Can't take this much longer

I've tried eveything coping method I know of, waited for this pain to go away, but it won't. No matter what I do, nothing helps. I've been feeling like this for far too long, and I just want to feel better. I just want to wake up one morning and feel happy to be alive, just once. That's all I'm asking. I hate this.
I feel like I'm trapped inside myself. Does this make sense to anyone? I can't talk to anyone, about anything. If someone at work tries to make small talk with me, all I do is come back with some stupid, mimimal reply then walk away. I feel like I can't open up to anyone, no matter how badly I want to. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I just feel like no one cares, if I fell of the face of the earth tomorrow no one would even notice nor care.
The one thing I've learned in this life is that everyone already has someone, and I'm left with no one, alone, no friends, no boyfriend or anyone for that matter.
Last night, for the first time since Feb. 1999, I cut myself again. I know this sounds sick, but it felt good to see all that blood running down my arm. I felt like I was finally getting what I deserved. I'm so tired of this, tired of going on feeling like this. I really don't know what to do. I held the blade against my throat and pressed down, bleeding but just a little. I almost cut deeper, and imagined what it was like to be dead. But I stopped myself.
I can't do this much longer. I know I need help, but no one cares enough to. And I don't even know how to ask for it. I'm just so screwed up.
Okay, I should stop now. I'm sorry you had to listen to me go on and on. But it starts to build up inside and I don't know what to do.
I think I'm truly going insane.

Please contact me; I know you feel so alone, and I'm with you...I want so badly to give up right now; I've planned it out so many times, and have even tried before, but I know that there is something left for me to do here on this earth. I know that it seems so hopeless right now; I feel like giving up too...God knows how badly I want this struggle to be over; but please don't give up just yet/I haven't cut or burned myself in many years; I just want the pain to be over so I don't inflict on myself any longer, but I've been there; you are not alone! Don't be a quitter; give this a chance, there are many of us here who have been there, and will walk this road with you.

Hey lost

I think you need professional help, ask for informations, there are plenty of resources out there, just don't give up, just call or ask some one.

And stop that blood flow watching, it won't help at all.

Take care of you

Sincerely



Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad.

hi lost_lonely. please remember that there ARE people who care, but depression puts blinders on us so that we can't see anyone or anything that is around. it is difficult to talk about it sometimes but it is a good start to begin talking about it here among people who understand.

as for asking for help, if it is hard to ask someone personally for help, there are places to get help for yourself available. if you start at <A target="_blank" HREF=http://suicidal.com/>this link</A> there are resources including hotline numbers to call. if you call they will automatically put the call through to someplace local, and they can talk with you and get you the help you need. if you just want to talk to them that's ok too. if you feel really bad you can also go to your local er emergency room. they will respect your privacy if you want that, they have to by law.

please take a look and try to give one of those options a shot. we can provide friendship and support for you but you need to look into something that will give you more immediate help. we'll be here to support you while you take those steps.

good luck.

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--http://www.idexter.com

Hi there, I am sorry you are going through crisis, but the way you found us, it is possible you can get professional help,eh?
You need to see a pdoc, even check in a hospital before you do "check out".
I do not mean to sound insultive in anyway, shape or form, I think if you were able to write this down, had the time to do so, you are also capable of calling a SI or suicide hotline for help or even 911.
I hope for your safety you will consider seeking professional help as soon as possible.
Please take care now,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

Hey lost
I have tears in my eyes as I read this. I dont want you to feel so alone!!!! Sometimes it seems that way. But if you ask for help, people are pretty good. They will help. Pleeeeeeessssseeee call someone. You can remain anoynomous (sp). LIFE IS WORTH LIVING. I felt like you did one time or another. And Dex is right, when your depressed you tend to have blinders on. Dont give up honey. You definately are not alone. Keep us posted.
You have made a mark in my life already and I dont even know you.

"you only have one chance to make a first impression"