Jessica Lundsford

I have just read this thread. It has been really difficult for me to even think about reading it. they arrested this jerk not far from where I use to live. He had no expression at all when they picked him up. I think if he were ever let out he would do it again. my biggest question now is what the heck are they going to do with his family that knew and helped him bury her? who was it? his sister I think. they lived together. errrrrrrrrr I am really torn on the death penalty though. he does need to suffer but at whose hands? errrrrrrrrr

I only read halfway through, this thread making me feel sick to the stomach. I believe in an eye for an eye too. This human freak of nature should have had his balls cut off in front of him, made to eat them, had a P and an M tattooed in the cruelest possible way on his forehead and thrown into the publics hands (public being aware he was on the loose of course) then if he survived put back to live a life of hell in prison. In my opinion even that's not good enough. Obviosly the people wanting forgiveness have never been abused.
AMEN
JINNYANN feel free to Pm me on this subject if you wish - I will not be held responsible for my actions if you ask me to
forgive my abuser.

jinnyann - I have been abused and after years and years of desperately wishing to have my abuser just step off a sidewalk in front of my car, I finally came to the conclusion that the only person who was being affected by those feelings was me - he was oblivious - as evidenced by the fact that years later he tried to get in contact with me through relatives because he wanted to "be friends" and he was "willing" to acknowledge that he made some "poor decisions." Needless to say, I told my relatives to tell him that I had just gotten over having a very strong desire and willingness to run him over and that he should not push his luck. I declined to have any contact with him. I understand he was "hurt." Oh well. So, I do not know if that is actually forgiveness so much as it was just realizing that, for me, if I continued to constantly wish I could do something terrible to get him back, then I was just hurting me by those intense negative feelings and allowing him to still have a level of control over my life and emotions. So I am not sure it is really fair to assume that just because someone else is advocating for forgiveness that they could not have been abused - that belittles their experiences and their pain - something I know you would not want to do. What it says to me is that they have taken a path on their journey to healing that is best for them - a path others like yourself may not choose to take but a path that they have found and chosen and a path that works for them. Take care (((jinnyann))).

Thank you Pita..

As I previously stated... everyone is entitled to an opinion.. on their perp... I just want people to be respective.. of my feelings too..

Beautifully said Pita...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Pita said:
What it says to me is that they have taken a path on their journey to healing that is best for them - a path others like yourself may not choose to take but a path that they have found and chosen and a path that works for them.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> <font color="#000088">That last part you quoted, makes perfect sence for a Pedophile wanting to be free from it all! If you really read into it, just see the part where it says, BEST FOR THEM, and a path that WORKS FOR THEM! Because with those kind of people it's always about THEM, and what they want, and what is going to be the BEST FOR THEM! They don't really care about their victims at all, just THEM! They'll pretend like they are sorry until they're blue in the face. Then they'll turn around and do it again! Just like my brother did!!
He only said he was sorry at the time, because it was BEST FOR HIM! But then he turned right back around and did it again! So, forgive me if I don't believe in their fake apoligies!
Their just doing whats BEST FOR THEM!! </font>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Justice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
drummergrl said:
But, does anyone ever FORGET??????

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

NO! And we shouldn't, either. If we forgot, then it would be so much easier to put ourselves and the children around us in harm's way again. If we forgot, we'd continue to be of the same mentality as before and we couldn't see the danger signals. We NEED to remember... for us and for others as well.

Me too ((((((((((((((( Justice )))))))))))))))))

I've personally watched you grow into so much in the short time I've known you and I want to thank you for that opportunity. I think you're one in a million...truly...

((((((((((((((( September ))))))))))))))))))

I hope that you both get the justice that will bring a peace you can grab hold of in a healing way.

I hope that for us all, all the wounded...

((((((((((((( all those who have been wounded by these who would hurt children )))))))))))))))))

With respect,

KD

Hey Justice.... I hear you. So often the systems fail to protect us from perps. So often the victims are foced to re-live their suffering while perps go unpunished. Go on to hurt others. It is heartbreaking how backward things work sometimes. I pray you find the resolution you need and that you and all our children deserve. We should be able to live our lives free of these kinds of preventable crimes. You should be able to get on with your life knowing the perp can't do it again. I pray for you to know justice soon.

Perhaps we all need to become more political and raise these issues with our politicians. Crime and victims rights issues need to be addressed as a hot topics before anything can change.

I did want to add that I think Pita was referring to the different paths that victims choice.... No mention of the perps there.

I appreciated what Pita shared because I was one of those folks who was feeling disqualified from this discussion because of how I shared my views. Assumptions were made that weren't accurate and for me, Pita qualified my contribution.

Take good care... my prayers are with you and anyone who has been robbed of justice.

Thanks, Kimmy.

For me, there was no justice in this world, but then again... "she" died screaming. Maybe she saw her demons coming to get her as seen in "Ghost", the movie. Maybe that's all the justice I'll get in this life. My sperm donor just said "Ok...", pulled to the side of the road and died. My SIL thinks he "was called." LOL Yeahright! If she only knew! It's not so much my sperm donor that ruined my childhood but the old crone. She ruined a whole bunch of lives! May she burn in hell!

Justice - when I was talking about the path people choose, I was talking about the victims not about the abusers - I could care less about the path my abuser or any abuser for that matter chooses (except let me add so I am not misunderstood - I do wish our criminal justice system could find a way to put these people away from society forever, I have no problem with life in prison without the possibility of parole for any abuser because I, for one, believe they will continue to do their evil whenever and where ever they get the chance) - as far as I am concerned my abuser and all abusers have already chosen the path straight to hell. I am sorry my message was not clear - it was only intended to be about each victim hopefully at some point finding a path that works for them (the victims) and that each victim may find a different path. Take care (((( Justice)))) and I do fervently hope that some day you get the justice you need and deserve and see the system stand up for you for once and lock your abuser away forever and ever.

Hi KD,
Thanks for your support on this very tender subject!!
Right now I'm glad he isn't here anymore, and that I let the deciding factor be Gods wrath. He suffered in horrible pain
and I don't care at all. I pretended for my mothers sake. But
I would never go back to the grave to see him. My mothers
ashes are buried with him. That's ironic for me. To think I told her the truth, and she still wanted to buried with him??
go figure.
I use to stay up nights wondering how I'd kill that awful man, and I never had any peace of mind. I hated to be alone with him. Even now I can still see his face and that ever shiteaten grin on him......." almost like saying I got
away with it and you lose cause she didn't believe you"!!!!

Who has the last laugh in these situations? No one!! I cry
sometimes cause I wanted my mother to PROTECT me from him, and yet it seems like she threw me to him.

Can I ask you something KD??? DID SHE DO THIS SUBCONSCIOUSLY/ OR SO HE'D STAY WITH HER????
I like to think she didn't realize what she did............and who
she did it to????

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
drummergrl said:
But I would never go back to the grave to see him. My mothers ashes are buried with him. That's ironic for me. go figure.

Who has the last laugh in these situations? No one!! I cry
sometimes cause I wanted my mother to PROTECT me from him, and yet it seems like she threw me to him.

Can I ask you something KD??? DID SHE DO THIS SUBCONSCIOUSLY/ OR SO HE'D STAY WITH HER????
I like to think she didn't realize what she did............and who she did it to????

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Drummer, I took excerpts from your post because they are so much like my own story. My mother is buried on top of the grandmother, two story grave. I never go to my mother's grave anymore because if I leave flowers, they're on "her" grave, too. I don't talk to my mother at her grave anymore, either, because "she'd" be there to hear, too. The last time I went, years ago, I desecrated the grave. Not a lasting desecration, but just the same.

The last three weeks of the old crone's life were complete misery for her, and like I said, she died screaming. Good! I hope she was seeing the horrors of hell that awaited her!

The only way I could get rid of her face in my memory, my fear and loathing of her, was through guided imagery. My T talked me through it and had me shove her over a cliff. It took three times before she stopped coming back over the cliff to take me with her.

I wanted my mother to PROTECT me from HER... not imagined men friends of my mothers! She never remarried because she "didn't want to bring the wolf into the house." HA! The ****** wolf was ALREADY IN the house and had already done her damage!!!! GAWD!!!! What was my mother thinking?????? Was she totally blind?? I told my mother how "she" would try to go through my bedroom to the front door while I was dressing to go to school and would throw a complete hemorrage when I locked my doors so I could dress without her looking at me and who knows what else!!! She could have gone through the dinning room and front room!! All my mother said was "Ignore her." IGNORE her?? All that was keeping that door locked was a skeleton key!! All that was between me and her nasty, filthy probing hands was a door!! IGNORE HER?????

I don't know if it was subconcious or not with your mother or mine. Maybe it was denial. But HOW, WHY??? Where was their mother instinct to PROTECT their daughter??

To this day, I know my mother made a conscious choice between her mother and me. She chose her sick, perverted mother over the innocent child she gave birth to that she thought she could never have! God have mercy on her soul!

Hi Sept.morn!!!
I guess I could have thrown my mother off the cliff, but chances are I'd have dove over after her!! I couldn't do that anyway. I thought alot about it though. If I'd ever just let go,
I was scared to death she'd never get up. That would be a far worse thing to live with for me. I was too big a coward.
I froze when she came in the room. At 14 you're supposed
to still be able to run up to mommy and get hugs and kisses and not worry what the neighbors think??? Or what
your b.f. will do???? Well, at 19 those same needs were
still there. Only I felt like I had to compete with him??? She
denied that, but that's not how it went. I even ran away one time to another family. She just wouldn't notice ME!!!
The b.f. didn't like PROBLEMS. Huh, aint' that a hoot.....he
married into a whole family full of that!!! One big problem
after another.
It still makes me sad that this happened. Sometimes I wonder if my own children felt the abandonement from me
too? I wasn't well for a long time. In and out of Psychiatric
Wards, Adult Day-care places, and one on one therapy for
some 17 years!!! Guess that proves I'm never getting better??? Now 30 years later, I'm back in the saddle again!!!

I'm not sure if you understood completely what I wrote, Hon. It was my PERP that I pushed over the cliff IN GUIDED IMAGERY, not my mother! There was a lot of anger towards my mother, yes, but I could never bring myself to do that to her even in imagery! My mother was one of my PERP'S victims, too!

<font color="#000088">My Mom should be the one pushed off a cliff, while my brother rots in prison! She knew what he was doing. He told her, and I told her, and she punished me. And is still helping him get away with it. Yet she still denies every bit of it!
That's all I can continue to post here. My situation is way too upsetting, because it's still going on every time I see my Mom!
I don't want to upset anybody else with my situation any further. It's bad enough for me, I'm still living it! </font>

Justice

((((((justice))))

I guess I really didn't, did I??? I thought you were talking about your mom!!!! I'm sorry. I guess I read it too fast before I've gotten all the facts processed? Good. YOu and I are on the same wave length here. Neither one of us could ever committ patricide. The perp? Oh hell yes, I could have pushed him over the damn cliff and walked away smiling. Even if I had to go to prison, it couldn't be worse than what I was already living with!!!
Kudos to all of you still going thru this ordeal. I know how
you feel. It almost never really ends for us, does it? It's with you the rest of your life. I don't know how to end it. Maybe I don't really want to??? Maybe I like being the victim
so much so that I've adopted that lifestyle for myself? Who
knows?????
Who is "hugging" the little girl inside us now? No one, that's who.
........

I'm hugging the little girl... very safely.. and very gently..

((((hugs for the little girl in you drummergrl))))

I'm hugging that little girl, Drummer. You can hug her, too. Picture her in your mind, let her come to you and hold her safely. Promise her that you'll never let it happen again... EVER!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Drummer}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

To all of you just posting...........thank you so much for all the hugs for the little girl. She sends them right back at cha!!!

I can see the little girl. She never leaves my side to wander off anywhere. She's too afraid the big bad wolf will find her again and hurt her. She looks just like me. Curly red hair,
big blue eyes(saddened) by a society that didn't care. And a soul so full of love but nowhere to put it. She's very alone and cautious where she trust. She clings to me for safety
and love that will get let in. When she's afraid, she pretends that her life long "idol" is holding her close to her
putting her on her lap and singing to her their own special
lullabye. Not the usual one, either. She's a singer from the lil' girls past that the little girl fell head over heels with and named her second born for her. Sadly, she has never been told. The little girl tried to find her, but it hasn't been too successful. The little girl hopes someday to meet up with her to tell her how she saved her heart.

Anyway, again thanks to all. This is a wonderful place to be in when things are going awry.

Love to all...................

<font color="#000088">I can atleast post this much for Drummergrl!
((((((((((Drummergrl))))))))))
We, as now adult survivors need to care for our inner child, as he/she fights to heal from our childhood. So we have to keep that inner child feeling safe from further harm, and give him/her as much Love as possible!
I wish you all the best in protecting yours Drummergrl! Take care of you to! </font>