyes moment, that you are trying to protect HIM??) - all of those would sooner or later come into play as you receive therapy, so this kind of feeling of obligation towards the hotline staffer may translate, eventually, into not getting what you need from counseling, because you would be protecting the feelings of your counselors.

Another obvious red flag in your post is the duration of your studying. If you study for 14 hours every day, you are either not sleeping enough or not exercising / getting time outdoors enough, or both, plus, possibly, not having enough social interactions outside of the structured setting of school. All of those deficiencies - sleep deprivation, sedentary lifestyle, etc. - can and do cause depression. Therefore, that the staffer told you to study even MORE is ridiculously, outrageously stupid.

Hi ombrétwilight,

Sorry to hear about this.

I've had an unhelpful operator on the other side too, as a kid/teenager - and it made me never call the services for myself again lol. (And when I called for someone else, the operator was unhelpful again, so hm?) Had much better experience online on forums such as this one

I wonder too if you maybe study too much, going for a walk and/or exercising is extremely healthy and can 'clarify the mind' so you can study better afterwards! How much do you sleep?
How is your nutrition? You're so cute and skinny - do you eat enough? And healthy nutritious food that can make the brains work okay? Fish oil/omega3?

Sorry to hear you've been feeling so bad for 4 months, hope things get better soon! ((hugz))

[QUOTE=ak482;4043199]I'm so sorry you had that experience I too have had a similar problem when I was on a crisis hotline. Yes people can have bad days at work; but this is different. Someone calling these hotlines are at the lowest point possible, and all he/she wants is a calm, comforting, non-judgmental voice at the other end.

I know it's not a phone service, but may I recommend 7 Cups of Tea as a chat service if you feel really down but not suicidal? Please take care and hope you find a way through this [/QUOTE
I can also recommend 7cups of tea, I found them before this site. It is anonymous chat for you,the other person may have online name or real name, they have little oaragraph that tells you about person you would conect with. They are all trained volunteers and very helpful.

Sorry that you had this experience, but they are suposed to be there to help you not you help them.

Thanks for your concern! I don't think I qualify for PTSD as I only have some relatively mild symptoms for that diagnosis. Right now I'm lucky to have my T to talk to, but like I've mentioned above I would be terminating soon and that in itself is very stressful. The suicidal thoughts are partially caused by stress, but due more to quite an inexplicable confluence of other factors that I myself don't fully comprehend. Could have to do with the depressive phase of my bipolar though - it comes around whenever I'm depressed.

I agree, this forum has been such a blessing! Sorry to hear about your less-than-satisfactory experience with the operator. I wish these agencies would screen their volunteers more thoroughly.

I do wish I had more free time to take breaks, but as the exams are looming I have no time to spare. My grades are suffering even though I technically spend so many hours on them and this is extremely disheartening. I would like to be more productive but my brain doesn't want to cooperate with me (so I end up reading the same line over and over without absorbing anything).

Haha I'm actually not very skinny! When I'm depressed I get the most insane cravings for unhealthy food, and I don't have time to gym/swim nowadays. Probably put on 5 lbs since June My T told me to take vitamins and fish daily too, but it's difficult when the school cafeteria's closed and there's nothing to eat.

I have issues sticking up for myself though it's gotten better. In primary school I antagonised a lot of people because my mother was so aggressive it made me extremely foul-tempered too. Then in secondary school I had a complete reversal and was really afraid of pissing others off, even if it made me a doormat. I guess I felt like I shouldn't be rude to these operators who get nothing in return for their contribution, even though I do realise it's pretty much illogical. You're right about the therapy part too - I am constantly evaluating my T's feelings and being on my toes about whether she actually secretly dislikes/is bored with me. This leads to a lot of apologising on my part and asking her whether I annoy her.

14 h sounds like a lot but it's in fact nothing outstanding among my peers. Like I've mentioned, 'A' Levels begin in 20 days and I am unprepared despite all this intense studying. It's antithetical that my grades aren't satisfactory even though I spend so much time, and I can thank this untimely depression for that. I told this to the operator and he replied, "If you're not happy with your results then work harder and get better ones. You'll be happier." which is as though he completely skipped over whatever I've described.

I too call helplines when I'm struggling. Would it be an option for the future to maybe say you would feel more comfortable speaking to a female? or a male if you are talkign to a female and finding them unhelpful? or you could just hang up and try calling back and hopefully someone different will answer!

thinking of you and hope your doing ok

Thank you for posting this. I called a domestic abuse hotline last week for a friend and was shocked at how little the person on the other end of the phone actually knew. It's very discouraging when you finally make that call and then don't get the help you were expecting. I hope you feel better now.

The comment that guy made to you about working harder was really out of line, imo. If you have the energy for it, maybe it's worth filing a complaint so he can't do that to someone else.

Honey, you can't run the brain power when hungry!! Can you get a sandwich or something else to eat before the cafeteria closes, or make a sandwich (or a few) or 'bento" at home and bring with? It sounds like you study at the library?

Fish oil comes in capsules, you can just take one in the morning (and/or evening, depends on which ones you take). Vitamins come as 'pills' or 'powder' too... Though it's better to get nutrients with food.
Fish oil can help improve memory too! (Google 'fish oil memory' if you wish)

By unhealthy food do you mean sweets? They can give a momentary 'high', but sugar actually 'robs' the body of good minerals and vitamins.
If you have chocolate cravings you might be lacking magnesium, which is in dark leafy greens and elsewhere too!

Could you record some stuff with the cell phone or voice recorder and 'play' it for you on your walk? That way you could be 'studying' and walking?

Thanks for the thoughtful advice! There is a convenience store (for the boarders) on the other side of campus below the dormitories but I often find myself too lazy to walk there. I'll probably stock up on something before the cafeteria closes though. Yep, I've heard too about fish oil and memory, so I might give that a try! As for unhealthy food, it could be anything - chocolate, pastries, fried stuff... I feel so morbidly obese if I do eat these so my pattern tends to be eating as little as possible for a few days and then pigging out before getting even more depressed. It's a vicious cycle I'll have to break. The voice recorder idea sounds very helpful! However I hate my voice with a passion and would probably scourge my ears out listening to myself

Some people are more concerned about the paycheck than they are the actual clients that call in. It's sad, but very true.
I mean, you could probably report him, but I don't know how far that will go. I'm really sorry that you had a bad experience. I've spoken to many people just like you, and caring has always been something that came naturally to me. I don't understand this man. Maybe he is also having some mental issues and was having an off day? Still not a reason to bring problems to work.. but maybe.